Parents Say: Don't Reward My Kid

re: Parents Say: Don't Reward My Kid

Kathy Seal — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 17:05:02 GMT

If positive reinforcement for good behavior helps, so be it. But there are other ways that shouldn't be neglected, like getting kids very engaged in activities. When it comes to learning,on the other hand paying kids to learn is the very last thing to try. Why not use that money to improve resources and train teachers to build on kids' internal motivation? There are good programs to do so.

Here's an article I wrote on why paying kids to learn shortchanges them:

www.latimes.com/.../la-oe-grolnick5-2008sep05,0,2652576.story

Kathy Seal

www.kathyseal.net

www.pressuredparents.com

re: Parents Say: Don't Reward My Kid

amarie — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 16:24:48 GMT

Those parents have no clue.

And training your kids like dogs?

NO. That's not the point. The point is to get kids to want to act good. That way they associate being a well behaved child brings happiness.

I think it's successful and I will reward my daughter when she does well.

However, I don't think it's right to reward children with food. It could bring on overweight issues that contribute to low self-esteem.

re: Parents Say: Don't Reward My Kid

Sarah — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 21:35:41 GMT

"What works for your kids? Rewards for good behavior or punishment for the bad?"

Neither. Have you read any Alfie Kohn? "I realized that the discipline problems I had experienced with some of my own classes were not a function of children who were insufficiently controlled but of a curriculum that was insufficiently engaging. (The students weren't trying to make my life miserable; they were trying to make the time pass faster.) It occurred to me that books on discipline almost never raise the possibility that when a student doesn't do what he is told, the problem may be with what he has been told to do--or to learn."

http://www.alfiekohn.org

re: Parents Say: Don't Reward My Kid

mjcanada — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 19:50:59 GMT

Here's a quotes that I like:

Instead of building self-esteem, it seems, congratulating children on all accomplishments has created a generation of praise junkies: undermotivated kids who are addicted to acknowledgement...(they) end up relying on the praise of others, rather than their own judgement, to feel good about themselves.

-Ann E. La Forge

re: Parents Say: Don't Reward My Kid

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 19:18:08 GMT

Alice, that's great that your kids are homeschooled and you don't have to deal with school discipline. Have you ever been a public school teacher? Do you know what it is like to try to get 30 kids to comport themselves in a manner that is conducive to learning (for everyone)? It is a hard job, often because many kids aren't getting any sort of behavior lessons at home! It would be great if all kids could be intrinsically motivated to behave well and learn, but that just isn't the case.

I, as a former public school teacher and parent, think the system mentioned in this post seems like a good idea! I'm sure it doesn't work perfectly (no system does), but I like the idea of rewarding kids and pointing out to everyone what good behavior, kindness, generosity, etc. look like!

re: Parents Say: Don't Reward My Kid

Alice — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 18:49:59 GMT

I agree with the Canadian parents. Remember, they have much better schools than we do in the US. The reward system is a US idea used to control groups. I find it repulsive. Like training dogs. It teaches children to expect rewards for things they should do just as a matter of course. The wind up with a sense of entitlement that is not earned at all. It takes the focus away from education and learning from our mistakes. I find it chilling that such brain washing techniques are routinely used in public schools to get children to behave a certain way. What happened to "Learning By Example" or "Learning Through Play"? This is just more of the No Child Left Behind crapola and their shortcuts to high test scores. My daughters say "Making mistakes is okay becuase it gives us a chance to learn something.". But my kids are homeschooled and I dont have to bribe them to act like decent human beings.

Homeschooling Where No Child Is Left Behind. Ever!

re: Parents Say: Don't Reward My Kid

mjcanada — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 16:31:06 GMT

I agree with the parents at the Canadian elementary. Check out Barbara Coloroso's book "Kids are Worth It". She believes that the way to teach children to have discipline that is intrinsically motivated, there should not be a system of punishments OR rewards. By constantly rewarding good behaviors, the child comes to expect the rewards ALL THE TIME. They are always looking for outside praise...not what I want my children to learn.