ToddlerTube

Sealing The Deal

Susie Felber — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:31:00 GMT

When I was 18 years old I scored a nifty internship at W.W. Norton. It paid nicely, I spent almost nothing by living with my parents on Long Island and it was during the winter so the company really needed an indentured servant.

It felt very sexy working on 5th avenue, a stone's throw from the Lions at the Public Library. I loved the job and admired the people there. However, I had one task that was truly maddening. About a month and a half in, they desperately needed an exact word count on a dry thousand-plus page non-fiction manuscript about Tolsoy. Or something Russian. No, it wasn't in electronic form. Even if it was, I am not sure word processing programs could do that then. (Note to Hollywood: I am still 18)

So I dilligently counted. And counted. And after a few days I told the nice but guilty bosses that no, although it was dull, I didn't mind. I didn't tell them I left work everyday unable to stop counting my steps back to Penn Station.

One day, after an hour-long commute to do my counting inside a windowless office, I took note of the fact that it was unseasonably warm for Valentine's Day. Yes, it was Valentine's Day. So what? I didn't have a boyfriend and I didn't want one. But sure, it was lonely living on dreaded Long Island, especially during a time when all other college student's were back in college. My college was just strange in that we had a winter break designed to encourage (read: enforce) work.

As I plodded to the office it occurred to me I could not go. I could, in fact, call in sick or similar. I mean, I hadn't missed a day yet. They wouldn't mind. Heck, perfect attendance? Maybe I was owed a day! As I tried to talk myself out of this wild, morally suspect idea, the idea developed wings and against my better judgement, I found myself across the street from the office telling them... I don't know what. Something other than the fact that it was too beautiful to come in to count words.

After the call I just started walking with no idea of where I'd end up. All I remember is that at some point I was at the Central Park Zoo, paying for a ticket.

I sat on the steps that ringed the sea lion exhibit. And sat. And soaked up the February sun in a nearly-deserted zoo. In the 70-degree weather, I shed my work ethic like the big heavy coat it was. What a great idea it was to not go to work!

Then, something strange happened. Watching the sea lions I was flooded with the realization that I should have children someday. Me who didn't like babies and had no want of a regular boyfriend. Watching the sea lions scamper it seemed to me this was the reason we were here, to have kids. Just because. This gapingvoid cartoon kind of sums it up:

No I didn't want them anytime soon. Actually, at the time I didn't want them ever. But after that day the door to maternity was cracked open, even though I was aware the reason -- sea lions on Valentine's Day at the Central Park Zoo -- was, in itself, cracked.

I tell you this to explain why, on a recent first-ever trip with Hugo and his daddy, I found myself watching them and waiting for the sea lion feeding time with a lump in my throat and the sour taste in my mouth that comes from trying to hold back tears.

That's why this video is so short. Only :15 seconds. A Toddler Tube record. But the video showing me chanting "We Want Seals!" doesn't tell the story. That's why I did.

Oh yes, Hugo loved the seals.

Ciao 4 now Internet.

xoxo,

Susie

Baby's Magic Bust

Susie Felber — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 02:12:00 GMT

Imagine Woodstock without the sex or drugs, but with a rockin' cafeteria. Well, that's the new Woodstock 60's museum at Bethel Woods in a nutshell. There's no permissiveness, it's totally clean and instead of having to call in the National Guard, I am told I'd need to ring up the PR department to see if I can be allowed to take any pictures inside the museum.

Here's a one-minute video mix of our entire museum experience, albeit without any of the actual museum because they told me not to take photos or video and I am a good girl.

Ah well. The best part of the museum for Hugo was a painted bus you can sit in to watch a video. I didn't watch the video and neither did my babe. He was just so excited to get to sit in the driver's seat of a REAL BUS and turn the wheel and finger the non-working yet thrilling 8-track deck. Of course, he had a 10-second crank when I told him we had to leave to bus at some point before sundown and a 30-second meltdown when we really had to say sayonara to the bus.

The best part of the museum for me was the lunch I enjoyed afterwards in the sunshine that was from the aforementioned cafeteria. Actually I enjoyed it for about a nanosecond until Hugo deployed some sort of massively powerful baby traction beam that locked onto and sucked away my entire quiche. As his quiche-ectomy on me was after he had downed the sandwich and berries I had packed for him, I was mighty impressed.

Since you didn't ask, in general, I think the museum was absurd. But there were all these conservative-looking oldies in bermuda shorts who were hushed and reverential and even a few totally loving it in an over-the-top way. For some of them, it was as if they'd never heard of the 60's after it happened which is only possible if you've been locked in a basement by a psycho Austrian for the past few decades. But no, there were two attractive but weathered middle-aged blondes who were freaking out over every song they could listen to on the headphones and every clip they played of Camelot. How nice for them.

