Strollerderby : transgender

Transgender Girl Kicked Out of School

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:30:00 GMT

An eight-year-old who is biologically male but who has always identified as female has decided to begin living openly as a girl, even though this will mean leaving her beloved elementary school.

The second grader’s parents consulted with therapists and transgender specialists for many years before deciding to allow their son to live as a girl. It’s the same story shared by all parents of transgender children: from the time she could talk, the child (who will remain anonymous to protect her identity) told her parents that she was really a girl; she asked constantly to be able to wear dresses and drew pictures of herself in girl’s shoes and swimsuits.

“I know 8½ sounds pretty young, but when we’ve been dealing with it for six of those 8½ years, that’s a pretty long time,” the girl’s mother said. The Nebraska therapist whom the parents consulted warned them that attempting to deny transgender feelings can lead to drug and alcohol abuse, depression, and suicide.

Unfortunately, the child’s Catholic school does not see it that way. Although the eight-year-old wanted to continue third grade with her classmates, the church told her family that she would have to find a new school if she wanted to live as a girl.

So this fall, the eight-year-old will enter public school. Her parents say it’s a “delicate balance between helping people understand and protecting a child who’s different.” While they have chosen to speak to the media about the inborn nature of being transgendered, they do not necessarily want their daughter to be identified as transgender by her peers. They have enrolled her as a girl in her new school, and hope she will be unquestioningly accepted as such.

Photo: KETV

Parenting in Gendered World

Miriam Axel-Lute — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 20:00:00 GMT

There's a great thread over at Womanist Musings about the ongoing challenge of teaching our kids to be openminded about gender, especially when they are in school and experiencing both a bombardment of "this is what girls do; this is what boys do" and also watching peers tease/label/ostracize non-gender-conforming kids.

It's all so familiar to me: the tiring repetition, the feeling that others think you are going too far, and the related backlash: It's going too far to tell my kids that a hurtful term is not acceptable?! Or to fight like hell to keep them from constraining their own options in order to gender conform? Argh.

We've started using the "[That adult] just made a mistake [in assuming all girls like princesses/that you were a boy because you weren't wearing any pink/etc.]" line in our household that several commenters talk about. And we're still in the primarily spoon-feeding perspectives stage, where one of us is on hand to provide nearly instant feedback on all questionable statements. So it doesn't get any easier from here, I assume.

I'm sure it's the same any time you're trying to teach your child values that are not commonly held by the culture at large, whether it's gender fluiditiy, religious tolerance, or non-violence. You don't want to let things you find patently offensive and dangerous go by without response, and yet you have to walk the line of not seeming so obsessive you spark a rebellion or even just shut down conversation. I really appreciated hearing from so many parents in that thread who spoke of not freaking out over their daughters' girly phases, merely sticking to the "there's no such thing as girl/boy toys" mantra, and reporting that it "worked" (as in the message stuck with respect to others, not any particular outcome for their kids' interests). There's hope yet . . .

Photo by llamafloor.

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What defines a girl or a boy?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 12:30:00 GMT

Writing about transgendered kids is tough. If you believe sex is biologically set by chromosomes and organs, then even considering the whole notion is silly. If you believe that gender identity is entirely socially constructed, it's hard to understand why some kids raised in households without rigid gender roles—boys allowed to dress up and not like sports, etc.—still develop passionate, intense desires to be the other gender. (Me, I'm thinking hormones. Pesky things.)

The stories in the recent article on transgendered kids in the Minneapolis CityPages should certainly give pause to anyone who thinks these kids are having passing phases that their parents could easily deflect. And they also show the interesting challenge of coming out to potential romantic partners when you have transitioned early enough to pass completely. It's worth a read.

But as whenever we talk about what it means to "feel" like one gender or the other, the article ends up giving credence to conventional gender stereotypes and binaries along the way. It opens, for example, like this: "On her third birthday, Sarah Barnett tore open a package from her grandmother that would delight most girls her age. Gently folded on a pillow of tissue paper lay a frilly, ruffled dress." Sigh. Is it mixing my issues to wish that transgender awareness could manage not to rest on ideas like "girls inherently like frilly dresses?" Isn't the point that cross-dressing isn't enough?

