Strollerderby : poop

Terrible Ideas, Cookbook Edition

Kate Tuttle — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:01:00 GMT

Okay, so we all know the economy's in the crapper. But no matter how bad things get, we'll be looking for better eats than this. Is there any excuse for a cookbook title this unappetizing?

I mean, I realize it's the lovable bear's name and all, but why not call it "Cooking With Winnie"? And no, this is a real book, unlike those lists of imaginary hilarious book titles (like "Bi-Curious George," and "What Is That Dog Doing To That Other Dog?").

It makes you wonder how many people -- writers, editors, designers, marketers, publicists -- saw this title and didn't notice anything wrong (in which case, ewww) or didn't say anything.

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Mom or Winning Division I Basketball Coach? You Decide

JeanneSager — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Two guesses how I figured out the the coach of Arizona State University had to be a mother.

Something about the word "poop" just gave it away.

A video of Charli Turner Thorne screaming at her players in the locker room at half-time has gone viral in the past few days. Not because it's strange for a coach to yell or even because this is a female coach.

Her strong words for her players? "You played like poop!" Check it out:

Sorry Coach, even at top volume, it just sounds so, well, eight-year-old.

Which would make sense, as Thorne's son Liam IS eight years old. She also has a ten-year-old and a five-year-old, all boys. And I give her full credit - Thorne coached throughout all three pregnancies. She is also a well-respected coach who brought her team to the elite eight during March Madness this year. By the way, it was the team that ended the ASU run to the championship that had Thorne all riled up - the women were losing (and did lose) to UConn.

Because, apparently, they played like poop!

Hey parents, ever find yourself using your potty mouth outside of the house?

Image: TalkingProud

10 Things I Learned about Poop from My Son

Cole Gamble — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Poop does not abide by the laws of gravity

I heard screaming from downstairs, my daughter wailing, “Daddy come look at this!” Sounded like the typical 50-times-a-day emergency drill. When I arrived downstairs I saw nothing out of the ordinary. “What is it,” I asked. “Dalton’s poop!” she replied. I searched the room. “Where?” She pointed up. Hanging from the ceiling was a perfect orb of poop, the exact size of a baseball. For a moment I had to just stare at it wondrously. Whatever feat got it up there, it was clearly the work of a master. Impressed, I applauded, then cried.

Poop likes to be talked too

Whenever I change Dalton’s diaper, Dalton’s makes sure to greet it (“Hi Poop!”) and bid it adieu when it goes in the trash (“Bye Poop!”)

Poop wants to be free – the last place poop wants to be is in a diaper

Smashed into the rug, on the bottoms of shoes, on the wall, next to the toilet (“so close, buddy”)…

The less access you have to diapers and wipes, the more volumous and offensive the poop will be.

You will find things in poop that don’t occur in nature

If I had a dime for every time I uttered, “Have you ever seen this color before in your life” I’d enough dimes to…forget it. I don’t want your poop dimes.

Black birthday cake frosting makes poop green

Brown carpeting seems like a great idea for hiding stains…until you consider the stains you want to find.

Your dog and child will work together to spread the joy.

Boy takes off poopy diaper. Border Collie immediately shreds into poop confetti for spreading over the entire basement.

Zoo's clearly feed their animals a better diet than you do your kid, because what comes out of your kid's rear smells worse than elephant poop.

The day the poop goes in the toilet is a glorious one…followed by another 6 months of poop everywhere else.

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Mother Elephant Accidentally Poops on Her Baby

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:30:00 GMT

However much you may think you screwed up your kids today, you probably didn’t poop on them.

Photographer Brigitte Marcon unwittingly captured this, er, poignant parenting scene as she snapped photos of a mother elephant walking with her babies in the Etosha National Park in Namibia.

The good news is, the baby elephant kept right on walking alongside her mama, seemingly unfazed by her smelly crown. So if a well-intentioned mother can poop on her baby without causing severe trauma, you can rest assured that your children will recover from whatever damage you involuntarily, uh, load on them as well.

Photo: Daily Mail

Video Baby Poop Advice

Brett Singer — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 23:00:00 GMT

Jennifer Trachtenberg, author of "Good Kids, Bad Habits: The RealAge Guide to Raising Healthy Children" is going to "ease parents fears about baby poop."

Well I feel better now. Don't you?

It's not a bad video, actually. I think I got most of this information from our pediatrician, and also from my wife, who actually read the various parenting books that we had when the kids were born.

