Strollerderby : working at home

Writing is Working - I Promise

JeanneSager — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:32:00 GMT

At a time when newspapers across the country are going out of business or laying off writers, I took a long hard look at Mama Bee's rant against the writing moms who dare consider themselves experts on working motherhood . . . and screamed.

At its heart, I think I understand what she was trying to say - that there is no cookie cutter solution for the trials and travails of the working parent. If you think a "10 Easy Tips to Wrangle Your Kids" list is going to solve your struggles, more power to you.

But in accusing mothers who write for a living of being "profoundly disconnected from its real trials and tribulations," she betrays her own lack of understanding of the life of a journalist.

We work, generally far above the forty-hour work week - and not all of us from home. In fact, a fair number of journalists work out of an office, rather than as freelancers. I consider myself lucky that I spend a few days working from home, but it's somewhat of a misnomer - working from home often means packing my daughter in her carseat and heading off with her to do an interview in the middle of a barn with a farmer concerned about milk prices, keeping one eye fixed on her at all times to make sure she doesn't end up UNDER a cow. It means leaving my daughter with my husband at 6 p.m. to head to a five-hour-long town board meeting where I'll listen to politicians sniping at each other about a whole lot of nothing instead of enjoying books before bedtime.

I know what it's like to juggle the sitter's schedule with my own, to go rushing around to find someone to watch my daughter on a random Monday when my daycare provider has a doctor's appointment. I know what it's like to call my boss and say, I'm sorry, I can't go report on that fire right now because I don't have daycare, and to hear him sigh and know that I just lost favor that the non-parent reporters automatically curry.

I also know what it's like to try to work from home, to sit at a computer and try to write a story about parenting while my daughter screams from the bathroom or shoves a cup of juice in my face and asks for more. I know what it's like to be thisclose to missing a deadline and have to go clean up a water spill across the kitchen floor. I chose this, I know, but that doesn't make it any easier. And for those who would say, well, hire a sitter on those days, I counter - where will I get the money?

Because as a writer mom, I also know what it's like to struggle to make ends meet. Newspapers are closing. The paper where I work has cut staff, and that's meant more pressure on the rest of us to produce, produce, produce. But where do I find the time? Where do I find the supplemental income when one of the magazines I write for shuts down, when the new editor decides she doesn't like my style as much as the old editor?

No, I don't know what it's like to be a factory laborer, Mama Bee. I don't know what it's like to have regular hours, when I can punch in, punch out. News doesn't happen nine to five - and daycares don't take kindly to you showing up at 7 because a late breaking story kept you in the newsroom. I don't know what it's like to be a corporate drone either, Mama Bee, to know exactly how much my paycheck will be week in and week out, to know I can make the mortgage and the phone bill.

But I do know how to write their stories. And that's how they end up in the newspaper, on the Web, in magazines. Because the lady working at H&R Block might be a whizz-bang at my taxes (while I can't make heads or tails of a W-2), but she can't write a news story.

So I write, Mama Bee, because that's my job. Which makes me a working mother.

Image: Medway

What They're Babbling About: Noise, Toys and Boys

JeanneSager — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 17:39:00 GMT

Sometimes, we're just glad to know we're not the only ones whose kids seem to outwit us. In this edition of What They're Babbling About, we make you feel better too:

Want to know what it's like to do a radio interview with your son throwing a hissy outside your door? The Poop's Peter Hartlaub didn't either, but he found out - and he's sharing his embarrassment with a few more listeners (we're laughing with you Peter, with you) - The Poop

We've found THE most creative way to stick education into a game EVER - make your kid brush up on the Geneva Convention before purchasing a war game. Why didn't I think of this? - Boing Boing

Malia Obama's jonesing for the Jonas Brothers, and some moms have their own crush on the crooning teens. Sandy Maple's got it bad. - ParentDish

When's the best time to install those pain-in-the-tuchas latches under the kitchen sink? Answer: sometime BEFORE your kid snuggles with a bottle of bleach - DaddyTypes

Afraid your teens are sexting their brains out? Maybe you need to lay off the news for awhile - Jezebel

Image:TopNews

Why Daddies Don't Babysit

Coworking: Office Space Without the Angst

Amy Kuras — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:02:00 GMT

I'm not alone in thinking working at home, while it has its benefits, mostly blows. I mean I love the time with my kids – but on the other hand, I am attempting to work while I am home with my kids. Who, while lovely, are an infant and a preschooler and thus have no respect for deadlines (want to know how many times I have had to stop writing this and tend to someone? Five. So far. And the preschooler is napping. It would be twice that if she weren't). Plus, there's the pets, and the home phone, and the temptation to load the dishwasher/run a load of laundry/get a jump on dinner instead of work during that brief period when everyone is happy or at least quiet.

The solution would be an office outside the home, but what I'd have to pay for additional daycare plus rent in even a cheap building or shared space would cost major bank – and as a freelance journalist/itinerant blogger, major bank's not happening.

