5-Minute Time Out: Dr. Drew Pinsky
Doctor Drew wants to save your kids from celebrity culture.
by Jennifer V. Hughes
April 10, 2009
But isn't that just a case where parents should say: "You're four. You're not watching Miley Cyrus"?
Mark: I think to some extent this is what we're talking about: parents setting clear boundaries with their children, letting children be children and not allowing them to grow up too quickly and experience things they don't really understand. They like the idea of glitz and glamour, but they don't understand it.
When it comes to an obsession with celebrities, are things really different now from the days when I had my Duran Duran poster and Tiger Beat magazine?
Drew: There is always a tendency for adolescents to create bigger-than-life obsessions in which to bask, but the magnitude of the celebrity obsessions is changing. The pathology in celebrities is much worse and our conversation about them is much more mean-spirited and destructive, when it should be the exact opposite. We should be thinking about why they do what they do and not gloating over their suffering.
Mark: For the first time, young people are saying they want to be famous — they are seeking fame as the primary motivation in their lives. Our research shows there is a relationship between those kids who seek fame for fame's sake and early childhood trauma.
So are you saying I shouldn't be looking at pictures of Angelina Jolie on my computer anymore?
Drew: When you are looking at someone with a history of heroin addiction who has added lots of children to her life, you should try to figure out what is going on.
I have to ask, isn't there something ironic or perhaps hypocritical about your book? You're decrying the culture of celebrity worship and saying how harmful it can be and yet you've made your career off Loveline and Celebrity Rehab?
Drew: We're decrying our relationship with it, we're not taking the opportunity to look at the behavior and talk to our kids. Celebrity Rehab is pulling back the curtain and showing the painful experiences that create the behavior rather than just looking at celebrities. You see the human being and what is going on.
What can parents do to diminish the effects of a celebrity culture on our kids?
"For the first time, young people are seeking fame as the primary motivation in their lives."
Drew: It's like anything else in the media — you have to be a savvy consumer. Like when kids are bombarded by sexual materials, you sit and watch and you ask questions, throw up open-ended questions like "What do you think they are feeling?" rather than "Aren't they awful?", which doesn't accomplish anything.
Mark: You need to maintain your authority as a parent. Set up clear boundaries of what is acceptable behavior. It's also about not over-sharing your experiences — don't go into all the gory details of your life experiences, because sometimes that is unwarranted.
Drew: It also is a license to your child to pick up where you left off.
Mark: Let your children fail at some things. What we found is that narcissistic parents often won't let their kids fail because it opens deep emotional feelings they had as a child. It's important when a child fails to step in and engage in a teachable moment. The third thing is to let kids be kids. Don't overexpose them to inappropriate material. And finally, if your child is really enamored of fame seeking — that's something to think about and have a discussion about why they feel that way. Obviously fame is not bad, but you should achieve something to have fame.
As a psych minor I loved your chapter where you talk about giving the NPI to celebrities on Loveline. What is your Narcissistic Personality Index score?
Mark: [Laughing] Drew?
Drew: What was I? Sixteen?
Mark: Yes, you were a 16. I was an 18.
Were you surprised?
Mark: A little bit, but when you break things down I tend to score higher on [aspects of the NPI that measure] authority, superiority and self-sufficiency. It could be my role as a professional. If I scored high on vanity or exhibitionism or exploitation, then I would be really concerned.
©2009 Jennifer V. Hughes and Babble
About the Author
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Jennifer V. Hughes is a writer whose work has appeared in The New York Times, Mothering magazine and the Columbia Law School Report. She also makes a killer sangria. |
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