Strollerderby : toilet training

Bag of Feces Sent Home in Kid's Backpack

JeanneSager — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:05:00 GMT

As Madeline pointed out yesterday, the word "panties," is shudder-tastic. I've found three worse words - at least used in succession, and when referring to the contents of a little kid's backpack.

Bag of feces.

Yup, a kindergartner came home from school this week with a big ol' bag of dung in his backpack.

Inside, his dad says, was a note from the teacher that read "This little turd was on the floor in my room."

What??? This child is five and apparently had an accident in the classroom. I repeat, this child is five. Accidents happen (come on parents, sing the Elmo's Potty Time song). For a teacher to make an issue of it to begin with shows she does not belong in a kindergarten classroom (or, perhaps, any classroom). Kids need to realize there's no shame in accidents and taught that they can always ask the teacher to use the bathroom. If this was a habit, the teacher might even be wise to talk to the school psychologist about the incidents, as elementary age kids whose potty training regresses are often displaying signs of stress, illness or even abuse.

Bagging it up and sending it home is particularly heinous because, let's face it, this is POOP we're talking about. Human waste. Excrement. Should I continue? The school says they're "looking into it," but I'd say they need to look at flushing this teacher out of their system.

What do you say, Babble readers?

Image: PoopReport

Would You Toilet-Train Your Child On National TV?

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 16:59:00 GMT

Apparently, some producers think someone will -- and more intriguingly, that people will actually want to watch it! According to an item in the Miami Herald, a casting director is looking for families who would be willing to have their potty-training exploits chronciled on television as part of a new reality show. I guess the ratings for Jon & Kate Plus Eight, which frequently follows the goings-on in the Gosselin family bathrooms, must have prompted some TV producers to think people could get hooked on watching the process close up and personal. Personally, living through it once already -- and with another child waiting in the wings for next year -- is far than enough "reality" in my potty-training life. And as for allowing cameras to enter and follow the process at my house, that would mean I'd have to chase dust bunnies out from under our changing table, and that is not on the agenda.

What do you think: Would you sign up your kid? Would you watch someone else's?

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Babble Talk: Kids Say the Cutest Things ... About Poop?

Jen Chaney — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:32:00 GMT

Everyone poops. We know this. Entire books have been written on the subject. And obviously, children of potty training age -- or for that matter, even older -- find the word "poop" and all its scatalogical cousins absolutely hilarious.

Yet even though I am well aware of this information, I have still been amazed by the number of Kids Say the Cutest Things! submissions that have centered around toilet activity.

One example:

"Today I will go poo-poo in the big potty. And it will be very loud."

Another:

"Me: Did you poop in your diaper?

Rowan, 15 months: No.

Me: Who did, then?

Rowan: Grandma!!!"

And another, courtesy of 2-year-old Cayden:

"(Leaning on the toilet to get his bottom wiped) 'K-O-H-L-E-R. Says potty!'"

I'll concede that these fall into the funny and cute category. But they still make me wonder why parents tend to remember their kids' witty bathroom commentary so well. Is it the strange intimacy of the activity that makes everything about it seem comical? Are we suffering from Freudian-style anal fixations? Or is toilet humor simply the finest comedy known to humankind?

Perhaps I am getting a bit too philosophical about all this. But if you have theories, feel free to share them in the comments below. And if you have some funny, adorable kid quotes, scatalogical or otherwise, by all means submit them to Kids Say the Cutest Things! They can be about poop if you want. Seriously. I don't give a ... well, you know.

Kidventor Part I: Boy Designs Auto-Lid For the Toilet

Madeline Holler — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 21:03:00 GMT

An Iowa 9-year-old has invented a handy little tool for guys who just can’t remember to put the toilet seat down. He and his “Privy Prop” won an inventors competition at school and went on to be showcased at the Iowa State Fair this summer.

Producers of the Ellen Degeneres show found out and featured him and several other kidventors on a recent show. Our 15 seconds of fame come in so many different ways.

The Privy Prop works like the lid of trashcans that lift when a pedal is stepped on. Sidle up to a toilet, step on the pedal, unzip and go. When you step away from the toilet, the seat automatically falls back in place. No more nagging from the females in the house.

The kidventor’s family hopes some company will buy the idea from the boy. They are reluctant to patent it themselves, due to cost. And mom has put her foot down and won’t let the family get into the Privy Prop production business.

In my house of girls and one very considerate man, we don’t need a Privy Prop. But would some little genius please come up with an automatic clothes folder?

Photo: Associated Press

Best Software Idea Ever Ever EVER

Kelly Mills — Sun, 01 Jul 2007 13:36:00 GMT

Forget about word processing, e-mail clients, even games, because someone just came up with the most useful software in the history of technology. Check it out: Mizpee tells you where to find the closest public restroom. This is a boon to the pregnant and the potty-training everywhere. Just go to Mizpee.com using your phone's web browser, or if you text like the kids do, send your city and state to (415)350-2290 and get a list of loos near yous. Best part is Mizpee will tell you how clean the bathroom is, and whether or not it's for customers only. This. Rocks.

Thought number one: why didn't this come out when my kid was potty training? We went through hell going from store to store, practically begging for just a bucket and a scrap of kleenex. And number two: I assume they have to send out someone in person to update the bathroom statuses (from dirty to clean in a matter of weeks) and I am soooo glad that's not my job.

