Strollerderby : weird

Creepy Old Japanese Pregnant Dolls (with Attached Creepy Fetus Dolls!)

Cole Gamble — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Apparently used to teach 19th century Japanese midwives, these pregnant dolls not only included placenta and stretch marks, but also interchangeable fetuses of different stages. At least, I hope that's what they were used for. It's kind of weird for a novelty item.

Crocheted Doll Gives Birth

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No Hugs For You At Some High Schools

Brett Singer — Fri, 29 May 2009 16:30:00 GMT

According to this New York Times article, hugging is very popular among high school students. A video on the site mentions Hug High School, and calls teenage hugging a "sociological phenomenon." (Hey, whatever floats your sociological boat.)

But at some schools, the big bad grown-ups decided that enough is enough. The Times tells us that "schools from Hillsdale, N.J., to Bend, Ore., wary in a litigious era about sexual harassment or improper touching — or citing hallway clogging and late arrivals to class — have banned hugging or imposed a three-second rule."

First of all, a quick personal note. I'm not that young and when I was in high school boys and girls kissed each other hello. Boys tended to slap hands, either as a high-five or as a slap-into-handshake. I don't remember boys hugging, but boys and girls did, and girls hugged other girls. So I'm not so sure that this "phenomenon" is terribly significant.

Now, back to the issue at hand. If the kids are hanging all over each other in the halls, that could be problematic I suppose. But the problem isn't the hugging, it's that they're standing in the halls. The three-second rule is nuts and won't work. At summer camp, I remember a "6 inches rule" (which now that I type it, sounds vaguely pornographic). Boys and girls had to be that distance from each other at all times. The rule was even enforced by some (though not all) couselors and especially the camp owners, who felt very strongly that the sexes should remain at opposite sides of the room at all times. Because as we all know, closeness leads to touching, and touching leads to... well, you know. More touching.

My children aren't old enough yet but I don't think I would be in favor of a "no hugs" rule. What would be better is teaching kids about boundaries and personal space. Maybe someone doesn't want to be hugged. Maybe it makes them uncomfortable. Maybe you need to stop hugging and get to math class already. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that if you tell a teenager not to do something, especially something that seems to be very much a part of their daily lives, all you're going to do is make them want to do it more.

What do you think? Is banning hugs a good idea? Or should the grown-ups just, well, grow up?

Source: New York Times

Brett Singer is the editor-in-chief of DaddyTips.com. You can follow his tweets at Twitter.com/brettsinger.

American Apparel Leggings - Crass or Cute?

Morning News - Mike Tyson's Daughter Injured

Dad Charges Daughter With Grand Theft Auto

WATCH: Man Drinks Daughter's Breast Milk to Cure Cancer

Cole Gamble — Fri, 29 May 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Tim Browne puts a little something extra in his corn flakes every morning, and he’s hoping it will save his life. Browne’s colon cancer spread to his liver and lymph nodes. His future looked grim. Then his daughter, Georgia, came up with a radical suggestion: drink her breast milk. She came up with the idea after seeing a TV show about the benefits of breast milk. Now after feeding her son Monty, she sets aside a few ounces for dad.

"I found the milk not unpleasant, but slightly pungent and oily, but once it was mixed with cow’s milk I couldn't taste it,” Browne said.

AND NOW HERE IS YOUR QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Browne continued, ““If I have a lactating daughter, why not take advantage of her? As long as Monty didn’t mind,” Browne said.

Browne admitted slight improvement in his cancer but cannot tell if it’s the milk or his chemotherapy regiment.

watch it here

More Good Stuff:

Creepy Old Japanese Pregnant Dolls (with Attached Creepy Fetus Dolls!)

8 "PG" Movies Way Too Scary for Kids

6 Reasons Why it Sucks to Be a Kid Today

Disturbing Baby-Swinging PSA

Eating Your Baby's Placenta

10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children

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Dad Charges Daughter With Grand Theft Auto

Brett Singer — Fri, 22 May 2009 21:00:00 GMT

A girl in Fort Lauderdale, Florida took her dad's car while he was visiting her much younger sibling (19 months old) at the hospital. She's 12. She drove around without the headlights on and hit a police car.

Her dad isn't messing around. He asked police to charge his daughter with grand theft auto. Not the video game -- the crime.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, this is the second time the girl has stolen her dad's car, according to the AP. On the other hand, it's your daughter. Do you really want her to rot in jail? Is that likely to help?

Something similar happened on 'Gossip Girl' this season. (Yes! I know. You think I'm nuts. Stay with me for a moment.) Lillian Van der Woodsen gives her daughter Serena an expensive bracelet, which is a family heirloom. Then, when Serena does something Lily doesn't like (it's not worth explaining what that was), she calls the police and tells them Serena stole the bracelet. Serena goes to jail. Not exactly the same situation of course, but similar enough. Choosing whether or not to send my kid to jail is a choice I hope I never have to make.

