Strollerderby : unhappy marriage

Marriage v. Single Life: The Blood Pressure Standoff

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:13:00 GMT

And it’s official: bad relationships are bad for your heart. A study led by a Brigham Young University researcher found that unhappily married people have higher blood pressure than both happily married people and singles. The study of 204 married people and 99 singles—none of whom had live-in partners—revealed a clear blood pressure hierarchy in social relationships. And from lowest to highest, the winners are: 1) happily married folk; 2) singles with a good social network; 3) singles without a good social network; 4) the unhappily married.

In other words, the recluse with no friends has better heart health than the woman with a rich, handsome husband whom she can’t stand. This is not exactly a revelation: screaming fights with your significant other and constant thoughts of divorce cannot be calming. But it does make a clear cut argument against marriage for marriage’s sake. Coming in the wake of a widely circulated Atlantic Monthly article, “Marry Him!” by Lori Gottlieb (the title says it all), this could be a helpful reminder that perhaps there is something to that whole waiting for your soul mate thing after all. And if it doesn’t work out, there are always friends and vibrators. Your heart will thank you.

Photo: bbc.co.uk

Married Ladies: Speak Up Or Die Young

Kelly Mills — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 12:34:00 GMT

The next time your husband gives you a hard time for complaining or fighting, tell him: "I'm saving my life, jerk. Gawd, you are so selfish!" A study of married couples found that women who stay silent during marital tiffs are more likely to die from heart disease and other badness than women who let it all hang out. Interestingly, men had the same life expectancy whether or not they spoke up. Yep, science is telling us that husbands should keep their yaps shut while the ladies rail. I knew it.

While they say marriage is good for the health and life expectancy of folks, it turns out that a crappy marriage might kill you quicker, and not just in the slow, painful death of your soul. A few studies have found that bad marriages may increase the risks of heart attacks and can make healing take longer. One researcher even says the pronouns used--"we" versus "I"--can indicate the course of a partner's heart disease, especially for women. "For women with heart disease, repeatedly using the words 'I' or 'me,' he said, 'is like the kiss of death.'" Right now we are thinking we'd better start being nicer to our husband--oh, but not in a keep-it-all-in kinda way.

Here's another one: "When asked what they fought over, men said sex, and women cited money, children and chores. Men were more likely than women to report their marriages were happy and that their spouses loved them." Who is right? Well, the short answer I give my partner is "I'm always right. Always." I believe that is the recipe for marital happiness. Now if I could just get the hubs on board...

Top 5 Gen Ex Misperceptions About Having Kids

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 14:00:00 GMT

Generation X is apparently much less enthralled with having children (and better equipped with birth control choices) than prior generations. The mean age of women having children is now approximately 30 years, older still for women with higher educational attainment and incomes. As we wait longer to have children, one would assume that our choice is more informed than prior generations.

Quite the contrary. It turns out the we, MTV generation, are relatively clueless about children before deciding to have our own. Since we spend the majority of our early adulthood engaged in work, travel, and romping, is it any wonder?

Here are 5 of the most prevalent misperceptions leading us down the primrose path of parenthood:

1. Having children will make your relationship stronger
While it is true that children often impel people to stay in bad relationships, research shows that the little buggers might be the start of the whole thing falling apart anyway. Marital quality usually declines after having children. Seattle's Gottman Institute conducted a multi-year study to identify key factors in decreasing marital discord after having a baby.

2. Men and women share childrearing duties and parent the same. Co-parenting works
In her book "The Second Shift" Arlie Russell Hochschild points out that women still do the majority of cooking, cleaning, laundry and childcare, regardless of how many hours they put in at the office.

3. You will get your body back
Read the stats on obesity lately? It is probably unfair to blame the extra pounds on the pregnancy, but at least you can if you like.

4. Wait six weeks after the baby to resume your sex life and it will return to normal.
You sex life won't return to normal (whatever that is). You can write a book about it, talk to your friends on the sly, and do your sit-ups. It will change as surely as your body will.

5. Having children will make an empty life seem full.
Not surprisingly, an empty life will remain empty if one falls into the trap of believing your children will be your wee performing cute monkeys. If you are a total narcissist youth-worshipper, you likely won't be amused by the lack of sleep, long tedious hours, and general other-centerdness required in childrearing.

If we were properly informed would we choose to procreate? Probably. Even cranky parents would agree that most days, it's still worth it.