Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

re: Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

begoniawen — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 01:49:26 GMT

The book "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee" by Wendy Mogel makes similar points about ways for parents to back off so that kids can learn about responsibility, disappointment,etc. She bases it on Jewish teachings, but it's pretty usable for most.

re: Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

Autumn — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 20:45:04 GMT

I think my kids need to learn this stuff so when I die they can care for themselves. I teach them everything my mom taught me. It is a big part of being a parent to teach your child to care for themselves and their home. In most of the world children work in the fields along with their parents. I find it odd that so many of the parents I know look to the parents of the third world to justify co-sleeping but overlook the fact that those kids work from a young age and are expected to contribute.

re: Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

Charlotte — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 17:51:52 GMT

Be sure to teach the boys not only how to do housework, but that it's as much their responsibility as it is their sisters'. My mother had chore charts on the fridge when we were in middle school and she went back to work --there wasn't any gender difference between what I was supposed to do and what my brother was supposed to do -- we rotated equally. And she taught us both to cook. We left home knowing how to physically take care of ourselves, and when we wound up being roommates for a couple of years later in life, together we ran a nice, clean, tidy household.

re: Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

crunchy — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:46:37 GMT

My dh left his house not knowing how to do a thing...his mom did all.

I lived into adulthood with my mom too and we did it all together.

I don't push chores on my kids right now, but do focus on cleaning up after yourself and dressing yourself and they always want to help...they are young.

Again as said..it is easier to do it yourself....and does take a paradigm shift.

I do think the part time parent time thing is tough too...my daycare mom only has her kids four days and four days off....she just wants to do fun stuff with them.

They look at me like I am an alien when I ask them to clean up their stuff or put their garbage away themselves.

re: Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

g8grl — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:22:46 GMT

It's interesting because I think the kids start out by wanting to help. My two year old sees us sweeping, mopping and vacuuming and pulls out the broom and mop herself wanting to help. She also wants to help with the unloading of the dishwasher. When they're young we think "it's easier if I do it myself" then, 15 years later we wonder what happened. The key is to figure it out early and let their responsibilities grow with them before they realize they can freeride if they (don't) work it.

re: Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

MissB — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 14:50:07 GMT

I remember that my mother (who worked one full time and one part time job) employed the services of a cleaning lady every other week when I was a kid. By the time I turned ten she let her go and set about teaching my brother and I how to household chores. We basically acted like somebody should contact The Hague to bring this woman to justice. These were obviously crimes against humanity she was perpetrating in our household. But we eventually learned how to clean a bathroom.

At twelve she stepped into the living room where my brother, father and I were watching TV and announced that from this point forward every member of the family would be responsible for his or her own laundry. She would be giving tutorials on the machines that week only. Again, pandemonium reigned for weeks, but we finally managed to figure it out.

Later when I toddled off to college I found myself teaching friends and strangers how to use the dorm laundromat. I taught my roommate how to sew on a button and darn a pair of tights. My mother forced me to learn how to do all that stuff and more. My kids are only two now, but I have every intention of making everybody pull some weight in this apartment. I managed to train their father to sweep floors and empty the diaper genie, so I know it's possible.

I hope I can manage to keep the faith in the face of middle schooler's half-assed attempts at chores. I remember cleaning out the fridge three times in a row for that evil slave driver before it was completed to her liking. I'm much more of a "Oh,just get the hell out of here and I'll do it myself" kind of girl.

re: Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

LeighS — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 14:10:10 GMT

Sandy seems to on-target with a lot of her suggestions, but I think chores/housework should indeed be tied to privileges, like dates, driving, etc. My sister and I did a lot of work as teens-and younger-and hated every single minute of it. I cannot fathom a single kid (or adult) that wouldn't hate it! But we left my parent's house knowing how to cook, clean, iron, do laundry, change a tire, mend clothing, etc. The list goes on. I am amazed when I meet other adults that cannot even iron a shirt. Little kids actually love to help. She is correct that we are not helping them; they just grow up to be "get a guy" people that hire/pay for even the simplest of services.

re: Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

Jane — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 14:05:44 GMT

I get hung up on 5, a lot. I think it's a function of patience, which I need to work on.