(Side note: what the heck is in the water in Florida? Crazy juice?)

What would you do if your kid were a repeat offender? Turn them over to the police or try something else?

Source: AP via Fox News

Image: SXC

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Single Mom Sells Ad Space On Her Body on eBay

Brett Singer — Fri, 22 May 2009 16:30:00 GMT

One of the things I've always admired about myself (stay with me here) is my ability to work. Ever since I was 16, I've had a job of some sort. Part of that is my skill set -- being able to yak on the phone enabled me to have an embarrassing number of telemarketing jobs, for example -- and part of it is my willingness to find a job and do it, even if its not something I have any interest in. If you need money, you get a job. This isn't to say that this is easy, especially in the current economy. But my feeling was always that no job was beneath me.

My point here is not to toot my own horn. But I was thinking about my job experiences when I read this story on MomLogic about a single mom, BillieJean Irizarry, who tried to sell advertising on her body via eBay. In her mind, this was the best way to make money to support her family.

That can't be the best way to make money. It just can't. I find it hard to believe that there is nothing woman can do. This is someone who, in my opinion, wants to be famous. Now she's "the single mom who tried to sell ad space on her body." Whoo-hoo. Mission accomplished.

Proving my point (sort of) is this: BillieJean was asking $2000 but only got offers of $250. I guess that's a faster way to get $250 than working for minimum wage, but how often can you do that? She has accepted this, telling MomLogic "This idea isn't selling, so I am thinking of doing something else to make money." Oh! Great news. BUT... "I am not sure what it is at this moment, but stay tuned to my eBay page."

If you need money, get a real job. Sorry. Yes, there are circumstances -- living with her who have health problems and are unable to help her watch her three children. But there is absolutely no way that the only option available is eBay. Maybe if she were trying to sell her possessions online, that would be better. But that's it? That's your idea?

What do you think?

Source: MomLogic

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Parents Name Their Baby "World Crisis", “Circumcision”

Cole Gamble — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Perhaps trying to be uber-current, a couple in Mexico named their baby daughter Krisis Mundial, which translates to “World Crisis.” But even this is not the most unfortunate name out there.

Anyone want to try naming a kid Circumcision? How about Hitler?

Born in Ecuador during World War II was named Adolfo Hitler Flores de Valgas. I have no idea what nickname he might go by.

In many European countries, parents are required to get the government’s permission on baby names. In Germany Hitler and Osama Bin Laden are definite no-no’s. Up until the 18^th century, the French government only allowed names figuring on a calendar, or names of illustrious Frenchmen/women of the past. In 1993 French parents were finally afforded more freedom to choose their child’s name. Still if the birth registrar thinks that the chosen names (alone or in association with the last name) may be detrimental to the child's interests, or to the right of other families to protect their own family name, the registrar may refer the matter to the local prosecutor, who may choose to refer the matter to the local court. The court may then refuse the chosen names. Such refusals are rare and mostly concern given names that may expose the child to mockery. Nonetheless, French parents must choose baby names from an approved list. The laws are designed to prevent teasing.

Here is a list of some of the most bizarre baby names on record:

Alka Seltzer, Selva Alegre (Happy Jungle), Sostenes (Brassiere), Ángel Cristo (Angel Christ), Poderoso Melchor (Powerful Melchor), Semiencanto (Semi charming), Circuncisión (Circumcision), John Kennedy, Perfecta Heroína (Perfect Heroine), Usmail (as in USA Mail), Usnavy (as in USA Navy).

And of course you’ve probably heard of the American couple who named their boy Adolph. So here’s my question: is giving your child an outrageous name possibly child abuse?

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Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

Cole Gamble — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:30:00 GMT

Children do not like having rods shoved up their bumholes—especially when they are sick. For that matter, no human likes having rods shoved up their butts. So what’s a caring parent to do? Buy one of those convenient ear thermometers? Hell no! What you do is make the rectal temperature taking process more fun with your child’s most beloved cartoon character.

And so we come to the Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer.

My mind has exploded. I really don’t know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with, is it truly fun to have SpongeBob up in there? How does SpongeBob feel about it? Who at Nickelodeon okayed this product?

And then we have the music. I must say the thought of SpongeBob singing jauntily deep into my bum is one of the creepiest things I’ve ever confronted.

Somebody please buy this product and write up a review. I 100% guarantee to post it.

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Meet Octo-Mom's Male Equivalent: Dad Has 86 Kids

JeanneSager — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 12:25:00 GMT

If this the were story of a mom of eighty-six kids, I'd be calling for someone to help stuff that uterus back up in there and sending her my sympathies.

The fact that there's a man out there with eighty-six kids and more on the way just gives me the creeps.

Daad Abdul Rahamn, a resident of Dubai who is only sixty-three, claims to be the man who's fathered the most children in the world. And that's something he's proud of? Even creepier, Rahamn doesn't actually foot the bill for his family; his fertility has earned him the respect of the local sheikh, and the sheikh pays to keep the family going.

