The Anti-Day Care Contingent

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Sarah — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 23:48:48 GMT

I am not a mother yet but I have been doing some research on daycare options. Here is a very interesting website that I found. The things they say here about daycare are very similar to my experience working at several daycare centers during my high school years.

While I understand that many people have to work just to get by, I also understand that if a mother can stay with her child it is better than placing the child in daycare.

The real problem is not parents (although in some cases it) but the policies that have been implemented over the years that have completely destroyed the families. It is known as divide to better conquer. Create the useless mommy wars so that they won't see the real issues. Maybe if they're too busy fighting, they won't have time to understand that if more of their money was coming home, one parent could actually afford to stay home and look after the children. Instead, your hard earned money goes to pay for programs that don't work.

Maybe that is the real issue? Mothers from all walks of life and education need to unite and say that we need a more generous tax credit for raising our own children. I personally think the children will be better off being raised by their own parents instead of day care workers. But I won't waste time talking about a clear cut thing. What we really need to do is address tax policies and laws that make it so hard for so many families to give her children the best she can. Please check out this website, it might open your eyes.

www.daycaresdontcare.org/.../DaycareWorkersSay_page_10.htm

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

MomofBeans — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:03:33 GMT

In a perfect world I could work part-time or stay home with my daughter, but unfortunately, this isn't utopia. I work BECAUSE I HAVE TO. Scaling back? That's cute. We've already scaled back, dear. Cut corners? Yeah, we're doing that too. In fact, one of the reasons I nursed for a year and pumped at work was so I wouldn't have the added cost of formula. If you can stay home, that's great for you, but some of us actually have to work. My daughter gets excellent, low-cost insurance (and I get free insurance) because I work full-time. If we relied on my husband for that, we'd be paying $600/month. And if something happens to my husband (heaven forbid), I know that my kid and I will at least be able to get by.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

eo — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 03:04:27 GMT

Um... I was raised in daycare. I was raised in a center that focused on emergent curriculum and early childhood education. My mom had to go back to work when I was only 6 weeks old to pay the bills and it was awful on her. When I got older, it was easier. Now, even though my mom worked hard and wasn't able to make every field trip or pick me up on time every day, I have so much more respect for her than if she had just stayed home. Her work life also let her be a more rounded person so that I could be a more well rounded and independent person. When your mom's whole life is you, that puts too much pressure on you.

Now that I am a mom, I was super fortunate and able to stay at home with my son for the first 14 months. This was incredible!! Now, he is at a an accredited center that is very similar to the one I went to. His teachers have masters degrees in education and I have never seen him happier. He is engaged, ecstatic and exhausted when I pick him up.

When discussing daycare, PLEASE differentiate between a place where you dump your kid to be watched/fed and a quality center that focuses on early childhood development. Quality group care has so many benefits, that the only people who could oppose obviously aren't very educated in childcare options.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

krystal — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 02:04:37 GMT

paanta, holy cow. do you REALLY think a DAYCARE worker can take care of your baby better than you can? that they actually care as much as you do about your little fella? seriously, i find that hard to believe. but, to each their own. you couldn't PAY ME to drop off my baby at a day care center. i KNOW wholeheartedly that the best hands to place my offspring in are my own.

but, each family should do what's best for them.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Becky — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 20:43:19 GMT

Okay, i am a stay at home mom, and i wouldn't put my daughter into daycare unless it was necessary. I mean if i had a job that was worth it i would. But i only have a high school diploma, so any job i got right now would pretty much just pay for daycare. And i dont see the point in working just to send my daughter to daycare. My cousin and her husband both work and their daughter (who is the same age as mine) goes to daycare. She is perfectly fine. I am glad to have the oppurtunity to stay home with my daughter (most of the time, lol). But i understand why alot of moms dont. Also, i stayed home with my daughter, and i didnt breastfeed. I used formula. My cousin who went to work, breastfed for the first 3 months, then pumped for the next 3.

More importantly, why is the big issue the mom who said she would never send her kid to daycare? She didnt say "You are all horrible parents for sending your children to daycare!!" She only said she wouldnt send her kid... There is absolutly nothing wrong with that. I think the worse part is the mother who thinks it is traumitizing to not put your child in daycare.

I think that every mother is entitled to do what she thinks is best for her kids. Hence the reason they are YOUR kids.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Allie — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:35:33 GMT

Ever since I've become a mom and starting reading parenting blogs and websites, I've realized that almost every issue can become a no-gray-area battleground. I'm a working mom that didn't breastfeed; in case you didn't know, I'm apparently Satan. Can't their be pros and cons to everything? Isn't that what we want to teach our children? Breastfeeding is natural, yay. Boobs get tender, boo. Formula gives dads the change to bond with babies, yay. Sometimes formula fed babies overeat, boo. I can make a massive list about the pros and cons of work too; but what I know is that going back to work was the right thing for me. Feeling like I have a life outside of being a mom is something that matters to me and I think it'll help me be a better mother. And I know people who chose to stay at home, and I think that they're just as interesting, diverse and educated as I am. Being a parent is tough enough, worrying that every choice is going to royally screw up your kid sucks; can't we support each other instead of getting defensive about the decisions we did or didn't make?

