Strollerderby : responsibility

They Say: Teens WANT to Help Their Parents

JeanneSager — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 20:28:00 GMT

Toddlers are always thought of as the people pleasers and their teen counterparts as the surly loner types. Not so says a new study from researchers at three American universities.

The small study finds teens may actually WANT to help their families.

Researchers at the University of Rochester, the University of Missouri-Columbia, and the University of Illinois at Chicago, presented one hundred twenty kids in grades seven through ten and their parents with stories in which teens or parents asked for help. The study subjects were asked to determine whether the protaganist in the stories should provide the help or not, and decide whether it was OK to opt for personal desires instead.

The results indicate that parents believe kids are more selfish while the kids are more likely to put personal desires aside to offer their assistance. No wonder teens and parents collide!

The results were most interesting in light of the comments on my recent post about the benefits to having a big family in economic times. Based on the experiences of larger families I know, I suggested that having a large age gap provides for built-in babysitters when parents are forced to get a second job or a non-working parent finds they must take a job to make ends meet.

Not surprisingly, the responses ranged - some parents refuse to make their kids babysit, others felt it was the responsibility of teens to kick in. As a much older sister who did almost all of the babysitting, I concur that it's irresponsible for parents to put their own burdens squarely on the shoulders of their older kids. Before giving birth, parents need to look at their situation and determine how to ensure all of their kids get equal advantages - the new baby is the responsibility of his or her parents, not his or her siblings.

But babysitting is a chore. And kids have responsibilities to do chores as part of the family unit. If that's the chore parents decide to assign, cutting out other chores to ensure teens still have the ability to enjoy childhood and take advantage of after-school activities at school or other pursuits, parents should take heed of this study. It shows they're on the right track.

This study seems to further evidence that kids - no matter their age - want to be part of the family structure. They crave structure, and with that comes some sort of responsibility to prove they're vital cogs in the family wheel.

Does this mean we can stop dreading the teen years?

Image: Cincinnati Children's

Four Reasons Big Families Might Have it Better in This Economy

Parents Make Son Hold 'I Will Never Shoplift Again' Signs

JeanneSager — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 17:34:00 GMT

To the Nebraska parents who made their sons stand downtown holding up signs that read, "I was caught shoplifting at Dollar General. I will never shoplift again. Stealing and lying is Wrong," I salute you.

To paraphrase Randy "Dopey Idol" Jackson, "You did your thing Mom and Dad, you did your thing."

Kip and Cole Russell, twelve and fifteen respectively, were caught stealing an ax from the Dollar General in Gering, Neb. last month and sent out by their parents to the busiest intersection in town to hold bright orange signs. Cole did the heist, while Kip kept watch outside, but the boys agreed they were both at fault - and both deserved punishment.

"I was with him, and I didn't try to stop him," Kip told the Omaha World-Herald as the boys' father, Merle Russell, watched from nearby, keeping track of the boys time spent on the busy street.

"I won't tolerate a thief, and hopefully this will teach them that they need to make the right choices," Merle told the paper. "When you steal, it takes money away from everybody."

The boys have been told to write letters of apology to the store, and their electronics (I'm not sure if that means game consoles, cell phones or what . . . the story just says "electronics) have been seized for a month. Cole was also expected to face court action on the shoplifting charge.

Considering how many parents are quick to jump to their kids' defense these days, it's nice to see a parent who puts the emphasis on responsibility instead of hiring a lawyer to get his kids out of trouble for something they did. Was the punishment harsh? Absolutely. But the punishments facing the boys if they were to continue on this path are much harsher - and rightfully so.

Something tells me Kip and Cole won't be shoplifting again any time soon.

Image: Omaha World-Herald

Kids: The World's Best Form of Birth Control

Man Forced to Pay Child Support for Another Man's Child

Students Watch Autopsy of Teen From School

Mom Scratches 'B**ch' on Son's Face with Crayon

Kids Stay In Car While Dad Gets A Lap Dance

Who's Watching the Kids at Chuck E. Cheese?

JeanneSager — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:31:00 GMT

When a Texas area TV station took its cameras on an undercover operation into the Chuck E. Cheese's restaurants in the San Antonio area, they were trying to catch the "kid checkers" breaking bad. I hope they took their earplugs.