I've casually talked with friends in similar lines of work about sharing an office – not something we’d have to be at every day, but a space where you have a desk and co-workers who can get their own cups of milk, but without all attendant hassles of actually working for each other. Lo and behold, this is not an original idea but a new trend, called coworking, the idea being it's more professional than hanging at Starbucks and more social than working alone at home.

One woman started a coworking space called Cubes and Crayons in Menlo Park that includes, wait for it, childcare. Both of which are available the amount of time you need it and not a moment longer. I have no idea if she's interested in franchising, but if any of you want to open up such a place in my neck of the woods, I'll be your first customer.

Working Moms: Not Guilty Enough? Read This

Amy Kuras — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:02:00 GMT

I'm of the belief, as the cheesy 80s saying went, "every mother is a working mother" – and as a work at home mother I have a foot firmly in both camps of the so-called "Mommy Wars."

So I found this CNN.com story on CareerBuilder.com's annual Mother's Day study to be awfully scoldy in its tone for work-for-pay mothers – citing stats that 17 percent of working moms have missed three or more significant events in the lives of their children over the last year. Which means that 83 percent didn’t, but where's that stat in the story? Because damn, ladies, that's pretty amazing that you can balance a work schedule and your kid's schedule and not miss much.

A sizable minority bring work home a few days a week or more, which the article treats as solely responsible for the decline of the American family or whatever. Of course, how are we supposed to both be there for every soccer game AND get our jobs done, exactly, otherwise?

And I reserve special scorn for this: "Perhaps unsurprisingly, 24 percent of mothers cited work as having a negative impact on their relationships with their children." Which, again, means three-quarters do not think so, and I'd be willing to bet at least some of the moms who said it was damaging their relationships with their kids were just having a shitty day at work or home or both.

In other words, working moms are actually doing a pretty good job balancing everything --but the story focuses on the minority who feel they are not.

Here's what I think work-for-pay moms – and probably a good bit of work-for-free moms too – really wish for: Viable part-time work options. Good, affordable child care.
And oh yeah, no more asinine news stories that serve to pile more guilt on moms who deserve better.

Mom Brain Is Not Such a Bad Thing

Amy Kuras — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:03:00 GMT

Maybe this is a second kid kind of a thing or a new baby situation, but man, I miss having my act together. Two short months ago, I totally felt I was rocking the work-at-home mom thing. Then baby #2 arrived, and while he is delightful and wonderful and a much, much easier baby than I deserve, there is no longer a single, solitary aspect of my life I am not ragingly behind on. Thank you notes unwritten, blogs not maintained, friends not called, books, hell, magazines unread. And we'll not talk about the tumbleweeds of pet fur all over my house or the disorganized cluster-you-know-what that is my work life.
So I found this essay, from Parenting (my least favorite parenting mag), of all places, very reassuring. Writer Margaret Renki posits that the kind of thinking we tend to do as mothers is just as meaningful and important as the stuff we once thought, and sometimes still do, about politics or art or The Meaning of Life.
I especially loved this:
"Motherhood forces us to understand, if only so we can teach it to our children, what really matters in the small space we each have between birth and death. And the easiest way for me to learn this lesson is by living in deep, penetrating kinship with other human beings -- by living, in other words, in a family."
I needed that, that reminder that this stuff matters even when it feels so small and trivial that the best thing I got done today was to keep everyone alive and loved.

Canadians Soon to be Even Happier

Madeline Holler — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:48:00 GMT

When you're Canadian, do you wake up every morning happy ... cold, but happy? I ask because it seems to me that Canadians get it when it comes to families -- healthcare, maternity leave, education. Canadians are just so together, cold but together.

Take this as an example: national lawmakers there are seriously considering an overhaul of their lawmaking schedule in order to make it more family friendly. The goal? Getting more parents of young children involved in public office.

Now, I don't know the workings of the Canadian legislature, but basically they're ending a requirement to be there on Fridays, cutting out evening and late-night sessions and taking advantage of Blackberrys and other technology so that they can be present while also being absent. The rescheduling, proponents claim, simply packs more work in to a shorter amount of office time. Sounds good to me.

Here in the U.S., we certainly talk about making work, government and society family friendly. But we're very short on action. We're someone to mention this in the U.S., we'd have to have a totally polarizing argument that shamed working parents, belittled stay-at-home parents, called into question the motives of those who didn't want to be around on Fridays while ignoring/unduly burdening the chosen lives of the child-free -- and calling into question the productivity of public officials who may actually like hanging out with their kids.

It's as if the best we get down here, even from the Democratic presidential candidates who seem positively pro-pro-family with their healthcare plans, is a vague mention of universal pre-K. Which is fine. Just not enough, it seems to me.

But those Canadians! They just overhaul their outdated Victorian ways and call it a family-friendly night. A cold but family-friendly night.

First Week Back at Work is Crucial

Amy Kuras — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 23:33:00 GMT

I haven’t worked in an office for nearly six years, so for me the prospect of going back to work after I have this baby is pretty much completely exciting – I can use my brain! And write! About something other than when he last pooped/nursed/slept!

For mothers who must negotiate a breast pump, a commute that's longer than climbing the stairs to your office and shutting the door, and the wearing of real clothes that are not composed of polarfleece, it can be a much more ambivalent situation.

