Strollerderby : therapy

Guy Blames - Who Else - Mom for Slashing Tires

JeanneSager — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:28:00 GMT

Apparently the guy caught slashing tires on almost fifty cars in Boulder, Colo. had never read Philip Larkin.

He blamed it all on Mom. Oh, and the braces she made him get when he was little. And - no surprise here - radiation.

Alright, he sounds mentally ill, so I'll lay off him. But now that I'm a parent, I think it's time I start keeping a running tab on how many people blame Mom for everything wrong in their lives vs. those who blame Dad.

Because there's no doubt dad screws up too (hence, Larkin's quote: "they f--k you up, your mum and dad" in case you don't know it). And the blame game is certainly becoming more popular in today's society (heck, I blame the parents who tell their kids it's never their fault!).

As parents, a certain percentage of our choices are naturally going to be wrong. If any of us escape un-blameworthy, you deserve more than medals. But there's no question some parents work particularly hard to screw up (um, guy who poisoned his kids to sue Campbell's Soup jumps to mind). And with kids naturally closer to one parent or the other, there's always going to be one shouldering a little more of the blame.

With an only child, who is fairly centrist in our lives (she floats from Mommy to Daddy and back again), we'll probably both feel burden. But at least she'll have something to talk to that therapist about!

Do you worry that your kids are going to blame you for certain things when they grow up?

Image: Amazon

‘Therapeutic’ Boarding School Relies on Humiliating Role Playing Exercises

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Due to a lawsuit that has made its way to the Supreme Court, an Oregon boarding school has come under public scrutiny for practices that, in my opinion, quite clearly constitute child abuse. And yet, parents continue to send their “problem” teens to Mount Bachelor, supporting a multimillion-dollar therapeutic boarding school industry. Some parents have spoken out about the school’s controversial treatments, but many claim to be satisfied with the Mount Bachelor education.

According to former students and teachers interviewed by TIME, the foundation of the therapeutic method employed at Mount Bachelor is humiliation. “For instance, in required seminars that the school calls Lifesteps, students say staff members of the residential program have instructed girls, some of whom say they have been victims of rape or sexual abuse, to dress in provocative clothing — fishnet stockings, high heels and miniskirts — and perform lap dances for male students as therapy.”

Other students described how they were forced to repeatedly relive painful childhood experiences. “In a Lifesteps seminar called Forever Young, students were placed on a mattress and taunted with painful information about their childhood that they had previously revealed, an apparent attempt to trigger regression to infancy.” One girl, who was taunted with memories of her younger sister’s death, vomited on the mattress.

After hearing dozens of tales of abuse and humiliation from students, a part-time driver for the school turned to the authorities last month, prompting the state to investigate the school. But the school has been investigated for similar grievances in the past, with no results.

The school’s director has refuted claims that her students are “sexualized” in any way. However, she does freely admit to relying on controversial role playing exercises, saying, "We also use a psychodrama-treatment approach designed to do one or both of two things: get a student to embrace qualities of their character (such as beauty or courage) about which they have doubt or assist them in recognizing qualities that are unproductive (such as selfishness or conceit) about which they have little insight."

Tragically, Mount Bachelor is no pariah when it comes to “therapeutic” methods in boarding schools. According to the executive director of the Community Alliance for the Ethical Treatment of Youth, "The process of breaking kids down is very much integrated into the therapeutic milieu."

Therapeutic boarding schools are not tracked or monitored by any official body—which means it’s entirely up to parents to decide whether their kids should be sent away or not. When faced with a teenage who has repeatedly used drugs, been suspended from school, or threatened suicide, some parents may simply trust that the “experts” know best.

But, while some psychologists who are either misguided or misinformed do recommend schools like Mount Bachelor for troubled kids, numerous health care professionals have spoken out against the methods of treatment used at Mount Bachelor, claiming that the “therapy” used at Mount Bachelor causes more harm than good. “Such programs, they say, are overly restrictive and unproven, and virtually all their students — who typically have depression, substance use, behavioral problems or ADHD — can be safely treated within the community.” Mental health experts also point out that separating children from their parents is not healthy except in cases of domestic abuse.

The lawsuit that has put Mount Bachelor in the limelight centers on whether or not states should pay for disabled children’s private education. The only thing worse than parents paying to send their kids to Mount Bachelor would be for taxpayers to foot the hefty bill. As Naomi Gittins, deputy general counsel for the National School Boards Association, put it, “A lot of private schools for which parents want reimbursement don't have to meet state standards. How does that really serve the interest of children?"

