Strollerderby : wedding

9 Steps to Keep Your Kid from Ruining a Wedding - Part II

Cole Gamble — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:00:00 GMT

5) If you and your wife are a part of the wedding party, it really ruins the whole effect if you have children who are upset calling out for you and running around (depending on the age) wanting to stand next to you. Designate a babysitter or just a friendly acquaintance of the bride and groom to remove you children from the situation as needed. Immediately. I am always appalled when the children end up being the center of the ceremony, and believe me, I have seen it.

6) If there ends up being a receiving line right after the ceremony, don't make the kids stand there for 25 minutes. It will NOT go well. Have your designee entertain them until they have to jump through the next hoop.

7) Most wedding parties get their pictures done right after the ceremony is over. It is a long very boring process, especially for kids. I recommend really hooking your children your children up under this particular circumstance. Don't just bring a juice box and a banana. Tide them over with big time junk food (no Cheetos--think tux black and neon Cheeto orange) and maybe a little candy. This will occupy them for a bit while they wait their turn. Dollar store trinkets also work pretty well to distract them for a few minutes, until they break them.

8) The reception can be a bit tricky. Many of the guests will want to see you little gems, so they'll have to go for the beginning. But just an hour into the reception and your kid is definitely spinning. It may be well into their bedtime. Think about having a babysitter arranged at home or the hotel, then whisk the little time bombs discretely and hurry back before anyone notices you’re gone.

9) Just a couple more things...MAKE SURE you buy your daughter tights that are a size bigger. They just ride higher no big deal. The last thing you want is your little girl to be adjusting her tights constantly throughout the ceremony and on the way down the aisle. They have no shame and may possibly tuck their dress into the tights. One more piece of advice. I would not get her hair professionally done because a five year old does not need an updo with a French roll. Just style it as you see fit.

To Part 1

9 Steps to Keep Your Kid from Ruining a Wedding

Cole Gamble — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:30:00 GMT

It’s that time of year when a flood of summer wedding invitations (especially June) clog your mailbox. The wedding party is finishing alterations and trying to match shoes and what not. Oh, and also your kids will probably be involved, especially if it’s a relative getting married. Let’s face it, flower girls and ring bearers are sweet and receive lots of oohs and awws from the attendees, which adds sweetness to the whole ceremony. Though they make for a cute prop, the kid is still your responsibility. If your monster steps on the bride’s train, sets the ice sculpture on fire or decides to take his pants off at the altar, all eyes burn on you.

1) If the bride is in hysterics before the wedding, remove the kid from the situation. She might want to offer the bride her gummy, hair covered lollypop in consolation. Or more likely your kid will tug out the bride’s delicately done hair while the lady bawls. Brides do not need the added stress and neither do you!

2) So, flower girls get a cute little dress for the wedding. If the dress needs no alterations, hide the dress until the day of the wedding. Many little girls are fascinated with these types of things, especially the three to six year olds. Unless you want her screaming about her dress over everyone’s rehearsal dinner speech.

When you hide that dress, hide it well. If it is introduced to her, it’s all over, even if you hide it, she WILL find that dress. Private middle of the night fashion shows (twirling) have been known to happen. The dress could get seriously affected from all the wear and tear. Then the bride will be annoyed and you'll have to pay for it, and, again, it’s your problem. Just don't show her.

3) As for the Ring Bearers. So much about this depends on the age. If someone asks for your eight year old or older son to be a ring bearer; my advice would be to politely turn them down because an older child carrying a pillow looks silly, let’s face it. If your son is an appropriate age to be involved do not discuss the wedding with your son. Make no mention of the tux he will be wearing; that could cause a lot of trouble for you, because he'll complain often and many little boys could care less about weddings anyway, so no harm done. Talking about it may only create pending anxiety and resentment against YOU for making him do this, so just as the flower girl, introduce everything the day of the wedding or shortly before if alterations are a necessity.

4) While at the rehearsal, the night before, I'd not have the children too involved (i.e. getting the aisle walk just right.) Make sure to tell them that there will be some people, some of which, they'll know in the audience. Give them the go ahead to wave and be friendly. That might take away some of the stage fright. The bride will be way back in line, her heart beating out of her chest, and she'd never know if your children showed off a bit or, you know, stopped to take a piss on the carpet.

