Strollerderby : rules

No Hugs For You At Some High Schools

Brett Singer — Fri, 29 May 2009 16:30:00 GMT

According to this New York Times article, hugging is very popular among high school students. A video on the site mentions Hug High School, and calls teenage hugging a "sociological phenomenon." (Hey, whatever floats your sociological boat.)

But at some schools, the big bad grown-ups decided that enough is enough. The Times tells us that "schools from Hillsdale, N.J., to Bend, Ore., wary in a litigious era about sexual harassment or improper touching — or citing hallway clogging and late arrivals to class — have banned hugging or imposed a three-second rule."

First of all, a quick personal note. I'm not that young and when I was in high school boys and girls kissed each other hello. Boys tended to slap hands, either as a high-five or as a slap-into-handshake. I don't remember boys hugging, but boys and girls did, and girls hugged other girls. So I'm not so sure that this "phenomenon" is terribly significant.

Now, back to the issue at hand. If the kids are hanging all over each other in the halls, that could be problematic I suppose. But the problem isn't the hugging, it's that they're standing in the halls. The three-second rule is nuts and won't work. At summer camp, I remember a "6 inches rule" (which now that I type it, sounds vaguely pornographic). Boys and girls had to be that distance from each other at all times. The rule was even enforced by some (though not all) couselors and especially the camp owners, who felt very strongly that the sexes should remain at opposite sides of the room at all times. Because as we all know, closeness leads to touching, and touching leads to... well, you know. More touching.

My children aren't old enough yet but I don't think I would be in favor of a "no hugs" rule. What would be better is teaching kids about boundaries and personal space. Maybe someone doesn't want to be hugged. Maybe it makes them uncomfortable. Maybe you need to stop hugging and get to math class already. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that if you tell a teenager not to do something, especially something that seems to be very much a part of their daily lives, all you're going to do is make them want to do it more.

What do you think? Is banning hugs a good idea? Or should the grown-ups just, well, grow up?

Source: New York Times

Brett Singer is the editor-in-chief of DaddyTips.com. You can follow his tweets at Twitter.com/brettsinger.

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Case Made In Defense of Teasing

Kelly Mills — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 18:32:00 GMT

Fears of bullying and violence and discrimination have led many schools to adopt very strong policies against teasing. And lord knows most of us could probably dredge up a painful school year or two when the taunts of classmates made our lives hell. In our important relationships, we are encouraged to avoid poking and instead honestly share our feelings. And don't even get me started on the workplace... I mean, you'd be hard-pressed to defend teasing, right?

Hmm, during a difficult discussion with my sister about some serious tension between us, I said, "I think at least we can both agree the real problem here is you are a bitch." She laughed.

This is part of the point of a great New York Times article in defense of teasing. The arguement is that while bullying and harassment are acts of aggression, other forms of teasing can actually serve to build bonds between people, alleviate tension, and allow us to deliver messages to each other in a less direct form. For example, couples who teased each other during discussions about loaded issues came away from the conversation feeling closer than couples who engaged in only direct discussion. And teasing can also help signal what behaviors are okay, and help establish social status. By prohibiting kids from teasing, we are discouraging an important kind of social interaction, one that can even help teach us not to take ourselves too seriously.

At least that's the case made here, and me and my bitch sister would probably agree. But what do you think?

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Kurt Warner, family quarterback

Brett Singer — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 15:00:00 GMT

We hear a lot about football players who behave badly, so it's always nice to read about those that don't. Kurt Warner, the Super Bowl winning quarterback who is currently having a late-career resurgence in Arizona (he's 37, which is old for the NFL) is also a father. A father of seven. Two of the seven were from his wife Brenda's previous marriage; one of those two has special needs (not mentioned in the Times article).

Warner is a great sports success story; he was stocking shelves at a supermarket before joining the Rams and leading them to a Super Bowl. He's living proof that NFL players don't have to be highly touted, heavily recruited college athletes in order to play well. If the Times article is to be believed, he and his wife Brenda are also pretty good parents.