Am I jealous? Hells yeah! My generation is sandwiched in between the Boomers and the dang Millennials and we are the size of a flea fart. Aint no one making a museum for us.

Phoo.

Anyway, I love the geographical area the museum/performing arts center is in so I want it to succeed, even if I'm still not over the fact that you can't pack a picnic to listen to a concert on their lawn or take pics in the museum, etc. etc.

PS For more on Bethel Woods my man wrote an excellent article about the opening concert we attended in 2006.

I'm a Bit Behind

Susie Felber — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 03:20:00 GMT

Really behind.

Oh ho ho ho!

Thing is I've got recent thrilling vid of a trip to the Central Park Zoo, the Bethel Woods 60's Museum and mucho mucho more!

But I need my commentary to sizzle as much as the cinematic moments. And at the moment, it's after 11P on a weeknight and I don't got it.

Also, everyone I've ever known ever is finding me on Facebook and it's starting to freak me out. At first it was fun, but now I'm creeped out by the people who I haven't seen in about 15 years who "friend" me but then don't say howdy. Especially when they use a picture of their babies instead of themselves so you have no idea of the ravages the years have taken on them. That's not fair. Also, did you disappear when you had kids? No. So enough already with using your babies for your profile. You make all the people without babies who want them feel bad and all the people without babies who don't want them gag. Not cool.

Of course now I'm tempted to do the same to up the stakes in this arms race of cuteness. So far I've been able to sit on my urge.

And worse than using your kid as a profile pic is using your spouse AND your kids as your profle pic. Yes, we get it, someone agreed to have sex with you -- do we need to see the whole family? Also, I can't see your wrinkles with those wide shots so cut it out.

OK Internet, I'm feeling annoyed.

I'l be my stinking rosy flower of a self tomorrow for sure.

xoxo,

Susie

Using Your Friends & Family

Susie Felber — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 01:02:00 GMT

At work this week, I needed a photo of twins, preferably cranky ones, and I needed it fast. But as it was for our blog, we didn't need it so bad I'd actually pay for an image.

Enter inspiration, my capture of Hugo's stranger anxiety (which lasted a week) and my paltry Photoshop skills...

I'm really proud of the blog post because I took a current event story -- that the earth may have a twin -- and got quotes from four writers who are also all parents to twins. Three of them are good friends of mine and one just jumped out at me as someone I'd love to get a quote from (Darrin Strauss). Luckily, all came through. I'm proud of it, small and ephemeral as it is. Check it out here.

And yes, I thought of Jane over at the excellent Baby Squared. I was scrambling to get her email to no avail and began to feel a bit like a stalker in the process. Even though I needed quotes fast, I thought of leaving a comment on her blog to contact me, but I was too fried to figure out how to concisley explain why I needed her without sounding crazy. i.e. "Jane....email me...I've a dumb blog and you need to be in it."

Jane, if you're reading this, and if I need a twin 'spert in the future, I'm just going to let my freak flag fly and dare to sound nuts in your comments.

Later Internet. I'll post a new vid soon. Need to fancy this next one up a bit.

Oh and all readers should leave a comment on this post. Why? I dunno really, it'd just be nice. I see the stats so I know someone other than my mother is reading this and oodles are lurking. So leave a fake name if you want, I dont care.

Ciao 4 now Web dolls!

xoxo,

Susie

Baby's Boat Basin Blues

Susie Felber — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 02:34:00 GMT

OK, this pic of Hugo's 1st ice cream cone is the farthest thing from the blues, but let me explain.

This eve a friend had the bright idea to meet up for drinks after work. But usually "drinks after work" is too late or too early for me to make it, and besides, usually drinks after work means a venue that isn't Hugo-friendly, so we pass and go to the park and play in their water sprinklers before his bed.

But as this meeting was slated for the 79th street Boat Basin, an outdoor cafe where they serve all the food in baskets and the odd Goldfish cracker hurled wouldn't make the diners gasp, we hot-footed it there. Especially as other friends with kids similarly leapt at the rare chance to be in public, around drinks and with their kids.

We made it in record time. It was lovely to see people. But once we got a table, Hugo quickly grew bored. Also, there were many cups and jugs of water and he was outside so it took a few minutes for me to realize he thought we were to have our evening ritual -- namely, go outside and play with water until bath time when there's more water. My kid is part fish or something.

So the other kids, who were at least a year older and far wiser, watched as a cranky Hugo complained and lusted to run around. He's never a trouble at a restaurant and so you would've heard me saying to all assembled, "I know you won't believe this, but he's never like this." They took it in stride, one parent talked of "witching hour" as if it were a time I'd be well acquainted with. I'm not. It sounds like the opposite of Happy Hour and as we hurtle towards two, I'm thinking I will be. Awesome.

