Strollerderby : remakes

Will Smith Remakes The Karate Kid, Casts His Son in Lead

Cole Gamble — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Here is some more news on that Karate Kid remake that's gonna kick your precious childhood memories right in the nuts:

As you can imagine, any Karate Kid remake will require going through the paces of the original, such as the “wax on, wax off” scene. Except now they’d be updated with modern, yet even more tired references like, “Turn the Internet history on, turn the Internet history off. Clean the hard drive, side to side.” And you can bet you’ll get a Nintendo Wii product placement in that training sequence.

Not helping matters, the new Miyagi is reportedly Jackie Chan, who will deliver all this eastern wisdom with the mush mouth diction of the Elephant Man doing Jello shots on his birthday at Hooters.

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What do you think? New Karate Kid: Sign of the apocalypse or tolerable idea?

Family Movie Night – Happy Feet

Brett Singer — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 20:30:00 GMT

I'm particularly glad to have a chance to write something about this one. While it certainly has its flaws, there are some parts that are terrific.

"Happy Feet" is about a bunch of penguins. According to the movie, each penguin has a "heart song" that develops over time; by singing it, the non-flying birds mate, make more non-flying birds, and life goes on. Mumble, though, is different. When he sings, he sounds like a cross between an elephant seal and fingernails being dragged across a chalkboard. He can, however, do a mean tap dance (the incomparable Savion Glover provides the audio for his fancy footwork). This does not endear him to the tribe, and even his parents would rather he be somewhere else. So, like Rudolph before him, he leaves, eventually meeting up with a group of Hispanic penguins (more on this later), and going on a journey to find out why there aren't as many fish to eat as there once were.

By far the best aspect of "Happy Feet" is the music. It came out in 2006, and by that point the novelty of the "mash-up" trend in music had peaked in popularity. The tunes here aren't original, but the songs chosen, and the arrangements used, are so clever that I was mesmerized. The opening number features Prince's "Kiss", blended together with Elvis' "Heartbreak Hotel", with little musical quotations from Salt N' Pepa ("Let's talk about eggs, bay-bee" – slight lyric change there), Lionel Richie ("Hello"), and even Mr. Mister ("Broken Wings"). If that sounds horrible, give it a try, because in my opinion it works. The animation is also top-notch, almost on a level with Pixar's. This also means that the scarier parts (killer whale attacks, elephant seals, and so on) are that much more frightening, but neither of my kids seemed to mind.

This film generated a ton of controversy from the conservative quarters of the country because of its extremely blunt pro-environment message. While I personally agree with what they were saying, it does get very heavy-handed towards the end of the film, and inserting actual humans is strange, although I have to admit that it is effective. If you look at some of the user reviews on Amazon, there are various complaints that this is not a "happy" film at all. That's not entirely without merit; one character almost chokes to death on plastic soda rings, and there are those icy predators that always seem ready to munch on Mumble and his pals. But again, the proof is in the kids, and both of my boys were fine with the "less happy" parts.

Speaking of those pals, I'm always a little bit surprised about the way certain races are portrayed in animated movies aimed at children. In this case, Mumble hooks up with a group of short penguins who like to whistle at girls ("Ay, mami!") and speak with thick Hispanic accents. He calls them "the amigos" in case anyone misses the joke. Their leader, Ramon, is played by Robin Williams, who also plays a Barry White-style penguin who sits atop a tower of pebbles dispensing advice. Not to be overly politically correct, but this sort of thing happens all the time: the Black and Hispanic hyenas in "The Lion King" are another example (and of course, there are all of these). It's not enough to un-recommend the movie but it's worth mentioning. I'm also not a big Robin Williams fan, but I know other people can't get enough of him. Having him play two somewhat racially insensitive characters in one film is almost too much, but the animation, music and tap dancing more than make up for it (I'm a big Savion Glover fan).

Bottom line: some truly great moments (the music, animation and tapping) offset some weird ones (the ultra-heavy-handed environmental message). Recommended, unless your political sensibilities run heavily to the right, in which case this film will probably make your head explode.

image: Amazon.com

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Family Movie Night – Hairspray

Brett Singer — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Full disclosure: when I first heard a demo CD of the songs from the Broadway musical version of John Waters' film "Hairspray", I said, "Eh. That's not so great. Nobody's going to want to see it. It'll flop."

