Strollerderby : tantrums

Terrible Twos... or Terrific Twos?

editors — Fri, 01 May 2009 13:04:00 GMT

Today on Babble:

"Terrific Twos"

by Ondine Galsworth.

I was dreading this age. But my toddler is the opposite of "terrible."

Read it here.

What They're Babbling About: Me Want COOKIE

JeanneSager — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 16:26:00 GMT

Totally random things I've picked up on in this week's edition of What They're Babbling About - from cookies to rats (ew, I know) to an awesomely messy bathtub project.

Jessica Gottleib trims the fat off the Girl Scout story - and still I yearn for a Thin Mint - Eco Child's Play

I know they have to start small, but somehow studies of rats that prove something about parenting always give me the willies. Bethany Sanders does her very best to make this one soft and cuddly. - Parent Dish

I am always going on about how un-Martha I am, which is why I troll the 'net for Marthas in the making who make me look good. Like this mom, who makes her very own bathttub crayons and shares her know-how with all of you. This is what we call recession Martha (or is it prison Martha?) - Pepper Paints

Do you believe in the "potty training in three days" method? This mom tried it, and it worked . . . sort of. - MOMformation

How about sending a kid to a shrink for their tantrums? There are some days I'd call for one for me, but a kid. . . - CafeMom

Image: Pepper Paints

What They're Babbling About: Pregnancy, the Good, the Bad and the Newly Born

Teaching Kids the Right and Wrong Way to Cry

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

Like many people my age, I grew up listening to Rosey Grier tell me it was all right to cry. “Crying gets the sad out of you. It’s all right to cry. It might make you feel better,” the football star crooned into my mother’s living room countless times.

Well, as much as I still love Free to Be...You and Me, new research suggests that crying might not actually make you feel better. Common wisdom has long held that “having a good cry” provides a soothing sense of release. But now psychologists are arguing that this belief is, in part, a self-fulfilling prophecy: because people believe crying is good for them, they tend to report positive effects from emotional breakdowns. In fact, as a review paper in Current Directions in Psychological Science argues, crying may be detrimental for some people, leading to more confusion and sadness. Turns out, there’s a "right" way and a "wrong" to cry.

Not surprisingly, the ability to cry in the right or wrong way as an adult has much to do with—you guessed it—how you were raised. (This would be a good time to remind yourself of Jon Stewart’s parenting words of wisdom: “it’s a chance to ruin somebody from scratch.”)

Some therapists believe that children whose parents react attentively and lovingly to their crying find tearful episodes more cathartic later in life. Kids whose tears are scolded or ignored are less likely to find crying soothing as adults; instead of seeking comfort or outside assistance in regulating emotions, they tend to cry as a protest to others. Since “Fix it!” is an impossible request when it comes to grief, this kind of crying only leaves people feeling more bereft.

So, Rosey Grier, looks like you were on to something after all….

Photo: current.com

Jon Stewart on Dashing His Children's Hopes

Babble Talk: When They Don't Want to Go

JeanneSager — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 22:32:00 GMT

To the parent who has yet to deal with a screaming tot who doesn't want to leave the park, playground, toy store . . . just about anywhere . . . invest in earplugs. You're going to need them.

Then again, you might want to save your money for ice cream.

We seem to have a lot of aunties weighing in on Kids Say the Cutest Things lately, and thank goodness for little Kiana that her mom has a sister. The four-year-old apparently announced "Mom, you're ruining my life," when forced to leave the park. Her aunt thought it was hilarious (oh, come on, we would too - provided it wasn't our kid), and Kiana ended up with an ice cream treat from auntie.

Some days, I'd kill to be the auntie.

When my kids throws a fit - you know, like her recent screams of "help" as we were leaving the county government center (where a sheriff's deputy, fortunately, DID laugh instead of rushing to the aid of the toddler in need) - I'd like to step outside of myself for just a moment and think. Yeah, she's funny - let's go get ice cream.

I'll probably be ready about the time she won't be caught dead eating ice cream with her mother.

Kids Say The Cutest Things: Tuesday

Obama Adds Kids Concert to Inaugural Lineup

Review: Yo Gabba Gabba! Cuts an Album

Nature Lovers Also Annoyed About Children's Dictionary

Six Steps to a Parent-Friendly Wedding

Miriam Axel-Lute — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Kids and weddings—depending who you ask it’s a match made in heaven or a disaster in the offing. There are plenty of people out there who will happily give you tips about a "kid-friendly" wedding, making them feel special and valued with their own, less-stuffy invitations and special roles to play.

