Strollerderby : sons

Sisters Better than Brothers? We Have Proof

JeanneSager — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 15:22:00 GMT

Finally, a study proves what sisters everywhere have always known - our brothers are so lucky to have us!

It turns out people who grew up with sisters are more likely to be happy and emotionally settled than anyone else. Those of us stuck with, er, who grew up with, brothers, received a "less positive affect."

Psychologists at the University of Ulster and De Monfort University studied five hundred seventy-one people, ages seventeen to twenty-five to develop their theory. The subjects included people who had only brothers or only sister, people who had both and only children.

The people who had a sister - whether it was just one or many, and regardless of whether they had brothers too - were happier and more ambitious than their counterparts. Overall, those who received the lowest scores on the British psychologists' tests were men who grew up with only brothers!

So why should parents of little girls be thanking their lucky stars?

Researcher Tony Cassidy, of the University of Ulster, told the Daily Mail, "Our explanation for it is that the presence of girls opens up channels of communication and it becomes a much more expressive situation and that's positive. Emotional expression is fundamental to good psychological health and having sisters promotes this in families."

As a big sister who always begged for a little sister, and ended up with a brother instead, I can tell you brothers aren't all that bad. But then again, I don't know what it's like to have a sister, and my daughter is a one and only - so I won't see it happening in my household.

But if you're planning on having more kids, maybe you should be shooting for a girl? Better yet - have two girls, so both get the benefits! And if you throw a boy in there, well, the more the merrier.

Via Jezebel

Image: Amazon

Why It's Not Too Late to Say What You Should Have Said . . .

JeanneSager — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:49:00 GMT

I was not the mom who sat down and wrote out her feelings during her pregnancy in a record book for her child to look back on twenty-one years down the line. Thank God - I was a miserable pregnant woman.

But almost four years on, reading a host of letters from mothers to daughters in the Times of London, I decided maybe it's time. Before the pre-teen hormones set in and my daughter and I are at odds with each other. Before she starts slamming doors and I start debating whether my gray hair is from age or stress.

The letters are not strictly mother to daughter; there's aunt to niece in there, along with memories of advice given by mothers long ago. But it's hard to read them without wanting to write something, anything, that will one day be read and bring the happy sort of tears to my daughter's eyes that these letters written by strangers brought to mine.

Because these are the true keepsakes - not the huge scrapbooks some parents spend hours every week perfecting (more power to you honey, but that's just not me). We all have a letter somewhere, written by someone special at some time - a note from a high school boyfriend in his chicken scratch handwriting, a carefully penned missive from one grandparent to another. They talk about the lost art of handwriting, and it's true - I hardly see e-mails printed out and kept in a closet somewhere. Letters though, they last.

And so, while I hope to be very much alive when my own daughter is twenty-one, I think it's time I write a letter . . . or maybe two or three. In my own chicken scratch. About the girl she is and the girl I know she'll be. The girl I love today and will love even more tomorrow.

Go read the letters at the Times . . . then go write your own.

Image:

Marching on Washington for the Rights of His "Junk"

JeanneSager — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 20:57:00 GMT

Penis protectors unite!

That's right - you read that right. A march on Washington this week was all about the rights of man . . .hood.

In honor of Genital Integrity Awareness Week (yes, you read that right too), a group of fifty protestors made their presence known on the national mall to fight to keep newborn baby boys from having their little foreskins removed. Joining the fray was a guy who mass-produces machines he claims will help circumcised men grow back their foreskins, plus the only guy to ever sue a doctor (and win) for his newborn snippage.

The inactivists (don't dare call them activists - that cuts, man), griped that their numbers were down a little for the sixteenth annual march because of the economy. I'm glad to hear it. Not because I'm an especial fan of circumcision (although, honestly, after reading Kate's post the other day about the proven link to STD reductions, I'm leaning more and more in that direction!). I'm just not sure a march on Washington is really in order in this economic climate to protect foreskins.

Little flaps of flesh. Eensy, weensy bits of weenie wrap.

No matter where you stand on circumcision - pro, anti - would you be marching on Washington about this?

Image: SFGate

Men with Baby Heads

Cole Gamble — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Disturbed yet? Depending on your temperament, these pictures are gonna crack you up or give you bad dreams. Either way, you can’t tear your eyes away

from them. And it all comes from this great new site I found where they switch the heads of grown men and little boys.

The site is called Manbabies.com and the real key to it is how well these images are photo shopped. They’re seamless, and freaky. But they seem limited to just guys and boys. What do you think, should we see some moms and daughters up there too?

More by this author:

10 WORST. BABY. PRODUCTS. EVER! (Part 1)

The 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies Ever

Is Mandy Moore Being a Homophobe or a Normal Daughter?