The point of that anecdote, of course, is that her response was not (as my happy-to-be-a-woman childhood self's would have been) "Ew. I hate dresses," but "Why don't you tell Grandma I'm a boy?" Still, it points up how hard it is to talk about this issue without the crutch of "what most girls/boys" would like/prefer.

Photo by anyjazz65.

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Parents Upset: Transgender Kids Use Different School Bathrooms

JeanneSager — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:33:00 GMT

Uncomfortable kids in a bathroom or locker room? Who knew? That's the reason two California parents think their junior high should ban transgendered kids from using the facilities of the gender with which they associate. . . . because their own kids might feel "uncomfortable."

The district is fighting back (phewwww) because they say discomfort on the behalf of one individual does not qualify as a reason to deny another his or her constitutional rights not to be discriminated against. Score one for San Rafael school administrators.

The policy allows kids who have made the permanent switch to another gender (not necessarily sexual reassignment surgery, but presenting oneself as that particular gender) to use the girls bathroom if the identify themselves as girls or to change clothes in a boys locker room if they identify themselves as boys. In the case of changing clothes, they can choose to do so behind a curtain for additional privacy. State law protects gender and sexual identity, and the district isn't the first in California to allow for transgendered students to make choose their own facilities. Three other districts - including San Francisco - have adopted similar rules.

So what's the big deal? These parents say to expect boys to change with a young woman present - albeit behind a curtain - is imposing on their "modesty and dignity." In a very small way, I can see that. Kids in middle school are going through an incredibly tough time - they're touchy about EVERYTHING.

But transgendered kids are kids too. Once they begin telling the world they are of a certain gender, those that have made the switch entirely (the kids who the policy is built around) are making an attempt to live in one gender. If the other kids watch a "girl" named Jane walk into the boys bathroom, all her hard work to live comfortably in her own skin will come undone. "She" will be uncomfortable; what's more, she will have her rights to be protected from discrimination violated.

I'm also hard-pressed to see how it's any more uncomfortable to change in front of someone who is walking around acting like they're the same sex as you than it is to change in front of someone who has the same parts "down there" as you do. Kids in middle school, for the most part, still change very quickly in the locker room with their eyes downward (at least they did in my school). Are we going to start separating out the gay kids next because homophobic kids are "uncomfortable" imaging they're being looked at?

What these parents need to do is educate their kids on what transgender means, specifically the fact that these kids are not just cross dressing. They are specifically living their lives in another gender, the same gender as the kids sharing their bathrooms and locker rooms. Or maybe these parents are the ones who need an education?

Image: Amazon

Source: Mercury News

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Parents of Gender-Varient Youth Needed for Survey

Shannon LC Cate — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Trans Youth Family Allies is asking for parents and grandparents or other guardians of gender-varient children and youth to fill out surveys on their experience. The organization explains itself as a group that:

"empowers children and families by partnering with educators, service providers and communities, to develop supportive environments in which gender may be expressed and respected. We envision a society free of suicide and violence in which ALL children are respected and celebrated."

In their planning of services for transgender children, youth and their families, they need help from such families to teach them what is needed. If your family includes a gender-varient young person, please head over to their survey.

Gender's Up to Five-Year-Old Hermaphrodite, Not Parents

JeanneSager — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 12:35:00 GMT

Their child is a boy . . . and a girl. And as far as the Colombian courts are concerned, the 5-year-old hermaphrodite's parents do not have the right to sew the child's vagina shut and remove an ovary to allow for normal development of the penis and testicles.

Born with both female and male sexual organs, the youngster has been raised as a boy since birth. That's why his/her (I'm not being sarcastic, I really don't know quite which to say) father has been pressing for the right to schedule the surgery. But the court says at 5 it's too late for the parents to be making the decision - it's up to the child. I'd tend to agree - especially in light of the stories I've heard from the transgendered community over the years about the first time they remember feeling like they were in the "wrong" body. But what if the child chooses wrong?

Kids, by their nature, love to role play. Until adults start putting ideas in their head that somehow their behavior is abnormal (ugh), little boys will parade around in their sister's tutu or announce themselves as "Dora" today. The same goes for girls who might one day insist they're a boy, the next they're a girl, and back again. It can be a phase or it can be a sign of things to come. So how do you let a 5-year-old make this kind of decision?