Anyway, as soon as we left, Hugo was Mr. Perfect again. On the way back to the car (free spot!) I ran into an old Comedy Central pal, followed by a truTV colleague. Hugo was delightful and serene throughout, but for fairness sake I had to tell them they'd missed a real crank attack.

On the way back to the car, Mr. Crank, who had only had a banana and some crackers for dinner, was treated to his first ice cream cone. First he was wondering why I'd given him something so cold. Then, he laughed with delight after every bite. I got out my camera in time to catch him as he had mastered the art of enjoying nice cream. Yes,I feel like calling it nice cream. You will too after watching this.

That's it for now virtual pals.

Lotsa lurve,

xoxo,

Susie

Snow Day In June

Susie Felber — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 02:33:00 GMT

Our next door neighbor Catherine and her son Jacob are moving one week from today.

I've known about this for a few months and have tried to will it away. Hoping that June was far enough away to never actually happen. Well it is happening and I can no longer deny it. Especially as a parade of Jacob's possessions he has outgrown have been arriving on my doorstep for the past few weeks. Puzzles, pirate ships and trains -- oh my! It truly looks like a toy factory in here. My dining room is now decorated in a style I call dump truck modern.

But the excellent handmedown toys are the least of it. Catherine is a good and loving person. Back after I had Hugo, I knew no one, and I desperately needed to. In the middle of winter on a maternity leave from hell, of all the people I reached out to in the neighborhood, most never got back to me. But Catherine, a working single mother and the one who had the least time to spare, is the one who always had time to listen and help. I am forever in her debt for this.

Her Jacob is an incredible kid. He is bright and he has heart. He sparkles from within and is one of those kids who you know understands more than he lets on. He is multi-talented and on his skateboard he is daring and reckless in just the way you wish you could be right now. And when he plays with our dog, Stan practically vibrates with delight. I tell Stan that someday Hugo will be this way and he just needs to hold tight. Like June, that day will come.

They are moving someplace it never snows. So I hope this video I took of Jake this winter, will help him remember us northerners.

Jacob and Catherine: I wish you well. I wish you weren't going. And I wish I could have some of the inner light you both seem to effortlessly burn.

Lots of xoxo,

Susie

Look! Over There!

Susie Felber — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 03:23:00 GMT

Well, you could watch a video I took of Hugo eating a slice of pizza. I mean, that'd be fun. Thrills a plenty, for sure. Or, you could watch this awesome video parody of a moveon.org ad featuring a mother and baby.

No, scratch that. No watching Hugo eat pizza. The choice is clear. You should watch comedian Laurie Kilmartin, pictured, and her video parody of a mother's plea to John McCain. FYI, in the video that's her real kid, if not his real name. Her kid is one day older than Hugo. Which, if you're a Hugo groupie, will certainly ensnare you to watch.

You can check out the original vid followed by her parody right here on Strollerderby.

And if you like that, which you will if you've any taste, you can read all of her recent political and current event goodness on 23/6 over here: http://www.236.com/newswriters/Laurie+Kilmartin

That is all for now Web pals.

It's time for my biannual floss and I'm off to bed.

Wishing you and yours all the things you wish for.

xoxo,

Susie

Yo Silverware's Been Where?

Susie Felber — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 00:17:00 GMT

Hey, let's have less yapping in print and more video action! Ya? Ya!

This short slice o' baby life is so filled with raw emotion and drama, those with heart conditions are urged not to view it. You have been warned!

So what do you say? Would this video be more exciting if it featured the siverware drawer of Beyonce? Because we can make that happen. Just say the word.

Best to you out there in where you are wherever that is.

xoxo,

Susie

Almost Famous

Susie Felber — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 02:39:00 GMT

I was on TV recently. Although I’m far from famous, I’ve been on TV many times before. Here’s what I’ve learned.

Never tell anyone you are going to be on TV. If you do, no matter how specific your tune-in info is, you'll get a flurry of messages saying, “When are you going to be on TV again?” Then once you've re-reminded them, and before the show has aired you’ll get these same people saying, “Oh, sorry I think I missed it.”

Then, after it airs, you’ll get tons of people telling you they missed it, and then they’ll feel compelled to tell you why they missed it, thinking you care. Thinking you are weighing their activities against your importance. From “Had to have my dog simonized” to “Went for a spa weekend in Scranton" -- you'll be spared none of the thrilling 411.

And, if they do actually watch it, even if you are on-screen for a full half-hour, they will not be impressed. Basically, unless you are hosting the Oscars, or are a regular on LOST, people are going to decide you are just a big blowhard for even telling them.

Don't even get me started on the people who take your minor triumph as the time to lustily tell you they don't even have TV.