Photo: TIME

Blended Family Works With Therapy

Brett Singer — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

Here's the story / of a lovely lady / who was living with three very lovely girls…

And so on. You know it, don't you? If not, here's a refresher:

And here's Jamie Foxx singing it, just because it's funny.

For the Bradys, it looked so easy. Real life is rarely that simple. So Claudia Gryvatz Copquin and her boyfriend Glen Ames decided to move in together, they sought help from a therapist.

In general, I'm a believer in therapy. I find that it helps me, and I've known many people who benefited from talking things over with a professional. But when someone says, "I wish the therapist could move in with us," my eyebrows go up like Mr. Spock when Doctor McCoy says something particularly illogical. (Except that I can't raise just the one brow the way Spock does. Must be a Vulcan thing.)

But things like who sleeps in which bed? That's too much. Seriously, what happened to, "This is what we're doing, deal with it"? If that seems harsh, or unrealistic, OK, maybe. Still, where do you draw the line? Do you call the therapist every time?

Apparently this couple does. In fact /They didn’t commit to living together until receiving a go-ahead from the therapist. “It gave us confidence,” Mr. Ames said./ And Ms. Copquin told the therapist "I wish you could move in with us."

I'm sure the therapist is thrilled. Mo' money! But I think that's too much dependance on outside help. If each person had their own shrink, I might feel differently. I'm not sure why but that seems more productive. If you trek the whole family over to the office whenever there's a fight over the remote control, what kind of life is that?

Source: NY Times

Image: Wikipedia

Husband Loses Job, Wife Loses Respect For Him

They Say - Older Fathers Spawn Dumber Kids

Kate Gosselin Dreamt Of A Husband and Children - Did You?

Teaching Kids the Right and Wrong Way to Cry

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

Like many people my age, I grew up listening to Rosey Grier tell me it was all right to cry. “Crying gets the sad out of you. It’s all right to cry. It might make you feel better,” the football star crooned into my mother’s living room countless times.

Well, as much as I still love Free to Be...You and Me, new research suggests that crying might not actually make you feel better. Common wisdom has long held that “having a good cry” provides a soothing sense of release. But now psychologists are arguing that this belief is, in part, a self-fulfilling prophecy: because people believe crying is good for them, they tend to report positive effects from emotional breakdowns. In fact, as a review paper in Current Directions in Psychological Science argues, crying may be detrimental for some people, leading to more confusion and sadness. Turns out, there’s a "right" way and a "wrong" to cry.

Not surprisingly, the ability to cry in the right or wrong way as an adult has much to do with—you guessed it—how you were raised. (This would be a good time to remind yourself of Jon Stewart’s parenting words of wisdom: “it’s a chance to ruin somebody from scratch.”)

Some therapists believe that children whose parents react attentively and lovingly to their crying find tearful episodes more cathartic later in life. Kids whose tears are scolded or ignored are less likely to find crying soothing as adults; instead of seeking comfort or outside assistance in regulating emotions, they tend to cry as a protest to others. Since “Fix it!” is an impossible request when it comes to grief, this kind of crying only leaves people feeling more bereft.

So, Rosey Grier, looks like you were on to something after all….

Photo: current.com

Jon Stewart on Dashing His Children's Hopes

Global Approach to AIDS Overlooks Children

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 16:04:00 GMT

A general consensus that has emerged from the International AIDS conference currently being held in Mexico is that the global approach to fighting AIDS does too little for children. According to health workers at the conference, much of the government money earmarked for combating AIDS in developing countries goes to consultants and overheard costs, with little of that money directly helping children.

Infected pregnant women need expanded access to antiretroviral drugs to avoid passing the HIV virus onto their babies. And even healthy children in AIDS-affected communities need much more nutritional and psychological help than they are currently getting—it’s estimated that only about 6 to 10 percent of children who need therapy are getting it, compared with 30 percent of adults.

One health worker suggested that one way aid money could more directly benefit children would be to give the money directly to communities and families. She pointed out that it has been shown that poor people make good decisions about how to obtain nutritional and medical help for their families if they are given the resources to do so.

Photo: Maciej Dakowicz/photo.net

Nightly Nookie (and a book deal) Saves Your Marriage

Adrienne Martini — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 20:30:00 GMT

If you can't hack always being within 15 feet of your spouse like "spiritual partners" Michael Roach and Christie McNally, you can take another, sweatier approach. But you best have your agent on the line during the afterglow.