The Intersex Society of North America, a non-profit advocacy group for the "intersex," actually advises against surgeries for children with both male and female reproductive organs - unless medical intervention is necessary for a child's health. Interestingly, they do advocate "gender assignment," essentially treating the child as one sex or the other from birth. In this case, the family has done that, choosing to treat their child as a son. But the ISNA says that has to be done after doctors do a complete evaluation to determine which gender the child is more likely to identify with as they grow up. Although it can't be 100 percent (think about the numbers of people seeking gender reassignment surgery), they say there are some markers within the body that give a general sense of how the rest of the body will develop.

Makes sense to me, and clears up a portion of the worry about letting a 5-year-old make such a huge decision. If doctors can say the body is developing one way or the other, and a child has significant support from the medical community (including counselors), this kind of decision should rest in the body of the person who will have to live with the results. Even if they're 5 years old.

Image: Mother Jones

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Economic Reasons to Become a Man

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Unless you’re willfully ignorant, you’re probably aware that there remains a significant gender wage gap in America—namely, that women make 79 cents for every dollar earned by men. Some people blame this disparity on discrimination, while others argue that it relates to different career goals.

Well, an avant-garde study has determined that discrimination is at least partly at work (gasp!). What better population to test out gender differences on than transgender people? In a study of transgender people in the workforce, researchers found that, across the board, men who became women earned an average of 32 percent less after the transition, while females who became males earned an average of 1.5 percent more after they transitioned.

Some of these people remained in their old jobs after their transitions, while some started new jobs. Some were out to their employers; others were not. The constant was that they had all already attended school and picked a profession—and, across the board, men earned more in this chosen profession.

So, it's official: women don't only earn less than men because they want to be mommies.

Image: Getty

When Your Girl Is a Boy (Or Vice Versa)

Miriam Axel-Lute — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 23:15:00 GMT

We've all known (or been) boys obsessed with princesses and makeup or tomboys who would rather wipe an axle with a dress than wear it. Most of us who were raised with Free to Be You and Me and feminist moms (and even a bunch of us who weren't) go out of our way to let our non-gender-stereotype conforming kids explore whatever interests they want and express themselves as they see fit.

This is hard enough, given other parents' need to constantly harp on about what boys and girls do and like in front of our kids (something I've ranted about here). But what about when it's not enough? What if you have a kid who feels wrong in their body, insists on the other pronoun, and is generally miserable unless actually acknowledged as the other gender? By many accounts there are some kids for whom general freedom from prescribed gender roles doesn't cut it.

The authors of the newly released The Transgender Child, which deals with with "gender variance from birth through college," argue that a child's gender identity is generally a "permanent part of who they are," whether it matches biology or not. They wrote the book to help parents and professional find their way through the mine field of implications of that.

I know one family going through this, and even for the most liberal parents, it's hard. Changing your notion of who your child is midstream is no piece of cake. A transgendered child may need, ironically, to conform more tightly to stereotypes about their preferred gender in order to get a diagnosis of gender identity disorder. (But you can't really feel you're a girl if you like cars!

Even harder, if a diagnosis is given, then there are some big decisions to be made. The best time to medically transition to the other gender is pre-puberty: it works much better and allows you to pass as your preferred gender as an adult much better. No pesky unwanted facial hair or breasts to get rid of. But the prospect of letting a child so young make such a big decision is extremely uncomfortable. (Though apparently some folks are experimenting with puberty delaying drugs that could allow the decision to be put off. Puberty at 25 anyone?)

What do you think? Have you gone through this? What would you do if it were your kid?

1st Pictures of Pregnant Man's Baby

Cole Gamble — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Here is Thomas beatie with his baby daughter Susan Juliette, who weighed 9 lbs., 5 oz., and was born on June 29 at 8:55 p.m

This photo comes courtesy of hollywoodgrind.com, from a blogger who is clearly not that stoked about this development. From that blog:

This baby will grow up believing biological fathers don’t matter in a child’s life. How would mothers feel if fathers said mothers don’t matter in a child’s life?