Um, right. Luckily the producers didn't listen to me, because the show has been running on Broadway for several years (long enough to have Jerry "The Beaver" Mathers play the mom for awhile, which is longer than most shows last, believe me), not to mention all the tours, regional and international productions, and of course the new film.

Unlike the new film version of "The Producers" musical, this new "Hairspray" is more fully re-imagined, which probably accounts for its greater success at the box office ($200 million, enough that there's actually going to be a sequel). The original Waters movie was very low-key, and definitely kept the hardcore gross out stuff to a minimum (if you've never seen Waters' "Pink Flamingos", you shouldn't, but there's a scene at the end that is so disgusting it haunts me to this day). In retrospect, turning "Hairspray" into a Broadway musical was actually a very good idea, since the story is quite sweet and has a positive message about racial inclusiveness, and also points out that fat people shouldn't be ostracized for their appearance. The musical and new film actually hammer that point home much harder than the original; singing about racial equality makes the message much more blunt than just showing it.

In theory, how is this a kids' movie at all? It's not, I suppose, but there's nothing in it that really crosses a line, except for a few lyrics here and there, most of which go over the heads of anyone that you would think is too young to hear them. ("Hey, baby! You look like you could use a stiff one!" – but he's talking about hairspray, so…) I've seen girls as young as six having "Hairspray" themed birthday parties, which is one reason why I think my son was actually willing to watch it. Both of the Things enjoyed it, the older one because it does have a reasonably involving story and good songs, the younger one probably because it's colorful and the music is quite good.

As for the cast, it's a mixed bag. John Travolta is not an upgrade over Divine, but she/he is dead, so that's not really fair. That said, Harvey Fierstein was so incredible on Broadway that they should have let him reprise his role on screen. I understand the need to cast big stars to ensure a film's success, but sometimes it's better to stick with the original. At least they had the courtesy to cut the line, "Hold mommy's waffles," which, when said by Fierstein on stage, actually had me laughing so hard I almost fell out of my chair. (Just take my word for it, it was hilarious.) Travolta is good in a way, but there's something almost too serious about his version of Tracy Turnblad's overweight shut-in mom. He does prove that he's still a terrific dancer, even weighted down with fifty-plus pounds of fat suit. It would be nice to see him do a musical film role that he's better suited for, or even a live turn on Broadway.

The new Tracy, Nikki Blonsky, is quite good. Rikki Lake, who played Tracy in the original, had a much tougher edge but so did Waters' film. I would watch Michelle Pfeiffer read the phone book, but she does more than that and is very good. I would have liked to see more Jerry Stiller, who has a borderline cameo as the owner of a local department store that hires Tracy to be a spokesperson. I had forgotten that he played Wilbur Turnblad in the 1988 film; his role was taken over by Christopher Walken, who I would also watch read the phone book (albeit for different reasons) and gives a solid performance, as always. James Marsden was a surprise as Corny Collins, the host of the local dance show. If that's his actual singing voice he should do another musical. Queen Latifah (Motormouth Maybelle) is no Ruth Brown but she's good enough.

Anyway, somewhat like the Broadway version, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I enjoyed this new "Hairspray", as did my kids. Recommended.

image: Amazon.com

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Family Movie Night: Short Circuit

Brett Singer — Mon, 05 May 2008 22:45:00 GMT

Once a week we try to sit down and watch a flick as a family. I will periodically post my thoughts about the films we see. This week: Short Circuit.

Believe it or not, it wasn't Jen's post about a pending remake that inspired us to see this 1986 Steve Guttenberg movie. Amazon.com has a video-on-demand service called UnBox, which you can use to download movies directly to your Tivo (or computer if you like that kind of thing). I had been meaning to give the service a try, and there was a 99-cent sale on sci-fi movies. Short Circuit was a choice, so we figured for a buck, why not?

The UnBox service worked great. I've heard mixed reviews about download speeds, but we were able to start watching the movie after about 3 minutes while it continued to download in the background. This is with a Tivo connected to the Internet via a cable modem. (As with all things technical, your mileage may vary.)

