Strollerderby : work and motherhood

Take Your Toddler to Work Day: Live Blog!

editors — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:35:00 GMT

In celebration of Take Your Sons and Daughters to Work Day, the Babble staff decided to bring our children into the office. Of course, all of our children are between the ages of 1 month and 4 years, so the concept was a little bit lost on them, but it was fun nonetheless. Here's the play-by-play. And check out the photo gallery on Babble's Facebook page!

10am - Ada (Editor in Chief) and Oliver (2) arrive on time, with snacks.

10:15am - Gwynne (Senior Editor) and Anselm (1) arrive late. Oliver demonstrates that his toy taxi cab goes vroom. Anselm is confused.

10:20 am - Alisa (Co-Publisher) arrives with Declan (4) and Grey (1). Declan brings a rocket ship with a hollow compartment "for satellites," immediately swaps it for Oliver's taxi.

10:30 am - The kids invade the Nerve.com office next door. Oliver and Declan commandeer the pool table, which is approximately as tall as Oliver.

10:35 am - Anselm discovers the official Take Your Sons and Daughters To Work Day balloons that were sent to our office, happily chases a balloon back to Babble HQ.

10:40 am - April (Blogs and Community Manager) arrives with Judah (5 weeks) -- first time back in the office since maternity leave! Judah is ridiculously cute. While we're oohing over him, Oliver and Declan take off for hte conference room, where they draw on the dry erase board and have pretend meetings, wherein they determine that taxis and spaceships are both cool, and that they have great potential as a future revenue stream.

11:00 am - Anselm tries his first carbonated beverage: Mandalee (Babble Head Designer)'s Perrier. He spits it out and then immediately drinks some more.

11:10 am - First meltdown! Anselm attempts to pull the plug on Gwynne's computer, gets very upset when his efforts are thwarted.

11:15 am - Snacktime. Popcorn, Cheerios, raisins, bagels and apple juice. To all future employees of our office building: this is the moment all those Cheerios found their way into the floorboards, window sills and air ducts.

11:25 am - Oliver makes the rounds in the office saying "goodbye" to everyone, apparently under the impression that he is leaving. He waits for the elevator, determines he is not yet leaving, shrugs and returns to the pool table.

11:30 am - Three of Declan's neighborhood friends arrive. MASS CHAOS!

11:35 am - Oliver discovers "Wow Wow Wubzy" toy sent by Nickelodeon people. Anselm discovers roll of masking tape. Grey discovers balloons. Joy reigns.

11:40 am - Running. Lots of running. Gwynne and Ada take turns watching each other's kids so they can write this all up.

11:45 am - Judah falls asleep amid the chaos. He is officially cutest baby in history of world. Were all these other loud, busy, chattery kids ever so tiny? Impossible.

11:47 am - Some kids are crying in the conference room. Oliver has climbed into his stroller and is sitting there patiently waiting to go in the elevator. We have gotten absolutely no work done. Except this. Happy Take Your Children to Work Day!

For more "Take Your Children to Work Day" coverage, check out Jeanne Sager's article "Me and My Shadow."

Coworking: Office Space Without the Angst

Amy Kuras — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:02:00 GMT

I'm not alone in thinking working at home, while it has its benefits, mostly blows. I mean I love the time with my kids – but on the other hand, I am attempting to work while I am home with my kids. Who, while lovely, are an infant and a preschooler and thus have no respect for deadlines (want to know how many times I have had to stop writing this and tend to someone? Five. So far. And the preschooler is napping. It would be twice that if she weren't). Plus, there's the pets, and the home phone, and the temptation to load the dishwasher/run a load of laundry/get a jump on dinner instead of work during that brief period when everyone is happy or at least quiet.

The solution would be an office outside the home, but what I'd have to pay for additional daycare plus rent in even a cheap building or shared space would cost major bank – and as a freelance journalist/itinerant blogger, major bank's not happening.

I've casually talked with friends in similar lines of work about sharing an office – not something we’d have to be at every day, but a space where you have a desk and co-workers who can get their own cups of milk, but without all attendant hassles of actually working for each other. Lo and behold, this is not an original idea but a new trend, called coworking, the idea being it's more professional than hanging at Starbucks and more social than working alone at home.

One woman started a coworking space called Cubes and Crayons in Menlo Park that includes, wait for it, childcare. Both of which are available the amount of time you need it and not a moment longer. I have no idea if she's interested in franchising, but if any of you want to open up such a place in my neck of the woods, I'll be your first customer.