JeanneSager — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:59:00 GMT

Divorce is ranked as one of the highest stressors on the family unit, so it's no surprise actress Mandy Moore was upset when her parents' marriage broke up. But now internet reports put the blame on Stacy Moore's decision to leave Don Moore for another woman. Does that really change the way a kid is going to feel when her parents separate?

The twenty-four-year-old actress is reportedly threatening to boycott her own brother's wedding if their mother shows (with or without her new girlfriend). A report in the Star says Mandy "always believed that her mom and dad were happy and that her mom was straight. Now she has no idea what to believe and feels as if she’s been lied to her entire life."

Taking this all with a grain of salt (it is the Star after all), I have to admit I feel bad for Mandy. Studies have shown that whether you're four, fourteen or twenty-four, watching the two people who created you fall apart is jarring - at least in the short term. Although researchers have largely discounted the theory that children of divorced families suffer major long term affects, the immediate feelings have been likened to the emotions we deal with when someone dies. Children feel abandoned when their parents divorce. They feel rejected. That their parents may finally be feeling free and happy - for the first time, perhaps, in their whole life - isn't something kids can look at in the short term.

Kids whose parents have been living life as a heterosexual and suddenly come out of the closet often feel that rejection tenfold. They question how long that parent has been aware of his or her sexuality and whether their conception was the result of a sexual relationship that one parent truly hated. They ponder whether they would have been born if their mom or dad followed their projected path from the get go.

I'm not advocating gay parents remain in the closet by any means. They have the same right to be happy as a straight parent who files for divorce. Part of parenting requires putting a piece of yourself before your kids if only to serve as an example for them of how to live. Coming out allows gay parents say to their kids, "I walk the walk, now listen to me when I tell you to be true to yourself."

Is it unfair to expect sons and daughters like Mandy to put gay rights on the table when they're watching their parents' marriage fall apart? Or do her supposed statements make her out to be a homophobe?

Image: PopCrunch.com

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A Mother Stalks Her Young Son’s Crush

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:00:00 GMT

“He did not linger long enough for me to squash him completely into myself….”

The above is not, unfortunately, a sentence from a soft core porn novel. It is an excerpt from a New York Times essay in which a mother describes her obsessive, jealous, and blind love for her nine-year-old son. Thanks to Jezebel for directing me to this gem of a Modern Love piece.

The only thing creepier than the essay’s title—“The Tiny Hand that Robs the Cradle”—is the fact that this tiny hand belongs to a third grader who has a crush on the author’s son. Somebody call a family therapist, stat.

Kate Krautkramer is a teacher at her son Sarvis’ school. When she learns that one of his classmates has scrawled “I ‘heart’ Sarvis” in the bathroom stall, she completely loses her mind. In hopes of discovering the identity of this “little vixen” who was so unforgivably bold as to publicly proclaim an interest in her little boy, the jealous mother turns first to the principal, then to her son’s female classmates, who all “acted innocent in their double braids tied with impossibly pink ribbons.”

With no leads, Krautkramer takes to using the bathroom stall with the Sarvis graffiti every single day. She leans her body against her son’s name and traces the heart with her hand. She comforts herself with the thought that “Graffiti Girl,” as Kautkramer derisively terms her son’s classmate, “didn’t know Sarvis the way I knew Sarvis, no matter what the bathroom wall proclaimed.” But she also torments herself with thoughts of one of Sarvis’s nine-year-old peers “turning her 18-inch hips just so for the very first time, or taking a try at batting her lashes.”

I understand that there is irony at work in this essay. Yet no amount of irony can take away the extreme mortification the author’s son will have to withstand for the rest of his life, now that his mother has publicly confessed not only to having Oedipal urges that would make Freud blush, but also to being clinically insane.

Besides, the irony frequently gives way to disturbingly honest reflection: “I knew it was only an innocent crush, yet I truly lamented that some little girl was pushing my boy into a vaguely sexual consciousness.” Actually, neither Sarvis nor his classmate are displaying any "sexual consciousness." They’re just kids. The mother is the one who sexualizes youth by referring to the girls’ “tiny blue jeans and frilly tops,” and by describing Sarvis’s hair as “brown ringlets” that “hung in heart-stopping whorls down his neck.”

If Kautkramer’s goal is to make sure that her son never marries (or goes on a date), mission accomplished. No girl in her right mind would ever put up with this woman as a mother-in-law.

Photo: New York Times

Father and Daughter Battle Breast Cancer Together

JeanneSager — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:01:00 GMT

Usually the doc wants to know about mom and grandma when they ask for any history of breast cancer in the family. But men can get breast cancer too - a statistic that's rare, but not rare enough for Arnaldo Silva. The 58-year-old New Yorker found a lump in late 2006. A few months later, his daughter got the news that she, too, had breast cancer.