Chuck E. Cheese's is heaven for little kids. And like any good (albeit lapsed) Catholic, I firmly believe in heaven's eternal opposite. Yes, Chuck E. Cheese's is hell on Earth for parents. The rat himself is Satan, come to burn our tongues with oily cheese pizza and our ears with the searing sounds of shrieking children let loose on a play floor with a cup full of coins.

Let loose is exactly the problem. You really can't blame Chuck E. for the mass chaos that unfolds under his whiskers. But the mom who contacted WOAI says you can blame the company for advertising a kid check program that doesn't work. The premise (in case you've been one of those parents blessed by a child with a profound lack of interest in junk food and arcade games) is that no child will walk out of a Chuck E. Cheese's with an adult other than one who walked in with them. To monitor the ingress and egress, an attendant stands at the doorway to welcome families with a numbered stamp. Each member of a group walking in gets a matching number stamped on the hand in black-light-sensitive-ink. Babies get a numbered sticker to adhere to their clothing. When a child attempts to leave, the attendant is charged with running the black light first over their hand then that of the accompanying adult. If the numbers don't match, no one leaves.

At least that's the plan. In San Antonio, not one of the restaurants passed the WOAI test. Every child sent in with an adult left with a different adult. Some of the "checkers" never even checked. Others tried to find the stamps, but gave up without a fuss.

It's annoying, but ultimately, who cares? Do people really expect the teenager at the door of Chuck E. Cheese's to keep their kids in line or protect them from a pedophile? My last trip to Chuck E. Cheese's (entered and left with someone kicking and screaming both ways - any guesses on which member of the family pitched which fit?) was for a birthday party for my three-year-old's little buddy. There were five adults and three kids under three-and-a-half. We spent the entire time on our feet, running after kids. We did our very best not to let them out of our sight for a second, and we were exhausted by the end of the day.

But letting a kid out of my sight in a busy restaurant (can you call Chuck E. Cheese's a restaurant?) was out of the question. Scanners at the door or no scanners, people can still walk in the door with all sorts of ulterior motives. Short of rolling out the bubble, keeping kids safe means maintaining control of the situation . . . and the kid.

So you can call foul on Chuck E. Cheese's for poor hiring choices, poor advertising, what have you. But can you really blame them for losing your kid?

Image: Chuck E. Cheese's

A Twilight Tutorial for Moms (and Dads)

Hunter Shoots Through Trailer Wall, Kills Toddler

They Say: Fat-Eating Pregos Make for Fat-Loving Kids

They Say: Fast-Food Ads Contribute to Child Obesity

Are You George Michael or Andrew Ridgely?

Kelly Mills — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 15:04:00 GMT

Peter Hartlaub at the Poop has a great post on the shakedown of competency when the going gets tough for parents. While I bet most couples would say they share the parental responsibilities equally one way or another, there's always that crisis moment--like two flu-struck kids projectile vomiting all over the place--when it becomes clear that one parent could have a very successful solo career while the other one might want to have car racing as a fallback option.

Thus the question: Are you the Andrew Ridgely parent? Or is your partner? Many of the commenters felt that each half of their union had George Michael moments (and by that I am not implying that anyone was arrested for sex in a public restroom, ahem.) A few single parents weighed in and claimed that they were probably Prince, doing every single thing on the album. As an amicably-divorcing mom, I'd say both my kid's dad and I probably saw ourselves as the George Michael, but more likely we were each just one half Milli Vanilli or something.

What about you? Feel free to come up with a band that best characterizes your parenting unit, or lack thereof. Oh c'mon, it's fun...

Balancing Work and Parenting...When You're the First Lady

Ten Songs You Never Want To Hear A Little Kid Singing

Does PSA Blame Parents for their Daughters Being Raped?

JeanneSager — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:29:00 GMT

The public service announcement warning parents not to buy their daughters alcohol because of the heightened risk for sexual abuse for drunk teens is a total of 30-seconds long. But the Queensland Government in Brisbane, Australia has been drawing harsh critiscm around the globe for putting the blame in the wrong place - the victim.

