Strollerderby : picture books

Smackdown: I Won't Read That Thing Again

Miriam Axel-Lute — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:31:00 GMT

"Sheep live on farms. Sheep like to eat grass. Sheep apparently have shiny, reflective, slightly pink fleece in order to captivate small children when the text of a book is too damn inane to do so."

Do you have any books whose actual rendition when read out loud starts to sound kind of like that? I sure do. Or did. They take themselves too seriously and yet are dull, completely unoriginal, have no feel for language. Their messages, if they have them, are pointless or annoying. Some of them get basic things about the world wrong.

When faced with a demand to read one of these specimens (plenty of which have entered our house as gifts or hand-me-downs) more than once a day, I find I have two options: Sarcasm or refusal. The former is probably an unwise long-term parenting technique, but the latter meets with more protest, so obnoxious commentary usually rules the day.

After bedtime though, I have another option: That book just might quietly disappear.

I realize that what I'm looking for in a book and what an under-three-year-old is looking for are pretty gosh darn different. I realize that repetition is part of their cognitive development and I'm just going to get sick of reading even the best of books. I realize that the point of reading to my child is not to entertain me or meet my exacting literary standards.

But here's the thing: If it's totally possible to have the best of both worlds, why shouldn't I? Why should I settle for the dregs that have washed up on my bookshelves? I doubt anyone would argue that parents can't dispose of books that don't match the values they want to pass along. One my values is literary merit. And it's available in plenty.

There are thousands and thousands of really awesome kids' books out there, right down to the most simple reading level. They may not be works I would curl up with on the couch on my own (though I might with Seuss or A. A. Milne), but they have some combination of rhyming and rhythm, playful cleverness, kindness, imagination, style, and beautiful illustrations that not only don't turn my stomach, but even make me smile and enjoy myself (at least for the first three readings per day or so). Oh, and my daughter also loves them. Perhaps not always more than some of the ones I can't stand, but also no less.

Besides, kids notice subtle things, and I'm quite sure mine must notice when she asks me to read something to her and I give a shudder of horror. That doesn't keep me up at night, but it worries me more than facing down a potential fit because Spot's Thanksgiving has gone missing. "Things get lost sometimes" is a lesson that's worth learning. Kids get over it. (Though it helps if you identify the bad apples early, before any deep attachments are formed.)

Will my daughter be mad at us when she finds a couple of titles we couldn't even bring ourselves to pass along to those with different tastes hammered into the bed frame to level the lopsided mattress? She might. But I figure by that time she'll be able to read to herself and have moved on. And hopefully she will have developed better taste too.

Photo by Indie Wench.

The Other Side:

Smackdown: A Book's a Book, No Matter How Small (or Annoying)

More by this author:

5 Nature Facts Kids' Authors Should Tattoo on their Forearms

Miriam Axel-Lute — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

It's not just the creationists and global warming deniers who make us an anti-science society. It's also lazy children's book authors, editors, fact-checkers, and reviewers. The very popular Rachel Isadora can't tell a french horn from a tuba. Even the venerable Richard Scarry depicts corn growing from an already cooked seed and bread being baked before it has risen. It drives me crazy.

Now, before you call me a killjoy, I don’t mean that I have a problem with fantasy and surreality. I love it. The goofier the better. Animals talking, kids flying or shrinking, toys coming alive . . . great. I'm not complaining about Richard Scarry's five-seater pencil car.

But it's generally clear when books are striving to be basically realistic, even educational. You know the type: books about where rainbows come from, or things you see on a fall walk, or world animals. It's when most things are right that the glaring errors bug me. The least we could do, I figure, is not actively teach kids things they’ll have to unlearn later if they ever manage to study biology or ecology. (Cultural errors and biases get into a whole other can of worms.)

