Babble

 

Okay, before I get crucified here, just know first and foremost that I don't smack or spank on the regular. I settle for this option when nothing else works. The reason I am even writing this is to get some advice or suggestions on what has worked for others. I have a 24 month-old little girl who is for the most part, well-behaved. There are certain times when she doesn't get her way or doesn't want to do as told, that she either has a fit or tries to take a swing at me or her dad. I have told her repeatedly not to hit mommy, and that it is not acceptable. I usually tell her this in a firm, yet calm tone and then put her in a short 2 minute time out. It keeps happening anyway whenever she gets upset that she cannot have it her way. When do they start remembering and realizing that they shouldn't repeat certain behaviors? I feel like a broken record every other day. This morning as I was attempting to put her in her care seat she kept going to the other side of the car, and this was a game to her. I repeatedly told her "we have to go...let's go... sit on your chair" this was not what she wanted to do, so I had to grab her and put her in her chair. She then proceeded to throw a fit, go limp and slide of her chair when I was trying to get her in and buckled. I finally had enough and gave her a light smack on the face. She finally snapped out of her fit and although, she cried for a whole minute and a half, this worked. I was able to get her in, buckled, and rush off to pre-school/work. I don't want to have to resort to this, but sometimes, it seems to be the only thing that works. Does this contradict the whole reason of me not wanting her to hit me? I don't do it that often at all, so I don't' think she is repeating what I do. I feel guilty whenever I do smack her, but I feel that she chooses not to listen when I ask her to do something. Isn't she supposed to be able to follow instruction now? She does for certain things... please advise... and again, I am not here to be criticized for hitting my child. I don't use force and don't do it too physically hurt her, but rather to make her realize I mean business.

 

 I'm a father, a stay-at-home-Dad.  I have a 23 months old son who is beginning to show signs of entering the "terrible 2s".  By that I mean he is now often trying to assert himself and refusing my intervention (to hold my hand on steep stairs or crossing a street, to eat alone, etc.).  I've gone several ways to address the tantrums that follow when he can't have/do what he wants, the worst of it was giving him a single spanking on his bottom (with nappies on) while shouting at him and then letting him cry for a while before going back to him in a calm and gentle voice.  It works! Although I have also found that addressing his/my frustration to reach a compromise also works and doesn't require shouting or spanking...  For example, his mother has had the terrible habit of letting him play with her phone to distract him when she needs to do something.  Unfortunately the phone is now mine and I refuse to let him play with an "adult" toy.  Instead of pulling it out of his hands -which results in a tantrum- I ask him in a low but stern voice to go put the phone in a neutral spot, like a table further away.  He then feels like he asserts control of it and his action and does what I asked...  Of course I realise that won't work 12 months from now, but until then, I've given up on the spanking/shouting.  Good luck!

 The only thing more insulting than being smacked in the face is being spat on. I'm shocked, quite frankly. Hitting is losing control, when you hit, your child knows you are no longer in control. Don't try to "reason" with her. Explain what you're doing, strap her in the car seat and let her bitch if she doens't like it. She'll stop soon enough. But smacking a child in the face is horrible. Don't be surprised when she smacks you back years later. I've been there. If she gets upset with you about anything, so be it, but don't hit unless you want hitting later on.

I went thru this with my 2/12 year old after my second child was born. She was acting out on my her new sister with hitting and pinching. I warned her that if she did that again I would spank her bottom. It is really important to warn them so they LEARN what the next step will be. The same day she scratched her sisters face and drew blood. I spanked her. It broke my heart but I told my mother and she, as well as others said " if she is hurting others or herself, it's O.K." "You are protecting her and you are protecting others".....It took until she was about 3 to stick.. I dont like to do it and telling your child not to hit and getting her to do that by hitting her is not great parenting....its a catch 22. Bu tthis did work for me. goodluck

Anonymous:

I went thru this with my 2/12 year old after my second child was born. She was acting out on my her new sister with hitting and pinching. I warned her that if she did that again I would spank her bottom. It is really important to warn them so they LEARN what the next step will be. The same day she scratched her sisters face and drew blood. I spanked her. It broke my heart but I told my mother and she, as well as others said " if she is hurting others or herself, it's O.K." "You are protecting her and you are protecting others".....It took until she was about 3 to stick.. I dont like to do it and telling your child not to hit and getting her to do that by hitting her is not great parenting....its a catch 22. Bu tthis did work for me. goodluck

 

Thanks for your response. Like I said, I am not writing this so that I could be criticized, but for advice. I don't want to be a bad parent, or do something "horrible" to my child the way someone else responded. That is why I am asking for advice. You answered my question about when it should stick, and I appreciate that. I love her to pieces and just because I smacked her, it doesn't make me a horrible parent. What do you do when you can't put them on a time out in such scenarios as being out in public or being in the car, or when she is in the bath? She is too little to remember or understand why she is being out on a time out if I do it 15 minutes later, isn't she?