Two new books about married couples who seek greater intimacy by committing to as much sex as possible for a year are coming (heh) to shelves near you. One couple did the deed 101 straight days; the other rocked the post-nuptial mattress 360+ plus days. Both sets claim that they rediscovered new heights of intimacy and ecstasy throughout their journeys.

Which begs the question - will you and your honey feel the same level of attachment if you don't write a book about your year of sex? Or is a royalty check the first step on the path to carnal enlightenment?

Photo credit: Mitchell Funk/Getty Images

Five Kinds of Moms and How They Mess You Up

Kelly Mills — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 15:33:00 GMT

Jezebel reports on a new book by clinical psychologist Stephen Poulter called The Mother Factor: How Your Mother's Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life. The gist is that your bond with your mom can have a big ol' influence on your emotional development, ability to form meaningful relationships, and so on. (Do the dads do anything? Cuz we should share the dysfunctional love!) Anyhow, according to the book, there are five kinds of mothers. This immediately begs the question: Which mother are you?

The five types are:

The Perfectionist Mother — whose family must look perfect in every way
The Unpredictable Mother--whose ups and downs can create lifelong anxiety and depression in her son or daughter
The "Me First" Mother — whose children come second or last
The "Best Friend" Mother — who's now in vogue but can wreak havoc
The Complete Mother--who provides guidance and shows compassion to her child

Um, I don't know which one I am, though I suppose that's the point, because the ways I'm screwing up my kid should be a mystery to me. I do know I'm not the Perfectionist, and my kid doesn't like me enough for me to be the Best Friend. See, I think of myself more as the "Well-Intentioned But Frequently Harried Mom Whose Child May Later Resent Her Blogging" which I guess makes me the "Me First" mom. Only thing is I made many of my big ol' life decisions based on what was best for my kid, not me, because I'm so noble like that. Oh well. Just let me know when they add an "Irritable Bitch" mom category.

Four-Year Old Talks Only to Animals

Karen Murphy — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 12:11:00 GMT

The whole getting-kids-to-talk thing can be extraordinarily complex. My older son was about two and a half before he uttered much in English, having spent a fair bit of time using made-up signs and an entire self-made language before that. His younger sister, on the other hand, was shouting complete sentences at 18 months. And then there's Eric, my younger son. Having various learning delays and anatomical challenges, he's four but speaks largely unintelligibly (though nearly constantly) to the uninitiated.

And he's not alone. Tons of kids have speech issues of a wide variety, and it all makes communication an enormous challenge. So I loved this story about a four-year-old girl who only talks to animals.

Her name is Rose Willcocks but they call her Miss Dolittle, after the book character. Rose has a number of learning and physical issues, including low tone and autism, that make speech a challenge. So going from near-silence to making sounds—but only to animals—that are very conversational in nature is a huge step for her. Rose's parents surmise that her speech is really language that the cows understand, that she is reaching a different place than most of us can get to. Taking in the extraordinary work of Dr. Temple Grandin, a woman with autism who herself talks to animals in ways most of us just don't get, what Rose is doing makes a lot of sense, as challenging as it likely still is to her parents. Rose lives in the UK but is heading for the US for various therapies, so I'm curious how it will all turn out for her one day. I love this idea of being able to actually speak to or understand animals in ways we don't generally comprehend, but seeing my own little boy who struggles to make himself understood, living a life apart like that is a challenge for everyone involved.

Kids With Down Syndrome Walk Sooner With Treadmill Training

Karen Murphy — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 18:28:00 GMT

This is probably one of those stories that isn't going to interest more than a handful of people, being kind of special-interest and all, and maybe I wouldn't be interested if it weren't for the fact that my kid has Down syndrome and took a hell of a long time figuring out the walking thing, but hey, treadmills! and kids! C'mon, I think that's interesting! And look, I get to post a photo of my kid here! (He totally looks like he's up to no good, doesn't he? Which would be about normal for him)

But my son Eric didn't walk until he was well over three years old. Which is late even by delayed Down syndrome standards. And maybe he could have learned sooner, opening him up to a whole new world earlier. Which may have made other aspects of life easier down the road.

And kids now are walking 4-5 months sooner than they might have otherwise, simply from having therapy using a treadmill. And why is this even an issue? Who cares how long it takes kids to walk as long as they learn eventually, right?