But what about their parents? As cute as they are, it’s not so much the babies that form the core of your invite list, right? It’s your own nearest and dearest, your siblings and cousins and family of choice, the people who remember you in your prom dress, take the late-night phone calls, and made sure you didn’t make the mistake of your life and marry that other guy/gal.

They want to come to your wedding, even if they’ve recently spawned and become that alien creature known as a “parent.” Here’s how to make them feel welcome:

(1)   Make it clear if the kids are invited—and to how much. Wedding invitation etiquette is complicated and subtle. Don’t assume that your parent friends have the brain to retain it all, or that they remember that they don’t now form a completely inseparable family unit with their kids. Spell it out: Either put the kids’ names on the invite or say “children welcome.” Or, if any part of your event is adults only, spell that out too. Whatever you do, don’t make anyone ask. Bonus points: Give a heads-up about “adult only” ceremonies and/or receptions at the save-the-date stage, especially for out-of-town invitees.

(2)   Offer child care—but make it optional. One of the major reasons the debate about children at weddings is eternal is that kids (and parents) are (news flash!) different. Some kids will be excited to see the ceremony, sit quietly watching or nursing or coloring, and generally be a better guest than your half-deaf uncle who provides audible running commentary about your weird religion from the fourth row. On the other hand, some will be miserable, cranky, and noisy. By offering the option of child care, you can give some parents the precious ability to be present at your ceremony without distractions without making others feel like they have to say no to their kid who’s all excited to see the pageantry or blow bubbles at you as you leave.

(3)   Know thyself. Kids in a wedding can be a great thing. But if you’re going to go to pieces if everything isn’t just so, don’t give young kids roles in your ceremony. Just don’t. Also seat parents of the under-5 crowd on the edge of the reception hall, near the exit. (This isn’t rude. No parent loves walking the gauntlet with a meltdown in progress.) If you want a parent to play a central role in your day, talk to him or her beforehand about naptimes, child care, etc. In other words, if you expect your maid of honor’s undivided attention for two hours before the organ starts to play or your brother to give a toast at a late-night reception, make sure they know it, and find out how realistic it is.

(4)   Look for a location with a playground or other child attraction. Face it: weddings, when you count the reception in, are long. Even the best-behaved child needs to let off a little steam in there. Luckily, this doesn’t require you to hold your wedding in a kiddie fun park. If you’re renting a house of worship, talk about having access to the nursery or RE room and/or the outdoor play area. If you’re doing a weekend wedding, look for resorts or camps that have a playground (though copious outdoors is generally enough). Hotels are more tricky, but many larger ones will have something available if you ask. If not, you can rent an extra conference room for child care and stock it with toys old, new, borrowed, and blue. Or just take my cousin’s approach, and put board games out at the reception itself.

(5)   Accommodate the stuff. For weekend-long weddings especially, but even for the shorter kind, parents tend to pack for weddings as for a vacation. Far from fitting everything they need into a clutch purse and a tuxedo pocket, they arrive laden with diaper bags, sippy cups, tote bags of favorite stories and stuffed animals, and insulated lunch bags filled with bottles/allergen-free foods/the only three foods the two-year-old will eat. An easily accessible coat rack, coat check, or other corner where it’s acceptable for them to lay down their load is a huge relief. Bonus: For weekends, especially, see if you can arrange refrigerator access.

(6)   Keep bedtime in mind. No, no, no. I don’t mean you can’t party nice and late. But remember: if you are having an evening wedding and guests are relying on you for dinner afterwards, allowing serving time to creep to 9 pm and later means many parents are going to have to choose between overtired tantrums (not something you want either) or not getting to eat. Or at least not getting to eat cake. And it sucks to miss the cake, you know?

Wedding planning is a balancing act worthy of the Karamazov brothers. But throwing parents’ needs into the mix early will earn you gratitude from your friends and family—and probably a wedding populated by happier kids too, a blessing worth a little planning.

Photo by anthrovik.

More by this author:

Warning! Warning! The Today Show's Tantrum Checklist

SunnyChanel — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 19:33:00 GMT

I’m sorry, but if you have a toddler and you can’t identify a tantrum, than you have a much bigger issue than just a screaming, crying child on your hands. But if you just happen to be that clueless on whether or not your offspring is having a breakdown, the Today Show has provided you with a handy dandy check list. Print it out. Put it in your pocket. Reference when you need it.