Rahamn has had a total of seventeen wives (four at a time are permissible in the United Arab Emirates), and says he's looking for more. So he can make more babies, we guess?

I know I'm going to get the response that I just don't understand a culture other than my own, but please, spare me. This man has eighty-six kids. There aren't enough hours in the day to spend quality time with each one, and he can't even afford them! If you think Nadya Suleman is off the charts crazy then I think you've got to lay even more disgust on the fertile feet of this man. He admits to paying the kids to leave the room - so he can spend more time with his wives.

With his declaration that he wants to get to one hundred kids by 2017, I'd say this guy looks at parenting as a contest, not a reality.

Does he bother you the way OctoMom gets under your skin?

Image/Source: ABC

Wolverine Blow Up Toy

Brett Singer — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:00:00 GMT

There's no way to say this. You have to see the photo. Here. Look.

I mean, come on! How does somebody not notice the placement of the, um, blowhole at the factory? It's hilarious, but it couldn't be a mistake, could it?

A few years ago I saw a segment on Michael Moore's old TV show that talked about secret acts of corporate sabotage. Sure, we've all stolen a box or two of paper clips. But who among us has secretly painted Adolf Hitler into a mural at Disney World? That's what I imagine this little mix-up is.

And no jokes about how the toy designer must be a big Hugh Jackman fan. Please. (Here's the trailer for the upcoming 'Wolverine' movie in case you don't know what I'm talking about.)

If you buy this for your kid, do you say something? You really can't, right? This toy seems destined to be a bachelorette party gag gift.

Source: Manticore's Moustache via Buzzfeed

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Hitler Mom Wants Her Kids Back

Brett Singer — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 16:45:00 GMT

You know, with a story like this one, you want to give it a somewhat serious treatment. But it's difficult to avoid using "Hitler Kid" and "Hitler Mom", especially when that's what every news outlet leads with. So I'm a sheep. Sorry.

Anyway, the mother of Adolf Hitler Campbell, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell is defying a judge's order and speaking out about having her children removed by Family Services.

We have a few more details now. A neighbor called Family Services, claiming that the kids were being abused physically, mentally, and emotionally. Proud parents Deborah and Heath Campbell deny it all. They say that they are "not racists," and that they have the right to give their children whatever names they like. The Daily News had the best quote of all: "The parents insist they're not racists and want only to honor the heritage of the Third Reich." Right. It's that whole "trains running on time" thing. That's all they want to remember. Must be railroad enthusiasts. What's the problem?

All kidding aside, I do still have some misgivings here. If the only abuse was the names and the fact that the parents are racists, is that enough of a reason to remove the children from the home? If it is, aren't there a lot of other kids that should also be removed?

On a side note, could the article on MyFoxSpringfield have any more misspellings? Sheesh.

Source: Fox (1, 2)

Image: NY Daily News

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Anti-Abortion Group Up In Arms Over Krispy Kreme Abortion Donuts

Cole Gamble — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 17:30:00 GMT

It started off such a sweet idea. In honor of Barack Obama’s historic inauguration, Krispy Kreme decided to offer free donuts to everybody on January 20th. As their press release stated:

"Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc. (NYSE: KKD) is honoring American's sense of pride and freedom of choice on Inauguration Day, by offering a free doughnut of choice to every customer on this historic day, Jan. 20. By doing so, participating Krispy Kreme stores nationwide are making an oath to tasty goodies -- just another reminder of how oh-so-sweet 'free' can be."

The American Life League, an anti-abortion activist group, saw this sweet deal as an attack on defenseless unborn fetuses. These pastries had a baby-killing agenda. These were ABORTION DONUTS!

Is Kripsy Kreme offering free abortions with the free donuts? Can you pick up a baker’s dozen of abortions at any convenient donut shop on Jan. 20th? Surely these donut-glazing Nazis must be doing something horrendous to earn ALL’s righteous scorn.

According to the ALL’s President Judie Brown:

"The next time you stare down a conveyor belt of slow-moving, hot, sugary glazed donuts at your local Krispy Kreme, you just might be supporting President-elect Barack Obama's radical support for abortion on demand…

Want to know how you picking up your free donut today will help kill “over 50 million preborn children”? ALL wants you to know.

- including his sweeping promise to sign the Freedom of Choice Act as soon as he steps in the Oval Office, Jan. 20.

"Just an unfortunate choice of words? For the sake of our Wednesday morning doughnut runs, we hope so. The unfortunate reality of a post Roe v. Wade America is that 'choice' is synonymous with abortion access, and celebration of 'freedom of choice' is a tacit endorsement of abortion rights on demand.

"President-elect Barack Obama promises to be the most virulently pro-abortion president in history. Millions more children will be endangered by his radical abortion agenda.