Continue to Part II

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Whit Honea — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 21:00:00 GMT

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(Very) Young Love Foiled By Police

KeriF — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 01:34:00 GMT

Anna-Leva and Mika were young and in love, so they decided to do what so many other young couples have done before: elope. They packed their bathing suits and sunglasses and brought along Anna-Leva's sister to act as a witness. But the police noticed the threesome at the local train station and put a kibosh on the planned nuptials.

Why? Because Anna-Leva and Mika are 5- and 6-years-old.

To be fair, even if the police hadn't noticed them, the three children wouldn't have gotten too far, seeing as they had neither money nor passports. But who needs such material things when you've got love on your side?

The trio apparently walked a half-mile to the local tram station, which took them to a train station where they patiently waited for the train to take them to the airport. Their destination: Africa. ("Where it is warm," they explained to police.)

In lieu of their dream wedding, the kids got a tour of the police station.

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Bride Goes Into Labor During Wedding, Still Hits Reception

Jen Chaney — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 12:02:00 GMT

I can only speak for myself. But I might consider postponing my nuptials if I were pregnant and my water broke before the wedding.

New British wife (and mummy) Emma Lowdon is clearly a heartier soul. As the Mirror reports, her water broke three days before she and her fiance, Sean, were due to tie the knot. Doctors gave her antibiotics and their blessing to proceed with the wedding as scheduled. So the couple stuck with their plan.

Shortly before she walked down the aisle, Lowdon apparently started to go into labor. She managed to fight through the contractions, say her vows and get a kiss from her groom.

Not only that, but she also swung by a reception before heading to the hospital. (I can almost imagine what she must have said: "I know the baby is crowning, but I paid for this @#!&ing caterer. And I am eating some of those crab puffs before I go to the maternity ward!")

The couple's son, Josh, was born the following day (that poor woman, as if the wedding wasn't tiring enough) and was five weeks' premature. But he is healthy. So we wish them congratulations and also offer our sympathies. Sympathies? Yeah. A new baby brings much joy, but I have to think he also makes for the lamest honeymoon ever.

A Wedding at a Children's Hospital

Jen Chaney — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:27:00 GMT

Here's a story that may make you tear up a little on a Monday morning. A former patient at Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago -- a place where as a 10-year-old, she underwent surgery to remove a brain tumor -- got married at the hospital over the weekend.

Lindsay Anderson and her fiance, Josh Leve, said "I do" in the courtyard of the hospital, while 100 guests and many current young patients and staff members watched. The bride told the Chicago Sun-Times that she wanted to "give the kids here . . . an ounce of hope that their lives will come full circle like mine did."

A portion of Anderson's tumor was removed when she was 13-months-old, and the rest was taken out at Children's when she was 10. She is now 22 and in solid health.

Perhaps this story will give some hope to parents who have a child with a serious medical condition. Further reason to rejoice: If your son or daughter follows in Anderson's footsteps and decides to wed at a hospital, you will save SO much money on the reception.

Seriously, though, congratulations to the new couple and kudos to them for using their happy day to bring joy to others.

Photo Credit: John J. Kim/Sun-Times

Boy Dies After Being Granted His Last Wish

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:35:00 GMT

Lorraine Fleming, whose son Reece died of cancer recently, is holding on to the comfort that Reece was granted his last wish before he died: to marry his school sweetheart.

After 8-year-old Reece, who had battled cancer for half of his life, was told that he had only a few weeks to live, he popped the big question to Elleanor Pursglove, his close friend of many years. She accepted, and on the appointed day, Elleanor arrived at Reece’s house in a wedding dress. Her mother acted as vicar as the school friends exchanged rings and vows. Reece, dressed in his favorite shirt, also presented Elleanor with a red rose.

Prior to getting “married,” Reece had told his mother, “I’m not ready to go yet.” But the night of the wedding, he seemed truly at peace. “Mum, I can go now,” he told Lorraine. He died the next day.

Reece had fulfilled many other life ambitions as well, such as riding in a Ferrari and a Porsche, having a pirate party, and spending a day at a fire station.

