Strollerderby : perfect

The New "Good Mother"

Kelly Mills — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:02:00 GMT

In the olden days of long, long ago, when our dinosaurs roamed the land and our mothers were having babies, there was a certain amount of pressure on moms. Mothers were supposed to raise the children with patience and a cheerful air of total domestic fulfillment. In the fantasy, the house was spotless, and a lovely dinner was served every night with a chic apron and a smile. Then came the glorious liberation of women from the home, and all of the sudden there were new pressures. Now moms were supposed to be successful in careers while maintaining close and loving relationships with their kids. Time was somehow divided efficiently between being an equal breadwinner and an involved parent, with board meetings flowing seamlessly into baking brownies for the PTA bake sale.

We pretty much know both those visions are crap, right? But that didn't stop women from feeling pressure to meet that ideal, and carrying around a sense of shame if they fell short. Well, you are in luck ladies, because nowadays there's a new kind of "good mother" and so now you have a whole other set of unrealistic expectations to try and meet!

The new perfect mom? She looks like she hasn't had babies at all. She only gains the teensiest amount of weight during pregnancy, and simply glows the entire nine months. Even in the delivery room, the new good mother looks radiant in her designer birth gown, posing for pictures that could grace Us magazine or be suitable for a classy birth announcement. Once the baby is born, she immediately drops all the weight she gained, without earning a single stretch mark or stomach wrinkle. You'd never know she had a baby, except for the fact that she now has gigantic boobs spilling out of her stylish dress.

Naturally a big part of the new mom pressure springs from the celebrity baby boom, when famous and genetically blessed women with access to nannies and plastic surgeons have their photos plastered everywhere, featured in lovely gowns and heels along with the news that they gave birth only seconds ago. And in other ways, I think this new mom was created by the whole "hot mom" phenomenon, where mothers railed against the idea that having children meant they became frumpy and sexless. But as is the way with so many trends manipulated by people who want to sell you stuff to make you a better you, this one turned around and became an expectation rather than an escape.

As a personal trainer, I see women who are three weeks postpartum and who are desparate to lose the baby weight. I totally applaud anyone who wants to get back in shape, but I can't help but feel for some of these mothers, who clearly believe they let themselves go during that whole pregnancy thing. When I was three weeks postpartum I would have been happy to find my car keys, let alone embark on a new fitness regime.

Truth is it doesn't matter how awesome you look in your post-birth hospital photos because no one really cares. You don't have to abandon the notion of being hot and fit and outfitted stylishly, but you also don't have to be that way 24-7, especially when you have a baby or two. But you all know this, right? Now, if we could only believe it too...

That Unfresh Feeling

Adrienne Martini — Fri, 23 May 2008 15:00:00 GMT

I've now rewritten the first sentence of this post four dozen times. If there is a tasteful way to broach this topic, I apparently can't figure out what it is. So, I'll be blunt: your vagina may be imperfect.

Someone had to tell you. Better it's a blogger than someone you care for, right?

Fortunately, eHow has a tutorial up that explains how to have a perfect vagina. Even though the headline is a bit misleading -- the story and tips are more about a healthy vagina than a perfect one -- the idea is intriguing. What makes for a perfect vagina? Is it one of those "eye of the beholder" deals or are there objective standards? And if yours is perfect, what do you win?

The "Lindsay Lohan of Scrapbooking"

Adrienne Martini — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Who knew that the land of croppin' moms had an unseemly underbelly?

The scrapbook makes her life look so gosh-darned beautiful, what with all of the die-cuts and journals and sepia-toned baby snapshots, that it's hard to believe that there might be undercurrents of whiney judgementalness.

Eh, not really. It seems that anywhere that women gather -- and I say this as a woman, mind you -- there is bound to be a little bit of holier-than-thouness. Just look at Strollerderby's own recent bout with the petty tyranny of the perfect mom.

But still - scrapbooking? Is there a more benign and bland hobby?

Turns out, there's a whole roiling undercurrent of nastiness that 20-something scrapbooker Kristina Contes stepped into when she entered some of her pages -- like the one at right photographed by Carolyn Cole -- in a contest. Coe admits that she did inadvertently break a rule of the event but what followed got nasty. Some comments about her work ranged from "my 4 y.o. does better with stickers" to "after you have viewed her work you know she has no class."

Nice.

It's nice to know that even scrapbookers get their panties in a wad, isn't it? Or isn't it?