Flushed Cheeks – Check.
Pounding Heart – Check.
Louder Voice – Check.
Clenched Hands – Check.
Grinding Teeth – Check.
Rapid Breathing – Check.
Body Vibrates – Check.
Drier Mouth – Check.

If you checked all or most of these, than color yourself in the midst of witnessing a tantrum. But as the commentors on Jezebel suggested, couldn’t the same list be used to describe a child in the middle of a seizure? Tantrums and seizures are both traumatic. Let’s hope you all, regardless of the above list, you as their parent can tell the difference.

Via Jezebel

Don't Make Me Angry. You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry

Amy Kuras — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 20:31:00 GMT

One of the things we parents don’t like to talk about is anger. Not exasperation, not irritation, but full-scale yelling, door-slamming, foot-stomping fury. We feel it, and our kids do too. Let's say it's been on the Top 10 Most Frequently Felt Emotions in my parenting life lately (revenge peeing! Giggling refusal when told to do something! Biting me!) for both me and my older kid.

When this article popped up in my Google Alerts, I got interested. It's a bunch of tips to use to help kids manage anger – and a few of them could just work for us parent types as well.

For example, it counsels to let kids use feet (stomping) and hands (hitting a pillow) when they are angry. As somebody who needs to make noise when I am mad, I totally get that –and my daughter is someone who expresses herself physically, so giving her safe outlets that won't hurt anyone is important.

It also talks about way to help kids use words or pictures to express their anger. )Which reminds me – several times recently, I have busted out with one of the parenting things I never thought I would say, namely "use your words and tell me what's wrong" when my frustrated little kid falls apart into a shrieking mess. Others on this hit list include "Because I am the mom" and "Stop that or I'll make you stop.")

Face it – unless you're a robot or raising one, you'll get angry sometimes and so will they. But learning to manage anger in an appropriate way is one of the best gifts you can give your kids.

5 Tried and True Excuses For A Toddler's Tantrum

SunnyChanel — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:47:00 GMT

A toddler having a tantrum is bad enough but when that’s paired with the “public humiliation” of having to deal with a uncontrollable melt down in public, well that just sucks, big time (check out Redsy’s Post Top 10 Worst Places for your Child's Trantrum here).

I feel compassion for those poor innocent bystanders, having to witness your child’s breakdown, even though they are staring, glaring and judging. When they give you a look like the evil “how dare you breed” stare or the sympathetic “I’ve so been there” sigh, many of us feel compelled to share with these strangers why our offspring is freaking out.

Here are 5 excuses you can feel free to use when the toddler poop hits the public fan. They’re strangers so they don’t need to know if it’s true or not.

1.    “They didn’t nap”. This is one of the number one reasons why, in my experience, the toddler freak out occurs. Some kids, when they skip that afternoon shut eye, just become children possessed. This one only works in the afternoon. If you use this at say ten a.m. then you’ll really get an odd stare, but you can always switch it to “They didn’t sleep well” for the early in the day tantrums.

2.    “Someone gave them some candy”. The sugar rush and immediate and eminent crash is classic toddler freak out land. It’s best to blame “the giving of the sugar” on someone else so you can keep your parental halo sparkly clean.

3.    “They have a cold”. Everyone can relate to not feeling good and having to go out and deal with the world. You do run the risk of people judging you for taking your cootie laden kid out and about but it does have the added bonus of keeping them away from you and yours.

4.    “They’re two”. The “terrible two’s” are famous for being a trying time for all little humans. Sometimes just rolling your eyes and saying “terrible twos” is enough...even when they're not two, they can just be "big for their age".

5. “They’re Not Mine”. Just pretend your just doing a little babysitting and this crazy possessed screaming child is no relation to you. Then say “they just need their mommy”. If your kid is the spitting image of you then, well you’re kinda screwed. But you add that “they’re my niece or nephew”. This one is tricky since you can only say this to someone you probably won’t ever see again, otherwise you run the risk of being labeled crazy and possessed yourself.

4 More Worst Places for Your Child's Tantrum

SunnyChanel — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 05:03:00 GMT

My state of being right now? Pure exhaustion. Why? ‘Cos I had a tantrum laden toddler to wrangle today. When I got home from, let’s just call it “hell”, I checked my email and the newest Babble headlines (‘cos that’s what all the cool kids do…) and saw Redsey’s piece Top 10 Worst Places for Your Child’s Tantrum. And I have a just a couple to add that I managed to experience first hand, all today, in one fun filled afternoon (that’s what I get for going to the Sing Along With Ariel event in lieu of naptime).

