Strollerderby : weddings

Little Girls Really Do Marry Their Daddies

JeanneSager — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 22:01:00 GMT

Did your daughter ever inform you when she grows up she's going to marry her Daddy?

It turns out she probably will - or at the very least his doppelganger. Your son, by the way? He might well grow up to marry a woman is a heckuva lot like his Mom.

Recent research and surveys have come up with the same answers - an overwhelming number of people grow up and fall in love with someone who shares either facial characteristics or personalities with one of their parents. Some researchers say it has to do with familiarity, others because they are following set patterns in their lives (ie. a girl with a missing dad might marry an emotionally unavailable man).

Let's face it, kids inherit traits from their parents. So it only stands to reason that the traits they inherited from one parent would be the same kinds of traits that drew that particular parent to the other. If a girl is more like her mother, for example, wouldn't it make sense that she'd be attracted to a guy like her father?

Is one of your kids more like you? Do they have the kind of personality that would mesh with their other parent better? Who is your little one going to grow up to marry?

Image: Sydney Morning Herald

Michigan to Parents: Get Married, Or Pay Up

Miriam Axel-Lute — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:00:00 GMT

The state of Michigan says Gary Johnson owes them $3,800 for the birth of his daughter. Unless, of course, he wants to actually marry her mother already.

How exactly do they rationalize this? Gary Johnson is not a deadbeat dad. He lives with Rebecca Witt, his daughter's mother, and they plan to marry someday, but they were hoping to wait until they were in a better financial position to do so. Right now, though, they're pretty poor, as evidenced by the fact that Witt was on Medicaid at the time of the birth. That's the payment that the state is trying to recoup from Johnson.

Now, I could understand if they thought the couple wasn't getting married in order to hide Johnson's income and qualify for Medicaid if they wouldn't otherwise. (I might argue, still, that that's the state's own fault for defining families the way they do, but I'd understand it from a self-interest perspective.) However, if they're willing to let him off the hook entirely if he just gets hitched, then clearly it's not just a matter of needing the money. Besides, the report I read made no mention of anything less than honest on the part of the couple.

It appears that this is one of those instances where the state has just decided it will help society to force people into legal marriage. For more examples, along with an explanation of why this is a dumb way to go about things, check out the splendidly named report Let them Eat Wedding Rings.

As for me, I might disagree with Witt about what constitutes a "really nice" wedding or how important it is, but I also understand wanting to make it special and not just exchange Cracker Jack rings in front of a judge. In fact, I think it comes down to this: Witt and Johnson appear to be (1) caring for their kid together (2) taking marriage seriously and (3) being prudent and trying to plan ahead rather than putting an expensive wedding on a credit card or something. Isn't that the sort of behavior Michigan ought to be supporting?

Image from Liam's Pictures from Old Books.

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Bouncy Castle or Wedding Chapel?

SunnyChanel — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:00:00 GMT

I don’t know if I want to bounce off the walls or hum “Here Comes the Bride”. The Inflatable Church looks a lot like something you’d rent from Parties-R-Us for your kids birthday party but in fact it’s an honest to goodness wedding chapel. Yeah, this air filled blow-up structure is a pretty wacky yet airy, light and whimsical place to say “I Do”.

The church holds sixty guests plus the officiate of your choice and the bridal party. It features pews, a pulpit, “strained glass” plastic windows, an alter, candles and an inflatable organ. This plastic fantasy will cost your $4,000 to rent. Just don’t let the little princess in your life catch a sight of this ‘cos you won’t hear the end of begging to get it for their next birthday. Trust me, I’m paying the “pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease mommy”, price right now.

Six Steps to a Parent-Friendly Wedding

Miriam Axel-Lute — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Kids and weddings—depending who you ask it’s a match made in heaven or a disaster in the offing. There are plenty of people out there who will happily give you tips about a "kid-friendly" wedding, making them feel special and valued with their own, less-stuffy invitations and special roles to play.