It’s much better not to tell people you will be on TV. Then, when they see you on TV (and oddly they always do) they will get very excited and they will assume you are much more famous than you are. Why? Because only someone really famous would be so nonchalant about a TV appearance.

This is why at my son’s daycare, I am now a star. See, a teacher accidentally caught me on TV, and then another, and then those two alerted all the others. Now I’m not just the cheery freaky mom with the frizzy hair who works from home and always arrives at pick up late on the one day I must go into the city. No, I’m the famous mom.

Awesome.

I'll take it.

You know what else is awesome? You.

Lurve and xoxo,

Susie

Note: the above pics and text were all done in the car. Ya, I can blog at 60 m.p.h. -- I feel cool.*

*No, I wasn't driving, pumpkins!

Feeling Uppity & Sharing Snacktime

Susie Felber — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 03:29:00 GMT

Today, listening to the radio and hearing about McCain's proposed tax cuts for corporations my blood was boiling. Not that I'm against tax cuts, but that tax cuts for corporations are a big item on the stump to woo voters, rather than, say, paid maternity leave. Let's review here: The U.S is one of only 4 countries that doesn't offer paid leave to new mothers -- the others are Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, and Lesotho. <--- I took that appalling factoid straight from momsrising.org an amazing org that seems genuinely passionate about raising awareness. Please visit their site, find them on Facebook, give them money. In short, let's figure out a way to insert women's issues in the political dialogue while they still think they need us. It's a small window and we've got to fling it open.

OK to change the subject, this nerdy Starfleet romper was the most brilliant handmedown from a friend with twins. When Hugo was born size 2T seemed light years away. Of course, that was beofre I realized baby sizes mean, "Will grow out of before hitting ___".

Ah so, are you ready for your video? I sure hope so. I slaved over a hot laptop for ya. If the jazzy music seems too loud, it's because I haven't masered my software at all and am using you lovely people are a way to learn it.

OK, that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed my pu pu platter of rage, Star Trek and snacktime stupidity.

Lots of smooochies Internet petunias! xoxo, Susie

I = Done

Susie Felber — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 02:56:00 GMT

Long day of work, biz lunch, then dinner for baby, then check into work, then play in the park, then playing mega fetch with 8-year-old next door and Stan and then bath and then Hugo knocking over the 8-year-old's orange juice, then cleaning up the OJ then baby bedtime (milk, books, brush), then making awesome shrimp Madras for me and man, then nostalgic red wine (Gigondas baby!) then back to work and then making one of my sillier vids ever for Babble. Hope you lurve it.

Did I mention I'm pooped?

Ya, I think so. Loving youse Interneters. xoxo, Susie

Jumping My Shark

Susie Felber — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 02:35:00 GMT

It's only June, right? It's not even officially summer yet. But judging by the heat and the massive amount of summer fun you are about to witness in this, my first photo movie, you'd think it was Labor Day already.

Speaking of over, that's me. I had my weekly commute to Manhattan which included sweating out my eyeballs and trying to avoid the unavoidable scent of vagrant's pee which was in full bloom outside of Gristedes on 3rd avenue.

Oh more on my TV appearance from the weekend tomorrow. Swear. I was working on dayjob stuff until 9P and I gave my all to that astounding video you see above -- so stick a fork in me, I'm done!

Lotsa love to you and yours Web dahlings!

xoxo,

Susie

HEATWAVE! The Movie

Susie Felber — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:19:00 GMT

First an absurdly cute pic of Hugo from this sizzling weekend at Grandma's house 'n garden, followed by a wild knock your Crocs off cinematic A/C baby romp.

Absurdly hot? Check! Now check out Hugo cooling himself off first thing in the AM.

Now if that wasn't the crickets bollocks, I don't know what is.

Night Web superfriends. Je suis beat. More soon! Including the worldwide reactions to my recent TV superstardom. Preview: ::cricket, cricket::

OK, I got to go be fabulous!

a.k.a. get sleep.

xoxo,

Susie

Music cred: That's The M's singing The Beatles "Good Morning Good Morning" on this Mojo magazine Sgt. Pepper tribute album.

See Me on TV!

Susie Felber — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 03:33:00 GMT

Yes, the world will be watching me on TV. And by "the world" I mean my mother and my Hugo... details to follow this cute pic of them I snapped at the park this past weekend.

Actually, Hugo doesn't watch TV* so it might just be my mother. But maybe just may you will see me too if you tune in and/or know how to work your DVR. In short, I will be appearing on CNN Headline News Saturday, Sunday and Monday on Not Just Another Cable News Show. It's sort of like Best Week Ever meets CNN. And I will be giving hilarious pithy commentary. Also, I'm hoping I look good. Or OK. Or just not like a tranny Shamu.

Further links, airtime details and more can be found at this post on my personal blog.