Here are five sets of nature facts that children’s book authors (and illustrators and editors) seem to get wrong over and over and over:

(1) Lions, tigers, bears, and kangaroos don’t live side by side anywhere other than a zoo. Neither do polar bears and penguins. This one is at least as old as Dorothy chanting “Lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my!” and as pervasive as the Wicked Witch’s all-seeing eye. It's so common that plenty of well-educated adults would have to pause and ask themselves where exactly tigers do live and whether Africa has bears.
(2) Bluebirds are not blue from head to toe (and similar confusions). The only bird on this continent that’s blue all over is an indigo bunting. Bluebirds have chestnut chests and white rumps. (Or, for you West Coasters, they're just white underneath.) Also, no adult duck is yellow with an orange beak and seals don’t bark or have ~~whiskers~~ ears (that's sea lions). Field guides, anyone? Or even Google images?
(3) Birds make nests for laying eggs, not for sleeping in. And they don’t build them in the fall.
(4) Bulls never have udders. Several people have told me it drives them round the bend to see an animal with a prominent set of mammary glands going by the pronoun “he.”
(5) The moon is not always/only out at night. I realize that the phases of the moon get a little esoteric, and I can never myself keep straight how to tell at a glance whether that’s a waxing halfmoon or a waning one. But I find it to be strangely symbolic of our penchant for simplifying the facts out of everything that we take a heavenly body that appears during the day half the time and during the night half the time (often then not rising until well after sunset) and persist in pairing them as opposites. (Illustrators also manage to never make the sun or moon rise or set, but just hang in the same part of the sky as a day or night progresses, and the moon stays in the same phase as weeks go by.)

I'm sure there are dozens more, many of which I don't even know enough to catch. (Bruce McMillan, author of nonfiction kids books, says there are tons, and it makes him at least as cranky as it makes me.)

What bloopers get under your skin?

Related Posts:

More by this author:

Book of the Week: The 9 Weirdest Picture Books of 2008

editors — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Ten Stinky Babies by Ellen Olson-Brown, Illustrations by Joy Allen (Tricycle Press)

Ten stinky babies,

Start the day on time

One had his diaper changed

And then there were nine.

And so forth. This counting book is full of pictures of adorable babies. Or rather, adorable babies who just pooped. Aww?

ABC Dentist by Harriet Ziefert, illustrated by Liz Murphy (Blue Apple Books)

Plaque.

Plaque is an almost invisible white,

Sticky coating on teeth that is caused

By eating sugar and sticky foods.

If not cleaned off, plaque can cause

Cavities and gum disease.

And if you thought that was exciting, wait til you hear the part about saliva!

Inside the Slidy Diner by Laurel Snyder, Illustrations by Jaime Zollars (Tricycle Press)

Ethelmae wears a hairnet to keep

The sticks and pins from falling into the fryer.

She smells like rotten grill grease.

When she scratches her back with the spatula,

Flies stick to her icky sweater.

Yes, we know that children delight in gross things, but when a book activates a parent's gag reflex (with its description of a diner where “the chocolate milk isn’t really chocolate” and the greasy booths slide into the street), a line has been crossed.

Mazes Around the World by Mary D. Lankford, Illustrated by Karen Dugan (Harper Collins)

The Klaas Voogds Maze is built of fourteen different varieties of hedge shrubs, including the tecomaria and the hibiscus, which flower year-round.

British water mazes! Swedish stone mazes! Religious mazes! Woven mazes! Maize mazes! How to say “maze” in Portugese! Talk about a niche market…

The Grey Boy by Lluis Farre, Illustrated by Gusti (Winged Chariot Press)

It seemed that Joshua would stay grey forever

Both inside and out.

His family could already imagine what he’d be like

When he grew up, sitting a grey office,

Wearing a grey suit and tie and filling the world

With grey children.

This is the story of a boy who’s born grey in a world of colorful people, and is incapable of feeling anything… until he watches his hamster almost choke to death. Sweet dreams, kiddos!

Old MacNoah Had an Ark by Sally Lloyd-Jones, Illustrated by Jill Newton (Harper Collins)

And on that ark they had some lunch

Ee-i-ee-i-o

With a burp! slurp! here

And a burp! slurp! there

This Noah’s Ark retelling doesn’t provide any Biblical reference whatsoever, but it has lots of burping. Oh, and poop.