Both biological parents matter to children. In situations like this, where a person can choose to cut out the father because they can’t have a child with their same-sex partner, then they should opt not to have a child at all. I don’t believe sperm banks are a good idea for anyone to use, because the child never knows the father, and doesn’t even have the choice to know the father.

You know what? Who gives a rat's ass? Life goes on and it evolves. I can't wait until our children's children look back and say, "grandpa, why did anyone give a damn who was raising the baby as long as it was loved?"

And all I will be able to say is, "Well, sometimes it takes people a long time to grow up. Like generations."

"Pregnant Man" Beattie Loves the Limelight

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"Pregnant Man" Beattie Loves the Limelight

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:50:00 GMT

I am becoming increasingly convinced that Thomas Beattie (better known as the “pregnant man”) is a bit of a publicity whore. This isn’t necessarily a problem, so long as the publicity he seeks does more good than harm for the transgender community—and for his daughter, born on June 29.

In the latest Beattie media frenzy, September Films, a London firm, has beat out four other production companies in winning the rights to make a documentary telling Beattie’s story. The hourlong film will air on Channel 4, with rights to the film licensed globally. The Discovery Channel is currently seeking exclusive U.S. rights.

With his Oprah appearance, his memoir-in-progress (including tales of participating in beauty pageants in his youth), and now this film, Beattie seems keen on maintaining a large spot in the limelight. This is certainly not unusual in these days of reality TV and "It Happened to Me" bestsellers, but it becomes a bit more complicated when there is a child involved. I just hope the widespread publicity of Beattie’s unusual situation helps establish more tolerance for transgender folks and their children, not more hatred.

Photo: livenews.com

Man dresses up as a woman to marry a man

Brett Singer — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 13:00:00 GMT

So two people get married. A man and a woman. Or so the clerk thought.

Turns out "Justine" was really "Justin." Specifically Justin L. McCain, an 18-year-old who wanted to marry Antonio E. Blount, his 31-year-old boyfriend. One reason they were able to pull it off was because of a "design quirk" in the Virginia driver's licenses – the "M" or "F" in the "gender" area is obscured by the state seal. One wonders why no one seemed to notice that the name on the license was "Justin" rather than "Justine". Newport News Court clerk Rex Davis said that, "When things are rolling along and you don't have any reason to suspect that somebody is not being completely forthright with you, you might not take the time to check." Gee, and I thought New York City was a busy place. Davis issued the happy couple a marriage license, and then they went to Richmond to get hitched. Which they did.

The story makes it sound like the ruse might not have been discovered at all if McCain hadn't come back to Newport News to apply for a name change. Our busy clerk Rex Davis became suspicious when he saw the name, which was – get this -- Penelopsky Aaryonna Goldberry, which blogger Christian Hall points out is "pretty much the best name ever." I mean, where the hell do you come up with that one?

The marriage is illegal in the state of Virginia because, well, they're both dudes. Or rather, they're both "legally" dudes. The article quotes attorney Cole Thaler from the group Lambda Legal as saying that, "it's not deceptive for a transgender person who lives their life as a gender different from the gender they were assigned." In fact, "You could have a driver's license in New York state that says you're a male and have a birth certificate from New York City that says you're female," says Paisley Currah of the Transgender Law and Policy Institute.

According to the article, most states (the exceptions being Tennessee, Ohio and Idaho) "typically change one's gender on their birth certificate following gender reassignment surgery." What's not clear is whether or not Justin/Justine/Penelopsky has had surgery or not.

Now prosecutors have to decide whether or not to bring charges against the two lovebirds. Of course, if we would just LET GAY PEOPLE GET MARRIED THIS WOULD NOT BE AN ISSUE. Ahem.

And just for yucks, here's the video for Aerosmith's Dude (Looks Like A Lady).

image: worth1000.com

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Should Parents Delay Puberty for Transgender Children?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 15 May 2008 18:00:00 GMT

In the aftermath of media hype about pregnant transgender man Thomas Beattie—much of which threatened to return the “freak” label to the trans community—NPR has run a fascinating story that explains gender identity disorder from the viewpoint of a family living through it.