If you do watch, let me know how wonderful I am, would ya? Or, at the very least, let me know that you think I am funny for a cross-dressing killer whale.

Thanks kids, yer the tops!

No video tonight because I am being a shameless self-promoting mamacita.

Well that and the videos I have are not up to the caliber of "NAPTIME" -- my recent arresting Toddler Tube trilogy that is so visually stunning, it makes LOTR look like cold Alpo.

See you soon Interbuddies and hope to see you watching me on the boob tube!

xoxo,

* Re: Hugo not watching TV -- I'm not against it at this point (I was, for right or wrong when he was super young), but since he has never "met" the TV, I don't see a reason to introduce him to it. It's kind of nice he's blissfully unaware that it exists. No? Yes? I'm not sure. Maybe if he misbehaves I'll force him to watch mommy's reel. (shiver!)

Naptime Trilogy -- The Thrilling Conclusion!

Susie Felber — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 00:45:00 GMT

So, did our diaper-clad protaganist sleep his full two hours or did the evil Bronx terrier wake him by barking furiously at a speck of lint that may have wafted by? Find out in the thrilling conclusion of NAPTIME!

Yes, so he slept. Huzzah! Hey so guess what? Last night I made an impressive 35 bean soup from scratch. It was awesome. Carrots, celery, garlic, onion, tomato, tri-color peppers... Why do i tell you this? To distract from the paltry meal I am about to serve my man unit who is recently arrived home and currently reading a novel and waiting patiently for his frozen delights.

You want to know more about what I ingested today? OK, fine. I blogged about my breakfast here on this dumb blog.

Got to go -- we are going to watch The Wire for the first time ever. Ya, my brother got it for us for Christmas (Jews celebrating x-mas? Check!) and we've still yet to watch it. Are any of you big fans? Lemme know (no spoilers!). Finnegan's mom was wearing a sex-hay black and silver Wire T-Shirt tonight and it reminded me that I wanna see it already and that I shouldn't work all night every night.

So I'm not gonna. Later Interpals!

xoxo,

Susie

PS Stay tuned for new and vintage photos coming soon, plus big work news plus me finally nailing down a date to go to LA and see my brother's spawn!

Naptime Part Deux!

Susie Felber — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:51:00 GMT

So, when we last saw our young hero, it was naptime but he was more intent on having a party in his crib. So mommy (c'est moi) beat a hasty retreat out of the room. Spying on him five minutes later he was not asleep. But fifteen minutes later, this is the scene I came upon. FYI The noise you hear is the rain on the air conditioner as we had had the most stunning thunderstorm.

Yes, the babe is napping quite soundly. But, will he sleep for the whole two hours so that mommy can surf the Web and snuggle with her ratty-looking pooch? Tune in next time for the next thrilling installment of Naptime!

l8r Internet, BRB!

Luv & xoxo,

Susie

Naptime Part the First

Susie Felber — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 02:30:00 GMT

NAPTIME!

Will he fall asleep? Won't he? Check back in all this week to see the next installment and the thrilling conclusion of NAPTIME! In personal news, my mom came and we partied in the Hawk all weekend long. But seriously, we had a fab time and she helped me so I could go exercise, which I so need these days for mental and physical well being. I particularly liked having wine and crackers and chatting after Hugo went to sleep. She drove me nuts at times and I became cranky, but she deserves me as much as I deserve her. As of late this afternoon my handsome Brit man unit is back from the UK and I'm feeling no pain. Hugo was thrilled and didn't want him out of his sight. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband I fear saying it will making a bolt fly from the sky and zap one of us squarely in the rump, so instead, I'll say, yeah, he's alright, I guess.

OK, I did the treadmill tonight so I've got to shower before getting into bed lest I scare the man back to the sheep of Yorkshire.

Night night Internet.

xoxo,

Susie

Spelling Bees & Paparazzi

Susie Felber — Sat, 31 May 2008 02:31:00 GMT

First a picture of my dad enjoying a smoke and a men's magazine with my oldest brother Michael. How old is my brother? Well, the world was still black & white when he was born! And doctors still smoked pipes. Hey Mike, happy upcoming birthday! Yer friggin' OLD!

After attending a fabulous BBQ down the road thanks to Finnegan's mom taking pity on my aloneness, I'm watching TV for the first time in a dog's age. Final rounds of the Spelling Bee followed by celebrities complaining about being famous on 20/20.

The Spelling Bee taught me a few words and made me resolve to work towards landmark anti-mustache-at-12 legislation. Those kids are such freaks it's great to watch because it curbs your urban impuse to enrich them and makes you want to let then run with wolves rather than take oboe lessons lest they end up like such stunted specimens -- children as Bonsai trees.

