Strollerderby : self esteem

Would you Cheat FOR the Kids?

JeanneSager — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 16:26:00 GMT

Think you've heard all the lame excuses someone will give for cheating on their spouse? Here's another:

"I'm doing it for my kids."

Say what?

This came from the lips of a friend (and by friend I really mean a chick I know, kinda sorta). Her reasoning for stepping out on her marriage is simple - he's a jerk. But they've got kids. And as far as she's concerned, kids need two parents.

So she's lining up a new Daddy before she kicks the old one to the curb. I'm not even going to touch on the self-esteem issues here (that's for a woman's issues blog, not the parenting blog).

But what does this teach your kids? That it's OK to lie? That your daughters need to have a man around at all times. . . and at all costs? The idea that a woman needs to have a man is as outdated as that old quote about fish and bicycles. So too is the idea that a single parent can't provide for a child what a couple can - or that, say, two lesbians can't provide for a child what a heterosexual couple can.

There are also lessons for kids in divorce. It's OK that things fail sometimes. You have to be honest with other people. You have to be honest with yourself. But cheating on a spouse is a big no no, and somehow I can't see how the kids won't find out when they realize their new "Dad" was in Mom's life long before the divorce became finalized.

I suppose there's merit to the fact that kids fare better with two parents . . . I suppose. I am not bashing single parents or their offspring (President Obama, hello?). But for mom it's certainly easier when there's a second set of hands around. Still, with Dad the jerk around, she's obviously not having an easy go of it. Couldn't that mean single parenting might be easier?

Is single parenting that scary? As a happily - and luckily - married woman, I don't know. But I wonder what the single parents who read Babble think. You were scared right, but this scared?

Image: Everyday Citizen

Keep Kids From Getting Fat - Get a Dog

JeanneSager — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 15:32:00 GMT

Want to keep your kids from falling victim to the obesity crisis? Australian researchers say get a dog.

The study of more than 1,100 kids ages 5 to 12 showed kids with a friendly Fido in the house were in better shape - even if they weren't walking the pooch on a regular basis. If the dogs were anything like mine, it might have more to do with the amount the dog's stealing from their plate. Just saying - my dog gained 11 pounds in the year after my daughter started solids.

On a more serious note, pets have long been touted as good for kids, boosting self esteem, helping kids learn discipline and responsibility and even lowering kids risk of developing allergies down the line. Put each of those benefits together, and it would make sense that kids who have a four-legged friend have a healthier outlook on life - which usually translates to overall health. Then add in the exercise of chasing the dog to rescue all that stolen food, and that's one canine who's earning his keep.

Image: Pet Door Decor

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They Say: It Really Is Mom's Fault - But That's Not Always Bad

JeanneSager — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:33:00 GMT

Sorry Dad. She might be your little girl, but what she really wants is approval from Mom.

A new study published in the British Journal of Educational Psychology claims daughters achieve more when their mothers are proud of them. Researchers from the University of London followed more than 3,000 kids born in 1970, and found the girls whose mothers expected them to succeed at school are more likely to have higher self esteem as adults and more likely to have pursued higher education. They found no real affect for the boys, deducing mothers of daughters may be more likely to push their girls when it comes to education.

I can't help but wonder what they would have found if they'd looked beyond education. After all, the '70s stand out in the history of women's lib - and not just in America. England had its own version of the Women's Liberation Movement that fought for equal pay for women. Moms who may not have gotten much support to be all they could be as kids were suddenly learning, hey, being a girl doesn't have to hold you back.

But considering our parents are our first role models, it's no wonder girls look to Mom for approval of how we're doing on the path to being a grown up. She's our first example of what it means to BE a grown up. And other studies have already shown that when a mom is depressed, negative or anything BUT supportive, her daughter is more likely to struggle as an adolescent.

So Mom, have heart. She might slam the door and shove the iPod buds in her ears, but she still cares what you think . . .

Images: California State University

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Parents With the Miley Problem

Kelly Mills — Sat, 03 May 2008 14:03:00 GMT

If you live under a rock, let me break it down for you: Miley Cyrus did some Vanity Fair photos clad in a bedsheet with rumpled hair. This one comes after we discovered Jamie Lynn Spears is knocked up and Vanessa Hudgens has topless pics on the internet. All of which I suppose has parents tearing out their hair and wondering how to explain these things to their young daughters, the ones who make up the fan bases of these girls. I suggest something like, "Honey, all the girls on television and in the movies are nothing but tramps and harlots, and god help you if you ever do anything like that."