Kurt and Brenda (a former Marine) have a list they call, "Eight Rules for Being a Warner Daughter or Son." Some highlights:

1. Everyone has to agree on which strangers’ meal to pay for when dining at a restaurant.

The Times describes a situation where the Warners pick someone and pay their tab, without their knowledge. In other words, if you see Kurt and Co. at a restaurant, you might get a free meal.

4. After ordering at a restaurant, be able to tell Mom the server’s eye color.

5. Throw away your trash at the movie theater and stack plates for the server at restaurants.

I like these a lot, especially the eye color thing, since I've never heard it before. I see people treat those in the service industry (waiters, waitresses, taxi drivers, etc.) like crap all the time, and I see kids do it as well. Forcing your children to pay attention to these folks and treat them with respect is important, and knowing their eye color is an interesting way to do it.

This isn't to say that I plan on tacking a copy of Warner's Rules on our door, but it's food for thought.

Source/Image: NYTimes

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IOC orders investigation of Chinese Gymnast's age

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IOC orders investigation of Chinese Gymnast's age

Brett Singer — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 19:54:00 GMT

He Kexin won a gold medal in the uneven bars and also contributed to the Chinese beating out the U.S. in the team gymnastics event. She looks really really young, and there have been questions about her age for awhile now. The IOC has begun to formally investigate whether or not, "Chinese authorities covered up the true age of their gold-medal winning gymnastics star because she was too young to compete," because of, "'discrepancies' that have come to light about the age of He Kexin." You kind of have to wonder what took them so long, but apparently someone, described as an "American hacker" by the U.K.-based Times Online, has uncovered documents that offer proof that Kexin is too young.

Watching the games, the judging also seemed biased, although that's more subjective. Still, I'm pretty sure I saw a member of the Chinese team fall in one event and not get any deduction, whereas an American who had a similar fall lost points. Béla Károlyi told Bob Costas that, "The lack of competence of certain judges is obvious," and it was tough to disagree.

Károlyi's wife Marta has attacked the age issue the way her gymnasts attacked their events, and while I think she went a little overboard, I agree that the whole thing is very suspicious.

Would the Chinese government lie about an athlete's age in order to gain a competitive advantage? And if so, what happens? The medals get stripped, but should they be banned from the Olympics for a time after that?

So – how old do you think she looks? 14? 16? Do I hear 12?

Source/image: TimesOnline

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Top 5 Things You Want To Tell Your Babysitter But Are Too Conflict-Avoidant To Say

Amy S.F. Lutz — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:34:00 GMT

5. Don't make me the bad guy. Please don't tell the kids, "Mommy doesn't want more than one kid on the trampoline at a time because she's afraid you might hurt yourselves," or, "Mommy doesn't want your brother to have raisins because she's afraid he might choke." Enforce my rules as if they're universal laws recognized by every adult on the planet.

4. Leave your gadgets in the car. I know it's important for kids to play independently and to play with each other, but that doesn't mean you can talk. text. or surf the web the moment my kids stop requiring your immediate attention. There's always stuff to do: straighten the playroom, throw those lunch plates in the dishwasher, etc.

3. Don't believe my kids. When my five-year-old tells you that yes, Mommy lets her eat an entire sleeve of oreos half an hour before dinner, or yes, she's allowed to watch four back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes of Hannah Montana, stop and think: how likely is that?

2. Never say to my kids, "This will be our little secret."

1. DON'T GIVE IN TO TEMPER TANTRUMS! Even if you ignore every other rule, please, never, never, ever, give my kids what they want just to calm them down from the heights of hysteria. If my two-year-old throws herself on the floor screaming because her twin brother has the yellow sippy cup with the blue lid and she desperately wants that one instead of the yellow sippy cup with the purple lid you innocuously handed to her, just walk away. DO NOT SWAP SIPPY CUPS. If so, you will guarantee my daughter will grow up to be Leona Helmsley.