Opening with a girl's stricken face as she weeps and fights off an attacker in a dark alley, the commercial follows the girl's night in reverse. It backs out of the alley, away from the guy into a party of teens drinking, then back to the girl's house where Dad hands her a box of booze and waves bye bye. "Don't kid yourself," an ominous voice says, "buy your children alcohol and they could pay the price."

Feministing, Jezebel and dozens of others have taken up bashing the Aussies for the short, charging the ad makers with blaming girls for getting raped and their parents for putting them in that situation. "I think what is upsetting about this is that it perpetuates the belief that rape is a young woman's fault and that if parents buy their daughters alcohol they are putting them at risk of rape," says Feministing blogger Samhita. "What about telling young men to not rape drunk women? That is what the focus of the PSA should be. Perhaps another conversation about youth and alcohol consumption is needed, but let's not tangle the issues."

I agree that there should be more education for guys about a girl's right to say no. But I think it's Samhita who is mixing the messages here. This is about parents not taking care of their kids. It's about a smarmy smiling dad (watch the video and you'll see it) handing his daughter a big box of booze, putting her in a car full of teenagers with said alcohol and waving without a care in the world. Rape isn't the only horrible thing that can happen to her out there.

Unfortunately, rape is a reality, and there is only so much parents can do to protect their daughters. The U.S. Department of Justice has surmised a woman is raped here in the states every two minutes. It can happen in broad daylight or a dark alleyway. It can happen with alcohol or without. And you don't have to tell me that girls who undergo some sort of sexual abuse often feel like it's our fault.

Which is why arming our daughters to protect them from some day being raped is part of our jobs. Not because they're the weaker sex. Not because they're doing something wrong. Because it's something that can, and shouldn't have to happen. Add alcohol to any situation where boys and girls co-mingle, and statistics show the risk of a rape occuring increases. The U.S. Department of Justice Violence Against Women report figures 45 percent of all rapes involve alcohol - which could mean the victim or the attacker. The numbers include adult women, but considering two in six rape victim are under 18, there are plenty of teen girls being raped where alcohol is a factor.

Not because they're bad kids or because they asked for it but because they lost their ability to function because they drank too much. They lost their ability to protect themselves from the dangers that are out there, and guess who failed to protect them? Their parents. The ones who sent them to a party with a bunch of alcohol and no education on what it can do.

So, yes, I do put a portion of blame on the parents. Which was the point of the PSA to begin with - to teach them not to provide ther kids with free alcohol, to teach their kids about the affects alcohol will have on the body - including the risk of blackout, the risk of losing the physical strength to push off an attacker, and the risk that someone else who's drunk may have their inhibitions reduced to the point where they'll do something stupid. Like rape a girl.

In fact, the PSA shows a girl being abused, but the narrator says "67 percent of teenagers have been abused or assaulted whilst under the influence of alcohol." She says "your children." She doesn't say girls. She doesn't say daughters. It's an advertisement about protecting our girls and our boys, teaching girls to protect themselves, teaching boys they're not allowed to use alcohol as an excuse.

It's an advertisement that puts the responsibility for kids in their parents' hands. And when they drop the ball, the blame belongs with them.

Angelina Buys Her Kid a Knife. What's Next, Maddox Jolie, Tomb Raider?

School Board Member Uses Gay Slur, Says Student Said it First

Gender's Up to Five-Year-Old Hermaphrodite, Not Parents

Don't Pay Child Support? Bid the Gun Rack Bye Bye

Kids Won't Go to School? You're Going to Jail

JeanneSager — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 18:02:00 GMT

It's 10 a.m., do you know where your children are? If you live in the Sacramento, Calif. area, you'd better hope they're in school - or you'll be using a jail phone to call your boss.

The Sacramento District Attorney's Office celebrated its 13th Annual Truancy Sweep this week, rounding up 65 parents of habitual truants. Their kids don't go to school, so they're going to jail. Remember, these are habitual offenders - it's not a case of rounding up the parents after a staged senior skip day.

Although I've always been in favor of altering the school day schedule to make it easier on working parents (how many of you can leave work at 2:15 so you can come home to keep an eye on your kids?), I can't say I feel bad for any of these parents. Kids belong in school (or in a homeschooled environment). If they're not there, who is watching over them in the morning? Who is feeding them breakfast and checking their homework? And if they're not learning somewhere, from someone, how are they prepared for the day when Mom and Dad won't be there to take the fall for their problems?