20/20 taught me... well nothing really, and I wasn't watching, but I'm too lazy to turn off the set or change the channel. Plus I've a vague memory of Hugo taking the batteries out of the remote. OK I'm about to get very boring. If you want to read a great new mommy blog, check out my recently re-found old friend Mary. She's doing the single parenting thing, she's down in Florida working (and sometimes blogging) for a cool company and she's genius and funny and some of her posts make me tingle, -- like the one about the Depeche Mode concert she attended at Radio City. And she's half- Mexican but raised by Jews which makes her... I don't know. Cooler than me, at least.

Anywho, I don't know if Hugo is ready for Spelling Bees (seeing as he doesn't talk, could be a crimp in his Bee career), but the puzzle championships are calling.

That's it! It's Friday at 11P. I gotta walk the pooch, get sleep and regret I didn't pack it in earlier tonight with a good book. No regrets about my love for you, Internets!

xoxo,

Susie

Wait, Your Baby Does What?

Susie Felber — Fri, 30 May 2008 02:44:00 GMT

I was reading a new feature article on Babble tonight called "The Little Man" about a woman who wanted a girl but got a boy and was stopped in my tracks by this sentence: "Now, at a year and a half, he gets what I call his "work face" on as he takes the filter out of the vacuum empties it in the garbage, puts it back, replaces the cover and then proceeds to vacuum."

Now my year and a half old is supposedly, according to the state of New Jersey's early intervention program, advanced in all things but language. However, he does not empty and replace my vaccum and then proceed to vacuum. I mean, sure he's never seen me vaccum (OK maybe once or twice but it's not my slobitude, he was scared of it so we stopped it) but even still, I can not see him happily and competently completing this task from start to finish. I see Hugo taking the filter out, waving it in the air, banging it on a table to see the dust come out, laughing at the dust, and then running around the house like a maniac with it before playing with the fallen debris in a determined manner while mommy calmly cleans it all up.

So what do you think, dear readers? Does my child need housekeeping intervention? Or does this woman perhaps, overstate the babe-ilites?

Well you know what my child is good at? Watch this video taken this morning on our ugliest couch (one from Ikea that I married into) before the make lunch, get dressed, get to daycare scramble.

As Daddy is in the UK, we're missing him but we're hanging loose. And thanks to technology, he's watching what happened in his living room across the ocean. That amazes me. Maybe I'm old? Heck, the television still amazes me. So does the lightbulb, magic lantern and the Cotton Gin.

See ya soon Internet. Lovings on you.

xoxo,

Susie

News Flash!

Susie Felber — Fri, 30 May 2008 02:30:00 GMT

Not my news, Nap Time News. And maybe this video, which I just found here on Babble, isn't news to you. But it is to me and my hormonal self finds it adorable and so I wanted to share before moving on to more about me, moi, me. To clarify for the cheap seats, this video is not mine and this is not my child. No. Someone else's. Ya? OK.

Project Runway: Baby Edition

Susie Felber — Thu, 29 May 2008 03:10:00 GMT

Watching the video below you might think I'm style obsessed.

Me, who is currently frizzy-haired and unshowered for 24 hours?

Me who wears Salvation Armani?

Me who only has handmedowns and gifts making up Hugo's entire wardrobe?

Nah, not me. Thing is, my good friend Angie designs textiles for BabyGap and I think it's super cool as I've no talent in that area and she so surely does. Also, Hugo is batpoop bananas over Angie. She has mojo on him. Anyway, in this video Hugo prances flirtily & Angie describes the inspiration behind this snazzy design Hugo models.

Auf Wiedersehen Internet! I am spent!

xoxo,

Susie

Shopping note: Hugo's jammies might only be a sample, but a similar and better-for-summer version can be bought here.

* Ew, to be sure, but I telecommute, have been working day and night and daddy's in the UK for the week... promise I'll shower before then, dearies!

Beachy Keen

Susie Felber — Wed, 28 May 2008 03:44:00 GMT

Lots of stuff to cover so let's get straight to a cute photo from this weekend, followed by my fascinating blather, followed by a scintillating vid...

First off my mom has a new book out. Her 30-something-th historical novel came out today -- today! -- from Harper Collins. That deserves a link right? Oh yeah.

OK so my weight loss? Um what? Oh yeah, that. Well, I've flatlined. No losing or gaining due to less exercise and eyes offa da prize. So, new plan: saw off right leg, donate to charity. If you have any better ideas, I'm game! Seriously, I need more of a push. Or a shove. Maybe a jaw wiring too. But seriously, also need ideas on how to exercise with mega amount of sit-on-tucas web work and my man in the UK at the moment seeing his family. Because although Hugo sleeps 12 hours at a clip (brag!) I know if I leave Hugo to go for a jog in the basement gym, I'll certainly end up the subject of one of my own dumb criminal stories.

