Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Strollerderby Playdate: Parents With Something Extra

Strollerderby — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 16:23:56 GMT

If you've been hanging out here at the SD for a while then you probably know that my younger son has Down syndrome . His name is Eric and he'll be four next month. Want to play ball with him? It's been quite an amazing journey with him, as

When Your Child is Left Behind

Strollerderby — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 22:17:54 GMT

What is it about a child who is left out? Their palpable loneliness and disappointment when other kids exclude them from play for reasons of age, disability , or difference , is so painful to watch. As a parent, one of the challenges is of course to decide

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Jenny — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 23:31:45 GMT

I do judge Arthur Miller, in the same way that I judge anybody who chooses to turn their back on their child just because they have Down's syndrome. I make no apology for my comments, in the same way that thousands of people across the globe make no apology for their bigoted views towards people with Down's syndrome day in and day out, particularly in the media. I can speak from experience, as I too have a child with Down's syndrome. I feel that it is disgraceful that society has allowed itself to get to a stage where a whole group of people are discrimintated against in this fashion. If this was an ethnic group we were talking about, there would be outrage, and quite rightly so. Why is it deemed to be acceptable for people with learning difficulties and in particular Down's syndrome to be seemingly erradicated from life, before it has begun? This to me is evil, and no I am not some sort of pro-life activist. The medical profession are largely prejudiced towards people with Down's syndrome and in my experience offer you no positvity towards your unborn child. This I feel is unforgivable, as I am certain that they intentionally avoid enlightening you to the joys that your child with Down's will bring, and instead it seems, are determined to deter you from continuing with your pregnancy. Unlike Karen, I don't feel ambivalence towards my child, quite the opposite in fact. I love my daughter unconditionally and in doing so, I am glad that she has Down's syndrome because if she didn't, she wouldn't be the individual that she is, and I wouldn't want to change her for the world. I used to respect Arthur Miller, oh how differently I now feel towards this man who couldn't love his own son. Shame on you Arthur Miller! To all the people out there who feel he may have been justified in feeling the way he did, ask yourselves this. If you had a child who was born without any disability and they were breezing through life, only to ecounter an accident that left them brain damaged in some way, would you just abandon them?

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Commie — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 13:12:19 GMT

I DO find myself able to judge Arthur Miller on this one. Yes, it is possible that it was considered "the right thing" to institutionalize people with Down Syndrome at the time, as Lisa says. And no, I do not presume to know the pain of loss or ambivalence that accompanies such a birth. Yet to abandon a child, no matter what the situation, to institutionalized care, "refusing to see him or speak about him," (assuming the article is correct) is cruel. I agree with Karen that life is colored in shades of gray. But if we refuse to judge, we risk spinning in little self-centered circles of confusion, calling inaction a virtue. Judgments are reversible, but refusing to make them at all can be a way of refusing to participate in that gray-shaded life.

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Mama Luxe — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 21:28:22 GMT

What a beautiful essay. While I do think there are things that are "right" and "wrong," I agree that we never know the whole situation until we are there.

I totally know what you mean about "mourning" your expectations. Although I am blessed to have a beautiful and now heart healthy daughter, I too had to mourn my expectations those first few days so I could embrace the gift she is.

Oh, and your son is adorable.

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

BadKitty — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 21:12:57 GMT

Between an aunt with Down Syndrome and working in residential and vocation settings with adults with disabilities, I've seen enough to agree with you whole heartedly. Sometimes it's easy to forget that people with disabilities are *people* with all of the corresponding variety - personality, ability, interests. Thank you for putting it in perspective so sweetly and eloquently.

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

GirlsGoneChild — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 17:49:39 GMT

Beautiful, Karen.

Lion and Magic Boy » Blog Archive » compassion in difficult situations

Lion and Magic Boy » Blog Archive » compassion in difficult situations — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 00:50:15 GMT

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re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Jane — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 00:44:02 GMT

wow. thanks for sharing your account.

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Kmuzu — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 00:15:22 GMT

I went to college with a guy with Down's. I think he ended up an optometrist. Everyone's different I guess. I lost touch after that first year. He had some speach and breathing problems and was very near-sighted, but other than that he was a regular guy.

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Matthew — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 22:07:51 GMT

It's lovely to see articles with depth and compassion on here. This one stands out. I hope to see more articles like this on this site in the future!

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 21:00:29 GMT

Karen, thank you for approaching this with such compassion and honesty. (I want to smother you with kisses but your picture on the site is just so darn tiny.)

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Xdm — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 20:53:16 GMT

Every time I see pictures of your son I want to smother him with kisses. He is THAT adorable. Thankfully, I have an office that affords me some privacy, otherwise it might look weird -- me and the monitor and all.

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Liane — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 19:06:58 GMT

Very moving -- this brought tears to my eyes.

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Whit Honea — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 18:40:16 GMT

I was going to cover this on FameCrawler but wasn't sure what angle to take.

Nicely done.

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Don Mills Diva — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 17:41:47 GMT

Very moving piece - thanks.

Kelly

re: Arthur Miller's Hidden Son: Dealing With Kids With Disabilities

Lisa — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 17:17:36 GMT

I'm assuming (haven't read the article yet) that this was done back when it was considered the "right thing to do" and it was thought that children with downs or other disabilities didn't have a chance for a "normal life". I think when speaking about these parents you have to also remember that they were often persuaded to put their children away by medical professionals and relatives who had no concept of the true nature of these disabilities. In essenence: it was a decision made out of ignorance.

My cousin was born in the early 60s and suffered a brain injury rendering him "retarded". He was put away and later died in his 30s in this institution (and it was a "nice" private one too that cost a ton of money). I can't imagine what my aunt, uncle and cousins must have gone through (aside from their divorces, drop outs, feelings of inadequacy, etc) and how different their decisions would have been had they had him 10 or 20 years later. It haunts me that a young man, with no other issues than a brain injury, should die so young. I think it's a reflection more on the care these poor children and adults suffered rather than their specific maladies. I've since learned that children with mental retardation, can and do live long lives and can be loving and loved and supported.