A couple of the comments are worth quoting:

"So what is it you do for work: I talk about baby poop!" (JEH78)

"I'm never having children...." (cascadeice20)

And of course:

"Everybody poops." (wesw818)

Dr. Trachtenberg's video also reminded me about the various types of baby crap, which is a bit freaky the first few times you see it. The general conception that I had is, "Oh, it'll smell. Whatever." But there are a lot of different varieties that turn up in a diaper, and that "mustardy" stuff the doctor describes is one of the weirdest. So thanks for the trip down Poopy Memory Lane.

image: wackypackages.org

Source: YouTube

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Babble Talk: Kids Say the Cutest Things ... About Poop?

Jen Chaney — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:32:00 GMT

Everyone poops. We know this. Entire books have been written on the subject. And obviously, children of potty training age -- or for that matter, even older -- find the word "poop" and all its scatalogical cousins absolutely hilarious.

Yet even though I am well aware of this information, I have still been amazed by the number of Kids Say the Cutest Things! submissions that have centered around toilet activity.

One example:

"Today I will go poo-poo in the big potty. And it will be very loud."

Another:

"Me: Did you poop in your diaper?

Rowan, 15 months: No.

Me: Who did, then?

Rowan: Grandma!!!"

And another, courtesy of 2-year-old Cayden:

"(Leaning on the toilet to get his bottom wiped) 'K-O-H-L-E-R. Says potty!'"

I'll concede that these fall into the funny and cute category. But they still make me wonder why parents tend to remember their kids' witty bathroom commentary so well. Is it the strange intimacy of the activity that makes everything about it seem comical? Are we suffering from Freudian-style anal fixations? Or is toilet humor simply the finest comedy known to humankind?

Perhaps I am getting a bit too philosophical about all this. But if you have theories, feel free to share them in the comments below. And if you have some funny, adorable kid quotes, scatalogical or otherwise, by all means submit them to Kids Say the Cutest Things! They can be about poop if you want. Seriously. I don't give a ... well, you know.

More Stuff Parents Dream About: Being Alone in the Bathroom

JeanneSager — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:02:00 GMT

It took me a long time until I could poop in my husband's presence. Now I long for the days when it was just him, me and a can of cinnamon apple spray.

Sound familiar?

I haven't been alone in a bathroom since before the kid was born, before the cats came to live with us, before the dog wormed her way into my heart. We have what we call the "don't bother shutting the door because it's not going to stay that way policy" on the bathroom now. I considered a lock, but what's the point? She'd just stand there, banging on the wood and yelling, "Mommy, are you in there? Are you Mommy? Mommy???"

No, you watched me walk in, shut the door, unzip my pants and let them drop to the floor. I'm not in here. I've moved to Australia.

"Mommy, I have to go potty," she'll say, because at 3, that still gets everyone's attention.

She doesn't usually. Although she'll make a big to do out of pulling down first the pants, then her underwear and wiggling the naked butt around the room before finally settling it on her little potty. Then she'll pop back up. "Nope, don't have to." Sometimes she'll ask, "Are you done peeing yet?" and order me off the "big potty" so she can have a turn. No dice there either. That I still haven't peed and am thisclose to wetting myself is secondary to the careful selection of just the right square of toilet paper, the proper wiping technique, the flushing, the help climbing down. I'm thinking of a Depends investment.

I dream of a day my waste won't be inspected, waved at, bid goodbye before it's flushed away. I yearn to know that I can wash my hands without "help," to know that I can do it all by myself. I don't care that "Miss Phyllis says you have to rub-a-dub-dub." Miss Phyllis can spin for all I care.

Really, all I'd like is a little privacy for my lady parts and the not-so-lady-like moments they might have. I guess I should have thought about that before I handed them over to the very un-lady-like process of childbirth, huh?

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Best political shirt ever - Everyone Poops

Brett Singer — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:15:00 GMT

Birds do it
Bees do it
Even people in the news do it
Everybody (everyone)
Poops
Republicans and Democrats
All of them are full of crap
Everybody (everyone)
Poops

I don't know what song that is, but this t-shirt inspired me to sing. Kind of sums up politics in general. Very non-partisan as well.

The Everyone Poops shirts are available in all sizes, including onesies, which I'm sure will be the big thing on the playground. No matter who wins in November.