Twelve Terrible Things by Marty Kelly (Tricycle)

1 Oooopsie!

2 There’s nothing under the bed… There’s nothing under the bed…

3 Say Ahhh…

4 Hold still, I’m almost done.

Featuring an implement-wielding dentist, a scary clown, an under-the-bed monster and nine other horrific things staring you down from the pages, this book is like a Saw movie...for kids.

McFig & McFly by Henrik Drescher (Candlewick)

At last, McFly settled into a big old easy chair and started to watch nature show reruns. By the end of the week – with one loud last snore – he passed away from sheer boredom. He was buried next to McFig. Their tombstones were exactly the same size.

A cute little tale about the perils of keeping up with the Joneses turns macabre when both of the main characters, um, die tragically.

No! That’s Wrong! By Zhaohua Ji and Cui Xu (Kane/Miller)

What are you doing?

Why are you wearing

Underpants on your head?

It’s not a hat.

They’re underpants.

There’s something vaguely unsettling about watching a series of forest creatures try on the same pair of lacy red panties in an effort to determine whether they’re underwear or headgear. Just saying.

What are the strangest children’s books you’ve stumbled across this year? Let us know in the Comments section! -- Gwynne Watkins

Book of the Week: 3 Awesome New Books for City Kids

editors — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:01:00 GMT

When you live in the city and you tell people you're pregnant, their first question is frequently "Are you moving?" But the city is great for kids, for many of the same reasons it's great for adults. As a child of the suburbs myself, I'm always on the lookout for picture books that will help deepen my son's connection to the city. Here are my 3 favorite recent additions to the kid-in-the-city genre. -- Gwynne Watkins

City Lullaby by Marilyn Singer, Illustrated by Carll Cneut (Clarion)

A love song to the cacaphony of city life, this counting book doesn't miss a single car alarm, cell phone ring or jackhammer. A sleeping baby is wheeled through chaotic street scenes that are so vibrantly illustrated, you can practically hear the sounds of pigeons and garbagemen rise off the page. Or, um, maybe I just left my apartment window open. $12 at Amazon.
Night Shift by Jessie Hartland (Bloomsbury)

The city never sleeps, but thankfully, your child does -- and this one-of-a-kind bedtime story will help her appreciate the people who work while she's snoring. From the newspaper printer to the museum security guard, the window dresser to the donut baker, the bridge painter to the zoo keeper, there's no shortage of fascinating characters to populate the offbeat, colored-outside-the-lines illustrations. $12.71 at Amazon.

The City Kid & The Suburb Kid by Deb Pilutti, Illustrated by Linda Bleck (Sterling)

If your city kid occasionally has backyard-envy, or your suburban kid too often complains that his town is boring, they'll relate to the characters in this book, a spin on "The City Mouse and the Country Mouse." The book is actually 2 books in one: in the first half, city kid Jack goes to visit his cousin Adam in the suburbs and has a great time, but eventually gets homesick and discovers -- well, you know the moral. Flip the book upside-down and read the second half, in which Adam visits Jack in the city. The twist is that the 2 mini-books have the same text; only the illustrations tell a different story. $10.17 at Amazon.

More Book of the Week!

Book of the Week: Halloween 2008 Edition

editors — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:01:00 GMT

Looking for a way to celebrate Halloween that doesn't involve excess sugar consumption or shopping? Pick up a spooky new book! Here are 3 publishers' 2008 offerings, in the order we liked them:

There's No Such Thing as Ghosts! by Emmanuelle Eeckhout (Kane/Miller)

A diminutive boy with the adorably side-parted hair moves to a new neighborhood, and is warned by his mother to stay away from the haunted house on the corner. Although he claims he doesn't believe in ghosts, the boy sneaks out with a butterfly net to catch himself one. Of course, ghosts are invisible -- so the boy can't see the dozens of ebullient specters throwing him a welcome party, starting a food fight, scuba-diving in the bathtub, or waiting awkwardly for the bathroom. Luckily, the reader can. A sweet and classy little book to help alleviate your kid's fear of things lurking in the dark.$10.94 on Amazon.

