Strollerderby : stupid people

No, the Vagina Doesn't 'Heal Up and Close' from Disuse

JeanneSager — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 14:31:00 GMT

I know what it's like to feel like your vagina is broken. It's called natural childbirth people. But I don't think even women who feel like they tore from stem to stern during the big push would refer to their va-ja-jay as an open wound.

Come to think of it, after childbirth, that place isn't open for much business for awhile. Period. Still, the Yahoo Answers idiot question of the week award goes to the poster who asked "If a vagina isn't used can it heal up and close?"

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Not only do our lady parts tend to lose their elasticity as the years pass (and children pass through them), but they are never to be referred to as a hole in need of healing. A hole in need of TLC sometimes, yes. But that answer is not for Babble version of the Nerve Media family (if you catch my drift).

My favorite "answer" was from the husband who says they can. His source? His wife. Dude, there might be a reason for that. My second favorite answer: "you didn't use it as a baby, and it didn't close." She's right, but let me tell you, that just put my mother heart a pitter pattering, knowing my daughter's cha cha is safe from being "naturally mended" as she retains her pristine childhood.

I'd ask if people are really this stupid, but unfortunately, I already know the answer. Yahoo didn't have to tell me.

Image: Brightcove

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Babble Ethics: Confronting Racists with Kids

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 11:31:00 GMT

So let's say you're out antiquing with your child and you wander down an aisle only the hear a man yapping on a cell phone. You're already kind of annoyed by the guy because he's talking with the volume of a jackhammer in a library.

But it gets worse.

"Dude," he says into the phone, as you shuffle by with your child in your arms, "You've got to hire me a couple mexicans to help move this thing. Uh huh. Uh huh. Everyone needs a good beaner now and then."

Excuse me?

What hillbilly century do you live in, moron? This is acceptable talk to you in public places?

It's one thing to think you'll always stand up for what's right, especially in front of your kids, but it's another thing altogether to feel their weight in your arms and worry about their safety if you do something like confront a total stranger who clearly lacks a brain. And yet, saying nothing gives the impression that this kind of imbecility is A-OK for public discourse.

So here's my question: Do you say anything to him? And if so, what?

Setting the Bar Low: No Armed Robbery

Amy Kuras — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 18:19:00 GMT

I've been having a difficult parenting time lately – between teething in the baby and an advanced case of Three in the older child, there's been yelling and impatience and flat out tantrums on both ends. But at least I'm not this woman.

Police say that a Milwaukee woman celebrated her 37th birthday by knocking over a couple gas stations with her 17-year-old son. According to police, he robbed, she drove. Even better, her 14-and10-year old sons and 13-month-old daughter were along for the ride. Allegedly.

According to the police report, the woman's son robbed a gas station in Milwaukee and then less than an hour later, police in suburban Greenfield southwest of Milwaukee received a 911 call just before 8 pm last Tuesday from a Speedway gas station. They stopped the car about a mile away. The son ran and was caught by police. All three of the other kids stayed in the car.

Mom and son (who was apparently visiting from Chicago to celebrate his mom's birthday) were arrested. The other three kids were in the custody of Wisconsin's Department of Children and Family Services.

Lovely.

Who Knew? Binky-Taping a Bad Idea

Amy Kuras — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:30:00 GMT

I must admit I briefly and un-seriously considered this, given that my son is an Olympic-level binky spitter: Two young parents in Michigan are possibly facing child abuse or neglect charges after a state trooper pulled them over and found their 4-week old baby (gender not given) with a pacifier taped to its face.

Unsurprisingly, the baby was also not secured in a car seat – it was just lying on the rear seat of the vehicle. And if they were stopped on the interstate, it's likely they were speeding.

The parents, who are 18 and 19 years old, were released pending charges. The grandparents currently have custody of the child. And they were lucky the trooper pulled them over when they did – a 4-month-old baby in suburban Seattle died last year when his 19-year-old mom taped a binky to his face.

I understand the frustration, I really do, since I spend untold minutes each day scooping my son's binky off the floor where he pitched it, rinsing it off, and replacing it, and I always have to have a couple of backups if we're out in the big germy world. But, seriously, do teen parents need to be told that not only does a baby need to stay in a car seat, but perhaps a one of those little pacifier tethers is a better solution?

Proof again that the ability to reproduce does not make you 1) a good parent or 2) possessed of common sense.

Childbirth Smackdown: Unnatural Is Better for All

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 13:20:00 GMT

Oh precious, sweet childbirth ... The screaming. The constant whining. The incessant, "I'm going to kill you" and "why did you do this to me?" Hell-loh moms -- you're not the only people going through this magical, mysterious moment of fluid excretion. So stop being so selfish, think of the dads for a moment and take. some. dope.

Now as much as Bill might hate to admit it, we are, in fact, a nation that's not doped up enough -- especially when it comes to childbirth. He says nearly 90 percent of women have an epidural during childbirth, and I say that's 10 percent too few. Let's try to reach the 100 percent mark, shall we.

"But I want it to be natural," you say. Please, there's nothing natural about two shifts of nurses sticking tubes up your yahoo while your mother-in-law pipes in from the corner with "Nicely groomed!" Who wouldn't want drugs during this special moment of familial bonding?

Mostly, however, all that carrying on is really uncomfortable for others in the labor room. Frankly, these things take awhile, and it'd be nice to catch a little shut eye at three in the morning instead of listening to constant, disbelieving rants along the lines of: "What? It's only three centimeters? Three!" or "Drop! Drop damn you drop!" Come on, it can't be that painful. And if it is -- if, I say, if -- I say hack the back and get some sleep. Really, it's better for everyone involved.

Hide-And-Seek Turns Deadly

Madeline Holler — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 18:32:00 GMT

I may lean a little more toward gun-control laws and a little away from the NRA, but mostly I'm into common sense when it comes to using guns. Shouldn't it go without saying that you don't just fire your automatic weapon into furniture ever, ever, ever?

An 11-year-old boy in Florida was killed during a game of hide-and-seek after his neighbor unwittingly fired his semiautomatic weapon into the abandoned sofa the boy was hiding behind. He was shot several times including once in the head. The gunman fled when he realized what had happened, but has since turned himself in.

You know, no wonder kids never play outside and their parents don't let them. What a waste.