Oh right, and Hugo is the world's best sleeper (brag squared!), so of course this weekend with grandma visiting he had two days of being difficult about nap time, bedtime and because three's a charm he woke up at 4:30AM. He fell asleep each time but only after revisiting the fun of sleep training (month five) -- letting him cry it out for five whole minutes and then returning to put on my best serious face and verbally remind him I was a hardass (not in so many words) who wouldn't return (of course I would but he doesn't know that). And even at 4:30AM he went back to bed (thank Thor), but it leaves one bracing for the next time and wondering if maybe we got lucky but maybe our "lucky" has just run out.

Ya, he's teething (four fangs at once), there was much company (hey kid, how about you sleep & we'll throw another shrimp on the barbie?) and the sun seems to be up 20 hours a day. But he's also experiencing his first separation anxiety (so on target according to the books that I almost wonder if he's reading the books) and that's just the icing on the baby is a simpering mess cake. My 100% perfect baby now has emotions and a pesky thing called will. Ah well.

Here's Hugo on the weekend. A baby at the lake beach (named Aiden, which seems to be the boy equivalent of Ava in popularity) saw how much Hugo lusted after his ball (it had pics of pooches all over it, and also, it was a ball fer Moses sake) and came over to share it.

A video of extreme thrills, ya? Well, I did take many more videos at the beach but truth is I was socializing and the videos all have my private (read: boring) conversations under them so they are NG.

OK, I seem to have gone parenthesis mad in this post, most likely because I don't allow myself to use them, like, ever.

Lotsa luv, lovely interfriends.

xoxo,

Susie

Memorial Day Peek

Susie Felber — Sun, 25 May 2008 17:16:00 GMT

We're upstate this weekend. It's my mom's birthday today. Cake has been arranged. BBQ being eaten. One neighbor very excited because he had a celebrity sighting at Pecks, our local market. To quote him, we had, "Samantha Bee and that guy from The Daily Show she is married to with the eyebrows."

Anywho, pics, and maybe more pics and vids later.

Showing off my prize zucchini. Baby zucchini, of course.

Work It Baby

Susie Felber — Sat, 24 May 2008 03:49:00 GMT

I've too much work. I'm sick. I'm planning big life changes. I've no ability to entertain. OK some ability.... this morning at 9AM Hugo was crying -- he's having a hard time adjusting to his new class. His first-ever adjustment issue. Anyway, to stop him from crying you could've found me singing the "wheels on the bus" -- and then like Aquaman calls the fish, suddenly I was singing to a slew of toddlers and entertaining them with non-traditional things that might be on the aforementioned bus. I never thought I'd enjoy entertaining babies. But really, amusing toddlers is not unlike entertaining drunks at a bar at 2AM -- something I was very fond of and good at. It;s all about the element of surprise, confidence and showing you are willing to do anything to entertain. Or maybe it's just singing about a fish on the bus.

Night Internet. And love, love, love.

Mwah!

Susie

Momnesia Here We Come!

Susie Felber — Fri, 23 May 2008 03:10:00 GMT

Momnesia, at least as defined by me, is the process by which women somehow totally forget what having a real baby is like and choose only to remember the good parts. e.g. You have grown children, you are on a plane with a toddler and your instantaneous reaction is to whip around and say, "You never behaved like that on a plane!" or perhaps you'd choose its self-aggrandizing cousin, "I never let you behave like that on a plane!"

Well lucky for me my self-delusional memory can be aided by the photos and video you are about to see here. First, the photo. This was taken at tonight's weekly playdate with Finnegan and his lovely mom. Aren't they model babies!

Yup, no Hugo slapping at his friend for no good reason, no annoying the dog with inept toddler love until he growls, no tossing objects to the floor with a loud BANG!CLANG! And no table manner corrections, no whining for balls tossed under furniture that must be fished out by mommy and certainly not a cry or a peep when thwarted by mommy! No, not our children. Don't believe me? Here's proof.

Perfect. little. angels. This is how I will choose to remember these years. Of course, with looming, creeping momnesia, I don't have a choice, do I? Nope.

Lots of loving you Internet pals!

xoxo,

Susie

Babies Make Crappy Gardeners

Susie Felber — Wed, 21 May 2008 02:16:00 GMT

Basically, if you were thinking of hiring a baby gardener -- think again! Or maybe it's just my Hugo who can't seem to get the hang of it. I think it's clear we need to get a landscape architect to deliver some sorely needed early intervention.

Note: Fence bit that is wonky due to deer/bear invasions.

Not only can't he mow, his weeding was limited to flinging what I had already pulled and his raking... well, see for yourselves...