Update: School Reinstates Tag After "Reorientation"

Kelly Mills — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:32:00 GMT

The Virginia elementary school that banned tag may again allow kids to be "it". A few weeks ago, principal Robyn Hooker outlawed the game, saying it had gotten out of hand, with students being tackled and piled on and dragged into games unwillingly. Some outcry among parents ensued, and so school administrators instituted a week of "reorientation lessons on playground safety" (sounds so ominous, like "reprogramming") in P.E. classes, and should be allowing the game to begin again today.

Now clearly we are a blog divided on this issue, and I have the feeling Jen will not condone my practice of tackling each Strollerderby writer at the annual holiday party and administering either a noogie or a wet willy. But I am the crotchety libertarian again, it seems, and I couldn't get behind the ban. I mean, it doesn't seem like tag is an inherently violent game, and I imagine you could outlaw tackling and dogpiles instead. But I think the real problems rest in our understaffed schools, with minimal supervision at recess, and in our inability to work on constructive solutions with kids that don't involve making big, sweeping rules. And this is coming from someone who, as a kid, would so have been at the bottom of that dogpile.

Group Asks For Ban On Food Additives Linked to Hyperactivity

Kelly Mills — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 21:03:00 GMT

Those wacky Europeans. When a bunch of food additives were linked to hyperactivity in children, the UK Food Standards Agency actually asked that the EU ban those additives, and that UK food manufacturers sign a voluntary ban on the chemicals in effect by the end of 2009. Talk about drastic. All because some researchers at the University of Southampton said the number of hyperactive kids could be cut by a third if the additives were banned. But how are Brits going to know something is cherry-flavored if it isn't colored bright red?

The industry Food & Drink Federation spokesperson says, "UK food and drink manufacturers are already taking these colours out of products on supermarket shelves, so we are surprised the FSA board feels it is an appropriate use of their powers to call for a voluntary ban." Yeah, I mean, as we know here in the U.S., industries are totally good at looking out for the safety of consumers if you just leave them alone and let them do their own thing. Voluntary ban. Sheesh. And the watchdog groups say the additives aren't necessary, so a ban is a no brainer, but how the hell are we going to get foods to be such pretty colors now? Besides, hyperactive kids help keep teachers sharp and on their toes.

The additives in question are: tartrazine (E102); quinoline yellow (E104); sunset yellow (E110); carmoisine (E122); ponceau 4R (E124); and allura red (E129), in case you are unamerican and wanna know. How can something called "sunset yellow" be bad for you?

Happy Birthday kids. Have some carrots.

Brett Singer — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Despite what Adrienne pointed out about chubby kids having fewer cavities, a school principal in New Zealand isn't taking any chances.

Megan Bowden of the Oteha Valley primary school has issued a decree: no more cake. With a large number of kids having birthdays in September and October, every day was a birthday cake day, and that's just too damn much cake! The New Zealand Ministry of Education (ooo, sounds ominous, doesn't it?) has been trying to reduce the amount of sugary snacks being served at school, but they also issued a statement that, "schools did not need to monitor food brought in from outside." So they're probably cool with the cake.

As much as the principal's policy seems draconian, I have to admit that a part of me agrees with her. I'm far from a health nut, and Kelly is right when she tears into the London lunatic who criticized a heavyset beauty queen. But it does sometimes feel like kids are given a tremendous amount of junky food during the school day. I know of two elementary schools that have "sundaes on Friday" once a month at lunch, and I've seen lunch menus that offer waffles and bacon, with chocolate éclairs for dessert. According to the article, parents began to think that bringing a cake for the child's birthday was a school rule. Then there's the issue of allergies, which means checking the cake for nuts or another offending substance, and whoever brings in the cake might be expected to provide an alternative for any child who can't partake of the treat. Maybe it's not completely unreasonable to say hey, have your cake at home.

Weekly Check-Up: Skittles and Wellness

Kelly Mills — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:31:00 GMT

Maybe you heard this story: An honor student at a Connecticut middle school got busted for buying Skittles on school grounds. He was stripped of his job as class president, banned from attending an honors student dinner, and suspended for three days, later communted to one day (maybe for good behavior, like he ate an apple in front of the principal or something.) The latest breaking news is that he was cleared of the charges and had his records cleaned up. The student says he didn't know candy was contraband, though he did notice the student dealing in sweets was acting all furtive. Candy is forbidden as part of the school's wellness policy.