Photo: The Daily Mail

Mrs. And Mrs. DeGeneres, and a male perspective on the name game

Brett Singer — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:00:00 GMT

You won't have Portia De Rossi to kick around anymore – well, you will (although why you would want to kick her, I have no idea), but she'll have a new name. According to the Daily News, Portia will take DeGeneres' last name when they officially tie the knot. (I guess that clears up any question about who the "man" in that relationship is, right?)

I do wonder how a gay couple makes this decision. Ellen definitely makes more money, and she is older. She also never wears dresses. OK, maybe in their case it wasn't that difficult. I'll be curious if other gay couples make name-changes as they (hopefully) continue to get legally hitched. (If this issue has come up for any readers, let us know in the comments.)

Interestingly, many women in heterosexual marriages don't change their names, at least judging from the reactions to Adrienne's recent post on the subject. Of course, some women did make the switch, for various reasons: "I didn't have any special attachment to my original name", "I didn't want to change my name, but my husband really wanted me to" are two of the comments.

The subject of names didn't come up when I got married, but it's clearly an issue. I know I wouldn't want to change my name, and I'm not sure how I would have felt about it if my wife had wanted to "keep her name" (a phrase I think sounds odd, although I admit that I don't have a better one – yet). I'm not a fan of the hyphen-name, mostly because usually it's only the mother who uses it; the husband and children use the man's name. If everyone in the family went hyphen, I think that would be different. One consideration that rarely gets discussed is what a woman has to do in order to change her name; if my wife's experience is any guide, it can be a lot of work.

So guys, if your wife-to-be doesn't want to "take your name" when she takes your hand in marriage, try this:

"Grrr! Ugg want you change name! Make Ugg feel manly! Now get Ugg dinner!"

Yeah, that'll work.

image: Daily News

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Drive-by weddings

Brett Singer — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 19:00:00 GMT

36 couples in Sweden are hoping to get married in their cars during a "gathering of auto enthusiasts". Despite the presence of neon signs and the music of Elvis, this is actually a sanctioned religious service – the Church of Sweden is organizing the event. In fact, the Elvis songs will be sung by a priest.

It may sound like a big goof, but the stated reason is actually an interesting one. Swedish priest Jerker Asterlund, who is organizing the motorcade nuptials, told Reuters, "Weddings are getting more and more commercialized and that is not something we have any interest in. We would like to make things simpler and more down to earth when people take the plunge and get married. This is not just for fun, but also a way for the Church of Sweden to show we can take part in celebration and happiness and not just in crisis and catastrophes."

Can you imagine if a church in the U.S. did something like this? Massive outcry, methinks. (If anyone knows of a comparable event in the Yoo-Ess-Ay, let me know.)

While I agree that weddings have gotten overblown to the point of silliness, I have to admit that I enjoyed my own wedding, which wasn't THAT extravagant, but was far from subdued. We've talked about the idea of too-big wedding ceremonies before; there was this item recently about bridesmaids refusing to pony up for an expensive dress they'll only wear once.

Do you think weddings have become too big? And how does getting hitched in a Volvo sound?

image: backtothefifties.co.uk
(note: the site the image comes from does not appear to offer weddings in cars)

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Man dresses up as a woman to marry a man

Brett Singer — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 13:00:00 GMT

So two people get married. A man and a woman. Or so the clerk thought.

Turns out "Justine" was really "Justin." Specifically Justin L. McCain, an 18-year-old who wanted to marry Antonio E. Blount, his 31-year-old boyfriend. One reason they were able to pull it off was because of a "design quirk" in the Virginia driver's licenses – the "M" or "F" in the "gender" area is obscured by the state seal. One wonders why no one seemed to notice that the name on the license was "Justin" rather than "Justine". Newport News Court clerk Rex Davis said that, "When things are rolling along and you don't have any reason to suspect that somebody is not being completely forthright with you, you might not take the time to check." Gee, and I thought New York City was a busy place. Davis issued the happy couple a marriage license, and then they went to Richmond to get hitched. Which they did.

The story makes it sound like the ruse might not have been discovered at all if McCain hadn't come back to Newport News to apply for a name change. Our busy clerk Rex Davis became suspicious when he saw the name, which was – get this -- Penelopsky Aaryonna Goldberry, which blogger Christian Hall points out is "pretty much the best name ever." I mean, where the hell do you come up with that one?