 

Is it really that shocking for a parent to smack their child? I think there are many other parents that can relate. Please refer to the first three sentences I wrote.

I have been going through this with my son, who just turned three. Two seems to be the golden age of hitting doesn't it? He used to hit his father and for the past month or two started hitting me a lot, for everything and anything that annoyed him. It was driving us CRAZY as time outs did not work, nothing really did. What seems to be working for us now, is telling him that if he hits he will not get to watch movies or play video games and that is working GREAT. I can see him actually stopping himself especially if I can remind him. Or he will make the punching motion and lightly rest it and push against me, (after 2 of those I tell him that it is the same as hitting). I don't know if it will work for you because I know he had no interest in TV at 24 months. But it might. Good luck and if it helps they do get cuter, which is the only thing that saves them at times.  :-)

 Yes, it really is shocking. If you feel the need to spank to get a child's attention, it seems more reasonable to me to spank on the bottom, not smacking in the face, for crying out loud. And yes, when you smack a child in the face like that you are taching them a couple of things:

1. Hitting is ok. 2 And hitting has no boundaries.

If you feel guilt, then your gut is trying to tell you something. I'd listen to that.

 My son is 20 months and yes, it's really frustrating, but if he's howling in the back seat and doesn't want to be strapped in, I don't try to "reason with him". I explain what we're doing as I strap him in. It's exhausting to listen to him, but I ignore that, go about my business of getting him in, and he quietens himself shortly after.

I'm not going to hit him. And I'm not going to give in to him. I'm just going to be calm and if we're in public, I remove him frmo the situation, take him to the car until he calms down. 

A child doesn't need to quit crying badly enough to be smacked in the face. Let her cry. She'll get tired of it.  Most doctors say that time outs do not work until a child is on her way to 3 years old. Smaller toddlers can'tbe still that long and it doesn't register for them. So if you're trying an inapproprate method of discipline and then punishing her again, then how is that the child's problem? (I don't mean the OP's child in particular, but any smaller toddler)

 

Go tobabycenter.comthey have great advice about todder development and how to discipline. Good luck.

 Also:

http://www.babble.com/content/articles/controversialtopics/toddler/discipline/index.aspx 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I smacked my kid on top of his head out of anger, and was horrified and apologized immediately. In our house the universal rule is that hitting is NOT ok. In my mind, it's hypocritical for anyone to hit, including a parent. I have a definite issue with anger-- and hear a lot of moms do. I'm constantly evaluating (and admonishing) my own behavior toward my children. There have been times when I've handled my kids too roughly, and I know intuitively that it's not the right thing to do. When I'm undecided, I ask myself-- would I find it acceptable if my day care provider handled them this way? if the answer is absolutely not, I'm sure that it's something I need to work on. When my kids are acting up, and I'm at my best, I use the positive discipline approach of stating what needs to be done-- repeating unemotionally, "You must get in your seat now." When she doesn't, I tell her that I'll wait in or outside the car and she can let me know when she's ready. Most of the time, if you don't engage, they give up and it's obviously better than trying to force them to do anything. There have been times when I'm in a rush, and this doesn't work, and I try distraction or giving them a choice (do you want to sit down in one minute or two?) And of course there are times when I'm completely frustrated and nothing seems to work. I believe your child was probably shocked at being struck. It might work the first time.... The rule of thumb with kids is being patient, patient, patient-- I loved the saying, kids have more energy and time than we do. It's obviously not easy, but it's the only way keep yourself sane and restrained.

Tracey:

 The only thing more insulting than being smacked in the face is being spat on. I'm shocked, quite frankly. Hitting is losing control, when you hit, your child knows you are no longer in control. Don't try to "reason" with her. Explain what you're doing, strap her in the car seat and let her bitch if she doens't like it. She'll stop soon enough. But smacking a child in the face is horrible. Don't be surprised when she smacks you back years later. I've been there. If she gets upset with you about anything, so be it, but don't hit unless you want hitting later on.