1.   Hardware Store – Yeah, not the place to have a kid in the first place, but when you need a new Philips Head Screwdriver, you just need a new Philips Head Screwdriver, Sometimes you just have to throw caution in the wind and go for it. But when there are sharp screws, swallow-able bolts and hedge clippers, all at kid level and s-h-i-n-y, well you realize that although your house may be baby-proofed, the whole world ain’t. Try wrestling with a wiggly one while looking for your item and not letting them mortally wound themselves.

After the hardware store ordeal, where I opted just to whisk the hellion out of there before it got worst (sans Philips Head Screwdriver), it was time to head home which led us to:

2.   Crowded Subway Train – Confined space, lack of air, and a very touchy feely toddler all add up to a claustrophobic, chaotic and crazy crazy times. And don’t forget the dirty looks aplenty. Good thing fifty percent of the riders listen to Ipods.

After getting the kid out of the station and into the great outdoors (or what I like to call, the street) we hit the number three.

3.   An Intersection – After trying to rationalize with a wee one that the train is not a “ride” and is actually just a mode of transportation, this temperamental toddler decided that the middle of a busy crosswalk was a superb place to turn her body into a lead weight and throw herself down in the middle of the street. Dirty and dangerous, really not a good place for a melt down.

4.   The Library. This one actually that didn’t happen today, but it was a real close call. Thankfully I was able to assuage her pleading to go to the branch right across the street from said intersection with bribery of a treat when we got home. Had I not done that, well we would have witnessed some really unhappy readers, perhaps a torn book or two and possiblity of having our cards revoked. I was glad to only be able to add three to the list instead of four, but it was close. There's always tomorrow.

Check out Redsey great post here and add your own 2 cents in her comments section...

10 (Unscientific) Signs You Might Have a Temperamental Child

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 01:09:00 GMT

When my daughter was 3, she used to throw such monumentally outrageous tantrums we dubbed them "wild animal fits" and on the advice of Brazelton, we put her in a safe room, told her we loved her and then held the door closed until the storm passed. Sometimes this would take an hour.

"She'll outgrow it" assured various doctors and family members. She is now 6 1/2 and while the tantrums happen less frequently, she is still a very highly strung child, prone to throwing fits when she doesn't get her way. She has an identical twin sister and a younger sister who are blessed with more easy-going personalities, which is either hopeful or distressing, depending on the day. If she was just born this way, what can be done?

Here are 10 signs which indicate that this isn't just a phase, more a matter of natural temperament:

1. Slamming doors at a young age - a bad preview of teen years

2. Lack of resilience - the slightest thing will set her off

3. Frequent tears - regardless of the day, there are usually several long crying jags

4. Easily slighted - if other kids do anything perceived as leaving her out, she comes unglued

5. Easy mark - related to the above, she's a desirable target for other kids because for very little teasing investment they can get a huge reaction

6. Lack of emotional control - where other kids her age seem to be able to hold themselves together, she loses is completely at the slightest provocation

7. Very sensitive - of course this is also a gift. She is highly attuned to other people, particularly if she perceives that they need help. She is very sensitive to loud noises, temperature changes, and bright light.

8. Nervous - She is very nervous at night, despite sharing a bed with her twin sister.

9. Easily disrupted - She has very excellent concentration for her age and loves to work on projects undisturbed. If she does get bothered, she loses it.

10. Sweet girl - When she is happy, it's like the sun lights up her face and the entire household can't help but smile.

Anyone else out there have temperamental children?

The Importance of an Exit Strategy

Adrienne Martini — Wed, 21 May 2008 15:30:00 GMT

One of the most frustrating dilemmas I've faced as a parent isn't the age-old snag of getting your kids to pick up their crap. While I do get all worked up over kid stuff tossed all over the place, the parenting challenge that really churns my butter is less specific. What gets me are those moments when I feel truly helpless in the face of certain behaviors, like my kids not picking up their crap.. Usually, I resort to yelling.

Screaming (with or without obscenities) doesn't do a lick of good, mind you. The Huffington Post's Gretchen Rubin feels my pain and writes about her own strategy, which she borrowed from a self-help writer. I use the 3-2-1 strategy myself, without ever knowing that it had a name and isn't simply what my used to do with me.