Working Moms: Not Guilty Enough? Read This

Amy Kuras — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:02:00 GMT

I'm of the belief, as the cheesy 80s saying went, "every mother is a working mother" – and as a work at home mother I have a foot firmly in both camps of the so-called "Mommy Wars."

So I found this CNN.com story on CareerBuilder.com's annual Mother's Day study to be awfully scoldy in its tone for work-for-pay mothers – citing stats that 17 percent of working moms have missed three or more significant events in the lives of their children over the last year. Which means that 83 percent didn’t, but where's that stat in the story? Because damn, ladies, that's pretty amazing that you can balance a work schedule and your kid's schedule and not miss much.

A sizable minority bring work home a few days a week or more, which the article treats as solely responsible for the decline of the American family or whatever. Of course, how are we supposed to both be there for every soccer game AND get our jobs done, exactly, otherwise?

And I reserve special scorn for this: "Perhaps unsurprisingly, 24 percent of mothers cited work as having a negative impact on their relationships with their children." Which, again, means three-quarters do not think so, and I'd be willing to bet at least some of the moms who said it was damaging their relationships with their kids were just having a shitty day at work or home or both.

In other words, working moms are actually doing a pretty good job balancing everything --but the story focuses on the minority who feel they are not.

Here's what I think work-for-pay moms – and probably a good bit of work-for-free moms too – really wish for: Viable part-time work options. Good, affordable child care.
And oh yeah, no more asinine news stories that serve to pile more guilt on moms who deserve better.

Canadians Soon to be Even Happier

Madeline Holler — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:48:00 GMT

When you're Canadian, do you wake up every morning happy ... cold, but happy? I ask because it seems to me that Canadians get it when it comes to families -- healthcare, maternity leave, education. Canadians are just so together, cold but together.

Take this as an example: national lawmakers there are seriously considering an overhaul of their lawmaking schedule in order to make it more family friendly. The goal? Getting more parents of young children involved in public office.

Now, I don't know the workings of the Canadian legislature, but basically they're ending a requirement to be there on Fridays, cutting out evening and late-night sessions and taking advantage of Blackberrys and other technology so that they can be present while also being absent. The rescheduling, proponents claim, simply packs more work in to a shorter amount of office time. Sounds good to me.

Here in the U.S., we certainly talk about making work, government and society family friendly. But we're very short on action. We're someone to mention this in the U.S., we'd have to have a totally polarizing argument that shamed working parents, belittled stay-at-home parents, called into question the motives of those who didn't want to be around on Fridays while ignoring/unduly burdening the chosen lives of the child-free -- and calling into question the productivity of public officials who may actually like hanging out with their kids.

It's as if the best we get down here, even from the Democratic presidential candidates who seem positively pro-pro-family with their healthcare plans, is a vague mention of universal pre-K. Which is fine. Just not enough, it seems to me.

But those Canadians! They just overhaul their outdated Victorian ways and call it a family-friendly night. A cold but family-friendly night.

Work-Life Balance? Don't Even Ask

Amy Kuras — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 20:46:00 GMT

For most of us, balancing work with parenting ranges from something of a challenge to ridiculously impossible, sometimes within the same day. Or maybe that's just me. At any rate, family-friendliness or just plain flexibility varies wildly between companies, and sometimes even within departments at the same workplace, and it's a mistake to assume what worked at your old job would fly at a new one.

This Wall Street Journal "Career Q&A" tackles the best way to address the issue when interviewing for a new job. Basically, the answer is "don't." It's best to bring it up when you're certain you're going to get the job, or even better, after you get an offer.

There are ways, though, to get a sense of the company's culture when it comes to balance. For example, ask what a typical day or week was like for the person who previously held the job you're interviewing for.

If you get the sense that even that might be an unwelcome question, try asking if they allow remote login access from home. That can give you a sense of how important "face time" is versus being available but in a more flexible, less office-tied way. Seeking advice from people who work there is good too, especially because interviewers often try to paint a much more rosy picture of the workplace than may actually exist.

I think it's sad we live in a culture where working 80- to 100-hour weeks is encouraged but asking if you can go to your kid's soccer game isn't, (which is probably why we have a chronic case of Broke), but I think this is really helpful when you're looking for a job that acknowledges most of life happens outside the office.

Photo: Michael Fitzjames

First Week Back at Work is Crucial

Amy Kuras — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 23:33:00 GMT

I haven’t worked in an office for nearly six years, so for me the prospect of going back to work after I have this baby is pretty much completely exciting – I can use my brain! And write! About something other than when he last pooped/nursed/slept!