According to Danielle and Robert (last names were omitted), from the time their son was two-years-old, he insisted on dressing like a girl. From the time he was old enough to talk, he told his parents, “I’m a girl.” Throughout elementary school, he frequently had temper outbursts so severe that his parents sought psychiatric help. Finally, at age 10, he was diagnosed with gender identity disorder, a label that came as a relief to his parents, who could finally stop asking themselves, “What have we done to make this child so unhappy?” And, sure enough, as soon as Danielle and Robert allowed their son to live as a girl, the fights and the tantrums stopped.

The gender identity disorder diagnosis also allowed Danielle and Robert to consider options that were not available only four years ago. By taking monthly injections of medication that stops the body from releasing sex hormones, transgender children are able to postpone puberty, while continuing to grow taller. Then, at around age 16, they may decide to transition to the opposite gender by taking either estrogen or testosterone. By the time they are fully developed adults, they are physically almost indistinguishable from the gender with which they identify.

It probably won’t come as a shock that this is a very controversial program. Not only does taking estrogen or testosterone before puberty cause infertility, but some specialists believe that children cannot know with certainty whether or not they want to live as the opposite sex.

But Danielle and Robert do not see this as a choice for their child, now called Violet. In response to people who say Violet is too young to know that he wants to be a girl, Robert says, “Well, when did you know you were a girl? When did I know I was a boy? I knew my whole life, I can’t tell you exactly when, but it wasn’t like I was 10 and realized, ‘Oh gee, I must be a boy!’”

I know many liberal-minded people who do not “believe in” being transgender—that is, they do not believe there is a biological basis for the desire to live as the opposite sex. What do you folks think of Danielle and Robert’s story?

Image: prunellavulgaris.wordpress.com

Counseling Over Transgendered Third Grader

Kelly Mills — Tue, 13 May 2008 22:35:00 GMT

When a third-grade boy in Pennsylvania decided to transition to being female, his parents asked the school for assistance with peer acceptance. The school consulted with experts on transgender children and asked a school counselor to hold sessions with 100 third graders to explain why their classmate would be taking a different name and wearing female clothing. The idea was to help the kids with acceptance and to prevent them from saying mean things.

So what's the kerfuffle? I bet you can guess. The school sent letters to parents the day before the sessions informing them of what would be happening. And clearly the parents need the counseling more, because while both the guidence counselor and the mom of one of the boy's friends say the kids are pretty cool with the whole thing, the adults are irate. One wrote an interesting and critical commentary of the school, saying, "Introduction of sexual abuse prevention programs over the years should have taught these educators that most parents like to have a say in all aspects of their children's sexual education--particularly one that could be controversial." Is this sexual education? I guess it is in one biological sense of the word 'sex', but it seems to me it's more about diversity, communication, basic decency, and not being an asshole just because your parents are. Then again, I live in California, which the author of the commentary seems to think is nut-land.

Trans Community Worries About “Pregnant Man” Bad Press

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 06 May 2008 03:02:00 GMT

When Oprah gets involved, people get famous. And in the case of transgender man Thomas Beattie, the results of this fame are, so far, neither fortune nor glory. Since Beattie first wrote about his unorthodox decision to stop taking testosterone and become pregnant because his wife is unable to carry a child, the media has (unsurprisingly) had a field day with what quickly became dubbed the “pregnant man” story. The Oprah Winfrey Show, the BBC, Good Morning America, and People are only a few of the mainstream outlets to cover Beattie's pregnancy.

According to an update from The Advocate—the LGBT magazine that broke Beattie’s story—not everyone in the transgender community is pleased with Beattie’s decision to go public. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to Beattie, who said that he contacted several transgender organizations before writing a first-person account of his decision to carry a child in The Advocate. Half of the organizations never responded, and most of the others urged him to stay out of the limelight, worrying that publicity would only harm the Beattie family and the transgender community at large.

Specifically, many trans activists worry that Beattie’s unusual story will cause an already less than tolerant public to label all transgender people “freaks” and “disgusting,” two terms that flooded the blogosphere in the wake of Beattie’s story. (The comments on my first article about Beattie’s pregnancy are a case in point.) Even more concerning are fears that this media frenzy could be used to fuel legislation curbing transgender rights, just as many states passed anti-gay marriage legislation after the Massachusetts supreme court upheld gays’ right to marry.