"Celebrating his inauguration with 'Freedom of Choice' doughnuts - only two days before the anniversary of the Supreme Court decision to decriminalize abortion - is not only extremely tacky, it's disrespectful and insensitive and makes a mockery of a national tragedy.

"A misconstrued concept of 'choice' has killed over 50 million preborn children since Jan. 22, 1973. Does Krispy Kreme really want their free doughnuts to celebrate this ‘freedom?’ “

So now you know, donuts kill babies. Maple bars make Jesus cry. And some pro-life activists really, really, really, really, really, really crave attention.

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Kid Named Hitler Taken From His Parents By Family Services

Brett Singer — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:30:00 GMT

I bet you thought we'd never hear any news about this family again. Or maybe you just hoped you'd never hear from them again. Or maybe that was me. I get us confused sometimes.

Anyway, for reasons that are not being disclosed at this time, 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell was removed from his home by the New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services. Adolf's sisters, 1-year-old JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, and the comparatively normal-named 8-month-old Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, were also removed by authorities.

As far as I know, it's unusual for Family Services not to give a reason to the public when kids are taken from their parents. According to the Daily News, "Holland Township police chief David Van Gilson told the site they had not received any reports of abuse or negligence." Which makes this even stranger.

In case you've forgotten, the Campbells' received some fame in December when a store refused to make a cake for little Adolf Hitler. At the time, the father, Heath Campbell, said, "They're just names, you know. Yeah, they (the Nazis) were bad people back then. But my kids are little. They're not going to grow up like that."

The swastikas that decorate the Campbell home, and the fact that they are reported Holocaust deniers, tells a different story. (Post-racial America? Um, I don't think so.)

We don't know the details yet, but the parents were scheduled to attend a hearing on Tuesday to discuss their children which "was apparently postponed", according to the News. So something is definitely going on.

That said, I’m not sure if being a Nazi lunatic is illegal. If it were, wouldn't Hutton (Mel's dad) Gibson be in jail?

UPDATE: Here is a video report via Yahoo! News. Listen to the reporter say the kids' names.

Source: NY Daily News

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Pete Wentz: "I've Tasted Ashley's Breast Milk."

Cole Gamble — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 20:30:00 GMT

To take heat off his decision to name a child Bronx Mowgli, Pete Wentz recently announced he’s tasted Ashley Simpson’s breast milk.

So what did Pete think?

Unfortunately, Pete thinks Ash’s BM (not bowel movement, people) tastes “weird” and “sour.” Thanks, Pete.

You know what; we’ve probably all done this. Usually accidentally, I need not go into details, but you get it. We all know the taste of breast milk. The difference is most of us aren’t a principal player in a popular emo band and therefore have a forum of millions to share this breast milk tasting news.

At least it was Ashley’s milk he was sampling and not someone else’s. Is this gross? The tasting and/or the proclamation of said tasting. How many mothers have appraised their own juice?

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They Say -- Kids Who Skip Breakfast and Hate Mom Have Sex Sooner

Brett Singer — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Sometimes I read a news story and feel like I'm actually reading The Onion. Does that ever happen to you?

For example: this report from Japan that finds a link between middle school students and teen sex. Basically, middle schoolers who do not partake of the most important meal of the day are more likely to get a head start on making the out-of-wedlock beast with two backs. (That's an unnecessarily silly way of saying "having sex.")

What exactly inspires a study like this one? Were researchers conducting interviews with sexually active middle schoolers in the morning hours and thought that they looked a little hungry? Not exactly. The survey isn't talking about sexually active middle schoolers. That would be creepy. It specifically found that the "average age of first-time sex for those who said they ate breakfast every day as a middle school student was 19.4, while for those who skipped breakfast, the average age was 17.5."

It gets better. I'm going to quote this line because it may be one of the greatest sentences in the history of journalism: "The average age of first-time sex was lower for those who found their mother annoying." (See what I mean? Doesn't that sound like it should have been in The Onion?) Those who "said they disliked their mother" starting gettin' it on at the age of 16, on average. Folks who "appreciated their mother" didn't lose their virginity until the ripe old age of 19.

No word on whether or not girls with "daddy issues" were slutty, or whether or not sibling rivalries were the main cause of homosexuality. (I'm kidding, of course. But if that's the next survey this association conducts, I won't be all that shocked.)

Kunio Kitamura, executive director of the Japan Family Planning Association, conducted the survey. The quotes attributed to Kitamura are hopefully the result of a poor translation from Japanese: "The fact that people can't eat breakfast may show something about their family environment. Before blaming individuals for having sex at an early age, it may be necessary to look into the sort of homes they are from." In other words, it's not your kids' fault they're having sex. It's because the muffins were stale that morning. Oh, and you're a crummy parent. And your kids don't respect you as a mother. Or all of the above.

