Strollerderby : picking gender

Adoptive Parents Say: Boys Are Too Much Trouble

JeanneSager — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:57:00 GMT

When I researched an article for Babble on gender pre-determination awhile back, I heard a laundry list of reasons parents were choosing one sex over the other. This I never heard: "boys are too much trouble." WTF? According to an article in this weekend's Independent, boys in Britain wait twice as long to be adopted.

The London newspaper cites research by the British Association of Adoption and Fostering, surmising, "most people believe that frequent coverage in the media of boys as knife-wielding, cannabis-smoking gang members may fuel the reluctance to adopt them."

A strong believer in nurture over nature, I wonder what prospective parents are planning to do with these children in the years after adoption if these are the thoughts foremost on their minds. Do they not plan on being the sort of involved parent who works to keep their kids off drugs and out of gangs? The sort of parent who teaches their kids about kindness and generosity? The sort who works to raise a law-abiding little citizen?

On the flip side, have they watched any movies lately? Heathers, maybe, or Monster? As the mother of a little girl, I can admit I'm biased, but I look at some of the high school girls walking around the mall and grit my teeth. That, I pledge, will never be my daughter. And if, by some chance, she turns out to be the shoplifting, rabble-rousing, too-much-make-up/too-little-clothes-wearing teenage freak I see all too often (and somehow these British parents have blinded themselves to), she'll be spending a lot more time in her room, "thinking about her actions."

Because, ultimately, parenting has to weigh out. The experts paraphrased in the Independent say parents think girls will be "easier to control." An adult who walks into parenting worried about "control" needs to sit down and re-evaluate whether they really understand what they're about to do. It isn't about who controls who so much as it is how a family unit works together and grows together.

Whether they can help a girl grow into a woman or a boy grow into a man, they need to start on the same page.

Image: Amazon

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Part II: Why Parents of Boys Have It Better (And Why They Don't)

JeanneSager — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:36:00 GMT

Since giving birth to a little girl, I've been told over and over how I need to try for a little boy. Even my own mother - who has one of each - says it's something every mom needs to experience. But talking to moms who - by the luck of the draw (or the swim) - have only experienced parenting one gender, sometimes there are benefits to sticking with what you know.

According to a whole bunch of moms and dads to little boys out there, they've got it so good, they don't want to try it my way. Want to know what they've got that I don't have? Here's the top five reasons they tell me parents of boys have it better:

1. Two women living in one house usually find their period coincide. Dad - you won't have two women on the rag and ragging on you at the same time. Mom - no worrying that someone else stole the last tampon.

2. He can pee anywhere; and probably will. No lining a McDonald's bathroom toilet seat with TP. No balancing one foot on either side of the bowl so you can hold them right over the bowl. No worry that if Dad leaves the toilet seat up they'll fall in. The side of the highway is his oyster!

3. Mom - no finding your clothes have been liberated from your closet and your kid looks better in them. Dad - when you're starting to feel like those pants are too tight, just stow them in his closet - he'll never know the difference.

4. No crevices to clean during the diaper change. His family jewels handle a wipe-down of explosive diarrhea much more kindly than the cha cha.

5. About those snips, snails, and puppy dog tails. What's cuter than a puppy dog waving that little stump? A little boy wrapping his little fists around your neck and saying "I love you Mama/Dada." Yeah, I had to go there.

Now don't you want to know how the other half lives? Find out here: Part I: Why Parents of Girls Have it Better

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Part I: Why Parents of Girls Have it Better

JeanneSager — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:32:00 GMT

When my husband and I started trying to get pregnant, we never talked gender. We just had "the talk," the one about "the child" and "the baby." When my daughter crossed her legs the entire time the ultrasound technician was pushing around on her little house, we resigned ourselves to continuing to talk about "the baby" for a full nine months - albeit one we'd dubbed "Squirmy" for the almost constant rumba in my tummy.

Then she came. She. The 10 toes and 10 fingers I wanted, the one beating heart, two ears, two eyes, two hands, two feet . . . and no penis. And I realized she was exactly what I wanted. So, from a mom of a little girl, I offer up part one of a two-part list of the best of parenting. I admit it, I'm biased, so I'm starting with the reasons we parents of girls have it better than anyone else. They say write what you know, so I will. As for part two, I'll be calling on all my friends with little men running around - they won't disappoint you.

1. Moms already know how to handle the wiping part of the diaper change - it was the school nurse's mantra: "Always wipe front to back."

2. No "pee pee teepees." No "potty targets." She will never urinate in your eye.

3. She will never get a chubby from a too-tight carseat buckle and yell, "Mom, it's growing," while you're flying down the highway.

4. The clothes - that they're often cuter goes without saying - but I'm talking about the twice-as-much love situation. When she gets too tall for her knee-length skirt, it becomes a mini. When she gets to tall for her jeans, they become capris. Shirts become belly shirts, etc. Sorry, boys, we don't want to go wading

5. She looks good in pink AND blue. He just looks like his parents are trying too hard to be accepting.

Part II: Why Parents of Boys Have it Better

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