Babble

I have a very high bar when it comes to friendships.  i have wonderful  pre-kid friends and we all share very candid experiences.  so, i have a very tough time w/ mom groups, pre-school drop-offs, etc.  it always seems like the same exact thing day after day after day...same discussions, same cliches, etc....

so, i was thrilled when i met a mom (w/ baby same age), and we really connected.   we talked about our babies hanging out, having kid dinners and grown-up dinners, etc.  but, as her more complicated life expanded, those things have lost priority for her.

i started a couple of stupid email arguments, because i was unable to articulate what i was feeling.  and, i acted insenstive and bratty to her.

essentially, i need  to accept our friendship for what it is, and not for what i want it to be.

do u think i should explain this to her? 

..

 

 

It must have been hard when you found someone like-minded and then seemingly 'lost' them again.

If you tell her how you feel then things might get back on track ...

I go through the same thing as you. I already had good friends before I got pregnant, and I don't really want to go around making new ones just because I had a baby. But, if you really did connect with a mother, and you two share the same interests, it might be worth it to explain your misgivings. It really is valuable to find someone that you can get along with that knows exactly how you feel as a mother. I have one friend that is my age who is a mom of three, and it seems like every time we get together, all we do is vent about motherhood. I can't do that with any of my kid-less friends, because they don't really know about what I'm going through. So, my advice would be.. try to salvage this relationship.  

I think you should explain it to your cool mom friend just as you did here.  If I were her, I would be flattered.  I so know what you mean on the mom group thing.  You can't expect to just happen upon a bunch of cool chics just because you have kids the same age.  I got lucky- I "picked up" a cool mom at a cafe when my our babies were about 6 weeks and she invited me to join her mom group, which consisted of her good friends from prior, all of whom happened to have babies at the same time.  Since she had hand-selected (ha ha) them before the kid journey, turned out they were all cool and now the 5 of us are good friends and get together weekly (kids are now 20 months).  I just wish they were all having more kids (I just had my second)....

A cool mom friend, especially with a similarly aged child, is precious- do what it takes to get the friendship back on track.

I met most of my mom/dad friends at the park. It was easy to figure out who had similar parenting styles based on how they handled their children in the park. Needless to say, some of the friendships have grown as our children have grown, and some have either stayed stagnant or have not blossomed at all.

As the other posters have mentioned, I think it's important that you explain to your friend how you are feeling and extend an olive branch, maybe ask her over for a playdate or go out for coffee? Sometimes these things are better explained in person rather than over email.

Good luck! I'm sure she'll understand.