Hey, here's an idea. How about studying the TYPE of breakfast consumed? That is, are middle schoolers who consume mostly oatmeal in the morning more or less likely to engage in sexual activity before they turn 18 than children who eat pancakes? And what about if they have bacon with their pancakes? And why stop at breakfast? What about lunch? Does french fry consumption increase or decrease the likelihood of future sexual activity?

So if you don't want your kids to start having sex too young, make sure they eat breakfast. In middle school.

Ah, science. We have come so far. And yet, not so far at all.

Source: Reuters

Image: tamarackwv.com

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Cole Gamble — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:30:00 GMT

#1 Ronald McDonald Plays with Children

If you wern't afraid of clowns before, now's the time to start.

#2 Vern Fonk Insurance Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas, from Satan

#3 Go Jesus

I don't know. I kind of like Bust a Move Jesus. You think our Lord and Savior can't shake his ass? Sinner!

#4 Mom is Santa

When you discover mom is a dominatrix, you've actually discovered two things. Dad's the gimp.

#5 A Very Scary Christmas

Do you think Freddy and Jason get into a fight over who gets to carve the ham?

#6 Santa Takes a Dump

Can Santa sue for defamation of character?

#7 Christmas Morning Meltdown

To be fair, that's how I reacted last Christmas when I got the diamond-studded Hummer 2 instead of the diamond-studdied Hummer 3 I asked for.

#8 Mistletoe Surprise

Thanks, Canadian company I can't remember. You runied Christmas with dog's nards. Congrats!

#9 The Dancing, Stripping Christmas Present

This guy wants to show us his package. Badly.

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editors — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Ten Stinky Babies by Ellen Olson-Brown, Illustrations by Joy Allen (Tricycle Press)

Ten stinky babies,

Start the day on time

One had his diaper changed

And then there were nine.

And so forth. This counting book is full of pictures of adorable babies. Or rather, adorable babies who just pooped. Aww?

ABC Dentist by Harriet Ziefert, illustrated by Liz Murphy (Blue Apple Books)

Plaque.

Plaque is an almost invisible white,

Sticky coating on teeth that is caused

By eating sugar and sticky foods.

If not cleaned off, plaque can cause

Cavities and gum disease.

And if you thought that was exciting, wait til you hear the part about saliva!

Inside the Slidy Diner by Laurel Snyder, Illustrations by Jaime Zollars (Tricycle Press)

Ethelmae wears a hairnet to keep

The sticks and pins from falling into the fryer.

She smells like rotten grill grease.

When she scratches her back with the spatula,

Flies stick to her icky sweater.

Yes, we know that children delight in gross things, but when a book activates a parent's gag reflex (with its description of a diner where “the chocolate milk isn’t really chocolate” and the greasy booths slide into the street), a line has been crossed.

Mazes Around the World by Mary D. Lankford, Illustrated by Karen Dugan (Harper Collins)

The Klaas Voogds Maze is built of fourteen different varieties of hedge shrubs, including the tecomaria and the hibiscus, which flower year-round.

British water mazes! Swedish stone mazes! Religious mazes! Woven mazes! Maize mazes! How to say “maze” in Portugese! Talk about a niche market…

The Grey Boy by Lluis Farre, Illustrated by Gusti (Winged Chariot Press)

It seemed that Joshua would stay grey forever

Both inside and out.

His family could already imagine what he’d be like

When he grew up, sitting a grey office,

Wearing a grey suit and tie and filling the world

With grey children.

This is the story of a boy who’s born grey in a world of colorful people, and is incapable of feeling anything… until he watches his hamster almost choke to death. Sweet dreams, kiddos!

Old MacNoah Had an Ark by Sally Lloyd-Jones, Illustrated by Jill Newton (Harper Collins)

And on that ark they had some lunch

Ee-i-ee-i-o

With a burp! slurp! here

And a burp! slurp! there

This Noah’s Ark retelling doesn’t provide any Biblical reference whatsoever, but it has lots of burping. Oh, and poop.

Twelve Terrible Things by Marty Kelly (Tricycle)

1 Oooopsie!

2 There’s nothing under the bed… There’s nothing under the bed…

3 Say Ahhh…

4 Hold still, I’m almost done.

Featuring an implement-wielding dentist, a scary clown, an under-the-bed monster and nine other horrific things staring you down from the pages, this book is like a Saw movie...for kids.

McFig & McFly by Henrik Drescher (Candlewick)

At last, McFly settled into a big old easy chair and started to watch nature show reruns. By the end of the week – with one loud last snore – he passed away from sheer boredom. He was buried next to McFig. Their tombstones were exactly the same size.

A cute little tale about the perils of keeping up with the Joneses turns macabre when both of the main characters, um, die tragically.

No! That’s Wrong! By Zhaohua Ji and Cui Xu (Kane/Miller)

What are you doing?

Why are you wearing

Underpants on your head?

It’s not a hat.

They’re underpants.

There’s something vaguely unsettling about watching a series of forest creatures try on the same pair of lacy red panties in an effort to determine whether they’re underwear or headgear. Just saying.