Fancy-pants label or no, Rubin's column hits on one of those fundamental truisms of kids: what works for one probably won't work for all.

No Hitting On April 30 (for Canadians, Anyway)

Amy Kuras — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 20:31:00 GMT

How I love Canada. Living across the river from such a progressive nation, it brings into sharp contrast the ways in which our two nations differ and ours often comes out on the losing end (ONE YEAR partially-paid maternity leave, people).

Here's another check in the "Canada is awesome" column: the Canadian Red Cross is designating April 30 as No Hitting Day as a way to teach parents the harmful consequences of using physical discipline on their children and to promote alternatives to hitting.

More then 70 percent of assault injuries against children are the result of physical discipline that escalated, according to the Red Cross. Many parents don’t especially want to hit, but lack role models or training about disciplining in other ways.

One of the things I like about this is that it doesn’t deny the need to discipline children. Much anti-spanking rhetoric is eye-rollingly simplistic, written by people who it appear have never met a child, or at least never stared down a hugely willful three-year-old.

The Red Cross's advice mostly speaks to controlling your temper. Some of the suggestions are to put it mildly NOT HELPFUL when said willful three year old is running laps around the preschool classroom giggling at your frantic attempts to get her to put her damn coat on and leave, say, as a completely and utterly hypothetical example I just made up clean out of my head. Others, though, are – like making yourself go to the other side of the room or another area in the house if you feel yourself about to snap.

If there's a parent out there who hasn’t at least once felt the urge to spank – well, you’re ridiculously highly evolved and likely a huge bore at arties. For the rest of us, though, committing to learning better methods will help both our kids and ourselves.

Stop The Tantrum. Now. Stoppit!

Karen Murphy — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 21:32:00 GMT

The red face. The arched back. The ear-piercing scream. The limp-as-a-noodle body that drops into a puddle on the floor when you try to pick it up. The Tantrum.

We're all pretty familiar with the telltale tantrum signs, but how do you tell the difference between a normal developmental stage and when tantrums signify a potential real psychological problem? (For a sure-fire method to stop them, see after the jump)

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have dared to have a tantrum when I was a kid. I think overall we're more permissive than our parents were and less conclusively stringent about setting and enforcing rules, and this leaves the door open for more complete expression from our two-year-olds. The two-year-olds of the past (us) just didn't have room to fully express how we felt about our daily frustrations, or we were more ignored. Parents now tend to want their kids to be happy and strive to manage things, but this is one area where a little benign neglect probably wouldn't hurt. Even though it's tough watching your kid repeatedly hit his head on the floor (that one I put a stop to, but you get the idea).

But according to experts, tantrums that last more than 25 minutes, or 10-20 tantrums a day over a 30-day period, or tantrums that consistently result in violence to self or others, could signify a deeper problem than just a developmental stage or difficulty managing emotions.

Hello? 20 tantrums a day?? If this is your house, first let me offer you a hug of condolence, then a set of earplugs, and then a suggestion that it's not about what you're doing or not doing. Maybe your kid needs something more and the experts suggest consulting your pediatrician.

Oh, that sure-fire method for stopping tantrums cold? Sit on your kid.

Photo: parenting.kaboose.com

Classes Don't Stem The Tantrum Tide

Amy Kuras — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 19:46:00 GMT

Hah! I knew it!!

According to this study, published in the British Medical Journal, parenting classes actually don't do a whole lot to improve the behavior of toddlers.

Researchers enrolled 300 mothers and their eight-month old babies in the Melbourne area into a parenting class.

Unlike earlier studies, this one studied families across the income spectrum instead of just focusing on poorer, higher-risk families. Harriet Hiscock and her team of researchers at the Centre for Community Child Health in Parkville, Australia, compared the test group with another set of mothers and kids who did not receive any special counseling over an 18 month period.

Mothers who received the training were somewhat less abusive and developed more realistic expectations of how quickly their children would progress, but there was no significant difference in the level of behavior problems in the children, or in the mental health of the mothers.

Whoo! There are all kids of gloom and doom stats about how behavior issues early in life can lead kids to become depressed, struggle in school and all sorts of other horrible things. When you've got a kid whose behavior can leave something to be desired, it's hard to walk the line between overcorrecting and saying "screw it." So it's good to know that spending many hours and lots of cash on a parenting class wouldn't be that much more effective than anything else we might try. I'm half convinced toddlers are just plain feral anyway.