But what about their parents? As cute as they are, it’s not so much the babies that form the core of your invite list, right? It’s your own nearest and dearest, your siblings and cousins and family of choice, the people who remember you in your prom dress, take the late-night phone calls, and made sure you didn’t make the mistake of your life and marry that other guy/gal.

They want to come to your wedding, even if they’ve recently spawned and become that alien creature known as a “parent.” Here’s how to make them feel welcome:

(1)   Make it clear if the kids are invited—and to how much. Wedding invitation etiquette is complicated and subtle. Don’t assume that your parent friends have the brain to retain it all, or that they remember that they don’t now form a completely inseparable family unit with their kids. Spell it out: Either put the kids’ names on the invite or say “children welcome.” Or, if any part of your event is adults only, spell that out too. Whatever you do, don’t make anyone ask. Bonus points: Give a heads-up about “adult only” ceremonies and/or receptions at the save-the-date stage, especially for out-of-town invitees.

(2)   Offer child care—but make it optional. One of the major reasons the debate about children at weddings is eternal is that kids (and parents) are (news flash!) different. Some kids will be excited to see the ceremony, sit quietly watching or nursing or coloring, and generally be a better guest than your half-deaf uncle who provides audible running commentary about your weird religion from the fourth row. On the other hand, some will be miserable, cranky, and noisy. By offering the option of child care, you can give some parents the precious ability to be present at your ceremony without distractions without making others feel like they have to say no to their kid who’s all excited to see the pageantry or blow bubbles at you as you leave.

(3)   Know thyself. Kids in a wedding can be a great thing. But if you’re going to go to pieces if everything isn’t just so, don’t give young kids roles in your ceremony. Just don’t. Also seat parents of the under-5 crowd on the edge of the reception hall, near the exit. (This isn’t rude. No parent loves walking the gauntlet with a meltdown in progress.) If you want a parent to play a central role in your day, talk to him or her beforehand about naptimes, child care, etc. In other words, if you expect your maid of honor’s undivided attention for two hours before the organ starts to play or your brother to give a toast at a late-night reception, make sure they know it, and find out how realistic it is.

(4)   Look for a location with a playground or other child attraction. Face it: weddings, when you count the reception in, are long. Even the best-behaved child needs to let off a little steam in there. Luckily, this doesn’t require you to hold your wedding in a kiddie fun park. If you’re renting a house of worship, talk about having access to the nursery or RE room and/or the outdoor play area. If you’re doing a weekend wedding, look for resorts or camps that have a playground (though copious outdoors is generally enough). Hotels are more tricky, but many larger ones will have something available if you ask. If not, you can rent an extra conference room for child care and stock it with toys old, new, borrowed, and blue. Or just take my cousin’s approach, and put board games out at the reception itself.

(5)   Accommodate the stuff. For weekend-long weddings especially, but even for the shorter kind, parents tend to pack for weddings as for a vacation. Far from fitting everything they need into a clutch purse and a tuxedo pocket, they arrive laden with diaper bags, sippy cups, tote bags of favorite stories and stuffed animals, and insulated lunch bags filled with bottles/allergen-free foods/the only three foods the two-year-old will eat. An easily accessible coat rack, coat check, or other corner where it’s acceptable for them to lay down their load is a huge relief. Bonus: For weekends, especially, see if you can arrange refrigerator access.

(6)   Keep bedtime in mind. No, no, no. I don’t mean you can’t party nice and late. But remember: if you are having an evening wedding and guests are relying on you for dinner afterwards, allowing serving time to creep to 9 pm and later means many parents are going to have to choose between overtired tantrums (not something you want either) or not getting to eat. Or at least not getting to eat cake. And it sucks to miss the cake, you know?

Wedding planning is a balancing act worthy of the Karamazov brothers. But throwing parents’ needs into the mix early will earn you gratitude from your friends and family—and probably a wedding populated by happier kids too, a blessing worth a little planning.

Photo by anthrovik.