Image/source: Threadless.com

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Greenhouse: Make Bark and Fluffy Green

Amy Kuras — Wed, 21 May 2008 14:32:00 GMT

Since we've become parents, my husband and I have been trying with mixed success to "tread more lightly on the Earth" as I say in my more pretentious moments. We have reduced the amount of stuff we buy, we recycle, and we reuse things as much as we can (who knew that our happy and grateful acceptance of hand-me-down toys and clothes doesn’t mark us as cheap bastards, but as an Earth-friendly family)?
But there's one area that we haven't "greened" at all – caring for the needy little four-legged beings who inhabited our life before the kids ever arrived. I guess I figured they were automatic resource sinks and didn’t think it was possible to "green your pets" (which conjures images of hair dye and really pissed-off cats, but whatever), but according to this post on Treehugger, it is!
Some things are no-brainers, or should be: spay and neuter to reduce unwanted pets, for example, clean up their poop with biodegradable bags, and keep housecats inside. Cats kill more birds than wind turbines, more than just about anything else, possibly including habitat destruction.
And according to Treehugger, it's more green and certainly more sustainable and humane to adopt a pet from a shelter than buying one at a pet store.
Others are more surprising, such as: you can compost pet waste as long as you aren't using it on anything you're going to eat. Which is maybe a little further than I want to go, but if you're willing, more power to you.

GreenHouse: Free Range Chicken Poop Lip Balm For All!

Alisyn — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 20:03:00 GMT

Shall we file this one under BrownHouse, then?

We've talked about greening your makeup drawer , Momspit lotion, and recycling breastmilk into homemade soap, but turning free-range chicken poop into lip balm drags the entire notion of using raw, organic materials in cosmetics down to a whole new level, doesn't it?

As you may have guessed, this lip balm contains no actual feces. (Phew!) But it is all natural (containing soy, jojoba, sweet orange, lavender, and beeswax), and the bold-type label that screams "POOP!" may actually deter certain little people from borrowing/eating/clawing/smearing it, which is always plus. On the flipside, though - how embarassing would it be to constantly have to explain to people that your lip balm does not actually contain that which it advertises?

You couldn't pay me to carry this shit around.

Don't Fight Over Who Has to Change the Diapers - Try Playing Spin the Baby!

Alisyn — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 15:10:00 GMT

"I did the last one!"

"It's your turn!"

"One, two three... NOT IT!"

These are just some of the things my husband and I say to get out of changing poopy diapers. C'mon... you do it too. So why not turn the diaper changing drudgery into an exciting - if not slightly dangerous - game of chance, like these folks did?

To be fair, not all kids would take to this "game" the way young Gabe seems to have done. That little guy was spinning around so fast, I'm amazed that he was able to up at all, much less get up without blowing chunks everywhere. But hey, it's worth a shot - you have a 50% chance of getting out of diaper duty! I call those some pretty sweet odds. It's the parent's version of Spin the Bottle... except no one gets drunk, and instead of making out with your best friend's boyfriend, you get poop on your hands.

Aaaaaaand that pretty much sums up parenting in general, I think.

Strollerderby Playdate: From Huggies to Depends; Who Needs Potty Training Anyway?

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 11:03:00 GMT

I've been thinking more and more about potty training recently, and it's starting to freak me out. Emmeline turns 14 months in a few days, and I remember another dad telling me there's a certain window on the near horizon -- a golden window, if you will -- that allows you to potty train earlier than most.

"Miss it," he told me, "And who knows how long you'll have to wait. Forever maybe. Some kids just don't get it. Ever."

Though this was his first child and though he admitted he couldn't change a diaper, I took his words to heart -- my mind filled with images of walking my daughter down the aisle and seeing the bulge of Depends through her white dress. I began to worry.

Dana takes a more nonchalant approach to these things, but she won't be the one on the floor with a bottle of Formula 409 and a roll of Bounty -- or whatever the hell you use to clean poop off the carpet. See? I'm woefully unprepared.

Thankfully, there's a few brave bloggers leading the way, giving us an inside glimpse into the process and making me wonder whether Huggies on a beaming bride is really such a bad thing after all.

Munchkin Pie has more evidence of potty training than you'll ever want to see. Seriously. It's hilarious, but only if you have a poop fetish. Be warned.

Booby Juice over at The Parenting Post is breaking out the supplies, getting ready, and holding her breath.

Whine and Roses is at least getting her little one on the potty, when she's not getting handed poop-filled presents. Oh joy.

Forbidden Pluto takes the prize for not only pooping in the shower, a favorite around these parts, but also for naming his daughter Lorelai. I will love him forever.