Well, no. Being mobile means kids begin exploring their worlds. Which means synapses are firing in their little brains and they are learning things and figuring things out. They are growing their brains by being kids and playing. My son is awfully delayed. There are things he may NEVER be able to do or do well, and if a simple therapy like helping your kid take steps on a treadmill in addition to other physical therapies means eventually that kid can do more in life, I'm all for it.

"Getting infants walking is critical because so many other skills arise from locomotion: social skills, motor skills, advancement of perception and spatial cognition...The key is if we can get them to walk earlier and better then they can explore their environment earlier and when you start to explore, you learn about the world around you... Walking is a critical factor in development in every other domain."

It may be somewhat too late for Eric since he's already walking and getting into stuff, but hopefully other kids can take advantage of this. A study like this can result in equipment being made available to rent at low cost to parents so they can help their kids learn.

Remember the joy of those first steps?

Therapist Keeps the Attention of ADHD Fathers

Madeline Holler — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 12:21:00 GMT

Move over Ritalin. There’s a new ADHD treatment in town.

A therapist has come up with a simple way to help treat kids with behavioral, emotional and learning problems.

Soccer therapy with Dad.

As a graduate student, Gregory Fabiano noticed a pattern at summer camps for kids with ADHD and their parents. The fathers would bring the kids to the soccer matches and watch. When sports time was over and talk therapy ready to start, moms would drive up and wave good-bye to Dad and the kids. Even those few fathers who braved the open emotions of sad adults sitting in a circle didn’t stick with this traditional form of therapy for long.

So Fabiano developed a program: COACHES, Coaching Our Acting-Out Children: Heightening Essential Skills. The kids play soccer games, the dads right along with them. Later, when the kids are working on soccer skills, the fathers meet to learn parenting strategies for their children’s particular challenges.

The fathers stay involved in their kids’ therapy, they learn to parent their children, who are learning coping skills of their own. And the moms? I guess they're on the sidelines arranging Capri Suns and carrot sticks.

Quit Biting!

Madeline Holler — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 13:45:00 GMT

I overeat. I talk too loud. I’m insecure. I think I snore. But if I could change one thing about me, it might be this:

I wish I didn’t bite my nails.

Apparently, nail-biting and cuticle chewing (my preferred method of fingertip destruction) are the most common symptoms of stress or of an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Mine is definitely stress related – my tips are real beauties when I’ve got nothing but happy going on.

A guy in The Netherlands claims to have developed a program to disconnect biting from emotions and stop cuticle ripping for good. He recently opened a clinic that focuses solely on ridding the world (or Northern Europe) of this hideous affliction.

He claims he can cure nail-biting and other members of the Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors family, which includes hair pulling, skin picking, incessantly biting the inside of a cheek or chewing toenails. (Will a brave commenter please step forward and confess to toenail biting?)

Treatment starts with a clear mouthpiece that makes sinking teeth into a satisfying nugget of finger-food impossible. Plus talk therapy for stress. And finally manicures -- or pedicures (brave commenter, I’m waiting) -- to repair the embarrassing damage.

Next time I’m in Amsterdam …

Removing Tonsils May Cure ADHD

Karen Murphy — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 18:29:00 GMT

New research and a little experimental surgery indicates that severe behavioral problems associated with ADHD may be "cured" with removal of the tonsils. In kids with ADHD who are also experiencing sleep difficulties due to sleep apnea, snoring, etc., removing the tonsils has changed little monsters into regular kids. I guess it's hard for many of us to imagine the extreme behavioral issues that can prompt such desperate measures, but families routinely deal with it via a variety of methods including medication and therapy.

I have to tell you right now that I'm really torn about this. On the one hand I believe firmly that tonsils are the immune system's first line of defense and that likely removing them will cause some other problems later. I read something recently about this, but my older brother has his out when we were little and he's still pretty healthy, so who knows? I definitely think that we really don't know enough about this, though. And I'm not good with willy-nilly cutting out bits of the body just because we don't know what they do.

On the other hand, it's clear that being in a constant state of sleep deprivation can cause all sorts of problems. And certainly a kid is less able to deal with the ramifications of such deprivation, causing likely all sorts of difficulties both medical and behavioral. As parents we remember that drugged state of dealing with a newborn and acknowledge that it may cause us to do things like leave our kids in parked cars unknowingly. I myself forgot to buckle my preschooler's seatbelt when taking the jaundiced dehydrated newborn (breastfeeding issues, yay me!) to the doctor. So imagine what it's like when you're a kid and not getting sleep.

