Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Sara — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 12:58:52 GMT

I don't disagree that this sounds like discrimination. However, I can't agree that adoption by a single healthy parent is equivalent to adoption by a couple consisting of one healthy partner and one partner at serious risk of dying in the next few years. There is a difference between having only one parent from the get-go and LOSING a parent (even if you still have one left).

Whether obesity is a condition that by itself creates such peril is a totally different question, though.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Knitty — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 05:04:32 GMT

Shannon, thank you. Thank you!

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Shannon LC Cate — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 03:17:35 GMT

I have been underweight--severely so--for most of my life (until the past couple of years when I barely crept into normal range). I could do little about it (never dieted, except now and then to GAIN weight). What are my health risks? Increased chance of osteroperosis (my mother is a borderline case), infertility (don't know--never tried), reduced immune system functioning (I get sick about 10 times per year). I'm a lifelong insomniac. Insomnia is linked to a number of health problems including heart and nervous conditions ( ezinearticles.com ) and decreased life expectancy in general.

But those things had zero effect on my health assessment for my adoption. I'm not arguing that being morbidly obese isn't a health risk. But it is also currently very trendy to fret about obesity.

Personally, I'm far more concerned that my daughters might develop an eating disorder like 5-10% of girls and women ( www.healthywithin.com/stats.htm ) than I am that they will be morbidly obese like less than 5% of all U.S. Americans ( obesity1.tempdomainname.com/.../morbidobesity.shtml ).

It seems to me that there are plenty of overweight, obese, and yes, even morbidly obese parents out there doing just fine. I also expect to have to jump through extra hoops to adopt (and have done so--twice), but this smacks of discrimination to me.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

gpgirl — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 02:27:32 GMT

Some people are saying that there is no relationship between high BMI and diseases. This is absolutely not true. Being in the obese or morbidly obese categories raises your chances of having type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high LDL (bad cholesterol), low LDL (good cholesterol) - all of which lead to a higher risk of heart disease. There is a also a possibility of increasing your risk of certain types of cancers, but this has not been completely proven at this point.

In addition, being obese means it is difficult (and sometimes impossible) to perform some life-saving procedures. Therefore, these people have a higher chance of getting sick and a lower chance of being able to be treated.

Someone also talked about our society's obsession with being skinny. I can't argue with that, but it is a long way from skinny to morbidly obese. The girls in the magazines that we are supposed to look like are either underweight or in the very low end of normal.

I also agree that there are some people in the overweight category who are probably very healthy, and just tip over into an overweight BMI because of muscle mass, etc. However, this man is morbidly obese, which is a completely different story.

I am really not trying to be mean to obese people, but we do have to recognize that there is a known increased risk for health problems, and an adoption agency has to take that into account.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Another Alice — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:35:32 GMT

Thanks for the UK info, Kate. While I heartily concur with most of what Sarah said re: lack of causal relationships between high BMI and most diseases, the inclusion of this criteria *on an already long list* makes it more acceptable to me.

I would be curious as to the #s of children in the UK waiting for placement, though (I couldn't find it in a brief review of the link you provided). In a situation where there's a surfeit of adoptive parents for all children, having multiple restrictions is understandable, although I agree with others that this one stems more from an aesthetic than a scientific basis. If the #s are closer to what we have in the US, though, with a need for more adoptive families for many children, then having definitive exclusions (as opposed to tiered ranking systems) seems counter-productive.

In general, I accept and largely support the fact that becoming an adoptive parent will involve more hoop-jumping than biological parenting would. I'm willing to go down that road, but I really despise the fact that so many of the hoops exclude potentially amazing parents. I may be prohibited from adopting in my state because I'm bisexual - a court case later this year should make that clearer, but there are thousands, if not millions of families that have already been hurt by this. Any exclusions need to be backed up by data when so many people can be hurt by those which are unnecessary.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Shannon LC Cate — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 13:41:46 GMT

"having a parent die when you are young (leaving aside whether that is in fact a greater risk with a fat parent or not) is really not the same as being raised in a stable single parent family."

I would never suggest these two are the same. But I would suggest that the mere risk of losing one of two parents (and who knows how increased that risk is), is worth having parents versus not having parents if that is the choice for a child.