For mothers who must negotiate a breast pump, a commute that's longer than climbing the stairs to your office and shutting the door, and the wearing of real clothes that are not composed of polarfleece, it can be a much more ambivalent situation.

Turns out that first week back at work is pretty critical to a new mom's success at juggling the working parent role. This article from Forbes lays out some of the more helpful ideas. First of all, negotiate a staggered start, where you don't come back full time right away, if you possibly can. Also, connect with your colleagues and maybe bring the baby by for a visit before you start back. That way, they won't forget that you actually went through a major life change while you were gone instead of spending three months traipsing around Europe or whatever, and it reminds you that you actually like these people and are coming back to work for a reason.

On a similar note, connect with other new moms you know at the company. Talking to someone who's been where you are and survived it can make or break your coping ability.

As much as I loved this article, I was struck by how much it seemed to take for granted that every company offers things like lactation rooms and flexible hours. Some companies in the article even did simple, low cost things like a monthly lunch for new moms, so they can connect with each other for support. It would be nice if all companies, not just those that employ the cream of the crop, offered those types of benefits to make life easier for families.

Photo: Forbes.com

TV- and Parent-Free Activities For Kids. Help!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 00:05:00 GMT

I promise myself every year (every month? every day? every hour?) that I'm going to buck up and quit relying TV to numb the kids' minds and keep them away from me in half-hour increments. But it's hard, so hard. Because sometimes, a mom just wants to sit and email!

So I was excited about Parents magazine's 25 TV-Free Activities, which I figured would freshen up some of the options (go outside! draw a picture!).

Problem is, these 25 activities all include me! Argh! They suggest a tickle party (sob!), having friends over (the work!), have a dance party (the noise!), fix the sink (who's got time?), family letter writing party (but I want to email!), museums, the library, doing something for someone else (but what about me!). Actually, we do these things kind of. What we don't do is sit quietly on the couch with our hands folded, while Mommy surfs the web.

I think Parents has missed the point of TV for parents: it's the replacement parent, not the supplement parent, at least in our house. I use it to numb their minds, quiet thier mouths, kill the dead time between afterschool and dinner when I really, really, really want to get something done. So 25 TV-free activities need to be parent-free too.

Hey, I'm not looking for handouts here, just a little peace and quiet. So help me out with this, readers. What are your favorite TV(and parent-)-free activities. And hiring a babysitter doesn't count.

Photo: Telegraph.co.uk

Pregcellent: Country Pays Price For Family Unfriendly Work Policies?

Kelly Mills — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 21:02:00 GMT

In the U.S. I think we tend to think of the individual toll of long work hours and lack of support for parents, like how stressed out and crabby we are trying to manage both career and family. However, we certainly aren't the only nation with a tough work ethic and lack of cost-effective childcare. In Japan, late-night meetings, expensive childcare, and the expectation of non-stop work are in many ways the norm, and this might spell trouble for the future of the country. In fact, experts say even the U.S. does a better job of supporting work-family balance.

So what's one consequence of the lack of help for 'rents? Japan is expected to report a decline in the number of births in 2007. And this trend is coupled with a population decline, leading some to speculate that the shrinking work force, rising number of pensions, and slower economic growth could mean big problems for the future of the country. The outlook for the future isn't good, and it's a reminder that failing to support families can have more lasting ramifications than a nation of bleary-eyed, stressed out moms and dads.

The Calculus of Family Planning: Sometimes Real Young is Real Good

Madeline Holler — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 13:41:00 GMT

Once in a while, usually in moments of work vs. family crisis, I think it would have been smarter to have gotten pregnant at 18. I know, I know. But think about it -- college subsidized daycare, something to keep you home at night, grade school by the time you're ready to work full time professionally.

Of course, the 20-year-old version of me would have, in no way, been a suitable mother. I'm thinking a mix of Britney and Denise Richards with the McCanns thrown in for high drama. But, you know, logistics. I’m talking logistics. Becoming a mother in my early 30s instead, with few daycare options, long commutes, lots of overnight travel, forced me to make some career compromises. Yet, had I waited, who knows how well my ovaries would have held up.

Shouldn’t there be a way to calculate all this? Well … there is! Kind of.

A business student designed a mathematical model, which is supposed to find the balance of a woman’s professional, social and family objectives and their relative importance to each woman. It includes age-related things, too, like fertility and the consequences of aging eggs.