Kids Shuffle Down the Campaign Trail

Madeline Holler — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 13:34:00 GMT

Besides a young Chelsea Clinton and Jimmy Carter's little girl Amy, the children of the presidents in my lifetime have been teens or much much older. So it's fun watching this year's campaign, as Political Nanny, as a voter, and especially now as a mother. I know how challenging it can be to take kids to the store -- what new version of hell must it be to drag them all over Iowa and beyond? Yet this election is just littered with little bitty kids! Miss Emma-Claire Edwards and Malia Obama, Hayden Thompson and Mitt Romney's son's son.

Sure, everyone's putting on a good face. And mercifully, reporters haven't run any footage of total meltdowns on the trail (politicians' kids melt down too, right?). It's all happiness and precocious repartee, sledding, eating, pressing the flesh.

So what do you think of this, taking young kids out of school to help daddy stump? Cruel? Selfish? Or opportunity of a lifetime for a two-year-old? What do you think it's like? Do they feel the losses? Stay up for returns? Watch their fathers crumble into a heap on a hotel bed and think people are being mean to him and making him lose? I imagine, from the child's perspective, it's a lot of sweaty adults with bad breath asking you the same questions at every stop.

However, I'm inclined to say that no matter how boring it must get for them, it's got to be better than not seeing mommy or daddy for days and weeks on end. I'm sure the quality face time is also lacking, but who am I to judge? I wave away my kids just to write emails.

In any case, time to say bye-bye to all your new friends in Iowa, young Dodd girls, because that state's history and Daddy's moving on.

Rocking the Mocking: Stop Temper Tantrums Now

Amy Kuras — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:08:00 GMT

What's more mortifying: toddler temper tantrums or the many experts out there proclaiming that they have the power to stop them? Asserting that it is not in the nature of toddlers to lose their damn minds on a regular basis; no, no, it's your own crappy parenting that's at fault and if you buy their book you'll have the best-behaved kid in playgroup.

Now, admittedly, while it's not a great idea to cave in like a Pinto or exhibit the screeching, slapping, arm-wrenching behavior pattern my brother refers to simply as "going all Wal-Mart on your kid" it seems like any toddler who doesn't completely lose it on occasion is either heavily overmedicated or just. not . right.

So of course, when a badly-written press release touting this site arrived in my inbox I was intrigued. It's run by someone who is apparently not any sort of child development or parenting expert (and clearly not all that conversant in spelling or grammar), just a father who wants to share his expertise at stopping temper tantrums with the world. And all for the low, low price of…oh hell, I'll let him tell it:

"It wont cost $920.00. It wont cost $130.00.

In Fact You Can Get The Same Expertise As If You
Had Paid For A Visit From A Specialist For As Low As $17.00.

Not Only That You Get To Keep It And You Can Refer To It Over Again And Again Over A Cup Of Coffee

Depending on how quickly you can read, you will find the solution in just 2 hours! Have a look at your watch now, maybe it is 8 o’Clock this morning, so by 10 o’clock, you could know the secrets, know what to do and start putting things into practice."

Because clearly, this dude has Information You Need to Know.

And sadly? Probably not any further off base than most self-appointed parenting experts.

Really Dumb Tips For Toddler Tantrums

Kelly Mills — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 13:38:00 GMT

Ah yes, parenting advice. Looking for some helpful, creative tips for addressing toddler tantrums? Well, you won't find them here. In fact, this is one lame lists of tips. Nothing I disagree with, but c'mon: "Have plenty of toys and objects for [toddlers] to handle." Oh, kids like to play with toys? Ahhhh. What else: "Regularly scheduled naps and bedtimes help toddlers not to get overly tired and cranky, thus avoiding tantrums." This is groundbreaking stuff, people.

Shall I summarize? Feed your children regularly, make sure they sleep, if they seem cranky watch out for illnesses. Make sure they have toys, that they draw and color, and that you, uh, talk to them. Boy, that is a tall order indeed. But hey, "Think of your child as an investment: The more you put into them, the more you will get on your return!" Unless, of course, you named your child Enron.

The iBabysitter?

ChagHolland — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 19:00:00 GMT

Apple released their much anticipated iPhone on Friday evening. It is a combination phone, mp3 player, email client, digital camera, and web browser. Although I can't find it anywhere on the spec sheet, it's rumored the iPhone also cures cancer and makes its user ten times sexier.