I know some terrific, disabled parents (seriously disabled, not merely overweight). They managed to have their children through pregnancy and birth because they would not have been able to adopt. This is a terrible shame, because they wanted to adopt disabled children who have very slim chances of adoption. Meanwhile their birth-babies--4-year old, healthy, able-bodied twins--are thriving.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

gpgirl — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 06:47:48 GMT

Lula, I don't know who told you that you are overweight. With your stats, you are in the "normal" category, and about 15lbs away from being overweight, and extremely far from being obese. (Your BMI is around 22. This man's is at 40.)

Kate, thanks for the perspective on UK adoptions. I figured there are different rules in each country.

I know that having a high BMI is not the end-all for health issues, but there are many health risks that are greatly increased for anyone who is obese. The same for smoking.

I don't really know what the right thing is to do in this case, I am just making a comment on how being obese does increase your chances of health issues. I do understand Shannon's point about the other parent being healthy.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Kate — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 22:28:18 GMT

The <a href="www.baaf.org.uk/index.shtml">British Association for Adoption and Fostering</a> is a good place to start on how adoption works in the UK. A lot of the comments here are coming from a very, very US place.

- birth families do not choose adopters in this country

- most adoptions happen through local authorities not private agencies

- newborn adoptions are a tiny tiny minority of adoptions

- adoption in general is much less common

- it is usual practice to "match" child and adoptive parent(s) by race

- it only became legal for unmarried couples and civil-partnered same-sex couples to adopt in the last year or two

@Sarah

<i>If this really is about long-lived parents and is more than just an attempt to ignorantly act out prejudices against fat people, then I hope that they are also discriminating against smokers, people who ride motorcycles or sky dive...</i>

Yeah, "they" do. Smokers find it more or less impossible to adopt. There are regularly articles in the right-wing press about potential adopters "denied" on various PC criteria; this story came to notice as part of that agenda.

Shannon, I almost always find myself in agreement with you, but, seriously, having a parent die when you are young (leaving aside whether that is in fact a greater risk with a fat parent or not) is really not the same as being raised in a stable single parent family.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Lula — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:06:26 GMT

Restrictions for domestic adoptions vary from agency to agency. I, for example, have a medical history that includes use of antidepressants -- and I passed the homestudy for the agency we were working with when we were looking to adopt. My husband has a mobility-related health problem, and he also passed. Our family health histories are FUBAR, but no one seemed to care about that either. People with various disabilities, as well as single people, have also adopted through this agency. I'm sure Fat people have too, so it just depends.

But the BMI is bogus anyway. I'm currently 5'4", 130lbs, and slightly overweight according to the BMI even though I've never felt better in my life. If agencies want to restrict on the basis of actual health risk, they'd do better to require screening for heart disease and base decisions on that instead of BMI.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

beep — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 07:13:54 GMT

I have a serious disability. I always have functional limitations (I can't walk, for example) and although currently healthy-for-me, I am at greater risk than most for a number of health problems. I am actually pregnant right now, but if I wanted to adopt I assume many agencies would not allow it. This is a hard one because it is both true that a parent's health problems may negatively impact children, but also that people with health and/or functional problems often manage them well and can be lovely parents with much to teach their children about problem-solving, creating a communuty of support, justice issues, and coping skills.

I think the hard part for agencies is to sort out what is evidence based and what is prejudice. For example, did the agency in question run the numbers on the risks of many health conditions and behaviors (e.g. diabetes, high blood pressure, smoking, obesity) and also look at the literature on the impacts of parents' health on children before making rules about who is and is not eligible? Of course I don't know, but my suspicion is that because obesity is associated with a kind of prejudice that doesn't accompany some other types of health risks, it may have been singled out.

P.S. I like Shannon's point that if a single person can adopt surely a couple where one has a health problem should be able to adopt on an equal basis.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Lori — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 03:30:33 GMT

For the sake of argument lets assume they are seeking a healthy, white newborn. Should ethical adoption not include giving the birth family the largest(no pun intended) possible adoptive parent pool to chose from. By eliminating a family based on weight is the agency not taking away the bio families right to chose what THEY think is right for their baby?

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Knitty — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 06:21:59 GMT

"No one is questioning the 14 year-old, or the fat chick who just gave birth."