For example, a doctoral student who wants kids eventually but doesn’t want to wreck her academic career is advised to get pregnant after getting tenure.

A 20-year-old who wants kids at 35 but also a career would, according to the model, achieve a better life balance if she had kids younger. (See, I think this is what I was talking about.)

The idea that major life decisions can be boiled down to numbers is interesting. Sort of does the heavy-lifting of a Pros and Cons chart. But it’s all hindsight driven, in a way. I mean, who wants to be accountable for what they thought at 20? And much later than that, it's crunch time.

In the U.S., at least, these decisions feel very dire. Is it like that for women everywhere? Anyway, what business student is going to design the model -- mathematical or not -- that makes it easier to have all of it at any time? Hmmm? We're waiting.

Pregcellent: Does Being Pregnant Hurt Your Chances of Getting Hired?

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 19:03:00 GMT

Ummm, yeah. It's shouldn't, legally or ethically, but I really do think that for most mamas-to-be, it might. At least that's my feeling and was my feeling from the early days of my pregnancy on. I was freelancing for a large fundraising corporation when I found out I was barely pregnant. I was well into the symptoms but weeks away from telling my parents when I met with my supervisor about an opening she had for a full-time employee on her staff. I wasn't sold on working for her permanently but the decision made itself when she leaned across the desk and aggressively, flippantly said, "I'd love to hire you if you can promise me you won't get pregnant any time soon or anything like that..I'd need at least a year commitment on that."

This was a woman with two kids who fought her way into the executive offices after years as a stay at home mom and yet, there she was putting my fertility at the top of my resume. I didn't want this woman choosing my take-out lunch order for me let alone when I'd grow a human in my body and welcome a child into our family. The job opportunity (obviously) didn't go anywhere and two weeks later, I quit the whole freelancing gig altogether. I never told her I was already pregnant but I also fretted about working before the birth of my child and seriously doubted I could get a job at Starbucks once my belly started poking out.

I know my experience is total bullshit and also not extraordinary and this saddens and infuriates me. I know this because I've heard many women debating the right timing to share their pregnancy news with a supervisor, a new boss or even the person interviewing them for a fabulous new job. I don't just hate that people don't think women who are or might be pregnant should cast aside the classifieds with caffeine and lunch meat, but I hate that women doubt whether they should even apply for a job if they're even thinking about conceiving.

Some people (apparently those who haven't seen a copy of Ms. magazine ever) really believe that it is unfair for women to expect or pursue anything professionally once their wombs are occupied. And while other folks can site stats and crunch numbers about maternity leave and absenteeism, I think the bigger question is, "Do we socially and professionally value women who are choosing motherhood and careers at all?" Sure, it is a question for the ages, but one we need to continue to ask, to talk with among other job candidates, demand responses to from business owners and hiring squads and managers, and ask ourselves as we belly up to the reality.

There's a hot-button conversation going on over at Confessions of a Community College Dean about pregnancy and breaking into academia (so hot that it has been noted by the Chronicle of Higher Education). The dean himself has a fabulous response to a question about how much pregnancy factors into hiring decisions and the comments that follow are quite heated and interesting as well.

Whether you are an academic or an artist or an inventory stocker at Gap, have you ever been worried about being hired or promoted because you were pregnant or even just considering conception?

Survey Says: Gen X Moms Get What They Ask For

Melissa Summers — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 15:21:00 GMT

A survey by Working Mother magazine found 69% of working mothers had asked for changes at work after having children, and 74% of those mothers got what they asked for. The survey also found flextime and telecommuting are the benefits mothers find most helpful and 75% of women feel their bosses are supportive of their other role as mother.

A mother in this article says she would have quit her job if her bosses had been unable to be flexible with work expectations. As she brazenly puts it, "It was either, you can take me for what I'll give you or you're not going to get me at all, I was very happy it worked out for me." Read: "Take it, or screw you."

I would love to see this survey done with working fathers as well. I do think, in general, the workplace is slowly becoming more working parent friendly but I wonder if mothers have more inclination/flexibility to risk telling their bosses they won't be able to work at all if the job can't be more flexible to their family needs because they have another wage earner to fall back on. Whereas, a great many fathers don't have, or don't feel they have, that same flexibility in providing for their families.

Internet Moms Use Technology to "Have it All"

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Thu, 24 May 2007 17:05:00 GMT

According to a recent CNN article, stay-at-home-moms are using the internet not only to connect with other parents while the kids are napping, but to run home-based business or work for companies that offer flex time, a concept the media dubs "having it all."