Strollerderby Playdate: It Always Comes Back to Poop

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 15 May 2007 11:03:00 GMT

Awww, come on. Don't roll your eyes about another poop post. You know you've uttered something about poop at least four times already today and thought about it at least double that, as in "Note to mommy self: Must remember to tell father of this child to empty diaper pail as child's propencity toward excessive early morning pooping clearly derived from one of his 26 chromosones."

In case playgroup or book club or that big conference call with New York isn't until the end of the week and you need some serious commiserating today, or in case you have a glorious hour or four away from the kids and are missing out on every child and parents favorite topic, here's the scoop on poop around the blogo right now:

Doug's running the bases with a post-potty-trained kid, rounding the port-a-potty, the car and the shower, all inside one T-Ball inning.

The pipes are bursting at Fidget's house...and not the ones the plumbing inspector's there to check out.

After some serious tub-scrubbing, Cullen's kid hits the showers screaming.

Kristen's pulling that move from Singles. You know, the one where Keira Sedgwick wipes down the toilet with her ex-boyfriend's t-shirt that made you cringe and cheer. Only this time, it's Kristen's brand new shirt on her daughter's bum. Oh, and it's not a hip Seattle apartment, it's a nasty roadside gas station. But you'll cringe and cheer all the same.

Designer Diaper Baggies Are Full of It

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 14:01:00 GMT

For the life of me I can't figure out if this is a joke, if I'm simply not getting it -- a common enough occurrence, believe me. But is there really such a thing as designer diaper baggies?

I'm not talking about stylish shoulder-strap bags that hold diapers and spare clothes and other crap you need for an outing. I'm talking about little baggies that actually hold the crap.

Diaper Baggies -- that's what they're called. They come in ~~all sorts of ridiculously overpriced styles that do the exact same thing a Ziploc Bag does~~ your choice of red flower or sickly giraffe -- and all for only $5.49 for 40!

Here's what they do: They hold used diapers. They seal shut. They look pretty -- until you dump them in the trash 3 seconds later.

Look, I hate to bag on homeless crack addicts who are obviously trying to make an honest buck any way they can, but the idea of paying for a designer logo simply so I can "look and smell better" on the way to the diaper pail makes me ill.

And oh yeah, Ziplocks? 100 for $3.29.

Poop In The Tub? No Problem, says DadLabs

JasonAvant — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:15:00 GMT

If you haven't dropped by DadLabs, do it. Now. I'll wait.

See? The site's great, a consistant source of helpful and humorous hints for dads (and moms), and among the best features are the video vignettes starring the site's founders, Brad and Clay. This week, they offer up a doody - er, doozy. The boys talk about Tub Time, and offer up some great advice on the do's and don'ts of giving your baby a bath (I had no idea that the rubber ducky and his ilk posed a potential health risk; now I get to marinate in some top vintage Parenting Guilt). The highlight of the segment is a primer on how to deal with the dreaded bathtub dump. I won't spoil anything, but fans of canned chili may lose their enthusiasm for Dennison's and Hormel after watching.

We were lucky; Lucas never actually pooped in the tub. I'd like to think that if he had, we'd approach the crisis with the same calm and collected demeanor exhibited in that clip. Because we've all seen what can happen when poop and bathers mix, and it ain't pretty.

Tips For Successful Parentblogging

Karen Murphy — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 13:01:00 GMT

In my ~~time wasting~~ serious Internet research of blogs, parent-blogs specifically, I've noticed that the best of them seem to have some things in common:

1. Long posts, with dialog.

2. Use of caps.

3. Use of that word that rhymes with "duck".

4. Poop.

Case in point: This post of Mr. Nice Guy's (can you go wrong with a title like "daddypoopy"? Instantly, you know where you are with this one). Here's a small snack from the post: mr and mrs nice guy are asleep, dead to the world in their connubial chamber. it is, unfailingly, somewhere between 6 and 6:30. out of nowhere a child starts yelling. "MOMMY? moooooooooooommy! poopy! DADDY POOPY mommypoopymommypoopy! poopydaddy!" then whoever's turn it is to take the morning shift drags his/her sorry ass out of bed and goes into the baby's room. let's say it's me. i walk into her room and the child lights up with glee: "DADDY! IT'S A POOPY!"

Daddybloggers, take note! We mommybloggers have it somewhat easier, as all we have to do is talk about how big our asses are getting, what footwear our spouses have on, the new eyerolling capabilities of our tweens, or what we drank at playgroup yesterday, and we have a post! Daddybloggers, on the other hand, seem to need to balance humor with sensitivity without actually being Sensitive.

A much harder job, if you ask me.