Strollerderby : spouse

They Say: Kids Might Not Doom a Marriage

JeanneSager — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 22:02:00 GMT

Good news parents! A new study says the old studies that blamed our marital discord on our decision to have kids were one parent hooey, one part truth.

In other words - twenty-five separate studies that said the quality of marriage drops significantly after "baby makes three," were too vague. They lumped us all together.

The hooey? University of California at Berkeley researchers Philip and Carolyn Cowan, will soon make a presentation to the Council on Contemporary Families asserting that never before did researchers account for the parents who had an accidental pregnancy or who had disagreed before conception about whether both spouses actually wanted children.

Think about it. If one parent wants kids and the other doesn't, shouldn't it stand to reason that the arrival of said kid is going to make one spouse unhappy? And one unhappy spouse generally makes for an unhappy marriage. Say the Cowans, "couples who planned or equally welcomed the conception were likely to maintain or even increase their marital satisfaction after the child was born."

The problem with most studies are the broad, sweeping generalizations, and parenting studies are no different. A rock-solid marriage will likely struggle after the birth of a child - parents are sleepless, therefore parents are stressed. Throw in say a sick child or a job loss (we have a lot of those these days), and who knows what might happen. But is that the fault of having kids? No. It might be kid-related, but not the fault of the decision to procreate or adopt.

In my personal experience, I know parents who had the "oops pregnancy" and rushed to get married who have now found the marriage is on the rocks. I also know a couple who were divorced within two years of their son's birth because they had an oops pregnancy during marriage - and he wasn't crazy about it. But my colleagues here on the 'derby say they know couples who were fine . . . until they had the second child. That's when life went haywire and the divorce man cometh.

So what to do, what to do? In her New York Times op-ed on the subject, Stephanie Coontz refers to psychologist Joshua Coleman suggestion: the airline warning to put on your own oxygen mask before you place one on your child also holds true for marriage.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Image: ThePetitionSite

Two Years, Six Months, and 25 Days Before the Romance Dies

Kelly Mills — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:31:00 GMT

You were wondering when your marriage would all go to hell? There's this study saying the average lifespan of the "honeymoon" phase is two years, six months, and 25 days. Oooh, everyone set your calendar with a reminder. "I know there's something happening this weekend, what was it? Oh yeah, that's the day our marriage will become drudgery and crap."

But what exactly marks the end of the sweet love? It sounds like the researchers define this as effort. They say on average, this is the time when most guys start leaving socks on the floor and the toilet seat lid up, and the women stop wearing make-up and climb into sweats instead. Romantic dinners are a thing of the past, and the third anniversary isn't even celebrated. Oh, and you hardly (sniff) cuddle any more.

You know, the whole thing sounds a kinda stereotyical and lame to me. Marking marital closeness by female appearance effort and male hygiene effort... Eesh. Not surprisingly, this study was detailed in the Daily Mail. But anyway, I have a solution: Don't get married. Just live together, and you can completely avoid the whoooole thing.

Five-Year-Old Catches STD From Dad's Towel?

JeanneSager — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:58:00 GMT

Reasons you shouldn't sleep with a prostitute. A. Your wife will hate you. B. Your name will be all over town for getting caught with a hooker. C. You might catch something and pass it on to your kid.

For one Australia Dad, the answer is all of the above. His then 5-year-old daughter was removed from the family home in 2006 when she was diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease. He admitted to consorting with a prostitute in Bali, but said he never touched his daughter inappropriately. The dad claims she contracted the disease by using the same towel.

As improbable as it sounds (and it did to the first court who heard the case), a judge has sent the little girl back to her parents - including a mom who is a "less than enthusiastic supporter" of her husband (see above - answer A). Judge Jonathan Williams says there isn't enough evidence the girl was actually abused. He believes the father.

That a judge would put a child back in the home of a suspected molester without being 100 percent certain is creepy enough. But so is the fact that a number of STDs could easily be passed to a child - even, according to reputable health sources, by a shared towel.

~~Public~~ Pubic lice (that's the real name for crabs, folks), can be transferred by sharing a bed with someone (and who hasn't slept with their child in the bed at one point or another) or that shared towel. The same goes for scabies. And oral herpes, it turns out, can be transmitted, well, orally. So next time you have a cold sore, you might want to refrain from showing off how good those pureed pears are by licking their spoon.

Image: Superior Water

They Say: Dads Cheat, but Not for Sex

Strollerderby : spouse

They Say: Kids Might Not Doom a Marriage

Protect Children: Prohibit Divorce

Four Reasons Big Families Might Have it Better in This Economy

Is the Sitter Just There to Watch the Kids?

Does a Baby Fit Your Budget?

Kinder Language, Kinder Divorce?

Two Years, Six Months, and 25 Days Before the Romance Dies

Five-Year-Old Catches STD From Dad's Towel?