The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

re: The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

STL Mom — Thu, 03 May 2007 00:34:35 GMT

I've heard working moms complain about parenting events that happen only during the day, and I've heard stay-at-home moms complain that they have to do all the volunteer work at school. That's about the extent of the mommy wars in my experience, and that hardly counts as a scuffle.

I have heard people work hard to explain and justify their own choices when no one was even questioning them, so I suspect that guilt and fear that we made the wrong choice are what drives the interest in this issue.

I'm with Melissa - let's make it easier for all workers to be parents, and for all parents to have choices about work.

re: The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

Karen Murphy — Wed, 02 May 2007 14:36:34 GMT

I don't feel it was manufactured at all. For years I cocooned myself in the AP world and began to believe that everybody made those same choices and would be crazy not to, which made me incredibly judgemental, obviously forgetting the journey I had taken to get there. I think that we align ourselves with whatever groups we're social with, and tend to forget that there are equally valid choices being made by others every day, all in the name of doing what's best for our kids. We tend also to focus on the rightness of our own choices in an effort to justify them. The grass is always greener on the other side but who wants to admit that we're unhappy with the choices we made?

The problem is that there doesn't need to be the incredible polarization that we all feel, but it will take a lot of social and perceptual changes to make a difference big enough for us to feel.

re: The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

Michelle — Wed, 02 May 2007 13:19:48 GMT

And is it just me or is the whole linguistic framework around "Mommy Wars" sort of patronizing? I really bristle when I hear that term. Like, "don't take them too seriously--it's just those mommies having another catfight."

I think it's a way to keep women sniping at each other, rather than focusing on real issues around things like family leave, flexible work and childcare.

re: The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

Mamachicky — Tue, 01 May 2007 23:07:21 GMT

While I do honestly feel that the "Mommy Wars" is totally manufactured, the underlying issue of women disrespecting each others choices is just another example of ways that women can be mean to each other. Of course, another part of this is that the whole "Mommy Wars" thing is really not relevant to a lot of mothers out there who don't have any other choice but to work if they want to feed their children. How about we work as a society on making it possible for all women to make what they feel are the best choices for themselves and their family?

re: The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

Melanie — Tue, 01 May 2007 20:57:44 GMT

I agree that, while most of the animosity existing in the Mommy Wars is manufactured, there is some animosity that exists outside that framework. But I think that's something that happens regardless of what hat you're wearing: mom vs. mom, or woman vs. woman. A lot of women are really unkind to one another. I cannot count the number of women I have heard say, "I don't really have a lot of women friends. Women are too catty."

I think we were ripe for the plucking on this one.

re: The Mommy War Machine: We're Being Played

twinbabiesdad — Tue, 01 May 2007 19:51:24 GMT

I wonder if the struggle (let's save the "war" language for the people actually fighting one) is more within ourselves and our families. As the article noted, the topic strikes a nerve. I think many of us feel some measure of guilt about the choices we make/are forced to make in our own families, or we always envisioned ourselves doing the opposite and the reality of our situation prevents us. When one is wound up about one's choices already, it is easy to believe that the people who made the other choice are on the other "side." Of course, they are struggling just the same.

BUT, what I really wanted to say was "Thanks" for the last line "make the work world more friendly for all parents." Thanks for including us dads.