What are the strangest children’s books you’ve stumbled across this year? Let us know in the Comments section! -- Gwynne Watkins

Mini Baby Sculptures Not Edible, Selling Like Hotcakes

Brett Singer — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:00:00 GMT

When I became a parent, many things changed. For example, I started thinking quite a bit about someone else's poop. Also, I now look at babies, both real ones and artistic images, with a very different set of eyes. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that I paid a tad more attention to this headline from a recent press release:

Realistic Miniature Baby Sculptures Are Not Edible

I think that falls under the "Free Beer! Now that I have your attention…" chapter in the PR 101 Handbook.

The subheadline is much more obtuse, but when combined with the opener was intriguing enough to get me to read on:
Accidental Viral Marketing Gives Birth to Instant Success for Canadian Sculptor

So what exactly does this all mean? Basically, a Canadian artist named Camille Allen sells tiny little baby sculptures on eBay. All of a sudden the price on these unique (and, in my opinion, somewhat odd) works went up by 500%. According to the press release, "Recently a 1.5 inch (4 cm) baby named Jaimie sold for $2,650.00 US dollars." Not bad.

Why the price increase? Aren't we in a recession? Apparently it was the result of "a bogus email that turned viral." Someone took the photos of Allen's work from her web site and claimed that they were made of marzipan. As in, something edible. The always-helpful Snopes.com confirms that this was indeed a hoax.

The only thing I find a tad specious about this is the fact that it isn't exactly a new thing. Snopes' entry is dated October 2005. Still, it was new to me, so perhaps it was new to you as well. And we're always up for something weird.

Regardless of when this sales-increasing hoax actually began, I was curious what you, the reader, thought of the little babies. Obviously if they were edible that would be eligible for The Creepiest Thing EVER Award (an award that doesn’t exist but it really should.) Despite the fact that sculptures are not, in fact, food, I still thought they were weird, but the more I look at the picture I have to admit that I find them cute. Not cute enough to purchase, especially not for $3000. But I can admire the artistry that goes in to making the little…babies…

OK, the fact that they're babies still creeps me out a little bit. Like I said, becoming a parent changes you, at least it did me. So – what do you think of Ms. Allen's art?

Source/Image: mmdnewswire.com

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Chicago Woman Lived With Dead Siblings For 20 Years

Brett Singer — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 15:00:00 GMT

I need to stop saying that I’m beyond being surprised. Because this story was definitely surprising.

CHICAGO (Reuters) - An elderly woman has been living with two skeletons and a badly decomposed body of her siblings in a suburb of Chicago, one of whom may have died at least 20 years ago, authorities said on Saturday.
The remains were found covered by sheets in various parts of the house in Evanston on Friday but no foul play was suspected.
Authorities said one of the siblings was last seen alive in the 1980s, the second in 2003 and the third in May.

The over 90-year-old woman was taken to "a facility"; I hope it was psychiatric in nature. What could possibly cause someone to keep decaying bodies and skeletons in their home? Very sad.

Source: Reuters

Image: Chicagoist, via Google Maps

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Japanese Spiderman Video

Brett Singer — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Spiderman – you know, superhero, sticks to walls, spins webs any size, etc. – is popular around the world. But sometimes the character is changed slightly for local markets. Here is – Japanese Spiderman.

Yes, we all have election on the brain. This video is so dopey that it will absolutely take your mind off of everything for about a minute. And that makes it worth watching.

If you REALLY want to zone out, here's a full episode -- 24 minutes long. I haven't watched it. But if you need this sort of thing, here you go. Perhaps it arrived just in time.

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Mom and son barbecue grandma's remains

Brett Singer — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:30:00 GMT

A 50-year-old woman and her 30-year-old son in Corning, California have been accused of barbecuing the remains of Ramona Allmond, their 84 year old mother/grandmother. The creepy, kooky and altogether ooky pair also allegedly cashed her social security and retirement checks after she died. More specifically, after they CREMATED HER ON A BARBECUE.

Although the cause of Ramona Yolanda Allmond's death may never be known, her daughter and grandson allegedly allowed her body to lie on the bedroom floor for a week until moving it to a concrete culvert behind their residence, Hosler said.
The culvert had been used by the family as a makeshift barbecue, he said, noting that the family had used it to cook their Thanksgiving turkey several weeks before Allmond's death.
It's not known if they used it after the alleged cremation.

EWWW!!!!

But, as game show hosts used to say, that's not all. The mother, Kathleen Allmond, "made a necklace with a portion of her mother's skull, which she wore around her neck…[and] posted a photograph of herself wearing the necklace on her MySpace page."

In the understatement of the century, the Captain Paul Hosler of the Tehama County Sherriff's Department said, "It gets really weird when you have a piece of mom's skull hanging around your neck." Yes, Captain. Yes it does.