Vanessa Silva and her dad went through masectomies together after a blood test showed he had the breast cancer "gene." That's when Vanessa went for her own tests, which came back positive. They went through chemotherapy together. In late 2007, Vanessa, 32, was finished with treatment and declared "in remission." Her father got similar news in early 2008.

Like most of the nearly 1,800 men diagnosed with breast cancer every year, Arnaldo didn't think he could get breast cancer - because he doesn't have breasts. "That's the way I took it, I have no breasts," he told ABC News. But as one popular 2005 book reminded us, men have nipples . . . and that means they have breasts too.

And as the ABC News doc points out, man boobs have nothing to do with it (although if you have them, we have one solution). "It doesn't matter how skinny you are. It doesn't matter how heavy you are," Dr. Sharon Rosenbaum Smith said. "All men have breast tissue and can develop a breast cancer."

So Dads, it's time to join your partners in feeling yourself up once a month. Do it for your daughters. And your sons.

Image: ABC News

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Students Suspended for Hair Dyed Pink in Honor of School Nurse's Battle with Breast Cancer

Losing Your Hair? Blame Mom . . . and Dad

Saggy Mom Boobs Get a Lift! Carry It Off with the Cleavage Caddy

Should Raising a Feminist Son be The Goal?

Amy Kuras — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:00:00 GMT

If you have a son – and aren’t a raving douchebag yourself – then thinking about how to raise a boy without him being one is something you have been thinking about since you first heard the words "it's a boy."

It seems like there is a lot of information out there about raising strong, independent, feminist girls, but very little about raising boys to respect women, discourage dehumanizing attitudes among their friends and generally be guys who see women as equal to themselves and deserving of the same rights and opportunities (including the right to not be harassed walking down the street, commented on and otherwise judged).

So this post by Annabel about raising a feminist son on Feministing was thought provoking. The comments were interesting as well, with several people saying that trying to encourage her son's sensitivity will get him chewed up and spit out as he gets older, as will allowing him to indulge his love of pink.

I agree with one commenter, though, who said the best thing she can do is talk to him about how to handle it if he does get mocked for wearing a pink sweater to school for example – to give him strategies for feeling different and encourage his self-esteem and self-acceptance.

And I think almost all of the commenters missed the role of fathers here. While I wouldn’t consider my husband a "feminist" man exactly, he respects and values my independence, plays physically with our girl as much as he does with our boy at each age, and just as importantly, shows our son as much affection. You can't raise your children (of any gender) exactly the same, of course, but he comes close.

In many ways, I think that modeling of how not to be a douche, of seeing boys get treated the same way as girls, of responding to your child as an individual versus a gender, is the most important factor in raising compassionate kids. Which I would say is art and parcel of feminism, and more important than "feminism" per se.

Woman held captive for out of wedlock birth is finally free

Brett Singer — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Just when you think you've heard it all…

A 47 year-old woman named Maria Monaco was found locked in a room in a house near Naples, Italy. Her family had kept her there since 1990. Her crime was getting pregnant out of wedlock.

The police were acting on an anonymous tip and found Ms. Monaco "in a confused state and surrounded with filth and excrement she was living in squalor." Her jailers were her siblings, Prisco (brother) and Michelina (sister). They've been arrested by the Caribinieri (Italian paramilitary police force); Monaco's 80 year-old mother has been placed under house arrest.

But what about the kid she gave birth to? Well, he's 17 now, and lives in a nearby town. He reportedly didn't know anything about this. Police are looking for the father, but they aren't releasing his name (the mother's name, they have no trouble telling everyone.) It has been difficult to interview Ms. Monaco because she has been so psychologically damaged by the experience, according to reports.

This is kind of like the case of the Austrian lunatic Josef Fritzl, although he's very clearly a lone sociopath. This is more of a conspiracy amongst family members to keep some family dirt a secret.

image: dailymail

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Denise Richards still trying to prove she's insane

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The Sins of the Mother: Little League edition

Brett Singer — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:57:00 GMT

So what do you think of this: the Freetown Youth Athletic Association in Freetown, Massachusetts has a rule that requires parents to staff the concession stand at Little League baseball games. One mother, Jodie Hooper, didn't show up for her shift. As punishment her seven-year-old son was suspended for two games.

Some Freetown residents cried foul, saying the punishment was excessive and misplaced.

