Strollerderby : photo

Toddler Jail Break

Brett Singer — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

One of my early memories of hanging out with my son and another father with his two children is as follows. The kids suddenly start to run ahead of us, and the other father shouted out, "Hey! Get back here! I don't want any jailbreaks!"

For some reason this stuck with me and I've used the phrase often since then. I initially thought it was unique, but I've heard a lot of other parents use it. It makes a good deal of sense. Kids don't think much about safety. Rules are, by nature, restrictive. Don't cross the street there, hold my hand, put down that flaming stick. Annoying stuff like that. To some kids, it probably feels like prison.

Which is why this picture is so hilarious.

I can just imagine the toddler's thought process. "Digging the tunnel is taking too darn long. Have you ever tried digging with one of those plastic spoons? So when that big lady with the food is distracted, I'll just make a break for it."

In my house, once I realized that Thing 2 could manipulate the bottom lock on our front door unassisted, I always make sure that the top lock is secure. By the time he's tall enough to reach that one, one hopes that he'll realize what a good deal he's got at home.

Anyone have any Toddler Escape Prevention Tips? As I've said before, it takes a village.

Source: The Life of The Party of 5, "You Know You're a Bad Mother When... "

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VIDEO: I Kissed a Pig (And I Liked It)

Brett Singer — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 19:00:00 GMT

This kid really likes that pig. That's some kiss.

I feel a song coming on…

I kissed a pig / And I liked it! / Tasted just like / a B L T
I kissed a pig / And I liked it! / Hope my friends don't / make fun of me…

UPDATE:

Actually, here's the song, along with a video:

I think it's gonna be a big, big hit.

The follow-up shows what might happen if they grow up, get married, and have children of their own.

I think that’s still illegal in most states, however. But now that a Democrat will be President, it'll be Sodom and Gomorrah before we know it. So perhaps there is hope for the happy couple.

On a semi-serious note, this is kind of gross but I think all kids do it. Not quite to this extent, however. I can't imagine either of my children getting to first base with a barnyard animal, even when they were babies. Then again, we're Jewish, and while we're not Kosher, we do tend to avoid pork. Then again, a little bacon never hurt anyone…

Source: Buzzfeed

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You Both Look So Lovely in Your Divorce Pictures

Kelly Mills — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:35:00 GMT

I can verify that one of the first things you do when you decide to get divorced is to take down the wedding pictures and put them away. (Some folks probably rip or burn them, but I'm guessing that depends on the nature of the split.) It's a sad moment, when you remove the evidence of a time when you were a happy, optimistic couple just starting out on married life together.

Well hell, why not just replace them with some pictures that commemorate your new, love-has-torn-us-apart divorced life? At least that was the brainstorm of one photographer, who says divorcing couples all over Italy are lining up to get a wedding-style album of their breakup. Because it's a milestone, you know. Um, what exactly do you wear though?

The photographer says, "...I started to offer photo sessions for freshly divorced couples---them smiling or shaking hands or in some cases even kissing." Good lord, shaking hands? "Thanks for the good times, champ, and too bad it didn't work out." Do you come up with a divorce song too, and maybe get some sort of cake that you split 50-50? Somehow I have exactly zero desire to do this. But hey, tell me what you think...

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Is it fair to take pictures of Britney's kids?

Brett Singer — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 01:53:00 GMT

You may have heard about the photographs of Britney Spears smoking while 2-year-old Sean Preston was playing with her cigarette lighter. Well, the actual photo doesn't quite show that. Here it is:

Now, far be it from me to disagree with the celebrity media machine, but this doesn't look as bad as it sounds. In this pic she looks to be taking the cigarettes away from her child. That would be the right thing to do. The better thing to do would be to not smoke at all, and especially not in front of your kids. Second-hand smoke is very dangerous, especially to little lungs. It also makes me wonder if she was smoking while pregnant, which would be much worse. My guess – and I have nothing to back this up – is that she probably was. As a former smoker, I know how hard it is to quit, and it looks to me like the Britster is quite the nicotine addict.

Here's the part that gets me: the photos were taken at her house. Why? Presumably a photog with a mega-ultra-zoom lens – a "Pavarotti", as El Federline famously referred to them on his ill-fated rap album – was suspended from a helicopter or something and took the shot through her window or on her balcony.

She's a celebrity, and over 18 (although emotionally she might be, like, 12, but let's not go there). But her kids aren't. Not to sound like a celebrity defending dipstick ("LEAVE...BRITNEY...ALONE!"), but maybe there should be a law that prevents the kids from being photographed, at least when they're at home. As someone points out over at MomLogic, they didn't ask to be in this bizarre situation.

There are celebrities whose children you almost never see candid pictures of – Madonna, Howard Stern, Christie Brinkley, and I'm sure there are dozens more that I can't think of at the moment. Of course, those people aren't the unbelievable mess that Brit appears to be. At best, this photo shows poor judgment on her part, not only the smoking but also hanging out with her kid in front of an open window where a sleazoid photographer can get a clear shot. Um, curtains? A really high hedge? Move someplace else?

Of course, if nobody wanted to see the pictures, they wouldn't be worth anything, and photographers wouldn't take them. But that's a different topic.

Here are the rest of the photos. Hey, at least she looks pretty good in her bikini.

images: popsugar.com

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The Doll Island of Dr. Moreau

Brett Singer — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 19:00:00 GMT

I know that this is an innocent service to those with dolls that are ~~injured~~ broken. But this photo is just plain creepy. It brings up too many memories of Chuckie movies. To paraphrase the great Bart Simpson -- can't sleep... doll will eat me...

I mean, look at this picture. The loose appendages, with wires sticking out... the shadow eerily cast by the completed doll, whose hair seems bizarrely long... thank goodness I have boys. They just like to play with guns and swords. Nothing as creepy as DOLLS.

Diane (as in Dolls By Diane) -- nothing personal. I'm sure you do excellent work. Please don't send your evil army of plastic nasties to kill me in ways too horrible to imagine.

image: dollsbydiane.com

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Whit Honea — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

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Video: Happy Mother's Day From Barats and Bereta

Cole Gamble — Fri, 09 May 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Happy Mother’s Day, mom. We took a picture, and we hope this video explains while Brad is on life support.

Love,

Barata and Bereta

Photo: www.media.collegepublisher.com

Best of FameCrawler: Week of April 11

Whit Honea — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 20:00:00 GMT

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