Ah, back in my day the schools themselves sold candy to kids at a snack bar, and I'm super glad that's a thing of the past. But this level of punishment is ridiculous, unless the Skittles came with an accompanying bag of weed and a switchblade. On the one hand, this must be an extreme example of a school taking a no-sugar policy to the nth degree, and I'd hate for folks to rise up and cry foul when the food industry and soda lobbies are working hard to push crap-food on our kids by sweetening the deal for schools (sponsoring football fields, generating revenue through soda machines, etc.) However, it does raise one point I think is key: Keep perspective on junk food so we don't lapse into hysteria. Sugar and candy and cupcakes (mmmm) are not going to make anyone "unwell" unless they are consumed in mass quanities very regularly (or you have some medical reason for not being able to eat them, of course.) We don't have to allow them to be pimped in schools, but we also don'thave to make candy a crime. Teaching our children the value of moderation and balance is far better.

Nine-Year-Old Banned For Tennis Grunting

Kelly Mills — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:02:00 GMT

Well, the details aren't totally confirmed, but it looks like an Australian tennis club banned a nine-year-old girl from competing in tennis because she grunts when she plays. Tennis fans will immediately invoke fellow grunter Maria Sharapova, and the mother of all tennis grunters, Monica Seles (whose signature vocalizations were mentioned almost every time she was) but despite the noble tradition, Lauren Edwards was told to knock off the noise.

Here's how the tennis club made a little girl cry on the court: When Lauren played a recent match, her opponent complained about the grunts. The club asked Lauren's dad to ensure she would cut out the racket (ba dum) but after one more noise, she was told she couldn't play any more. Maybe it's because I grunt when I blog, but this story enrages me. I've never understood why people feel they have a right to prohibit grunting (even Monica got flack) and the only argument I hear is that it distracts the other player. Well, welcome to competition. Playing through distractions is part of being a good athlete. And I seriously don't like it when clubs make little girls weep.

Kindergartener Suspended From School For Sporting a Mohawk

Kelly Mills — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 20:35:00 GMT

Ah, in a day and age when many schools are instituting programs to combat children teasing other children about their appearance, one school has decided to put the bullies out of a job by doing their work for them. Six-year-old Bryan Ruda was suspended from charter school Parma Community School in Ohio. Um, because he has a "mohawk," which in this case does not mean liberty spikes but that he has the sides of his head shaved and his hair is longer on top. The school has a dress code that does not prohibit mohawks specifically, but says students have to be properly groomed. Whatever that means.

Oh, but the rationale for the suspension is classic: Administrators say the hair was "disrupting the educational program" and that other students commented on it, making them disruptive and more difficult to control. I guess that's powerful hair. And this was a "third offense," meaning that Bryan's mom was warned about the problem hair before when it had product in it, and while it was growing out things were sort of okay. However, a re-shaving threw the class into chaos, I suppose. The school board decided over the weekend to suspend the kid, which makes me think they must have zero educational issues at all, since they have time to debate the merits of a kindergartener's style. Nice.

Photo: Peggy Turbett/The Plain Dealer

What a Relief: School Did Not Ban Farting

Kelly Mills — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 18:33:00 GMT

Despite media reports, the principal of Camden-Rockport Middle School has clarified that the school did not ban farting in class. Good thing, because libertarians would have had a field day with that one. But it is kind of funny that the story spread faster than a noxious gas filling a room, even reaching the WSJ online and other media outlets. The culprits who dealt the news item in the school newspaper have been identified, though they could not be named because of school confidentiality.

Student journalists filing for the school papper erroneously reported that the intentional farting and subsequent class disruptions of some eighth-grader boys had led to a rule prohibiting intentional farting in class. Supposedly offenders would be punished with detention. (What about shutting them in a small room with the fruits of their own labors? That would be real justice.) I'm sure teachers are relieved to know the rule was never in effect, because who wants the job of detemining whether or not a burst of flatulence was intentional? However, we should note that kids who intentionally rip one can still be disciplined, under the much broader "class disruption" rules. Yes, innocents will not have to suffer because school admins are soft on intestinal crimes.