I'm all for parental involvement in children's activities, but when you require participation, there has to be some wiggle room. The article doesn't say what the circumstances were that led to Foster not showing up for her shift in snacky goodness, but maybe give her a chance to explain before punishing the kid? And how do you explain to a seven year old that he can't play baseball because of something his mother did, something that he has no control over?

image: mentalfloss.com, doctored by me

Rapper Remy Ma(ma) going to jail

Brett Singer — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Rapper Remy Ma (née Reminisce Smith, Remy Martin) was sentenced to 8 years in jail on Wednesday for shooting Makeda Barnes Joseph in "a dispute over money." The judge in the case, Rena Uviller, told Remy that she was, "a young woman whose anger is out of control."

Her fiancée, Papoose (I thought that was a girl's name -- dude, I'm just kidding, don't kick my ass) gallantly offered to take her place, screaming, "Lock me up! Lock me up!" before being removed from the courthouse. (He also shouted, "All you want is money!" at the victim; that part wasn't all that gallant.) Apparently Papoose also showed up to see Remy the other day and brought a handcuff key with him, which caused correction officials to cancel their planned wedding at Riker's Island this weekend. If nothing else, nobody can accuse them of being dull.

Why mention this here? Because when the case was over, Remy pleaded for a lighter sentence, citing her difficult childhood -- and her 7-year-old son.

The maximum sentence was 25 years; she got 8. The judge didn't really take her mom-ness into account. However, if what television has taught me about the legal system is correct, she could be out in 3 years with good behavior.

So the question is: should being a mom factor into the length of a jail term? I mean, we're talking about a shooting. (I'm assuming that the verdict is accurate; I wasn't actually there.) Some of Remy's fans seem to believe that race played a factor in the case, but, like, she shot someone. Did I mention that?

Anyway, should the fact that someone has a child matter be considered with regard to their sentencing if they commit a crime?

image: amny.com

June Cleaver Can Bite Me

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Those of you who had lovely and supportive relationships with you parents should just skip ahead to the next post. One will be along in a second. However, those who found that life at their childhood home resembled a Hieronymous Bosch painting rather than a Norman Rockwell might find this next piece of information helpful.

Psychology Today recently ran a feature on Handling the Problem Parent. The advice is useful and timely, given that Mother's Day is just around the corner. Besides, hating on Mother's Day has become an unofficial holiday here at Strollerderby. If you find your relationship with your ma as fraught as I find my relationship with mine, you should read this piece with extra special care.

In short, the advice mostly boils down to not taking any guff from your parents that you wouldn't take from one of your children. Or, you could just do what I do, which is quell the emotional turmoil with quiche and mimosas for just one day. We all make choices.

Image credit: www.best-norman-rockwell-art.com

Helicopter Parents Most Likely to be Mothers

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 16:52:00 GMT

Helicopter parents are most likely to be mothers over-protecting sons, according to a new study. Hyper-vigilant parenting also crosses ethnic and racial lines as well as socioeconomic classes. Helicoptering is apparently an equal opportunity affliction.

The study, conducted at the University of Texas-Austin addresses patterns of parental over-involvement that extended well into kid's college years. Of course, hyper-involvement is in the eye of the beholder. For some parents, protecting their kids (at whatever age) is not something to be overdone.

Nevertheless, it is established that over-protectiveness can cause stress for kids and adults and just isn't much fun for anyone at all. On the other hand, neglect seems far worse.

Strollerderby : sons

Sisters Better than Brothers? We Have Proof

Not Another Tween Beauty Crisis

Marching on Washington for the Rights of His "Junk"

Pregnant With Twins? Skip the Amnio

School Assignment Forces Kids to Buy Birth Control

Why It's Not Too Late to Say What You Should Have Said . . .

Babble Talk: Why Preschool is NOT a Scam

When a Trusted Pediatrician Loses His License

Back to the Third Grade for This 71-Year-Old

Mamas Don't Let Your Kids Grow Up to Drink and Party

Marching on Washington for the Rights of His "Junk"

Foster Parents TOO Special for More Kids

What You Look Like After Triplets

Roll Your Kids Over to the White House for Easter

Men with Baby Heads

10 WORST. BABY. PRODUCTS. EVER! (Part 1)

Is Mandy Moore Being a Homophobe or a Normal Daughter?

A Mother Stalks Her Young Son’s Crush

Father and Daughter Battle Breast Cancer Together

Should Raising a Feminist Son be The Goal?

Woman held captive for out of wedlock birth is finally free

Monster dad's daughter is awakened from coma

Cellar Dad Update: Dungeon Kids Only Speak In Grunts and Gurgles

Denise Richards still trying to prove she's insane

Another Child Dies Due to Faith Healing

Admitting a Pregnancy Wasn't Planned

The Sins of the Mother: Little League edition

Rapper Remy Ma(ma) going to jail

June Cleaver Can Bite Me

Helicopter Parents Most Likely to be Mothers