Little Monsters by Jan Pienkowski (Candlewick - Pop Rei)

Not to be confused with the Fred Savage/Howie Mandel flick, this supershort pop-up book stars a cast of garishly colored monster-faces, which waggle their candy-striped snake-tongues, pucker their pink-and-black-splattered snouts, and roll their googly eyes when the pages are turned. This book didn't really do it for me -- I feel it lacks the artfulness of, say, Robert Sabuda's pop-up work -- but the artist is a serial bestseller, so perhaps I'm just a pop-up snob. $6.99 on Amazon.

The Monster Who Ate Darkness by Joyce Dunbar (Author), Jimmy Liao (Illustrator) (Candlewick)

This one starts out kind of cute; this boy (it's always a boy, isn't it?) named Jo-Jo is afraid of the darkness under his bed, because he thinks monsters live there. As it turns out, there IS a monster under his bed -- a tiny button-nosed creature that looks like an ink blob with kitten ears. The monster realizes that he can actually eat the darkness under the boy's bed -- so he slurps it up, plus the darkness in the closet and the chimney...

...and here's where it starts to get weird. The monster keeps getting bigger and more vicious-looking, and he develops this long Chupacabra-like tongue, and he goes around terrifying little woodland creatures by stealing their darkness, and then he eats the sky and messes up the whole world and hedgehogs bump into each other and bears are "equally upset and confused." (That's a direct quote.) Somehow the monster makes it back to Jo-Jo's bedroom and poops out the darkness or something, leaving the reader to wonder how everything went so horribly wrong. Although the last page, where he's a tiny ink-blot monster again, almost redeems it. $11.55 on Amazon. -- Gwynne Watkins

More Book of the Week!

Book of the Week: Sex & Gender Issue Special

editors — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 14:15:00 GMT

Yoon, the star of Hyun Young Lee's new book Something for School, is a sweet little girl whose first day of kindergarten goes horribly wrong when she's mistaken for a boy. In a panic, Yoon looks for something in her house to distinguish her as a girl, and finally settles on her older sister's flowery headband, which hides her short hair. She has a fantastic day in her new femme gear -- but when Yoon's sister wants her stuff back, will her friends be confused all over again? This South Korean picture book offers a quietly progressive twist on the first-day-of-kindergarten genre (see some other examples here) and will serve as a great reminder that kids should be open to new friends and new experiences come September. -- Gwynne Watkins

Something for School (Kane Miller, Sept 1 2008) is available for $12.44 as a pre-order on Amazon.

Book of the Week appears every other Friday. Sometimes every Friday. We’re fickle like that.

Book of the Week: Velma Gratch and the Way Cool Butterfly

editors — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:33:00 GMT

It's not easy being the youngest of several children; by default, you'll always be compared to your older brothers and sisters. In Velma Gratch and the Way Cool Butterfly by Alan Madison (Author) and Kevin Hawkes (Illustrator), our heroine takes extreme measures to differentiate herself from her sisters, until she finds something to call her own: a butterfly.

At first glance, it looks like this book is trying too hard (who would name their child "Velma Gratch?" who still says "way cool?"), but in fact, it's wonderfully unique. "Way cool" is slang borrowed from Velma's older sisters, whom the little girl lives to impress. And the name fits the lovingly rendered lead character, whose round eyeglasses and puffy red ponytails make her resemble a butterfly herself. I'd say this book is best for kindergarten up; get it for budding entymologists, or any child who vascillates between worship and resentment of his older siblings. - Gwynne Watkins

Velma Gratch and the Way Cool Butterfly (Schwartz & Wade, 2007) is available for $11.55 on Amazon.

Book of the Week appears every other Friday. Sometimes every Friday. We’re fickle like that.

I Threw a Baby Shower and I Only Got Books

Jen Chaney — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 13:02:00 GMT

Sound good to you? Maybe you can join the trend of throwing book-themed baby showers, as mentioned in The Seattle Times.

