Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

Suz — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:25:01 GMT

I agree, in that my husband was very anxious during labor and it did contribute to my anxiety. I wish he could have been a calming, helpful presence, but he wasn't. Still, I would have been very hurt and disappointed (especially with my first) if he had chosen not to be there. I think giving that choice would cause more problems in the family, and in the relationship, than it would solve.

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

niallsmama — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:47:00 GMT

I told my honey to "go make cookies" while I begged for my doula to rub my lower back. I think the guy is on to something, but, to each their own.

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

niallsmama — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:46:59 GMT

I told my honey to "go make cookies" while I begged for my doula to rub my lower back. I think the guy is on to something, but, to each their own.

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

km — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:02:22 GMT

I couldn't imagine not having my dh there, either. He was the only one I could imagine leaning on and squeezing his hand, and giving him the evil eye when I found him reading magazines while I was sleeping in between contractions.

That being said, I forbade him from going down to the "business end" (which I think he was secretly relieved about), and he flat out refused to cut the boys' cords.

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

steffmarcusky — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:11:58 GMT

I didn't want my mom present - she can be a pain in the ass - but she made it with 30 minutes to spare. But I really appreciated by husband there - I really felt like screaming that no one but him should have been counting - my mom and the nurse were, too, but I didn't. But I would have been just fine with just him and 1 nurse (and the doctor hen it was time for him). I can't imagine him not having been there.

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

leahsmom — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:33:37 GMT

I say up to - not mom - but both. My husband initially really wanted to be present, but I knew myself well enough to know that I'd be really preoccupied with him and not able to focus on what was going on with my body. So I asked him to head out for a breather with family when the actual pushing started. And it worked well for both of us. But I don't think I should have made the call on my own, and I think he should have been allowed to be there if we wanted him to be.

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 21:04:50 GMT

Grade A b.s. just about covers, as mentioned above. My wife leaned on me for support when confronted with a horrible nurse, and I'd like to think I'd do the same if I was pushing something that weighed 8 pounds out of me. Isn't this what partners are for?

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

aaustin — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 20:30:05 GMT

Baloney.

My husband was present for both of my children's birth. I did both without pain meds. I give birth insanely fast - 3 hours and 45 minutes for #1, and 1 hour 9 minutes for #2, and before you think that I get off easy, let me just say that I cram all the pain of a 10 or 12 hour labor into that amount of time. It is intense.

My husband was right with me the entire time, both times. He was incredible. He held my hand, talked me through, looked into my eyes, rubbed my back, danced with me, advocated for me with the medical staff, and was basically a superhero through the whole experience. I have told him many times, without an ounce of hyperbole, that I don't think I could give birth without him.

He was so "in the zone" with me with #2 that we didn't even notice that they'd turned on the lights and sirens (because she was coming SO fast, and no one was ready). It was like we were on our own planet. She came so quickly that my dad, my step-mom, and my sister were in the room too (they didn't have time to leave, and got trapped by the equipment and all the people when the lights and sirens went off).

If having a man in the room slows things down, well, I want the entire college football team to be there next time. There IS such a thing as too fast - scary fast. I think this doctor is full of bull, and may have issues of his own about seeing his own wife give birth.

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

EG — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:33:03 GMT

I swear the pain got worse when my husband left the room. I say it's up to Mom.

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

Larissa — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:31:56 GMT

As a doula, I have seen clients who cling to me more than their spouses for support. And I have seen the opposite as well. As you say, it is a case by case thing. But recognizing that some men may not feel comfortable in the nitty gritty part of birth and that some women may feel more comfortable without their partners present would take us a long way toward allowing women to birth how THEY feel most comfortable instead of assigning them an automatic script, be it medical or "natural". How about individual?

re: Top OB: Keep Men Out of Delivery Room

Petey — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:27:50 GMT

Personally I think it's grade A B.S. I like to think that I was a big help to my wife when it was too late for an epidural and she said she felt like dying giving birth naturally to our 10 lbs 13 oz son. That being said every woman and man are different and have their own experiences and emotions. Some may agree with Dr. Odent and not want to be present nor feel like they are being helpful during labour.