Yes, the kids need to be held accountable. But doesn't accountability start at home?

Image: Truancy Prevention Association

Source: The Sacramento Bee

They Say: To Teach Teens, You Really Have to Scare Them

Mom Finds New Use For Sippy Cup: Beer Holder

Social Networking, the Next Hurdle to Getting Them Into College?

Take Your Kid to Work, But Don't Let them Take Control of a City Train

5 Reasons Dogs and Kids DO Mix

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Babies and dogs often end up in the news in tragic situations or simply unpleasant encounters. But when I think back on my years working as a nanny for a family with two boys—aged six months and two years when I started caring for them—I remember their dog Annie as my personal savior. Granted, Annie was a well-trained black lab, which is one of the best breeds for children.

Not only did Annie help teach the boys empathy and responsibility as they got older—they were very attentive to her food and play needs—but she was a great addition to the family for some practical reasons as well. Here are just a few reasons why dogs and children can go hand in, uh, paw:

1. Cleaning doesn't get any easier than yelling, "Annie, come!" Dogs will gladly clean up everything from crumbs in the car seats to applesauce in the carpet to jelly in the baby’s thigh rolls.

2. Dress Up. When the kids outgrow their clothes or stain them with grape juice, give them to the dog. Hours of hilarity for the whole family will ensue.

3. Family photographs. Put a baby next to a black lab; snap a photograph. Your holiday pictures are done. Even the worst photo of a baby and a dog is pretty darn cute.

4. Dog Hair. That's right: studies have indicated that growing up with dogs helps kids develop immunities against asthma and other allergies.

5. Catch. What quickly becomes boring and a little gross to adults is endless amusement for dogs and children. Dogs never tire of running after balls. Toddlers never tire of throwing balls and watching dogs chase them—no matter how slobber-covered the ball becomes. All the little creatures in the family have a blast and you don't even have to get your hands dirty!

Photo: Derek Leffew

Chris Rock could be Barack Obama's running mate

Brett Singer — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Barack Obama and Chris Rock think alike.

Last week, Barack Obama made a speech on Father's Day in which he discussed the rising rate of absent fathers, specifically in the African-American community. "Too many fathers…are…missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men."

When I heard this I said – hang on. That sounds familiar. Who said that before?

Oh! Chris Rock. In 1996.

According to Trey Ellis, Obama mentioned Rock's routine, "albeit cleaned up a lot." (I hope so!)

Video of Rock's bit and Obama's speech are below. But basically, here's the crux of it:

Barack Obama: Black men need to take more responsibility for their children.
Chris Rock: "I take care of my kids!" What do you want, a cookie?

Ellis also makes an interesting point: "The other side to this story, however, the one that is rarely reported, is the demonization of far too many dads after a family splits. I've heard from men who wanted to be involved dads but have been barred from seeing their kids by an unfeeling and decidely anti-male family court system." I'm sure that's true. But I don't think that diminishes Obama's (or Rock's) message.

Chris Rock (Not safe for work)

Barack Obama (probably safe for work but a little long)

image: huffpost

Political Nanny: How Obama's Daughter Handles the Arena

Hillary Clinton vs. Reese Witherspoon

Political Nanny: Cindy McCain Fakin' Bakin'

"My Reward Board": The Chore Chart That Lives on Your Computer

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 17:02:00 GMT

Kids doing chores. Quite frankly it's the moment I've been waiting for as a parent. I carried my kids around for nine months, birthed them, nursed them, and changed thousands of their diapers. I've been peed on, spit upon, and snotted upon, and now it's time for them to start giving something back.

My 2.5-year-old clears her dishes from the table (with help) and puts her dirty clothes in the hamper (with help). My 4.5-year-old does those things plus fetches the morning paper from the front porch, makes her bed, and helps to set the table.

That's why this cute virtual chore board caught my eye. So far my kids do their chores because they enjoy helping, but there might come a time when need a little extrinsic help to be intrinsically motivated. The Reward Board not only helps to manage chores but helps kids with goal setting, calendar skills, and money sense all while teaching them to be more responsible.

Now if I could only teach my kids to mix me a martini that'd be worth at least five stars.