Are Parents 'Victims' of Autism?

re: Are Parents 'Victims' of Autism?

Jess — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:20:55 GMT

i think not because i come from a family who has two handicap brothers and my family was taken apart cause they shouldn't of married to begain with, my dad was the one who ened it himself not because of my brothers

re: Are Parents 'Victims' of Autism?

chyna823 — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:49:45 GMT

I agree with Autismville that semantics don't matter--whether you use the word "victim" or something else, you can't deny that parents of disabled children (especially those who are low functioning) are affected in some extreme ways. The high rate of divorce shows that. My children aren't disabled, but they have had some health problems that were serious but not life-threatening, and that was extremely stressful--I don't know how some people survive under that high level of stress *all the time*.

I don't think that we, as parents "sign up for this"--nobody wants or expects to have a severely disabled child. So while we do "sign up" to love and care for our children unconditionally, doing so is much harder for some parents than others.

re: Are Parents 'Victims' of Autism?

Autismville — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:29:54 GMT

Semantics don't get to me these days. Empathy and awareness are so important. Parenting a child with special needs can be damn hard. Maybe it's not that way for everyone, but on some days it is for me. I absolutely did sign up for it and love my child more than I can say. We have incredible moments of love and joy. Life can be so sweet..

That said, I believe the world would be a kinder/gentler place if they understood what goes on behind closed doors on some days at my house...it's not all warm and fuzzy...

re: Are Parents 'Victims' of Autism?

Alison — Tue, 06 May 2008 03:13:28 GMT

Amen to Sheri's comment. You can't imagine what it's like and I can assure you that you wouldn't want to.

I've often felt remarkably inadequate in my ability to cope with the unrelenting challenge of parenting a child with autism. I am incredibly grateful for that article because it was sent to me by my manager who has born witness to my anguish over the last several years. I certainly do not want anyone's pity but a little empathy can go a long way especially from my employer.

re: Are Parents 'Victims' of Autism?

Sheri — Tue, 06 May 2008 01:44:51 GMT

I wouldn't consider myself a victim. My children have a disorder. It is hard, but my marriage is intact and our family loves each other. Once again, though, my children are in the high functioning range.

However, I am not even trying to compare my experience with other people's experiences. I can't. I am a separate person. Everyone experiences these things differently. I was to some point permanently changed by this experience. I did wonder what I did to cause Matt's autism and Nate's aspergers. It does suck sometimes.

Did I sign up for an autistic child??? Nope. But I love him the same, and that goes for our child with aspergers.

That doesn't make it easy--or fair--or right.

And until it happens to you, Rachael, you won't know or understand what it is like, and I pray you never will.