From running eBay businesses to doing customer support from home, women are changing the way they work in order to stay at home with their kids. They're ambitious women who have seen needs and filled them, taking charge of their own professional and parental destinies.

Babble's Editor-in-Chief Ada Calhoun talks about how her concept of time has changed now that she has a baby. She works from home two days a week and makes the most of it. She says she "has no time to waste," and she's spot-on. Any parent that works from home has two bosses: family life and work. Every second is devoted to one or the other.

As a counterpoint, also on Babble, Pamela Stone discusses the concept of "opting out" (the title of her new book). Highly-educated and trained women are giving up their jobs to stay home, often because they feel like they don't have any other alternative. I've heard many women of my generation talking about "being glad they have a choice to stay home," but that word, "choice," has always bothered me. Says Stone, " Women almost universally talked about their decision as a choice, and they talked about how fortunate they were to have a choice. And in some sense they're right, because they can afford to forgo their incomes. But when you step back, what they are really saying is, 'I'm fortunate to give up years of training. I'm fortunate to give up years of investment and success.'"

Stone is also a proponent of "flex-time," and wonders why companies allow talented women to "walk out the door" completely.

Where do you fit in? Are you sitting at home pondering the next great internet business? Or are you worried that taking time off for kids will leave you out of the game?

The Most Important Job Also Prepares You For Paying Work

Kelly Mills — Sun, 13 May 2007 18:01:00 GMT

We all know motherhood is highly underpaid, and the job can be thankless. However, you can turn some of that trench time into a resume-builder for a more lucrative career. This article points out that motherhood gives you some marketable skills for use in the workplace. Problem-solving, negotiation skills, patience, compassion are all on the list. My favorite one, however, is time-management: someone once told me that moms and dads are the most efficient workers, because we're used to having to complete a day-long project in less than fifteen minutes, before the kid wakes up from the nap or finally figures out how to un-childproof the electrical outlets.

I could add a few more skills to this list as well. Many moms I know are adept at prioritizing, assessing a situation in thirty seconds to decide which child's current activity is actually the most life-threatening and following through with lightening reflexes. Ability to focus despite a chaotic environment should probably be on there as well: could a non-parent type four e-mails over the din of an annoying kids show, loud wailing, and the toy jackhammer left on in a corner? Remaining calm is just as helpful for the day when the evil boss demands those reports a week early as it is for when your child reveals he has put "something big" up his nose. And every great parent I know has a very well-developed sense of humor, which should also be a hiring requirement at any good job.

I hope for Mother's Day all the moms out there get at least a couple hours to themselves, because everyone needs a little vacation sometimes, especially when your boss is demanding and mercurial, and the hours are as long as they come. And just a tip: while we are happy to work for kisses and sweet watercolor paintings that say "I love you mommy," don't list that as your last salary in your job hunt.

Eggs: Freeze 'Em If YOu Got 'Em

Kelly Mills — Sat, 12 May 2007 15:49:00 GMT

Tessa Darby became the first woman in Britain to freeze her eggs so that she can still opt to have a child at a later date. The 37-year-old woman wants to continue to focus on her career, but doesn't want to be forced out of motherhood. Her case is unusual because she has no medical problems or other concerns: she just wants to keep all her options open.

Darby underwent the invasive and not very pleasant process of removing the eggs, and believes the whole thing will be "a wonderful investment." Kind of like a kid-portfolio, I suppose. Of course the ubiquitous experts claim this kind of family planning will be commonplace in ten years. "Picture the scene: High Streets across the country filled with women in their 50s and 60s pushing buggies, a whole new generation of 'ice babies'." Shouldn't that be ice, ice babies?

Maybe I ought to get swept up in the odd hysteria of the story, but I just don't think it's such a bad thing. After all, we get told all the time that as we age, our fertility drops off like Paris Hilton's panties, so it's no surprise that ladies want to hedge their bets. And it seems like women are already delaying parenthood to work on career, at least in my neck of the woods, where I'm practically a teen mom for not waiting until my thirties to get pregnant. So what if they wait five more years and use an egg from the freezer? Besides, we'll probably all be living to a hundred and ten in a few years with our heads in jars on top of special robot bodies, like Futurama. Oh, and even though we are supposed to freak out about ancient moms, Darby says she actually wouldn't wait any longer than her late-40's to have a child. And 40 is the new 25, so...