Oh I beg to differ. Unless the teen mother in question is, say, the daughter of Sarah Palin, she's going to the scorn of a nation on her shoulders. And as for fat chicks, well, just do a web search on "fat and pregnant" for horror stories.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Sarah — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 20:51:46 GMT

The problem with the notion of denying fat people the ability to adopt based on BMI as an indicator of health is that BMI (or weight or any other body measurement) has never been *causally* linked to health problems and in fact, studies have shown that fat people who exercise and eat well-rounded diets show no greater occurrence of the health problems that are supposedly linked to being fat than thin people. I am the "morbidly obese" mother of two and I have no health problems because I eat good, healthy foods, and because I exercise and lead an active life, I have no problem keeping up with my very, very active sons.

If this really is about long-lived parents and is more than just an attempt to ignorantly act out prejudices against fat people, then I hope that they are also discriminating against smokers, people who ride motorcycles or sky dive, people who eat diets that include high fructose corn syrup, people who use shampoos that contain sodium lauryl sulfate, people who eat white bread, police officers, etc., etc., etc., etc.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

cms8741 — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 18:21:50 GMT

A whole new meaning to "fit" parent!

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Sheri — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 17:50:13 GMT

OK, I'm adopted, and this really bothers me. If these people could get pregnant and give birth, no one would be saying anything. Really. But to adopt, you have to jump through so many hoops, it is sick.

No one is questioning the 14 year-old, or the fat chick who just gave birth.

I believe being overweight is unhealthy, that's why I'm trying to lose, but that doesn't make me a bad parent.

And I could walk across the street tomorrow and be hit by a bus. Does that make me unfit???

What if adoptive parents have a history of cancer??? Or they are diabetic??? Are they denied???

I can understand wanting to place children in good homes, really. But my parents are more my parents to me than my birth mother. And almost anyone can have a baby....not everyone can be a true parent.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Shannon LC Cate — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 02:46:45 GMT

"How terrible that the most healthy parents would only go to a "rare helthy newborn" and all the other kids, the leftovers as you imply, cna have the sick, second rate parents."

Or how terrible that the children who are less likely to be adopted because so many people only consider adopting a certain kind of child will go entirely without parents because the people who wanted to adopt them were overweight.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Alice — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 01:57:09 GMT

Korea and China both have weight restrictions. They say the reason is the children have lost parents once and they dont want them to be orphaned again so soon. I agree with the BMI restriction. Being obese is a health hazard just like smoking. Being only 30 pounds overweight can increas your blood pressure enough to need medications. As for no anit-depressants this was put into place after a few cases of parents murdering their children and blaming it on their antidepressants. Better safe and alive than adopted and murdered. They also have a no cancer, no arrests, an income requirement. They want what is best for the children not just anybody to take them in. How terrible that the most healthy parents would only go to a "rare helthy newborn" and all the other kids, the leftovers as you imply, cna have the sick, second rate parents. Every child deserves a healthy parent who will live long enough and stay healthy enough to raise the child. I passed up two newborn adoptions to adopt older babies. Having a newborn is not the best. Raising a child is.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

Lori — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 01:14:13 GMT

I know that some international adoption programs have weight restrictions.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

anom — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 21:06:18 GMT

He can lose the weight. I wanted to have IVF and my BMI was too high according to my doctor's standards. So I lost the weight by working out and going to the gym- it took me 2 months to drop my BMI by 3%. According to other sources, he only needs to lose 15 pounds in order to meet the standards.

Yes, it is hard, but he needs to do this for his health. A little over weight is vastly different than being morbidly obese.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

ScottSmith — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 20:54:23 GMT

I think most children would take chubby loving parents in a heartbeat. It is remarkably unclear how this serves the needs of adopted children.

Are other "danger" factors taken into account? (Job type, length of commute, etc.) I don't recall reading any study that links good parenting and well adjusted children with a parent's BMI.

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

TolaniLucia — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 20:30:50 GMT

Uh...18 years in a questionable foster care system vs. loving parents that may just happen to be a bit fat?

re: Adoption Application Turned Down Due to Prospective Father's BMI

JeanneSager — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 20:07:10 GMT

Sadly, if this man were to become a father, he might actually find MORE of a reason to lose weight.

I'm not a big "Biggest Loser" watcher, but on the episodes I have seen, most of the parents who speak out about weight loss say they do it so they can be around for their kids. Many say the "wake up" moment came on the playground when they couldn't climb the stairs of the slide with their children or couldn't get down on the floor with their crawling baby.