Strollerderby : toilet

10 Things I Learned about Poop from My Son

Cole Gamble — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Poop does not abide by the laws of gravity

I heard screaming from downstairs, my daughter wailing, “Daddy come look at this!” Sounded like the typical 50-times-a-day emergency drill. When I arrived downstairs I saw nothing out of the ordinary. “What is it,” I asked. “Dalton’s poop!” she replied. I searched the room. “Where?” She pointed up. Hanging from the ceiling was a perfect orb of poop, the exact size of a baseball. For a moment I had to just stare at it wondrously. Whatever feat got it up there, it was clearly the work of a master. Impressed, I applauded, then cried.

Poop likes to be talked too

Whenever I change Dalton’s diaper, Dalton’s makes sure to greet it (“Hi Poop!”) and bid it adieu when it goes in the trash (“Bye Poop!”)

Poop wants to be free – the last place poop wants to be is in a diaper

Smashed into the rug, on the bottoms of shoes, on the wall, next to the toilet (“so close, buddy”)…

The less access you have to diapers and wipes, the more volumous and offensive the poop will be.

You will find things in poop that don’t occur in nature

If I had a dime for every time I uttered, “Have you ever seen this color before in your life” I’d enough dimes to…forget it. I don’t want your poop dimes.

Black birthday cake frosting makes poop green

Brown carpeting seems like a great idea for hiding stains…until you consider the stains you want to find.

Your dog and child will work together to spread the joy.

Boy takes off poopy diaper. Border Collie immediately shreds into poop confetti for spreading over the entire basement.

Zoo's clearly feed their animals a better diet than you do your kid, because what comes out of your kid's rear smells worse than elephant poop.

The day the poop goes in the toilet is a glorious one…followed by another 6 months of poop everywhere else.

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Airline Considers Charging for Toilet

KeriF — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:30:00 GMT

Sounds like a headline from The Onion, right?

But it's true... Ryanair, Ireland's budget airline, is considering charging passengers one euro (about $1.40) to use the toilet on board.

Really?

I understand charging for chips and soda and even aisle seats and baggage check--those are truly optional things; you can safely fly without a beverage or cramped into a middle seat.

But going to the bathroom is a necessity. How do you tell a 4-year-old to "hold it in" until you land? Who is going to want to sit next to you when your baby has an explosive poop and you don't have any change to go rinse her off and change her in the lavatory?

Chief executive Michael O'Leary says he's looking into specially designed doors that require a euro coin to open. A company spokesman, however, insists, "Michael makes a lot of this stuff up as he goes along and while this has been discussed internally there are no immediate plans to introduce it," he said.

There is one inevitable end to this debate. Someone, objecting on principle to the charge, is going to relieve him or herself right in the aisle in protest.

I just hope I'm not on board when it happens.

Parents of Young Boys, Beware!

KeriF — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 22:21:00 GMT

Doctors in one English hospital are reporting an increasing number of emergency room visits for boys under the age of 5. Why? (Parents, you might want to cross your legs before reading more.)

Apparently little boys eager to pee just like Daddy are getting their wee peckers crushed by falling toilet seats.

I can't say I'm surprised. Ever since my son potty-trained last year I have watched as he stands in front of the toilet, penis in hand, and lets the heavy ceramic lid crash down after he's done his business. To be honest though, I never really thought he could get caught. He's only 4, and his penis is still so... well, you know. (I don't want to give him a complex.)

There are an estimated 250 "penis crush injuries" per year in the U.K. alone. Doctors blame this on the rising popularity of heavy ceramic and wooden toilet seats

I think I'll make my son pee sitting down from now on.

The Sh*t List: 10 Bizarre (or Terrific?) Potty Gadgets

Cole Gamble — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

When a child learns to poop or pee in a toilet on their own, it’s an event worthy of a tickertape parade. Or at least you’d think so based on how parents react to this milestone. Who can blame them? One family’s diaper budget can equal the gross domestic product of a small Pacific Rim nation. But sometimes maybe parents want too desperately for the independent potty to come. So they turn to science, or more to the point, weird-ass inventions.

The Potty Pony

For the tyke who needs to defecate on the go, this horse shaped toilet teaches your kid to poop and also a healthy disdain for nature’s creatures. If this one works out for you, I just wouldn’t take junior to a petting zoo thereafter.

Potty Monkey

Who knows more about poop than monkeys? Oddly enough, this do-gooding monkey doesn’t want to teach your child to fling her feces, but rather deposit it in the bowl. Potty monkey insists your kid take him potty, and if they resist, monkey gets agitated. And that when the feces flinging begins.

Potty Mate

You know what will get your kids over their toilet fear? Talking toilet paper. The Potty Mate seeks to give your child encouragement when he reaches for the roll. I could use one of these. Instead of potty time encouragement (I am pretty good at that now, thank you) it could give me more specified approbation. “Hey, it looks like your hair isn’t thinning as rapidly before. Way to go!” OR “Don’t listen to them, 31 isn’t too old to start a hard-core thrash metal band.”

Potty Targets

These must be the most sensible gadget on the list. Put ‘em in the toilet and your boy plays William Tell with a quiver full of urine. Just make sure you don’t leave the extra targets just lying around.

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Sabrina the Teenage Witch Is Potty Training

Kelly Mills — Fri, 30 May 2008 22:03:00 GMT

I don't mean to interrupt your Friday evening plans or anything, but before the weekend I just had to make sure you got this very important piece of news. Melissa Joan Hart, who played Sabrina the Teenage Witch, has signed on to do an online journal and video diary about her son Mason's potty training. While the phrase "teamed up with Pull Ups" might sound the death knell for a showbiz career, I'm sure Hart doesn't feel that way about it at all. And after all, it is in honor of (really) Potty Training Awareness Month. And you thought June was Whack Yourself in the Forehead With a Big Stick Awareness Month!

But this is sort of priceless: In a statement, Hart said, "When Mason first showed signs that he was ready to use the potty, my husband and I were really excited and--more than anything--proud." Um, really? Proud? I mean, I know when our kids use the toilet we say things like, "I'm so proud of you. That's such a big kid thing to do." But I sort of thought that was the kind of bullshit we spout as parents, along with "No, mommy isn't angry you spilled that" and "I'm sorry, but in this house we only eat one dessert." It's pooping in a toilet, not a Nobel prize. But I probably can't talk, because when my kid potty trained, my overwhelming feeling was vindication--hey, it was totally worth it to enroll her in that somewhat expensive preschool because they did all the potty training work for me.

Is there homework at poop school?

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One bathroom provides life lessons

Via Jezebel

Government to Mother: Sorry you had to give birth in the bathroom

Brett Singer — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Reuters has a report on a couple in Chile that was forced to deliver their newborn in the bathroom after waiting for 2 hours to see a doctor at a public hospital.

What's nice (well, relatively nice) is that the government apologized. "We are very sad about what has happened and worried about this incredible incident, and we are going to take the appropriate measures," Health Minister Maria Soledad Barria told Radio Cooperativa. I could be wrong but I can't imagine hospital officials in the U.S. admitting that they made a mistake quite this easily. Of course, they still had to deliver the kid in the freakin' bathroom. Maybe next time they'll try a home birth.

image: theborg.info