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Child-Free Weddings: Brilliant or Bonkers?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:51:00 GMT

Planning a wedding makes people act insane. The latest proof of this is that, according to the BBC, it's become increasingly acceptable to outlaw little people at weddings. A longtime wedding planner named Barry Long said that including the words, “No Children Allowed” on a wedding invitation was taboo until about 10 years ago—now, he says, about half of weddings ban all children, while some allow only children of close family. (And you think the seat assignments cause rifts….)

Thank heavens for Jezebel’s refreshingly cynical take on this uptight trend. Not even considering the rudeness of forcing one’s wedding guests to pay for long-term childcare, weddings without kids seem to me like glorified bachelor(ette) parties. Even assuming that the bride and groom know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would never consider bringing a loud, smelly mini human into the world, aren’t weddings supposed to be about community, family, and playing with adorable flower girls after your third glass of peach champagne?

Besides, if you have friends who would not take a crying child outside of a wedding ceremony (or movie theatre) immediately, perhaps you should rethink your friends.

I think Jezebel commenter Emily Anne dove into the real heart of the matter when she wrote: “Also I want to know where this obsession with weddings being so damn perfect came from, I can't help feeling that if you get that pernickity nothing that comes after will ever be quite good enough, for example the boring day to day marriage stuff.”

Yep, hard as it for some childless people to accept, even adult-only events are not perfect.

Photo: Jezebel

Drive-by weddings

Brett Singer — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 19:00:00 GMT

36 couples in Sweden are hoping to get married in their cars during a "gathering of auto enthusiasts". Despite the presence of neon signs and the music of Elvis, this is actually a sanctioned religious service – the Church of Sweden is organizing the event. In fact, the Elvis songs will be sung by a priest.

It may sound like a big goof, but the stated reason is actually an interesting one. Swedish priest Jerker Asterlund, who is organizing the motorcade nuptials, told Reuters, "Weddings are getting more and more commercialized and that is not something we have any interest in. We would like to make things simpler and more down to earth when people take the plunge and get married. This is not just for fun, but also a way for the Church of Sweden to show we can take part in celebration and happiness and not just in crisis and catastrophes."

Can you imagine if a church in the U.S. did something like this? Massive outcry, methinks. (If anyone knows of a comparable event in the Yoo-Ess-Ay, let me know.)

While I agree that weddings have gotten overblown to the point of silliness, I have to admit that I enjoyed my own wedding, which wasn't THAT extravagant, but was far from subdued. We've talked about the idea of too-big wedding ceremonies before; there was this item recently about bridesmaids refusing to pony up for an expensive dress they'll only wear once.

Do you think weddings have become too big? And how does getting hitched in a Volvo sound?

image: backtothefifties.co.uk
(note: the site the image comes from does not appear to offer weddings in cars)

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Controversy: Challenging The Patriarchy

New York Governor's Decision to Recognize Gay Marriages Brings Unexpected Praise (and Hugs)

Erin White — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:13:00 GMT

Of course Governor Paterson was expecting suppportive phone calls and cheering from his LGBT constitutents when he ordered state agencies to recognize same-sex marriages last week. What he wasn't expecting were hugs. From straight people.

According to this New York Times article, Paterson was eating dinner in a Manhattan restaurant when a couple "approached him, introduced themselves, and then each hugged him. Their son was gay, they told Mr. Paterson, and they wanted to let the governor know how thankful they were about his policy."

So while parents might not want their kids to be gay, it's no surprise that when they are, many parents want them to have the same opportunities for love and happiness that other people's children have. Even if it means taking out a second mortgage to pay for the wedding.

Rapper Remy Ma(ma) going to jail

Brett Singer — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Rapper Remy Ma (née Reminisce Smith, Remy Martin) was sentenced to 8 years in jail on Wednesday for shooting Makeda Barnes Joseph in "a dispute over money." The judge in the case, Rena Uviller, told Remy that she was, "a young woman whose anger is out of control."

