Babble

 Hi, I'm a new mother in my early 20's to a little boy who just celebrated the 3 month mark. My problem is that recently after his 3 month birthday he has been having these fits of screaming and arching his body away for what seems like hours at a time. (I think they are more along the lines of 15-30mins.) I've been getting steadily more and more depressed during these times, usually ending up in front of him in his bouncy chair, crying and sobbing for fifteen minutes.

I do make sure that everything is okay before I set him down. My husband works all day leaving me alone in the house with our screaming baby that is at times the most playful and happy baby. My MIL who we live with does not want to take care of him if he is screaming and crying and if she does will sulk and want some grand act done for her by my husband (her only boy out of three kids) when he works over ten hours a day. I can't walk around our neighborhood because it is this horrible little redneck place in the middle of nowhere with no sidewalks and drunken crackheads driving about. I'm always afraid of getting hit or picked up and yes, we are moving soon.

My problem is that I don't know if this is post-partem depression just now kicking in really hard or if it's just my normal insane depression. I'm wondering what is the difference between the two. I'm hesitant about going to a doctor because I've been handiling my depression on my own without medicines since I was 16. I really don't want to have to go to medicine as my milk supply is already not enough for him most of the time.

Hope someone can help. Sorry if it's TMI but I'm new to this type of thing. Thanks. -_- 

It's too hard to really know what's up with your life/mind. I've been depressed off and on for 15 years, sometimes able to manage it on my own, and sometimes not

I'm a guy, so post-partum depression doesn't apply to me. Regardless, having a kid throws a huge kink into everything, and it seems really likely that just the stresses of parenthood could ratchet your depression up a couple notches. That might take it to a place where you need professional help. Or it could be post-partum depression. Or both! Eek!

I've used drugs for my depression, with mixed success. But cognitive behavioral therapy has been getting a lot of good reviews, so you might be able to manage that without drugs (http://www.nacbt.org/whatiscbt.htm).

I'm totally unqualified to offer any real advice. My gut says you should find some extra help, whether the depression is some hormonal post-partum thing or just being overwhelmed with parenthood.

O! I do have one bit of advice--take as good care of yourself as you can. Sleep lots. If you'r spending time watching TV or browsing the web or reading or whatever when you've got time away from the kid, use that time to nap instead. Napping is glorious. Besides that, getting some exercise and eating well are always helpful to me, even though I'm really bad at doing that.

Good luck!

-T 

Oh, I'd give you a hug if I could.  I know how irrational I can get after a good day, let alone a bad one.  Think about it - you're stressed out trying to adjust to life with a baby, and your husband gets to go to work and can get to eat his bagel when he wants and go to the bathroom without trying to hold an infant.  I used to be so resentful of that - even though he has his own stresses, I couldn't help but feel like he had no idea what it was like to be home with the baby and to have to put all of my needs second.  Then it seems like your m-i-l is really adding to the stress, and that's just horrible.  And if you're like me, you probably don't want to overwhelm your husband with stuff if he's working his butt off.

Please, PLEASE speak with your doctor about some medical options.  You can take Zoloft and still breastfeed, so there are options.  You can't do this all alone, and if you're not getting any help, you need to find ways to get through this rough adjustment period.  It may be better in a few months, when you and your little baby understand each other better, but for now, if you don't have the help of those around you and you're cooped up and you're crying and feeling helpless, run to the doctor and talk about it. 

It doesn't mean in any way that you're a failure that you can't handle this all on your own (I've felt that way).  It takes a village to raise a child, and you need all hands on deck. 

Also, try your hardest to find another mom with an infant that you can talk to and just vent to.  That helps so much - to know someone else is going through similar hell. 

Just please get to the Dr as soon as possible, ok?

And let us know how it works out. 

Hi Alicia, I had postpartum depression soon after my daughter was born in 2006. I was lucky to have a lot of support and to receive help early on. I was having breastfeeding problems, but going on Zoloft didn't affect my nursing, which I also got help for at a breastfeeding clinic. If you're like me, you don't want to ask for help and have a strong need to manage things on your own. It was really hard for me to get over that and get much-needed help, but it was really worth it. Postpartum depression can get worse the longer you leave it untreated. Also, do you have anyone other than your mil as support throughout the day? Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for support. You can also find online support groups of women going through the same thing (postpartum.net, I think?). You aren't alone, and there's definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Nearly two years later, I am back to my old self and life is good. Also, your baby will become easier and more fun every month. Hang in there, get help, and trust that you will get through it, even when things get darker and you don't feel any sense of hope... it's there. Your life is waiting patiently for you to return, so take your time and let yourself get better! I wish you all the best... I wish I could do more than just respond to your post!

I have bipolar disorder, and I have been in your position many times, as I have to choose between my meds and breastfeeding (I am currently pregnant with child #4). I was not able to control my mania and depression, so I chose what I felt was best for my kids: a mentally healthy mom. My kiddos were formula fed, and I came out of my rapid cycling manias/depressions within a month or so with a combination of both medicinal and psychological therapy.

Now, the differences between postpartum depression and bipolar are many, but you have to ask yourself if it is worth it to be as depressed as you are without some kind of help. Remember that PPD can turn very scary very quickly, escalating as far as postpartum psychosis, in extreme cases. 

Is a psychologist or counselor available in your area? This may be a way to get your feelings out and learn techniques to help the behaviors if they're getting harder to deal with...putting off the need to use meds yet. Hang in there, it will get easier...

Also, I second what someone else said: it definitely gets easier and funner.  My baby went through about five weeks of crying for four hours every night, and I was at the end of my rope.  My legs were exhausted from bouncing her.  My mom was in town and I was so embarrassed for her to come over, because I felt like I couldn't calm my own baby.  She took one look at her and said, "Oh, yeah.  That just magically goes away one day."  It was really true.  She didn't instantly stop crying, but every day it got a little better, and then suddenly, she was peaceful and happy all the time.  Just remember to take care of yourself first, or you're no good to him!

I agree, too, that supplementing with formula might help.  If your milk supply is low (or just barely holding up), that's just one more source of unnecessary stress.  I was able to nurse and use a bottle without any nipple confusion, and it helped immensely.  He can't cry when he's eating!

 Thank you so much everyone. It has gotten a little better since I've buckled down and talked to my mum and such over the phone. So much stuff just hit the fan with my MIL and us recently that now it is starting to balance out. Apparently being up in the front of the house alone all the time was making her resentful and all that jazz so it's getting better.

The other day when the little booger just started crying out of the blue at 3pm and wouldn't take my breast and everything seemed to be heading toward that insane point again...I decided this time just to set him down to cry. I calmly made him up a bottle of formula as he sat there screaming with actual tears before sitting down in front of him and feeding him. That calmed him down and after 8 ounces on down he was happily snoozing. I had one breif irrational scream moment before all that but it was in the bathroom away from him.

Even though I hate having to give him a bottle he works with it and will take it easily from anyone. He will switch from that to my boob with the sheild on it easily enough recognizing the different shape and texture of the silicone nipple sheild from the silicone nipple on the bottle. He can scream while eating though if that's not what he wants. ^^ But thanks a lot for all the help. I'm trying to work on keeping calm even though he goes crazy like that at times. He loves to smile and play though, his loud coos making my insanity worth it. ^-^

Well now to just clean up while my husband sleeps off his allergic reaction with our little son on his chest. That kid just loves sleeping on people...but thanks again to everyone. I feel like I can't say that enough. ^-^