The concept is simple, and not entirely new: Throw a baby shower but insist that only picture books can be given as gifts. It's a great way to ensure the little reader-to-be has a robust library. And, let's be honest, the theme also makes it 85 times more fun for the guests to shop for presents.

I have never been to a shower like this but I love the idea. We received a number of books as presents anyway -- although, surprisingly, didn't snag a single copy of "Good Night, Moon" -- but it would have been interesting to see what all of the guests chose to bring. It strikes me a particularly fun approach for the mommy who is getting multiple showers, say, one from the co-workers and another from family and friends.

If you only get doused with presents for the child once, though, then you may prefer the traditional route. Because, really, do you want to go shopping for a Diaper Champ and a bottle sterilizer because all you have at home is 12 copies of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"?

Book of the Week: Daddy Hug

editors — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:05:00 GMT

The world is made up of all kinds of dads -- busy, strong, slimy, wobbly -- and the new book Daddy Hug celebrates all of them. With charming, vivid illustrations of animal dads and their children, Daddy Hug goes through a litany of daddies that makes for a fantastic read-aloud. To wit, here's the text of a double-page spread with an otter dad on one side and a moose dad on the other:

Daddy squeak, Daddy chirp
Daddy hiccup, Daddy burp!

Yeah, it's not Proust, but it's much more fun at bedtime. The final illustration of all the animal dads hugging their progeny -- from raccoons to walruses -- is a Father's Day card unto itself. -- Gwynne Watkins

Daddy Hug (HarperCollins, 2008) by Tim Warnes and Jane Chapman is available for $11.55 on Amazon. You can also preview it at the HarperCollins website.

Book of the Week appears every other week on Babble.

Book of the Week, with Video!: Me Hungry

editors — Fri, 23 May 2008 14:07:00 GMT

In The Happiest Toddler on the Block, parenting expert Harvey Karp compares toddlers to caveman. In Jeremy Tankard's new picture book, Me Hungry!, the toddler is literally a caveman. And a hilarious one, at that.

When the little caveboy (improbably named Edwin) announces that he's hungry, his parents both respond "Me busy!" So he begins an unorthodox journey to find food, approaching a rabbit, a porcupine, and a tiger. None of these potential meals will cooperate -- until Edwin runs into a wooly mammoth who's just as hungry as he is.

The story, told in two-word chunks of caveman-speak ("Me eat rabbit!""No, me hide!"),will strike a chord with stubborn, snacktime-obsessed toddlers, who will no doubt find the idea of eating a tiger hilarious. Of course, we have an additional reason to endorse this book:

Jeremy Tankard? Kind of a hottie. -- Gwynne Watkins

Me Hungry! (Candlewick Press, 2007) is available for $12.47 on Amazon. Also, there's this cute YouTube video trailer:

Book of the Week appears every other Friday. Sometimes every Friday. We’re fickle like that.

Book of the Week: Mary Had a Little Lamp

editors — Fri, 09 May 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Kids get attached to some weird things. When my brother was little, his favorite toy was a neon-green toothbrush holder: his "lightsaber." And our blogger Kori's daughter was once obsessed with a sweet potato she named Ryan. That unique kind of object love is the inspiration for the delightful new book Mary Had a Little Lamp (Bloomsbury, 2008).

Written by Jack Lechner (in the cadence and rhyme scheme of "Mary Had a Little Lamb") and illustrated by The New Yorker's Bob Staake, the book describes little Mary's peculiar attachment to a desk lamp: she takes it for walks, sleeps with it, and brings it to the circus. Her parents and friends are baffled -- until one day, just like that, Mary moves on. As a cartoonist, illustrator Staake is a master of funny facial expressions, and his gaudily colored illustrations -- paired with Lechner's wonderfully silly premise -- really set this book apart. Give it your child when he develops a sudden strange obsession with a spatula. -- Gwynne Watkins

Mary Had a Little Lamp, $10.85 on Amazon.

Book of the Week appears every other Friday. Sometimes every Friday. We’re fickle like that.