The Work At Home Mother: Freedom From Pantyhose

Melissa Summers — Thu, 03 May 2007 23:03:00 GMT

Apparently it's National Work at Home Mom Week next week and Leslie Truex is sharing her enthusiasm for the work at home lifestyle. She calls herself a Pajama Mama, she doesn't have to rush herself and her kids off early each morning. She doesn't have to miss out on what's going on with her kids during the work day. She still contributes to her family's economic success but on her own terms. Most importantly, she doesn't have to wear pantyhose. Something I hate on many levels, starting with the actual word.

Truex started the Work at Home Success website back in 1998 to help other mothers build their own work at home situation. She says, "Working at home really is as close to 'having it all' that mothers can get." The site helps women locate opportunities, start a business and offers support for women managing the work at home lifestyle. During this upcoming weeklong celebration Truex will be offering a helpful report titled "WAHM Plan-It: A Guide to Becoming a Work-At-Home Mom" and will host a nation wide conference call to answer all your burning work at home questions.

I wonder if they'll offer tips on balancing it all?

SAHMs are "Worth" $138,000 Annually. Like They'll Ever Get It.

Karen Murphy — Thu, 03 May 2007 11:34:00 GMT

Good news, moms! You all get a 3% raise this year! Because 3% of zero is, guess what? That's right, zero! Yep, this year all you SAHMs aren't getting a whopping $134,121 (national average - the national high was $191,983) salary for everything you do. There. Don't you feel better now about picking up all those crushed and ground-in Cheerios from the carpet this morning?

But hey, in case you were thinking differently, working moms haven't been left out of the new increase! Nope, all you moms who work, guess what? That's right, you're not getting $85,000 this year for the job you do after that other one you do, the one that actually pays real money. Where else can you work two jobs yet only get paid for one?

Salary.com broke down all the myriad jobs performed on a daily basis by moms and came up with 90-plus hours per week of work done in job titles like Housekeeper, Day Care Center Teacher, Cook, Computer Operator I, Laundry Machine Operator, Janitor, Facilities Manager, Chief Executive Officer, Van Driver, Psychologist. I think they forgot a few. What about Referee, Entertainer, and Personal Assistant? Or Art Teacher, Dishwasher, and Librarian?

I'm thinking of striking for better working conditions, since we're not getting paid anyway. Care to join me?

The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

Melissa Summers — Tue, 01 May 2007 19:28:00 GMT

Marissa forwarded this Washington Post Op/Ed piece from the weekend saying she thought I'd "find this interesting". And how. I've had some interesting interactions with the media in the last year which gave me several moments of pause to consider how the media plays on the inherent insecurity which seems to come with being a mother for ratings and hits on their websites.

E.J. Graff, senior researcher at Brandeis University's Schuster Institute for Investigative Journalism, argues the Mommy Wars are a fiction being churned out like a War Machine. The tension between actual stay at home mothers and working mothers has been greatly exaggerated and exploited by the media. They're invested in this myth that mothers hate each other for their choices in the work force.

This is a great read and I almost entirely agree with Graff. However I've heard my stay at home mom friends make some comments about the choices of working mothers which made me bristle a bit. I've heard women say, among friends, "If you didn't want to spend your days with your kids, why did you have them?" I've heard working mothers refer to stay at home mothers as spoiled and a little boring if not downright stupid. These comments do make me believe there is a lingering version of the Mommy Wars which is not entirely media driven. I would entirely agree the media exploits this lingering animosity between women and I also believe the working vs. stay at home debate will die, once we make the work world more friendly for all parents.

Single Women Happier than Married Women with Children?

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 19:50:00 GMT

Are you a married woman with children, aspiring scientist who occasionally finds it difficult to achieve orgasm? You are less happy than your single counterparts, according to two recent studies from New Zealand and Australia.

The fact that women in traditionally male professions still have great difficulty balancing work and family life shouldn't come as any surprise. What is surprising, though, is how few women in science, engineering, and technology have kids or are able to find any balance once they do. I found it at once heartening and discouraging that the women of Australia face similar work-life balance issues.

And then the orgasm study, which found 56% of sexually active single women could reach orgasm easily, while only 24% of their married counterparts could. Interesting though this data may be, I think it's more a function of the age and stage of participants (ranging in age from 40 to 80) than any declaration about those damn husbands and their interference with sexual pleasure.

No one said being a married woman with children would be easy. But some days some of us wish it didn't have to be this hard.