On the other hand, some LGBT activists applaud Beattie’s decision to stretch the limits of the public’s tolerance. As Beattie wrote in the Advocate—and Oprah quoted to a supportive studio audience—“[O]ur situation ultimately will ask everyone to embrace the gamut of human possibility and to define for themselves what is normal.”

While I am supportive of Beattie’s optimism that his story will open the public’s eyes to the many forms a healthy, loving family can take, I fear that this shift in perspective is unlikely to happen fast enough to shield his child from discrimination throughout his or her youth. With many bloggers expressing not only disgust but violent hatred for Beattie and his unborn child, I’m afraid we’ve got a long way to go.

Photo: ABC News

Pregnancy: It's Not Just for Women Anymore

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 15:47:00 GMT

An Oregon man has publicly announced that he is five months pregnant with a healthy baby girl. So all of those hypothetical “If men could get pregnant….” statements may get practically tested after all--although somehow I don’t think abortion is going to become a sacrament or maternity leave is going to last for two years for the sake of Thomas Beattie, a transgender man who had to go through nearly ten doctors before he found one who was willing to handle his highly unusual case.

I must admit that when I first heard about Beattie’s pregnancy claims on ABC, I feared for the reputations of transgender people everywhere: a man gets gender reassignment surgery, then gets artificially inseminated and broadcasts it on the Internet? Plus, according to ABC, a few of Beattie's neighbors were convinced the whole thing was a hoax. “I saw him the other day, and he didn’t look pregnant,” one said. (As I later learned, my concern about Beattie's outspokenness was shared by some in the trans community.)

But after reading Beattie’s moving first-person account published in The Advocate, I had a very different take. ABC failed to mention that Beattie’s wife is unable to carry a child, making their decision to have Beattie be the biological mother understandable. Furthermore, Beattie explains the logistics of his situation in such a way that it's clear this will be a very wanted baby. He has always identified as a man, and years ago underwent chest reconstruction surgery and began taking testosterone to appear outwardly as one. But he kept his female reproductive organs, so in order to become pregnant, all he needed to do was stop his testosterone injections. Not that he wanted to start getting PMS and cramps again, but hey, we all make sacrifices for our offspring.

Parent Blogosphere Focus: Meet the GLBT Parents (Part 1)

thezeroboss — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 15:34:00 GMT

Here at Strollerderby, we strive to highlight the great writing done by parenting bloggers far and wide. As a bisexual dad myself, I have a special interest in calling out my peeps in the GLBT community, who face the burden of parenting in a culture that is often hostile to their family's very existence. In the following series of posts, I'll point out some of the best blogs written by gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered parents that you may or may not be reading. Many of these blogs are about parenting, but some aren't; the key factor is that they discuss some facet of the world from a GLBT parent's perspective.

By way of Pirate Papa I found Guy Dads, two gay fathers who are raising six kids. (I would say "HOLY SHIT!" with as many exclamation points as my text editor allows, but having six kids total myself, I'm in no position to talk.) Check out this post from author Another Gay Dad about the War on Christmas, and how he feels about "coming out" to others during the Christian high holidays as a convert to Reformed Judaism.

One blog that everybody insisted I must read is The Other Mother, written by Robin Reagler, which subtitles itself "letters from the outposts of lesbian parenting". Robin and her partner have two girls who are the definition of "adorable". Here's Robin talking about how glad she and her partner are to know that their child didn't inherit Kelsey Grammar's hair line. For a mile-high view of what Other Mother and her family are all about, check out her review of 2006, culled by copying the first paragraph from the beginning of each month of her archives.

Finally (for now), The Hygiene Chronicles is a must read. The author Steve lives in the Washington D.C. area with his partner of 15 years and their 4 year old son. How good is Steve? He has me thinking that I should moisturize my face. Plus, his top 10 albums from 1985 to 1989 show he has, if not impeccable, then at least excusable taste in music.

Needless to say, I haven't even sucked the tip of the iceberg with this roundup. Stay tuned for more!