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

LauraLaura — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 03:04:13 GMT

Patricia: "I've seen about 10 studies that prove over and over again that children raised by their parents are far better adjusted."

Yes? Citations please? Or I call bullshit.

"We know in our hearts we should be home with our children." Oh, yes, thank you for exposing our deep guilt and grief. We're working to provide money and health insurance for our kids, not because we don't want to be with our kids. You sanctimonious, judgmental toad. Perhaps you couldn't hack it in the workplace, which is why you're home sponging off your husband. Crawl back under your rock.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Patricia — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 01:47:18 GMT

Alice - I AGREE with you. Everyone who was upset by what you said is a working mom... they know in their hearts they should be home with the children they gave birth to, but most just don't want to. It's the rare mom who will admit out loud (as I have had a few do) "I just couldn't do it. I couldn't be home with my child all day." At least they own up to it!

I generally agree that no one will take as good of care of the child as the parents - but any parent who puts their child in daycare and isn't heartbroken about doing so - well their kids probably ARE better off.

Yeah....I've seen about 10 studies that prove over and over again that children raised by their parents are far better adjusted.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 22:10:21 GMT

I think I have a nice balanced situation - I work part-time and stay home part-time with my daughter. I believe it is important to spend as much time as I can with her but I also know that I need some time among adults and she needs some time with her peers.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

beeker — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 22:09:08 GMT

Alice - fuck you! (Yah, I said it).

Happy mothers raise happy kids. Loving your career is a good reason to put a kid in daycare. Food and shelter are other good reasons.

Mothers who use daycare options ARE raising their kids. They love their kids too. They are doing what they think is best.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

LauraLaura — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:26:05 GMT

@Alice: " If you need your income that bad then scale back."

Darlin', this what is known as a contradiction in terms. (Look it up.) If you need your income "that bad," by definition you can't scale back. Lucky you that you were able to survive on your partner's income. Most of us out here can't. So keep your judgments to yourself.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

paanta — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:20:23 GMT

@Alice: What makes you think that you're more qualified to raise your kids than a daycare worker who has taken care of hundreds of kids in their career? I love my car, but I don't know enough to rebuild the engine.

I'd ask you the opposite question: how many totally maladjusted, neurotic people do you know who were raised without daycare? I sure know a lot.

One-on-one time with a parent is great, but so is being absolutely surrounded by peers. Being picked up and hugged the second you start to cry is great, but so is being taught to fend for yourself. Quiet time at home reading with mom is great, but so is spending time in the insanely high-intensity environment of a daycare.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Lori S. — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:44:07 GMT

Alice: I was raised in day care. No worse for wear. If it were "just a job" to most day care providers, trust me, they'd pick an industry that *paid* more...

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Alice — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:22:16 GMT

I htink if you have them you should raise them. At least until you send them to school. Sorry, my opinion. If you need your income that bad then scale back. We did. I quit my job and we moved to a smaler home, bought a used car and decided I would stay home since my husband made the bigger salary and had better benefits. Childcare is a rare gift only a parent or loving relative should do. I shudder thinking about my infant crying his head off in a daycare while the caretaker takes her time to get to him. They dont love them as much as you do, ever. So dont kid yourself. It is just a job to them. How many of you were raised in daycare?

If you are a single mom not by choice then that is the exception. You do the best you can with what you have. But wanting to work so you can have a nicer car, bigger house, you love your career, nope.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Em — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 16:23:57 GMT

It all goes back to the fact that no matter what a mom does, someone doesn't like it.

When we had to send my six week son to daycare, my dad gave me a hard time, leaving me in tears.

Now that my son is 9 months and is not in daycare (my husband stays home with him until mid-afternoon, then my mom watches him), I hear from people that maybe he would be doing better - hitting milestones quicker, less separation anxiety - if he was in daycare.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Maureen — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 16:04:23 GMT

I'll have to call you crazy because I met quite a few of those people when I went back to work and put my 6 month old in daycare. There were some who couldn't believe it... they actually said that they couldn't imagine having to do such a terrible thing. The comments from anti-daycare folks really helped me deal with the guilt I was already feeling... not.

re: The Anti-Day Care Contingent

Samantha — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 15:36:33 GMT

not at all surprising to me. My husband's grandmother told me that I was just selfish for putting the baby in day care when I should be at home with her (even though my husband earns $10K a year less than I do and has no health insurance). One of my husband's friends told us that he should keep me home because we have to 'raise [our] own child, not have some stranger do it." Several women who I work with have told me they would have never come back to work as soon as I did or travel for work like I do, and that I will regret it. There is still very little support for working women in some places. Not sure if it's the part of the country I live in (Montana, kind of conservative) or just run of the mill judgementalism but I have been ragged on for my choice to work by almost everyone. Not that it's much of a choice if we want to eat food, live indoors, etc.