The marriage is illegal in the state of Virginia because, well, they're both dudes. Or rather, they're both "legally" dudes. The article quotes attorney Cole Thaler from the group Lambda Legal as saying that, "it's not deceptive for a transgender person who lives their life as a gender different from the gender they were assigned." In fact, "You could have a driver's license in New York state that says you're a male and have a birth certificate from New York City that says you're female," says Paisley Currah of the Transgender Law and Policy Institute.

According to the article, most states (the exceptions being Tennessee, Ohio and Idaho) "typically change one's gender on their birth certificate following gender reassignment surgery." What's not clear is whether or not Justin/Justine/Penelopsky has had surgery or not.

Now prosecutors have to decide whether or not to bring charges against the two lovebirds. Of course, if we would just LET GAY PEOPLE GET MARRIED THIS WOULD NOT BE AN ISSUE. Ahem.

And just for yucks, here's the video for Aerosmith's Dude (Looks Like A Lady).

image: worth1000.com

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Immigrant Gay Folks Face New Challenges

Kelly Mills — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Following the recent Supreme Court decision that legalized gay marriage, it's clear that some things are gonna change around here. (For starters, you may want to book that popular wedding venue extra early.) But Sandip Roy points out that for some immigrant gay people, a whole new situation has opened up.

In some cultures, being single is worse than being gay. So families who previously gave up on dreams of a married son or daughter may now have a whole new reason to pressure the kids to find a mate and get hitched. Roy even speculates gay arranged marriages might someday be a possibility. And I guess it goes without saying that families may now start aggressively nudging gay couples to have kids ASAP. It's an excellent article, and it will be interesting to see how this turns out for all of us.

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One More Reason To Be Jealous of California

Kelly Mills — Fri, 30 May 2008 20:02:00 GMT

I love my state. And really, aside from a few righteous a-holes in Orange County and the fact that both Madeline and Mike live here, what's not to love? We Californians enjoy awesome weather almost year-round; we are pretty dang diverse in many ways; the food in our urban centers rocks the party; and we have some of the most gorgeous scenery ever. Sometimes people from other places talk about us like we are the biggest fruit loops on the planet, and that's just fine by us, because it's just too pretty and laid-back here for us to really care. Oh, and now we have yet another thing going for us.

See, I don't know if you heard, but our state has had some kerfuffles over gay marriage lately, and the latest news, following the Supreme Court ruling, is that a majority of Californians now support gay marriage. Ha ha. We rock! Okay, so that's just the finding of one poll, and the margin is slim, but still, it's a start. Hey, I don't even believe rights and benefits should be tied to marriage and I'm excited, just because it says something about equality and discrimination. And really, what more perfect place for queer couples to tie the knot than a state where you can have a gorgeous outdoor wedding in November?

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Toddlers Can’t Marry In Arkansas No More

Cole Gamble — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Arkansas didn’t need this. It could’a happened someplace else. To one of them northern states like, real uppity-like, such as New York and that place with the Cheese steaks. Arkansas shouldn’t have to suffer this indignity. But it’s fact, toddlers are no longer legally allowed to get hitched in the Great State of Arkansas.

But why? Why can’t these lovin’ toddlers be married?

Turns out they were never meant to. A recently passed bill attempting to set a minimum marriage age of 18 actually, due to a typo, removed any age limit at all. All any two kids, even infants, require to get married is their parents approval. And with that thought, let us imagine a few things one might overhear at a toddler wedding:

“I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may smear snot all over the bride.”

“What’s holding up the ceremony?”

“The groom ran from the alter.”

“Cold feet?”

“No, he saw a squirrel.”

“Is the bridesmaid available? What am I saying; she’s like 4-years-old, an old maid.”

“Okay Maddy, time to cut the cake. Cut the cake Maddy. Get off the Cake, Maddy. GET OFF THE CAKE!”

Well, I could go on about honeymoons at Chuck E. Cheese and what-not, but suffice to say Arkansas is working to reverse this error, and thus take just a little more fun out of our lives.

Strollerderby : wedding

9 Steps to Keep Your Kid from Ruining a Wedding - Part II

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