Feel My Rant: School Bans Hugs

Kelly Mills — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 13:31:00 GMT

Ahem. A little while back, a school banned tag. You know that made me all crotchety. Now, an Illinois middle school has gone exceptionally stupid too and made a rule banning hugs. Hey, how are we gonna do "Hugs not drugs" if we can't hold each other? Okay, now I'm settling into my creaky old rocking chair with my shotgun resting on my knee and winding up for this one. See, the principal says, "students were forming 'hug lines' that made them late for classes and crowded the hallways." Well, of course, the only logical thing to do in that case is to prohibit hugging altogether. Because no good ever came from a hug. Hugs are just sick.

The principal also asserts in a letter to parents that, "There is another side to the issue when a hug is either unwanted or becomes inappropriate as judged by one of the students involved." I can see that. But only in one of our dumbass schools would that mean that hugs should be forbidden altogether. It's like we don't trust kids to breathe safely. Perhaps they should just ban conversation as well--after all, sometimes it leads to misunderstandings. Because the unwanted hug thing couldn't possibly be resolved in individual situations. No, when anything is a problem in a few incidents, the answer is to outlaw it altogether. Don't trust those kids! They can't control their bodies. And everything, from play to affection to clothing to expression of ideas, is just a friggin' disaster waiting to happen. We need to protect our children so that when they go out into the real world, they'll have the life skills to, um, well, not interact with other human beings exactly...I guess they'll be real good at following insane rules. That should prepare them well.

My next dispatch will be from the hermit cabin. Send jerky and Tang.

Judgment Day: Rules For Keeping Your Kids in Line When You Visit

Karen Murphy — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 18:54:00 GMT

The worst part of traveling and staying with friends or distant family sometimes is bringing your children along. You never know how they're going to act, whether they will erupt suddenly somehow or break something or spill something. You know what I'm talking about. When you enter a home where the living room is darkened and people speak in hushed tones, you know you're in trouble unless your kids are robots. Or unless you bring the duct tape along.

Here's a very useful list for ensuring your visit is a success. Highlights include:

Duct tape oven mitts to children under the age of 3 (to prevent touching of breakables)
Bring a stake and leash for wandering toddlers.
Bring an IV. This is the best way to prevent unnecessary spills.

Short of staying home or leaving the kids at a ~~kennel~~ babysitter, what else can you do? What strategies have worked for you?

P.S. Looks like I've developed a sense of humor since I last saw this photo (from Daddytypes, by the way). Will wonders never cease?

School Outlaws Handshakes. Next Up: Eye Contact?

Karen Murphy — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 11:55:00 GMT

In a stunning move calculated to singlehandedly erase goodwill and camaraderie among its students, a Virginia middle school has initiated a new policy outlawing touching of any kind, including handshakes, high-fives, and pats on the back. Teachers in public schools have long been forced to refrain from harmless affection to their students lest something might be ill-perceived, but this new rule is about the students. That's right, at this school a mid-game congratulatory high-five will likely get you a trip to the principal's office or at the very least a "dirty look" from a teacher.

Just to be clear, we're not talking PDAs here. Nor are we talking any sort of inappropriate contact.

So let's take this out to its illogical extreme: say, as the article suggests, that this snowballs and soon every school in the land bans contact among students. Kids will grow up unable to express or receive innocent affection. Armies of therapists will assist these kids, as they mature, in forming healthy relationships, as they will likely be unable to do so on their own. Affection in the family also will wane despite parents' best intentions, simply from the indoctrination of the schools. Even the huggiest of families will be unable to stem the tide.

And what's after that? Sex-for-procreation only? A plummeting birth rate? Economic collapse and eventual global anarchy?

Rethink, misguided school of Virginia! Help save the human race! We need innocent, affectionate touch!