Take Your Judgment and Shove It!

re: Take Your Judgment and Shove It!

Stella — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 01:56:13 GMT

I'd like to say first of all that's it's very comforting to read of other Mom's similiar feelings. I feel isolated and depressed almost always; sadly but true. I love my son more than life itself and perhaps that's the problem. I'm in a strange state for my husband's job, one totally different from the open, hospitable South where we came from, VERY hard to make real women friends. My son is 2 and of course needs my attention all of the time, therefore I've forgone my art, etc. Any craft, etc. i.e. sewing that I've tried to take-on to make some extra money for us falls flat b/c I'm too busy and then too exhausted when he finally goes to sleep to do anything, then I feel like crap b/c I haven't brought any money to the table, my husband rarely if ever thanks me for doing what I do, no romance, no sex, I feel like were just parents now. It's hard, I don't know if it's just the SAHM thing, or the marriage, who knows, but even though it may not sound like it, all this and more, yes there's more! LOL>.......:) is worth not putting our son in daycare. Oh, and I don't feel appreciated by his family, noone in his family ever stayed-home w/kids, mine all pretty-much did, so they are understanding and appreciative. It hurts. I often feel like people's under-handed comments imply that I'm getting away with something, getting a "free-ride" it really pisses me off a lot and just adds to my stress and depression. There I'm done! :)

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re: Take Your Judgment and Shove It!

tassiemum — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 09:20:21 GMT

On the really hard days, I refer to motherhood as "the box too small to stand up in." Never being able to concentrate on anything; do anything properly; complete a task... can drive you insane at times, let's face it.

I like to write and paint, and both of these things are challenging now, to say the least. I really need extended time by myself to pursue these things but... well... I don't see that happening in the near future.

As Crunchy said: "I tend to enjoy my own company, but the monotony does start to wear me down." Totally.

A few months ago my doctor asked me--I suppose as a routine screening for PND, if I looked forward to each day when I woke up. I said no, only because I was reasonably sure I didn't suffer from PND. The truth is that some days I would wake up just racked with dread, facing the utter drudgery of the next 10 hours until my husband returned.

This does not mean, of course, that I'm not besotted with my baby boy. To be burdenened sometimes, with the monotonous aspects of motherhood, while adoring your child(ren), are not mutually exclusive states.

I started writing poetry when Fin was a few weeks old. Quick, intense, often barely-lucid snapshots of my state of mind. A great documentation of one of the most intense times in my life and saved my sanity; no doubt at all.

We recently resorted to sleep-training, and it's been a bloody miracle I have to say. Now that I'm getting some sleep for the first time in 6 months, my ability to cope with the trials of motherhood has improved a lot.

StrollerDerby Finishline: Of Breasts and Judgment and Pretty Pretty Mamas

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Strollerderby rocked this week. From tips on picking a preschool , to laughable pregnancy tees , to mom

re: Take Your Judgment and Shove It!

Mom2Two — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 01:09:08 GMT

The hardest thing for me is the lonliness. I don't have a lot of mom friends and I'm too shy to make some. Having someplace to go instead of being at home day after day would make things so much better.

re: Take Your Judgment and Shove It!

Dawn — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 18:54:01 GMT

Just wanting 3 minutes to make a sandwich and pee.

(but he's being perfect on his tummy checking things out while I pump with one hand and type with the other)

I give my hubs full props though - he walks in the door and welcomes baby with open arms. I never knew how much of a partner in parenting I was going to get - he truly kicks ass.

re: Take Your Judgment and Shove It!

RachelZ — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 18:34:37 GMT

The first year was great - Every day was something new, some new milestone. Now that we are 12.5 months and counting, things are starting to get a tad monotonous. I do belong to a SAHM group that hosts playdates and whatnot, so that helps.

It would be nice if The Husband recognized that while I do not get a paycheck, this is my JOB. I feed, diaper, and entertain the baby while also attempting to do laundry, keep the house from becoming a petri dish, and a frillion other things he asks me to do "if I have time." I do not get days off. I do not get sick time. I do not get bathroom breaks.

A little recognition of that would be nice. Instead, I have to almost beg for Sunday afternoons to myself. It sucks. The alternative, however, is me getting a "real" job and putting Jillian in day care, and that's much worse, to me.

re: Take Your Judgment and Shove It!

crunchy — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 18:21:46 GMT

I think anyone who is alone with just kids all day is subject to a sense of isolation and depression. Especially is you are out in the burbs without transportation, etc.

We are social creatures. We like some appreciation shown for whatever we are doing. Parenting, as much as we are rewarded by love and bonding with our little progeny, is a pretty thankless job some days.

I tend to enjoy my own company, but the monotony does start to wear me down.

re: Take Your Judgment and Shove It!

prescott — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 17:40:13 GMT

Interesting that you assume only mothers deal with these issues and that dad is never on snack-making, butt-wiping duty. Very progressive of you.

re: Take Your Judgment and Shove It!

HDCS — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 17:32:25 GMT

The biggest thing that gets me down is actually a two parter.

One, I have a 17 month old who is a wonderful little guy by all accounts but as a SAHM, I have given up the entirety of my life, personality, and career. I have essentially put my total life on hold for him. And at the same time I am a prisoner to this little person's every need. There's no room in the day to pursue any of my own interests in any substantive way. Like they say, moms never get vacations. It's hard to really appreciate that unless you've been there.

Two, I don't feel that my husband or the world around me truly understands how deeply difficult this entire situation has been for me. Even though I have friends to commiserate with, that is not enough to offset that sense of loneliness and seclusion being a SAHM entails. It doesn't help that my husband didn't get me any gifts for my birthday, Mother's Day, or our anniversary this year. Not even the token flowers he usually orders online.