For you gadget hounds who haven't been able to convince your significant other that $600 isn't too much to pay for a phone, I mean, a new way of life, ZDNet's Denise Howell has an angle you may wish to try: toddler control. Kid pitching a fit in the middle of Starbucks? With a few simple touches of the screen of the iPhone, you can bring up Schoolhouse Rock's "Three Is a Magic Number" from YouTube and you can return to sipping your latte in peace.

Sign me up! But at six hundred bucks, it really should be able to change a diaper or two.

Judgment Day: Tantrums

Karen Murphy — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 19:36:00 GMT

Well. This seems to be a day to talk about, um, "strong-willed" children, doesn't it? First a four-year-old lands a plane for lack of apple juice, and next a three-year-old leads a riot, and to top it off, a sixteen-year-old complains about her birthday gift (what a day. I think I need some Veggie Booty. Oh wait. Never mind...) Does this sound like your kids?

Oh, by the way, this is a new feature here at Strollerderby; last week we talked about kids and etiquette. Today, everyone's favorite: The Tantrum!

Seriously, what's up with this? Would you let your kids get away with all this nonsense, as my parents would have called it? Or do you nip these things right in the bud?

But on the other hand, can we always really just blame the parents? Every one of us has seen someone else's kid having a total meltdown in, say, the grocery store. How do you feel when you see this? Judgmental on the parents, like they should control their kid better? Or sympathy? Or maybe some of each? And, uh, sometimes it's your own kid. Ask me; I've been there plenty of times.

I'll tell you what helped me quite a bit in terms of dealing with my own kids, who are admittedly mostly pretty well-behaved. But it wasn't always that way; I just sequestered myself and them so the public at large wasn't exposed to the drama, but not everyone has that choice. Anyway, for me it was really helpful to understand what was driving the tantrum to begin with. I'm not suggesting you don't do this already, but for me it was really eye-opening thinking of my kids as "sensitive" rather than, say, "picky". Yes, there's a book on it. But it helped me understand that my son was incredibly sensitive in a sensory way and that the seams of socks and tags in shirts drove him crazy, as did the cacophony of the grocery store with all the lights and noise and people. So I learned to compensate. And after a few years, he moved through that and those things are no longer an issue.

Again, not everyone has the luxury of being able to completely avoid the things that become issues for kids. What then? Some of the best advice I ever got that helped me with my VERY DRAMATIC OH WHERE DOES SHE GET THAT FROM I WONDER daughter was to simply "allow" the tantrum. Don't be afraid of it. Let her move through her frustration and be supportive in whatever way seems to work. Some respond to being ignored; others like to be held. You'll know. It was very scary to start with, but I noticed that after I was able to do this the tantrums began to wane. Could be coincidence, sure. But at least *I* was more okay with them.

Just not on an airplane. For those times, you need duct tape.

And you? Any good tantrum hints? What works for you? And what about your horror stories?

Toddler Tantrum of the Year!

MetroDad — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 19:42:00 GMT

My good friend, Adventure Dad, has tipped me off to an incredible story about a 4-year old who caused a Delta airlines emergency landing in Philadelphia. How can a 4- year old force a plane to land? The toddler threw a tantrum because a stewardess was bringing apple juice too slowly!

The flight originated in New York and was headed to North Carolina before the incident. Passengers were spending the night in Philadelphia, NBC 10 reported.
Authorities said there would be no charges filed in the incident.

I really hope there's something more to this story than what they're telling us. Because while I empathize with any parent whose kid is throwing a huge tantrum, at some point you have to draw the line. And if my flight was actually forced down because of a toddler going nuts over some apple juice, I think I'd have to beat the crap out of his parents. Anyone know more about this story? What do you think?

Cheat Sheet: Tips For Tantrums

Patti — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 14:27:00 GMT

Little lists of helpful hints are always shooting out over the intertubes in just about every possible category of information, and parenting is no different. Latest example? This wire story based on information from pediatric health organization The Nemours Foundation, with advice on how to handle your child's tantrums.

Well, I'm sure they know more about it than I do, so I'll keep opinions to a minimum, but I'll say this: These tips all hinge upon the parent doing something about the tantrum. My experience may be limited to a sample group of two, but the only thing that's ever worked for me with any consistency at all is to do nothing at all about a tantrum, by which I mean, walk away from it and pretend it isn't happening. But maybe the general population isn't as conscious of having an audience as my little drama princesses are.

Okay, all right, I do have to say this: I'm sure I'm going to ask my kicking-and-screaming kid to draw her feelings. I'm sure that won't result in a well-deserved kick in the maternal shins.