I have to point out that at least the son, Tony Ray, looks the part. Maybe his defense strategy could be, "Dude! I was just trying to get Rob Zombie to put me in his band…" I also think that the markings on his forehead make him look like a Klingon. (I'm assuming they are markings or a tatto, but I suppose it's possible that he really is a Klingon. Unlikely, but possible.)

This wins my award for yuckiest story of the year. Maybe the decade. Well, there's still time left. But if the vote were held today…

Image/source: Redding.com

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Cloudy With a Chance of GI Joe? Hunt's On for Man Who Threw Action Figure

JeanneSager — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:09:00 GMT

My childhood included repeated readings of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and the accompanying dreams that I could one day find a town where inclement weather meant my favorite treats dropping out of the sky. Like any kid, my wishes skewed more toward toys from the heavens than food.

Who knew all I had to do was move to Florida? A child riding a bike through Auburn, Fla. felt something bounce off the right side of his face. When he stopped to find out what it was, he discovered a small action figure.

The toy came not from God (I know, shocking, right?) but from a man who police spent some time searching for last week but never found. The driver of a dark-colored Buick was seen chucking the toy at the child and speeding off. What they would have charged him with, I don't know. But if the action figure was G.I. Joe and he was packing, would that have qualified for assault with a deadly weapon?

Image: Amazon

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Dirty Diaper Thief on the Loose in Upstate New York

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Des Moines sex club shut down

Brett Singer — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Most of the news that mentions Des Moines this week will be about will Shawn Johnson, the adorable little pixie person with abs of steel who is winning gymnastics medals in Beijing. But there's something else happening in Iowa's most populous city. (BIG GIANT CORRECTION: This happened in Des Moines, WASHINGTON, not Iowa. We have egg on our faces and offer a big thank you to Megan, the commenter who pointed this out.)

A sex club called – hang on – the Hardwood Cabin has been shut down. I've tried to come up with a better re-write for the basic facts, but here is the opening paragraph of the story: "Regan 'Draco' Lane-Smith and 'Naughty' Nonah Elliston outfitted their six-bedroom rental house with 15 mattresses, bondage crosses and sex swings. They built elaborate sets in their backyard for taking erotic photos."

The fun part is that they were doing this in a residential neighborhood. At least, it's the fun part if you didn't live in that neighborhood.

Now, being pervy isn't illegal in ~~Iowa~~ Washinton (as far as I know; I've actually never tried anything pervy in Des Moines). But operating a business without a license is, and that's what got them in trouble with the law.

Naughty and Draco (sounds like the name of a a really crummy rap duo from the mid-90's – "D to the R to the A to the C to the O / I got Naughty on my left and she ain't no ho!") say that they are "being persecuted for their lifestyle," and that since they weren't charging admission, it's not a business; therefore they shouldn't be asked to stop being "happy hedonists." They go on to say that they are, "normal people who happen to enjoy sex."

Sex with a whole lot of people at once, that is. After searching for a house "that would perfectly suit them and their hobby," they found the Hardwood (can't type that without laughing) and started having, um, parties. What began as a bi-weekly affair blossomed into a three day a week thing, with as many as 60 people present. "Members were as young as 22 and as old as 80," according to the Seattle Times.

N and D did what they could to be respectful of their surroundings, telling neighbors that they would be having parties (not sure if they said what kind), and giving out their phone numbers for folks to complain if they felt things got too noisy. The problem is, as the Hardwood (heh heh) groundskeeper points out, "They've tried to be decent…[but] With all that many people, you're going to lose control." Most of the complaints would have happened with any sort of party, clothed or not – too many cars in the driveway, too much noise. In this case, the noises were of the "moaning and slapping" variety, sounding "like a raccoon dying." (Hey! Now that's a party.) The dionysian soiree's also featured nude swimming and sunbathing in the yard in the middle of the afternoon, although no actual sex acts took place outdoors.

As for whether or not it was a business or just a private party filled with naked strangers, I can see why authorities would be a little bit suspicious: the couple's website, HardwoodCabin.com (snicker) said, "on Wednesday, ladies are reduced rate or food or pop donations and men are the usual rate." There are also references to a "staff" that is, of course, "really cool." The site is gone, but you can see it via the Internet Archive; some of their Yahoo! Group is also archived.

I'm not generally a prude, but I don't think I'd be all that thrilled if my neighbors were having weekly parties with that many people, especially if said parties included nude sunbathing and loud sex. In my Manhattan apartment, we used to have a neighbor who was, shall we say, quite noisy when she was in the company of her significant other, but I only heard her when I went to take out the garbage at night. It wasn't like this neighborhood, where you would have had to black out your windows to avoid seeing people going the full monty on a weekly basis. I also admit that I question whether or not a desire to constantly have sex with multiple partners while married is as "normal" as they say. That is, if they really weren't charging anything, why are you having so many people over for random screwing?