Fathers Day Gifts: Last Chance To Blow It

Kelly Mills — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 17:01:00 GMT

Peter Hartlaub came up with a great list of what not to get the dad you love for Fathers Day. While I'm not entirely convinced we moms have the sweet deal (how many macaroni necklaces does one woman need?) it's important you don't screw up royally and get the old man something you'll see payback for later. A few people have unintentionally come up with these lists as well, but this is the first and funniest to hit all the key "oh, dad doesn't really care what we get him" presents. I'd also like to add you should avoid anything that is or goes on a keychain unless it's the keys to a new car or something that plays porn. (Nope, I don't really know what that last one means either, but if somebody invents it, I'm totally buying one.)

But wait, here's one more really awful gift! Sends a stronger message of resentment and dissatisfaction than even fitness equipment: the Gold Man toilet attachment urinal-thingie. For the guy whose spray is so random, he couldn't hit the toilet if it was swallowing him alive; and now, thanks to the Gold Man, it practically is! Note how the modern lines of the Gold Man make it seem like it's almost moving, a gaping mouth perfect for those with castration fears (a reasonable fear, if you ask me.) Oh, and you can barf in it too. Lovely. This darling contraption can be removed and placed next to the toilet, where I'm sure it will be completely un-funky and never mistaken for a pee-showered trash can. Hey, is "Gold Man" a pee reference? Eeeeeew.

Photo credit: Chronicle photo by James Merithew

It's a Potty Party: There is a Kit and Everything

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Tue, 08 May 2007 21:07:00 GMT

I've mentioned several times before that I have been trying to potty train my twins and things aren't going very well. I am desperate. I will at least consider almost anything. Enter the Potty Party Kit. I am not making this up. It comes with three party hats, balloons, noisemakers, a guide, medals, a chart and stickers.

They even have a kit available for twins! (I assume this means four hats and two charts - I'm not sure what you are supposed to do if you have triplets or higher order multiples.) There is also a deluxe kit which is gender specific and comes with rewards instead of stickers.

Look, I don't know if this (or anything else for that matter) will work on my kids or yours. People keep telling me that my children will not be wearing diapers to college, but I am starting to worry about kindergarten.

Potty Time: The Toilet Training Timer

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 14:29:00 GMT

If you read my personal blog at all, you know that I am having trouble potty training my twins. They are almost three years old and nearly no progress has been made. I am pretty much constantly on the lookout for any advice, so when I heard about a potty watch I ran right over (well, I clicked right over) to the website to check it out.

The concept is quite good. It is a digital timer that you or your child can wear as a wristwatch. The parent sets the intervals and every 20/45/90 (whatever you choose) minutes the watch flashes bright colors and plays a song to signify that it is time to try to go potty again. This is helpful because it is 1) tough to get a toddler's attention unless you have an Elmo DVD in your bathroom and 2) hard to remember to take the kid to the toilet every 45 minutes.

The only real drawback to this product that I can see is that the alarm is a creepy electronic version of London Bridges that would probably drive a parent to drink within a day or two. Then again, my fellow Strollerderby contributor Kelly said that it almost made her wet her pants. I guess that could be a benefit when toilet training.

Strollerderby Playdate: It's Potty Time

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 16:03:00 GMT

Aargh. I've been doing a really half-assed job of trying to potty train The Goon Squad. I've been scouring the internet (okay, fine. I have a google alert* set up) for advice on how to get my kids out of diapers. Thank God I am not alone.

Mrs. Big Dubya wants Cliffs Notes for potty training. I'd buy them too.

Marc's daughter doesn't like to go potty alone.

William from Poop and Boogies tries to let us know what to expect when potty training a boy.

Paragraphein says she doesn't like talking about potty training because she thinks it is boring, but it's a pretty long post.

Meg says she had her child toilet trained by 15 months. I choose to remain skeptical.

* You would be shocked how many people are blogging about potty training their dogs.

I'm Pretty Sure Forbes Magazine Doesn't Have Kids

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 17:58:00 GMT

According to Forbes (and the American Academy of American Physicians) toilet training most often occurs between 18 and 24 months of age. But some children may remain in diapers as late as 2 1/2 to 3 years old.

Me: (scowling at the computer)

I've been trying to potty train my twins lately. When I say lately I mean I've been trying to get them to poop in the potty for over a year now. They will be three in May.

I used to be freaked out when my kids couldn't use the toilet when they turned two, but since I've been talking to other parents about it - the ones who have kids I know, so they can't lie - most of their children weren't completely potty trained until they were at least three years old. The boys seem to figure it out even later than the girls.

So why is the American Academy of American Physicians trying to make me feel like a slack-ass parent? I'm not crazy right. Does anyone (it doesn't count if your nanny did all of the work) actually have a child that could use the bathroom at 18 months? Wait. Maybe don't answer that. I don't think I want to know.

Potty Training at 18 Months

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 22:18:00 GMT

Creative-Type Dad and his wife are trying to potty train their daughter who is almost 1 1/2. He figures that if people can train animals to crap in the toilet, then why not an 18 month old? He seems to be mortified when he runs across four year olds that aren't toilet trained yet.

Now I know that every child is different and I am all for everybody doing whatever works for them as parents, but my twins are a full year older than his daughter and between the two of them in two and a half years they have pooped in the potty once and peed in it twice, and peed on the potty once. (I am pretty sure that the first one and the last one were flukes.)

I really don't mean to give Creative-Type Dad a hard time. I really enjoy his blog, in fact, I subscribe to his feed, but toilet training an 18 month old seems pretty ambitious to me.

He is looking for any tricks that you guys used to potty train your own children (and I am too, for that matter). Neither he, nor I are above most forms of bribery. Please leave a comment and let us know how (and when) you got this arduous task behind you.