Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:59:19 GMT

Very well articulated. The action doesn't bother me -- whatever, kids will be kids. No big deal. It's the crazy excuse that it's ok because "boys will be boys."

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

leahsmom — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:23:26 GMT

The action itself may not be gender-determined: some kids are more aggressive/less sharing.

However, the excuse "boys will be boys" IS very gendered. If it was "kids will be kids" or just "ehh, whatever" - then I'd agree with people who are shooting down the questions. But what the people actually said, which presumably indicates at least part of what they are thinking, is that in this instance, there is no problem, because of the gender of their child.

Even if it's just "what people say" - I don't think that's a great excuse. Plenty of people use racial slurs, insults to people of different sexual orientations, negative words regarding people with disabilities. I'm not a parrot - I don't use those words. So I can also think about the excuses I give.

I don't think it's a problem to give an excuse. The problem is that the excuse is - it's OK for boys to do something, solely by virtue of their gender.

I agree with the OP - I think that the excuse "girls will be girls" wouldn't have been used here. And I think it does point to some views about what children of each gender are supposed to be like.

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

Patrick — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:19:33 GMT

My mom said (and taught) that you're never too young to learn to knee a guy in the nuts...which, in the long run, did me way more good than it did her.

A 2 year old girl sending an obnoxious 2 year old boy to the ground with a knee to the groin? Adorable.

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

trollmommy — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 14:56:53 GMT

"Boys will be boys" are four words that are not tolerated in my presence! I actually do think it's a gender thing because boys are taught by some people that it's ok to take things that don't belong to them and girls are taught that it's ok that boys take things from them, because, hey, they're just being themselves. My son is going to be taught from day one that you don't just take something from someone. You can always ask nicely and if they say no, then get over it.

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

Tiffer — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 03:33:49 GMT

Anne, I actually understood that the criticism was about parents who don't ever intervene. I just thought it was funny/ridiculous to call it "theft" and to start the story out by talking about the fact that his kid doesn't snatch toys! I was actually nitpicking because the tone of the blog was just a little holier than thou.

I get that parents who shrug off behaviors are annoying (particularly when they just scapegoat the gender of the child), but like a previous commenter had already said, the whole idea that the "little princess got mugged" on the playground was just a little over the top. That's all. I didn't really take it personally.

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

Anne — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:03:07 GMT

Tiffer, the problem isn't that a two-year-old is snatching things, it's that the parents see no reason to correct that behavior. Toddlers learn through repetition, so in order for them to learn that it's wrong to take other people's things (which in the long run very much translates to theft) the parent has to say, each and every time, that that was a bad decision and give the item back to its owner. If you're intervening each time, than you're not being criticized, so why take it personally?

Also, as the mother of a 20 month old I have no patience with "boys will be boys."

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

tiffer — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 21:03:57 GMT

Oh.. c'mon.. you call it THEFT? HAHA... it's more like being a 2 year old. Glad your 2 year old has stopped snatching things from other kids. Mine hasn't stopped yet. It's not that I haven't tried to stop it from happening, but it still does (of course I intervene when it happens!). Oh, and he's a boy. How about 2 year olds will be 2 year olds? Except, obviously, your very advanced daughter and some other advanced 2 year olds who are children of some of the people commenting on here!

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

Brett Singer — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 19:36:25 GMT

Anyone who still says "boys will be boys" to explain crappy behavior should get a noogie. A very painful noogie.

I knew someone who used to say this about his kid who used to hit the other kids, boys and girls. He wanted to send him to an all boys school so he could "be a boy." I suggested that if that were the case, he could just let him move to the woods. That didn't go over well.

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

Me — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 19:27:02 GMT

The shrugging of the shoulders and the "boys will be boys" excuse can be translated to: I just don't feel like dealing with it, so there.

It's lazy parenting, boys OR girls, period.

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

LogicalMama — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:50:42 GMT

I don't think this is a gender issue whatsoever!

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

Marie Eve — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 17:11:26 GMT

I simply think you would have had the same kind of response from the parents even if those children had been girls... Not "boys will be boys" but "what are you going to do, kids are just kids..." or "it's just some harmless playing" or "yeah, they tend to do that at this age"...

I know you were surprised that it happened twice in a row and it's understandable, but I think it's still a very small statistical sample to make it a whole "boys will be boys" issue...

I may be missing the whole point, I don't know...

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

feefifoto — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:43:16 GMT

i wouldn't have allowed my son to behave that way at age two. i made myself crazy trying to teach him appropriate behavior.

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:20:23 GMT

How can I not pinpoint boys doing this when the issue is whether it's socially acceptable for boys to do this?

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

Marie Eve — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:00:58 GMT

Of course it's not acceptable! This is probably just bad parenting, and I think you shouldn't necessarily pinpoint boys doing this, unfortunately I've seen many children displaying this behavior, and I honestly don't think it was a gender issue...

I'll never raise my son to think he can away away with doing stuff like that, so for me, fiction!

And I think the word "theft" might be just a tad too strong in this case. If you don't encourage the "boys will be boys" attitude, don't go all "daddy's little princess got mugged" either... :-)

re: Boys Will Be Boys and Other Reasons for Theft

steffmarcusky — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 14:50:26 GMT

I will not allow my son to do that - every child needs to learn that it is not acceptable to do that, not just girls. Bull s*&^.