The person who began this conversation is reaching out for support. "Frankly, I'm shocked", and saying what she did is "horrible" is totally judgmental and unsupportive. But hey - this is the internet! Let's make her feel terrible about it! If she were a friend that came to you with this concern would you choose those same words? And I'm sure you've never done anything in your life you're not proud of.

Melissa, my friends wouldn't smack their kids. But if a friend confessed that she had, I'd tell her the exact same thing. In terms of advocacy, I'll choose a defenseless toddler over an adult.

As for judgemental, pot, kettle, black.

  My response was honest. It has nothing to do with making someone feel bad over the internet. I guess the internet also allows  people to support abuse, subjugation, exploitation, and all kinds of things, but I'm not into that either.

If I put myself out there with a personal issue, I'd expect honesty. If my issue was as dicey as this, I'd expect an e-spanking. Grow up. Nobody is obligated to coddle a person who's smacking a toddler in the face. What kind of world do you live in?   

Anonymous:

Melissa, my friends wouldn't smack their kids. But if a friend confessed that she had, I'd tell her the exact same thing. In terms of advocacy, I'll choose a defenseless toddler over an adult.

As for judgemental, pot, kettle, black.

  My response was honest. It has nothing to do with making someone feel bad over the internet. I guess the internet also allows  people to support abuse, subjugation, exploitation, and all kinds of things, but I'm not into that either.

If I put myself out there with a personal issue, I'd expect honesty. If my issue was as dicey as this, I'd expect an e-spanking. Grow up. Nobody is obligated to coddle a person who's smacking a toddler in the face. What kind of world do you live in?   

Quite honsetly I am the one who is shocked now. You are calling the people who are just trying to give me their advice supporters of abuse and exploitation. Get a life lady. I love my kid and live for her. Please go and collect your mother of the year award and leave this post alone. you are not being hekoful, but just judgemental. I don't think that that is the purpose for these boards.

 No, I'm not calling anybody supporters of abuse, I'm simply saying that judging me for being honest is ridiculous and that the internet allows people to support and express opinions of all types. And I am simply expressing my opinion, since you are the one who did ask after all.

If you want to get butthurt because someone disagrees with you smacking a toddler in the face, then perhaps that thought should've crossed your mind before sharing something like that with the world. Perhaps, instead of seeking the advice of a bunch of e-parents you don't know, you might use the internet to educate yourself by seeking the advice of experts.

My guess is that you might've hoped that somebody would respond with, "Wow! Me too!" and validate your behavior, but your post actually reached a couple of people who don't think it's cool to smack a little toddler around. 

And I never said I was mother of the year, I just don't smack my son in the face. But if using hyperbole andinsulting makes you feel somehow vindicated, go ahead. It doesn't matter to me frankly. All I ask is that you consider what you're doing you're doing to your child and seek some GOOD  advice and quit smacking her little face.

In fact, I even offered you good resources. Which seems more helpful to me than saying, "Oh, I know how hard it is to be in control, and I smack my kid too.Sometime you can't help it, it's ok" That's a load of BS.   

 

 

I ignored the posts previous to mine that were filled with the holier than thou attitudes. As far as I could tell you weren't asking anyone what their opinion of giving their kids a smack was, but you were looking for ideas on how other parents dealt with the same situation. Many of these posters are either very young or very old, because only they seem to need to put someone else down to make themselves feel better. No one gives a rats ass how anonymous treats her friends, this issue isn't "dicey" you never said you beat your kid on a regular basis. You never said you gave an open handed, put all your weight behind it smack. What would have been helpful would have been if they had posted their advice "Go tobabycenter.comthey have great advice about todder development and how to discipline. Good luck." and left it at that, When Tracy wrote "The only thing more insulting than being smacked in the face is being spat on" Well no shit Sherlock. Why didn't you just say, I just ignore the behavior and stick her ass in the car seat and let her bitch? Or "When I feel like my only solution is to smack her, I put her in her room, shut/lock the door and listen to music until I calm down." I especially despise folks that don’t have the nads to leave their real name, or email/website. I used to post anonymously too, but I wouldn’t do a “I am better than you post” and then run away. If I couldn’t add something constructive I wouldn’t bother.

Anonymous:

 I guess the internet also allows  people to support abuse, subjugation, exploitation, and all kinds of things, but I'm not into that either.

Yes, you did say that...

Anyways,

You are just coming off as rude- plain and simple. That's all. I do appreciate the advice, but not the judgement. I didn't ask for that.

Anyhow, if anyone can still relate or give good advice without being judgemental, please do so. All the feedback is appreciated.