I dropped Hugo off at school this morning (school being my preferred euphemism for daycare, in lieu of being able to use the Euro "creche" which sounds like a fizzy citrus drink), raced to an extremely painful dental appointment and then scooted to the nearest store -- Whole Foods -- for much-needed coffee and feminine supplies.
The problems started immediately. Whole Foods is so annoyingly wholesome they don't have any artificial sweetener, only sugar or blue agave (cactus snot). Great, so at least my fat will be all natural. And I'd never been caught at a Whole Foods needing womanly things. It quickly dawned on me that there's no Motrin there so you're poop out of luck if you have cramps. The only way to relieve pain is to stick your midriff in their freezer full of gluten, soy and taste-free waffles. Awesome. Oh but they did have tampons. Natural and organic and more than three times as expensive as regular. I paid $8 for sixteen chlorine-free tampons whose cotton is not genetically modified and whose pulp comes from managed Scandaniavian forests (I shit ye not). Has your yoni done anything for the environment today? Mine has.
Anyway, as you may be able to tell, I kind of hate Whole Foods. I like natural products, but the customers dress to shop and the merch sort of says, "Buying free-trade avocado lip balm makes me feel like a saint and it's more fun than my other hobby: flushing money down my toilet."
Ah but... except for today's desperation dive into Whole Foods I no longer need to go there. Why? Well the heavens parted and sent us a Trader Joe's. Oh it's wonderful. The cost is less than Pathmark and the quality is better than Whole Fools. The only thing we lack? Well, watch the little video I took the other day on our weekly TJ's shop and find out...