Kids Struck Dumb By Bad Parenting

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:33:00 GMT

Experts in Viet Nam are concerned that an increasing number of children are disobedient simply because they have not yet been taught to speak. Rather than using words, some older children are resorting to hand gestures. One can only imagine... It must be sign language they're talking about. Naughty children often ignore instructions -- especially those relating to cleaning up or eating vegetables.

Peh.

These same experts explain that kids learn language from adults who interact with them. If parents or caregivers fail to talk with children, they are likely to be slow to learn. Kids and language linked to adult interaction? Television watching? I can't imagine such a thing! Whatever the cause of this "stunted language development" it seem to also be linked to an "unwillingness to pick up toys."

If that's the case, I better get my kids to the doctors ASAP!

How To Love Your Toddler. Not As Easy As It Sounds.

Kelly Mills — Fri, 25 May 2007 13:03:00 GMT

Just when you thought your sweet, compliant baby was switched with a demon changeling hellbent on driving you mad...Toddlerhood is a, um, challenging time. We all know the terrible twos suck. And so do the throttle-em threes, and the effin' fours. There's a mountain of advice on how to negotiate the toddler years (and beyond), and lots of it is just crap. So I was completely thrilled to find this list of really helpful tips at a dental plan website. This is sincerely good stuff. Who knew the same folks who care about our teeth also want to preserve our sanity? I'll be flossing tonight.

I love this list because number one is "Cultivate empathy for your child. Kids begin to develop empathy (and therefore, the ability to play well with others) as they themselves feel understood." Very sound advice. Have you ever imagined yourself in your kid's position? Big people saying "no" and "do this" for inexplicable reasons all day long. I'd throw a couple thousand tantrums too. When I had my rare moments of empathy, it helped move away from being my kid's version of "the man".

I also like gems like this: "Feeding is the toddler’s job. You provide the healthy food. She feeds it to herself. Don’t obsess about how much she eats; kids don't starve themselves." Hey, you mean we don't have to hover over the little ones, shoving creatively disguised carrots into their hands so they don't die of malnutrition? Suh-weet. Any advice that allows parents to stop worrying so damn much seems pretty sage to me.

Of course, we all screw up and forget the very best advice in moments of fatigue and stress and life, but it's nice to have something to shoot for.

Next Stop, Toddler Hell

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 21:04:00 GMT

Just this morning, Lil E posed perfectly as the poster child for being 2-1/2. As we packed his bag full of snacks for a grandma-grandson playdate with two other families, he held up his soccer ball proudly. "Mommy!" he exclaimed, "I so excited to share my soccer ball with the o'er boys!" And then in a flash, his whole face changed and he pulled the ball protectively close to his chest. "Mommy!" he whined, "I'm a-scared of the o'er boys!"

You might recognize this scenario as the I love scrambled eggs!/I hate scrambled eggs!, cuddle me, Mommy!/Mommy, sit waaaay over there!, I want to wear bog boy undewear!/Put my diaper on now!, Yes!/No!/I change my mind! phenomenon of parenting a kid who is hard at work individuating. Knowing that this is a developmental stage doesn't necessarily make the outbursts any easier. Righ then and there, getting through an afternoon with a tantruming, irrational toddler can feel more like hostage negotiating than parenting.

Karen from Troll Baby feels the heat too, and she's put words to what ain't so pretty about those very real, very exhausting moments. There's a swarm of good comments that don't necessarily provide a ticket out of toddler hell, but are a good reminder that we're not stuck down there alone. Or forever.

Strollerderby Playdate: The Terrible Twos

Alisyn — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 11:04:00 GMT

As the younger of my two daughters, 23 month-old Violet is used to being overshadowed by her bigger, louder older sister. But not anymore... As the Terrible Twos take hold, she is shedding the mellow and easy-going skin she's been living in since birth, and growing a crotchety, whineriffic, grumptastic one in its place. She has morphed into Jerri Blank - she's all attitude and lip and misplaced indignance. I've been comforting myself with the knowledge that this, too, shall pass. Also helping: the fact that my kid isn't the only 2, or almost-2, year old kicking up a big ruckus around the blogosphere lately.

The Boss has been promoted to "Mayor of Tantrum Town."

Quin has discovered that 911 ain't a joke in his town.

Wallie has been offering random gifts to the Porcelain God.

Archer has been throwing himself in front of cars .

How about around your house? Any tantrum tales to share?