Would you want to live next door to these people? And is "swinging" normal behavior?

source: Seattle Times

images: HardwoodCabin.com via Internet Archive

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20 Disturbing Baby Products

Brett Singer — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:40:00 GMT

I freely admit to a bit of jealously with this link, since it would have been nice to come up with it myself. That said, we have hit on a few of these in the past, such as the infant high heels, and the Thudgard helmet. And I had a note to write about the Pee-Pee Teepee at some point because, like, it's called the Pee-Pee Teepee. So we're still pretty damn cutting edge over here.

Many of the items on this list are so wacko that they really should be fake – such as the strap on nursing apparatus for men. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Zaky® Infant Pillow

Cue the Addams Family theme – this thing is both creepy AND kooky, and yes, altogether ooky. Who the hell buys one of these?

Hamburger Baby Costume

This is just funny. Especially since it looks to be designed for infants who don’t' get around so well.

Manual Snot Sucker

First of all, the product name is "Nosefrida". Second, it's described as "hygienic" despite the fact that you are connecting your mouth to your baby's nose via a tube. And third… well, just see number two. That should be enough.

Baby Mop

OK, look. I know its wrong. I do. But come on. Isn't this sort of a good idea, in a way? In a weird way? No? OK, OK, I'll cancel my order. (Really? You don't want one?)

Check out the full list at Cracked.com, which is a very funny site. For what it's worth, I used to read Cracked as a kid, when it was considered a lesser version of Mad Magazine. They've been back for a while now and so far it's good stuff.

source/images: 20 Baby Products Great For Traumatizing Infants, Cracked.com

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Put your clothes on and step away from the porcupine

Brett Singer — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 15:34:00 GMT

Admittedly, I have no confirmation that these laws are actually on the books. And a commenter at snopes points out that the "Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal in Florida" law probably just addresses beastiality in general, rather than prohibiting spiny-backed sex objects. Regardless of veracity, it's a funny list, and they certainly sound plausible. For example:

- Sexual intercourse between unmarried couples is illegal in Georgia.

- Oral sex is illegal in 18 states, including Arizona.

- In Connorsville, Wisconsin, it is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner is having an orgasm.

- It is illegal in Utah to marry your first cousin before the age of 65.

That last one is my favorite. I mean, other than cheaper movie tickets, who wants to marry your cousin when they get that old?

(source)

image: Brittanica.com

Attack of the Strippers

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Rich guy pretends to be gynecologist to see women naked

Brett Singer — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 16:00:00 GMT

I always thought that if you were rich, you could get dates. I mean, money can't buy you love, but it can buy you sex, right?

Well, maybe not. Zalman Silber, a "wealthy businessman" from Monsey, NY, has been accused of playing doctor, literally. Two women have charged that Silber rented a Park Avenue office and pretended to be a gynecologist. Then he gave the women, um, a full exam. This article at LoHud.com goes into a little bit more detail; let's just say that Silber did a very thorough examination.

He may have worked a similar scheme with a police officer in Rockland County. According to today's Daily News, Silber would tell women that they needed a gynecological exam in order to obtain a certain insurance policy, and that the exam had to be given by this doctor. At his house. Except that the doctor wasn't really a doctor, he was a cop. Then Silber would watch from another room. The officer has been suspended from the force without pay pending a full investigation.

It gets better (well, creepier). Silber's lawyer is Kenneth Gribetz, a former Rockland County District Attorney who resigned in a scandal that included such juicy details as an extra-marital affair and photos of him in women's clothing. So far his defense of Silber is that, "the statute of limitations [has] run out on two of the incidents cited by investigators," and "only two of four victims were able to pick Silber out of a lineup." Oh! Then he must be innocent.

This should be some trial.

Silber, a Hasidic Jew, is married with five children and another on the way. His wife Gila, "declined to comment." Wouldn't you?

Let be the first to say that Silber is not good for the Jews.

If you want to know how he got rich, you can read this article over at Inc.com. Silber created the Skyride, a simulated helicopter ride at the Empire State Building. He then sold the business for almost $10 million. A sample of his business advice: "Take advantage of other people's toil. That's really what everything is about." What a guy. He is described a "well-known philanthropist" who is "known within the Jewish community for helping people pay for medical care and other services." Or offering them a discount if he treats them himself! (Ba-dum-bum.) His ex-wife's brother, Alexander Halpert of Borough Park, Brooklyn, said, "He's a good man. When someone needed a doctor, he would arrange it." Yeah, maybe that's not the best thing to say right now.

It should be pointed out that all of these charges are unproven and are merely allegations. Even R. Kelly was found innocent. So who knows. But what a creepy story. It's like I've always said: men are pigs. (And I can say that, because I am one.)

image: New York Daily News

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Put your clothes on and step away from the porcupine

Rich guy pretends to be gynecologist to see women naked

Britney Spears - Dang Y'all I Forgot My Pants AGAIN! (this isn't really related but I really like the headline)