Turns out that first week back at work is pretty critical to a new mom's success at juggling the working parent role. This article from Forbes lays out some of the more helpful ideas. First of all, negotiate a staggered start, where you don't come back full time right away, if you possibly can. Also, connect with your colleagues and maybe bring the baby by for a visit before you start back. That way, they won't forget that you actually went through a major life change while you were gone instead of spending three months traipsing around Europe or whatever, and it reminds you that you actually like these people and are coming back to work for a reason.

On a similar note, connect with other new moms you know at the company. Talking to someone who's been where you are and survived it can make or break your coping ability.

As much as I loved this article, I was struck by how much it seemed to take for granted that every company offers things like lactation rooms and flexible hours. Some companies in the article even did simple, low cost things like a monthly lunch for new moms, so they can connect with each other for support. It would be nice if all companies, not just those that employ the cream of the crop, offered those types of benefits to make life easier for families.

Photo: Forbes.com

TV- and Parent-Free Activities For Kids. Help!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 00:05:00 GMT

I promise myself every year (every month? every day? every hour?) that I'm going to buck up and quit relying TV to numb the kids' minds and keep them away from me in half-hour increments. But it's hard, so hard. Because sometimes, a mom just wants to sit and email!

So I was excited about Parents magazine's 25 TV-Free Activities, which I figured would freshen up some of the options (go outside! draw a picture!).

Problem is, these 25 activities all include me! Argh! They suggest a tickle party (sob!), having friends over (the work!), have a dance party (the noise!), fix the sink (who's got time?), family letter writing party (but I want to email!), museums, the library, doing something for someone else (but what about me!). Actually, we do these things kind of. What we don't do is sit quietly on the couch with our hands folded, while Mommy surfs the web.

I think Parents has missed the point of TV for parents: it's the replacement parent, not the supplement parent, at least in our house. I use it to numb their minds, quiet thier mouths, kill the dead time between afterschool and dinner when I really, really, really want to get something done. So 25 TV-free activities need to be parent-free too.

Hey, I'm not looking for handouts here, just a little peace and quiet. So help me out with this, readers. What are your favorite TV(and parent-)-free activities. And hiring a babysitter doesn't count.

Photo: Telegraph.co.uk

Study: Women Still Stand By Their Men

Madeline Holler — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 00:23:00 GMT

Between being stay-at-home/work-at-home mom for almost six years and moving every time my husband’s job requires it, I feel like I’m going to get my feminist credentials downgraded to a Focus on the Family pledge form. I swear, I SWEAR, I don’t think men are more important than women, or that my husband’s career happiness is more important than mine. It’s just that what he wants to do has geographical restrictions and what I want to do, well, it’s portable.

But I know what it looks like. I just wish this following study weren’t actually reporting the facts: to a majority of American couples, the husband’s career is still more important than the wife’s. A study showed that gender roles are still entrenched and that more often than not, it’s the woman who takes a career hit or gives up a career in order for her husband to pursue his. Really? Still?!

The researchers looked at more than 4,000 working married couples between 25 and 59 years old. Men earned significantly more after relocating for a job than if they would have stayed put. The women, on the other hand, earned much less after a move than if they would have stayed in one place. Even when all the different salary ladders and types of jobs are accounted for, women earned less after they moved. These disadvantages for women, they said, pointed to the fact that couples, by and large, are relocating for the husband's job, not for the wife's.

They concluded that this means women still think a wife’s main priority is to support her husband’s career. I don’t know, maybe other women, but not me. That’s not how I see all of my family’s moves. But on paper, it must look that way. We're just bolstering the stats in this study’s outcomes. I wish there was a little space for comments when it comes to such studies. Or a whole lot more women seeing a financial windfall from relocations -- I wouldn't feel like I'm letting the sisters down.

Working From Home Made Simple(r)

Amy Kuras — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 20:03:00 GMT

"Oh, you’re so lucky, I'd love to work at home."

If you're a work-at-home parent, you've heard that plenty of times. But the vision doesn't always match up to the reality. My daughter's sudden and immediate need for something, anything, from me RIGHT THIS SECOND is in direct proportion to the importance of the call I am taking. When she was a baby, before we owned a laptop, her reluctance to take a damn nap already was also correlated to my desperate need for an uninterrupted hour or so to work –and she would unerringly wake up crying just as I got that crucial call to be able to meet a deadline on time.

I'm lucky in that most of the people I deal with on a daily basis are fairly child-friendly, or at least not completely put off an impression of professionalism by hearing "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. I want milk. I need milk. Mommy!" too many times throughout a conversation. And of course, there are our friends Dora and Elmo. Yeah, I said it.

This article from Parenting.com via CNN contains some helpful ideas for parents trying to balance work and child-raising in the same space. Some are no-brainers – have a basket of small toys in your work area so your children can play while you work. Others, though, are things I never thought of — make sure your wastebasket is secure, for example, and back up computer files weekly. I would add "Don’t leave wet fingerpainting projects where the cat can walk through them while you're taking a call from your most impossible client" but that's another story.