But on the other hand (we're up to three hands now), are we sure that sleep deprivation is the cause of those severe ADHD symptoms? And are we sure that removing the tonsils is really responsible for the cessation of sleep difficulties due to apnea, etc.? Or is this a case of corroboration rather than causation?

If I was the parent of a child in these circumstances, I'm sure I would be desperate for a solution. But at the same time, I'd want to be sure before resorting to surgery. And I'm not sure there is yet a way to be sure about this one.

Strollerderby Playdate: Free Associate, Folks

Kelly Mills — Fri, 18 May 2007 11:01:00 GMT

I hate those free association tests and crap like that. I don't care how many reassurances I get that there's no "wrong" answer, I always feel like some secret psychotic side is going to be exposed, marking me as the next Dahmer. But I'm trying to be less Type-A and uptight, plus I'm short on themes right now, so let's take a rambling little journey through the parents blogs, making one carefree leap here, another one there... No, I'm not crazy!

Finslippy is going nuts over the kid-no-eat thing. I'm telling you, kids are either good eaters or good sleepers, but you rarely get both.

Speaking of eating turmoil, Paper Napkin knows that when it comes to weight loss, there's some seriously unequal stuff in the man-woman dynamic. I can relate.

All that food talk made me think of L.A. Daddy's super-cool recipe for octopus and seaweed. Hey, this isn't rambling at all! It's all food! I told you I suck at this.

But speaking of sealife, A Little Chaos lies about jellyfish. Therapy might be required. Now that was a good free association, wasn't it?

And while we are on the subject of therapy, the Sarcastic Journalist did not just hang herself. But she does mention popsicles, which brings us full circle to food and proves I'm about as one-note as they come. And I might have food issues. Sigh.

AblePlay: Toy-Rating Site For Special-Needs Kids

Karen Murphy — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 15:03:00 GMT

I struggled with the concept of needing "special" toys for my son Eric, who's now three and has Down syndrome. I so wanted him to be like his older brother and sisters, and of course in so very many ways he is. He's also like himself, and like many children of all kinds, with special needs or not, he can use a little assistance at times with various elements of toys in order to get the fullest use of them. For instance, he's pretty good at catching a ball (not bad for three!), but it's helpful if it's a squishy ball with texture that he can grab instead of a smooth one.

AblePlay Play Products For Children With Special Needs has taken all the guesswork out of finding toys: it's website with a comprehensive rating system of dozens of toys for children with a whole rainbow of special needs, many (okay, most) of which I know would appeal immensely to all my children and not just Eric. Some of these toys are designed specifically to meet various needs of children with, say, motor development difficulties, but the majority of them seem to be toys that all children would enjoy. All the toys are featured with a detailed evaluation that assigns values based on the toy's usefulness in working with the different areas of a child's development (physical, sensory, communicative, cognitive) and also gives numerous ideas for how the toy could be played with in ways that provide assistance or learning for the child. The evaluations are performed by professionals who have degrees in special education, early childhood education, or related therapeutic disciplines, so you know the toy evaluation information is useful and pertinent.

As well as appealing to parents and grandparents in search of just the right toy, AblePlay is also designed to be a valuable resource for therapists and other educators. I've got the site bookmarked and I've already spotted several choice items there that will likely make their way to my house soon.

Dogs Make Great Reading Tutors for Kids: Who Knew?

Karen Murphy — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 17:19:00 GMT

He sheds. He slobbers. He goes out, and he comes back in, and then he goes out again. He licks plates, and not always just when he's invited to. He doesn't even bury his poop like any self-respecting animal might. But, he does have at least one redeeming feature: he makes for a damned good reading tutor. And? He's as close as your family dog. In fact, he is your family dog.

That's right, in school districts all over the country, dogs are entering the classroom and being read to. And they like it. And what's more, the kids doing the reading like it. "When you're with a dog they don't ... talk to you and you feel more comfortable," said one nine-year old at a Minnesota elementary school. "It's a lot more fun reading to a pet than just a bunch of people," said another. Teachers notice the difference too: "[T]he dog is not judgmental." Which is something most kids and plenty of adults have known for a long time.

The concept is catching on, though: there are more than 1000 certified therapy dogs involved in reading-assistance programs across the country. My question: what do the dogs think about Old Yeller?