OK Internet, I am loving you. xoxo, Susie

Rainy Days & Mondays

Susie Felber — Tue, 20 May 2008 01:58:00 GMT

Sunday: I did get a bike ride in early, thanks to the help of the man unit -- and yes, we've GOT to purchase a bike seat so we can all go together -- but the afternoon was a wash out. We were in the country, and it's really the country and so while it's beautiful and fresh, it was cold and there's zero to do there in the rain with a toddler. Events in the Catskills don't start until Memorial Day, we don't know many families up there and the closest shops are a half hour away. And those shops? Well other than the occasional gun shop, there's a Home Depot or a Wal-Mart. I mean, we aren't wimps. We did go out, and even garden in the rain. We only came in when it became so wet, it necessitated an ark. But yes, I was glaring at the driving rain and was in a mood! Hugo was just bored and didn't understand why we couldn't go out.

But luckily my man, who is British and therefore equipped to not grumble even when things suck (especially when they suck due to their close personal friend the rain), helped me soldier through. We got out the books, the pots and wooden spoons, the puzzles and absolutely anything that might keep Hugo (and me) from whining. And for the most part, it worked. Evidence below.

And we had snack in relatively exotic places, as you can see from this video.

Monday: Unlike Sunday, today was incredibly exciting. I worked my butt off ( hey shhh! we just soft launched a new blog) and also taped something exciting. And I can tell you I got an email from a producer friend that at lunch, Jack Cafferty was checking me out. So he says! Jealous, much?

OK, got to go to bed, get up early to finish work before going to do a video man on the street type shoot. If you're in Times Square or Chelsea, and you see me trying to wrangle people, be a pal and do an interview with me, would ya? Thanks.

xoxo,

Susie

The Wayback Machine

Susie Felber — Sat, 17 May 2008 02:30:00 GMT

How on earth did I get this job? Well, besides my impressive resume -- TV! Print! Film!! -- I'm still someone you've never heard of. So I did some spec videos. Or more like, my friend Rachel did them on the fly when she visited us and the rest is history. But what were these brilliant spec videos like? Well, here's one. It was my first attempt at a video and it quickly dawned on me why they say you shouldn't work with kids or animals. #1 they steal the scene and #2 they bite you.

This was a little more than three months ago, and I am kind of shocked by how small and wlldly unreasonable he is as compared to now. Time flies, etc. etc. to infinity. Also I'm shocked at how I didn't have a haircut sooner. And I'm horriied at how often I still wear the drab, yet jazzy grey shirt in this video. Anyway...

Lots of love Internet friends and feel free to use the comments to tell me your weekend plans. I promise I will live vicariously through you.

xoxo,

Susie

Cow Attack!

Susie Felber — Fri, 16 May 2008 02:13:00 GMT

Has this blog jumped the shark? No, but now, it has perhaps jumped the cow. Behold the vicious cow of doom!

In other news:

I worked like a fiend to finish work early today too go see a doctor for my pink eye. Roughly $100 and four hours later, I have a little bottle, less than an inch high, of super special eye drops. If stinging means they are working, then they are working.

I am doing a MOS (man on the street) shoot tomorrow morning in midtown for the day job. Of course the biblical weather predicted means this won't happen, but we have decided to play chicken with the low front and boldly press on!

My other exciting performing opportunity was slightly delayed by my hideous eye. Soon, though. And linkage when it happens.

Hugo was so cute today my heart nearly shattered into small uneven pieces. However, in between adorable and perfect, he was cranky and annoying. I blame him for being a baby and me for having to schlep him into Manhattan and through traffic to get my undead zombie eye fixed.

Holy Cannoli! It's about that time -- time for me to shut up!

Lotsa lurve Internet chickadees,

And beware of cow attacks,

xoxo,

Susie

There Will Be Blood

Susie Felber — Wed, 14 May 2008 02:19:00 GMT

For the second time in a week Hugo fell and put on a dazzling show of gushing blood. Mommy nearly needed a Klonapin. No, that's not true. Actually, I found myself oddly calm both times. Fearing the worst gets me crazy. The worst happening, makes me focus.

But anyway, last Thursday's trip and fall on the wonky sidewalk and today's inexplicable spill on the carpet both were a game of, "Where's the wound?" When there's lots of blood, nose, mouth, lips... it's hard to tell from whence it came. Today it was the nose. And like last week's fall, it seemed really bad -- letsgototheemergencyroom bad -- and then stopped within less than five minutes.

But even with his amazing self-healing powers -- is this what toddlerdom is about? Injuries that are nerve-wracking and unpreventable? Really? What fun.

Speaking of something other than violent accidents, Hugo and I put together a box of cool handmedowns we are sending to his new cousin. I love the open of the video where Hugo is crying in a cliche open-mouthed baby way, especially as it stops on a dime as soon as something more interesting, like a ginormous box, comes along. And no, I can't remember what he was cranking about. And my guess is, neither can he.

Mucho thanks for watching and reading inter-friends!

xoxo

Susie