Seriously? I guess the concern is that people are afraid their children will find the behaviors of their teen idols "cool" and perhaps emulate it themselves. I can assure you that Vanity Fair has not sent Annie Leibovitz to my house to tempt my child into a Lolita-esque photo shoot, so I think we're safe. But you know, there's all kinds of discussions to be had with our daughters about how girls and women are portrayed in the media, and how different people make different choices with their lives and those choices have different consequences. And we could even have these discussions before a 15-year-old poses in a sheet because there's plenty of imagery that flies under the radar but carries the same messages. I don't think we need to be real judge-y or impose media blackouts, but we can teach our kids to be critical media consumers from the get-go. And I doubt our girls are idiots, so we can probably trust them not to run out and try and be like the stars they follow.

Should an "Overweight" Beauty Pageant Contestant Be a Role Model for Young Girls?

Kelly Mills — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:02:00 GMT

Monica Grenfell is horrified. Why? Well, see, this year's Miss England contest has a fairly unique finalist: Chloe Marshall, a size 16 (about a size 14 in U.S. sizes.) Seventeen-year-old Marshall has been quite outspoken about wanting to be "an ambassador for curves" and demonstrate to young girls that it isn't necessary to be a size zero. She says she eats healthy food and exercises regularly. Grenfell, however, is a dietician and she hopes Chloe doesn't win. "It would send an appalling--and very dangerous--message to other young women that it's OK to be fat." She adds that Chloe is a terrible role model and says charmingly, "Who on earth does she think she's kidding? What she's demonstrating isn't bravery but a shocking lack of self-control. Instead of flaunting her figure, Chloe ought to own up to the truth. She is fat and she got that way by over-eating." Nice.

Grenfell makes the point that we don't have an anorexia epidemic, we have an obesity epidemic, and that the last thing girls need to hear is that it's okay to be overweight because it puts you at risk for health problems like Type 2 diabetes and heart attacks. Mmm hmm. Well, we could debate that one all day, but there is certainly no consensus among researchers that obesity itself is the cause of the problems. In other words, the real issue is poor eating habits and a lack of physical activity, not the weight itself. And we certainly have a plethora of extremely thin role models for girls right now, role models whose bodies are not a realistic goal for many of the most active, healthy-eating girls in the world.

But beyond that, do girls really need the message that a diversity of shapes and sizes are lovely? You've probably already guessed what I think about that. Hell yes. And while we may not have an anorexia "epidemic" (curse that word) the extremely adverse health effects of eating disorders are well-documented. And by the way, most eating disorder stats only deal with the most obvious examples, while plenty of researchers are discovering that even young girls are using extreme measures to try and get thin, often unsuccessfully, with lord knows what long-term health consequences. I guess that's why I think Monica Grenfell should go f*ck herself for tearing into a brave teenage girl, and while I don't love beauty pageants, I'll be cheering for Chloe.

Weekly Check-Up: Eating Disorders On the Rise In Young Kids

Kelly Mills — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:31:00 GMT

With all the news about the rise in childhood obesity and how we have to do something about it, it's interesting to see coverage of another topic: Increasing numbers of elementary school-aged children may be developing eating disorders. An eating disorder treatment center reported a 300 percent increase in calls for pre-teen patients. Oh, and get this: 80 percent of preteen girls are dieting. WTF? Dieting is linked with an increased liklihood of developing an eating disorder, which makes sense, cuz it's often just a matter of crossing a line a few too many times.

Treatment centers aren't the only ones who are worried: 63 percent of elementary school teachers say they are worried about eating disorders in their classrooms. Oy. And in case you thought maybe kids didn't get the message about how important it is to be thin, 81 percent of ten-year-olds are afraid of getting fat. The adverse health effects of anorexia and bulemia are much clearer than the health effects of being overweight, by the way. Perhaps as we loudly wage a war on an obesity "epidemic," we might want to spend some time looking at what other messages we are sending our kids.

It's Never Too Early To Make Your Kid Feel Fat

Kelly Mills — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 21:31:00 GMT

You know, sometimes I think kids don't get enough messages about the fundamental importance of being thin. Sure, they are bombarded with waifish models and diet ads, and girls as young as six are talking about dieting, and even boys are getting caught up in the body image drama. And yes, eating disorders can have dire health consequences, and many of us have personally struggled with unrealistic expectations of beauty for much of our lives. But I feel like we haven't done enough to target babies. Babies, I hear, are often content with how they look, even to the point of eating fatty milk whenever they want. Gross!

Well, thank goodness someone is finally addressing this and working to send messages about physical insecurity to our sweet little infants. The 5 Resolutions blog alerted us to the fact that Tesco has this shirt for 3-6 month olds, and it reads, "Does my bum look big in this?" Ha. Ha. Ha. Hey, those diapers are not the most ass-flattering of garments. I guess it might be slightly more amusing if our kids didn't already get so much crap about the importance of size.

Maybe we could also get onesies that say "I hate my legs" and "I know I ought to get to the gym if I'm ever going to lose this gut"? Please?

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