Her fiancée, Papoose (I thought that was a girl's name -- dude, I'm just kidding, don't kick my ass) gallantly offered to take her place, screaming, "Lock me up! Lock me up!" before being removed from the courthouse. (He also shouted, "All you want is money!" at the victim; that part wasn't all that gallant.) Apparently Papoose also showed up to see Remy the other day and brought a handcuff key with him, which caused correction officials to cancel their planned wedding at Riker's Island this weekend. If nothing else, nobody can accuse them of being dull.

Why mention this here? Because when the case was over, Remy pleaded for a lighter sentence, citing her difficult childhood -- and her 7-year-old son.

The maximum sentence was 25 years; she got 8. The judge didn't really take her mom-ness into account. However, if what television has taught me about the legal system is correct, she could be out in 3 years with good behavior.

So the question is: should being a mom factor into the length of a jail term? I mean, we're talking about a shooting. (I'm assuming that the verdict is accurate; I wasn't actually there.) Some of Remy's fans seem to believe that race played a factor in the case, but, like, she shot someone. Did I mention that?

Anyway, should the fact that someone has a child matter be considered with regard to their sentencing if they commit a crime?

image: amny.com

Disney Princess Wedding Gowns: Who Would Wear These?

Alisyn — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 12:17:00 GMT

When I first read about Disney's new line of adult-sized wedding gowns "inspired" by the Disney Princess entourage, I laughed it off. I just figured that the idea would fizzle, and that no adult woman would want to be caught dead - let alone married - in a replica of Cinderella's pouffy, Princess Di-reject ballgown.

Boy, was I wrong. According to Andy Mooney, chairman of Disney Consumer Products Worldwide, when the company began developing the marketing concept of the princesses six ago, they discovered that they didn't have to stop at 2- to 8-year-olds girls. "We've been blown away how strong the demand is for princess thematic things in almost every stage of a woman's life," he said.

Heeding the call, Disney has teamed with bridal designer Kirstie Kelly to create a "mood" and a "sensibility" for each of their princess-themed gowns: Cinderella is for the "classic glamour" bride; Sleeping Beauty is about "pretty romance"; Snow White is "sweet elegance"; Ariel is "sultry allure"; Belle is "stylish sophistication"; and Jasmine is "bohemian chic." They are all in the $1500-$3000 range (and if their construction is anywhere near as shoddy as their preschool predecessors', they ought to last right up until the part where the bride throws the bouquet, then riiiiiiiiiiiiiiip).

Disney is not just banking on hardcore "Disneyphiles" to snap these dresses up - they're also counting on their assumption that a woman's first impression of love often comes from an animated character. Said Andy Mooney, "If you think about who the first person who teaches you about love, romance and Prince Charming is, it probably happened between the ages of 2-5 and included Disney."

God, I wish I had fought this Disney shit harder with my daughter. I kind of caved once she got to preschool and from there it just snowballed, although I draw the line at Princess clothes/shoes (hey, everyone's got a breaking point). The thought of her never actually getting over this stage is almost too much to bear. If she gets married in a "bohemian chic" two-piece Princess Jasmine-cum-Elizabeth Hurley wedding dress, I might have to disown her.

Honestly - who would wear these? No matter how fabulous the design, it's still a Disney Princess dress - can that be overlooked?

Disney Licenses "Princess" Wedding Gowns

Patti — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 18:49:00 GMT

Oh, goodie. As if it's not annoying enough that my four-year-old wakes up every morning, stretches, and then announces "Today I'm going to be Princess Aurora"--or "Belle", or "Jasmine", or whichever princess persona happens to strike her fancy that day. Now Disney's marketing machine is attempting to ensure that she never, ever grows out of her Princess phase. They've launched a new line of wedding gowns inspired by their princess posse and designed for real adult brides who should know better. Bridesmaid's dresses will be "maidens' dresses". Accessories will be referred to as "jewels". And the centerpieces of the collection will be the $1100-2900 bridal gowns inspired by Disney's cash cows.

Disney's hoping to tap further into their lucrative wedding segment (about 2000 couples marry at Disney World every year) by offering a piece of the Disney wedding experience to people who'd rather get married at home.

Do not tell my four-year-old. Please. I'm praying for the day she wakes up and just decides to be herself for once.