What about the movie? Well, it holds up pretty well after 20 years. The special effects aren't anything to get excited about, but the robot, Number Five, is mostly cute and reasonably charming. Fisher Stevens plays a somewhat politically incorrect engineer with a thick Hindi accent. A lot of his laugh lines come because of his accent ("Ooh. Her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby.") and/or the occasional malapropism ("Newton, we are wasting valueless time here.") It's basically the same kind of thing as Apu from The Simpsons (except that Short Circuit came out first). There are a few four-letter words, which I had forgotten about (Newton Crosby [Gutenberg]: Holy shit. Number 5 (robot): No shit. Where see shit?). My kids didn't think anything of the cussin'; we didn't make a big deal about it and so far no one has walked up to their teacher and used the s-word. The line "Life is NOT a malfunction," spoken by Stephanie Speck (played by Ally Sheedy) sounds very pro-life when seen today. That's probably reading too much into it (although looking at the image to the right, I'm wondering if I might be onto something.)

None of this would make me not recommend the film, which is refreshingly low-key compared to what comes out today (Speed Racer, I'm looking at you, although when I do I get a headache because there are so many colors on screen.) I like the big stuff too, but it's nice to take a break every now and then. Plus the soundtrack is so 80's I started seeing leg warmers everywhere I looked. Short Circuit is more of a "family movie" (think E.T.) rather than a "kids' movie". As for the remake, I don't see any reason to do one, but now that the kids have seen the original, they'll probably want to check out the copy as well. So like Jen said, it's probably a good business idea (though not much of an artistic one).

Bottom line: Recommended, with mild language reservations.

image: Amazon.com

RetroFitted: Should Number 5 Be Alive Again?

Jen Chaney — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:03:00 GMT

Get Ally Sheedy into make-up and fire up some El Debarge: A remake of the 1986 family-friendly movie "Short Circuit" is currently in development.

If the memory is a little fuzzy, the original "Circuit" was a comedy about a military robot named Number 5 who gets struck by lightning and becomes pseudo-human. I last saw the movie 22 years ago at a shopping mall movie theater in Rockville, Md. Here is what I remember about it: A. the aforementioned El Debarge theme song, "Who's Johnny," and B. the fact that at a time when hormonal changes and the fumes from excessive hair mousse undoubtedly impacted my capacity for rational thought, I still felt sorry for Ally Sheedy for starring in what was clearly a major step down from "St. Elmo's Fire."

Still, "Short Circuit" generated enough revenue to merit a sequel, the creatively titled "Short Circuit 2," which came out in 1988 and had something to do with Number 5 going to New York or some crap like that. To be honest, I was too busy "Doin' Da Butt" at that time to pay close attention. The sequel didn't do nearly as well -- this is what happens, ladies and gentlemen, when you don't get Steve Guttenberg to sign on for movie No. 2 -- and that pretty much marked the end of the robot franchise. Until now.

I am of two minds about this remake concept: From an artistic point of view, I think it's a stupid idea because it's an update of a movie that was mediocre at best. It's like going back to a restaurant because the food gave you a stomach ache but didn't make you throw up. I mean, really, why bother?

But from a business point of view, it's actually kinda smart. For starters, if they get past-"Short Circuiter" Fisher Stevens to sign on, they could attract a few of the "Lost" fans, who have recently seen Stevens on the island in the role of George Minkowski. Also, the theme about valuing the human spirit over machinery is still relevant and might make parents, the same ones who saw the original movie two decades ago, feel good about taking their kids to go see it.

And, as many others on the Web have pointed out, Number Five bears a striking resemblance to Wall-E, the robot star of this summer's big Pixar flick. Seriously, tell me these two weren't separated at birth?

Assuming "Wall-E" is a hit -- and odds are, being a Pixar movie, it will be -- young kids will undoubtedly be totally on board to see another robot flick. Yes, their parents might roll their eyes at the blatant attempt to piggyback on the animated movie's success. But children don't care. If they like one robot, they can just as easily like another. And that could mean the updated "Short Circuit" will make a perfect RetroFit.

Now I close by bringing you the fine musical stylings of El Debarge and a music video that can charitably be described as totally cheese-tastic. Enjoy.

RetroFitted appears on Strollerderby every Thursday morning.