feedback for "Bad Parent: In Praise of the C-Section"

1. Thank you so much! I also had a scheduled C-section because of a complication which I'd rather not go into. I really hate it that I have to justify my "decision", or that people tell me that they are sure I really did not need a C-section. My OB and the perinatologists were wonderful, and were really there for me during my high-risk pregnancy.
   I also personally felt like the birth experience was such a minor part of having a child. I have also used the analogy of the marriage being more important than the wedding.
   I have all the respect in the world for people who have natural births, but as you say they really are lucky. They have no right to look down on someone who did something in the interest of their child's health.
   Also, when you tell someone you had a C-section, they often ask if you chose it out of convenience. There are such a small percentage of women who actually have elective C-sections, but for some reason it has been so over-represented in the media. 

   posted by : gpgirl on 3/31/2009 at 12:30 AM Flag For Abuse

2. stop whining.

   posted by : orjean on 3/31/2009 at 2:19 AM Flag For Abuse

3. I had a fantastic elective C-section. It was everything I wanted, which was to get my baby girl into the world as safely and easily as possible - for her.
   
   I don't feel like I missed out on anything by not having a natural birth. I respect that for many women it's a very big deal, a rite of passage, a deep and meaningful connection. And I don't begrudge anyone else their personal choices about what to do with their bodies. I just didn't feel any of that for me personally.
   
   I think it's unfortunate that most of the pregnancy books and magazine articles seem to regard c-sections as a necessary evil for when things go wrong – and sigh mournfully over the rising statistics as more women, including medical professionals, elect to go elective.
   
   My husband and I discussed it in detail with my gynae, who shrugged when I asked her about the risk of a c-section. “Eh,” she shrugged, “Death.” But then she went on to elaborate that it’s no more of a risk than labour. While pushy advocates of pushing like to trumpet data that shows c-sections have higher death rates, they’re lumping in the stats for emergency caesareans as well - you know, all those times when something has already gone horribly wrong.
   
   Yes, there is a risk. It’s not a matter of a quick unzip. It’s major abdominal surgery involving anaesthetics with a six week recovery period.
   
   But you don’t have to deal with the uncertainties of labour, that it might go on for 40 hours of gut-wrenching agony, that you’ll tear, that the umbilical cord will tangle around the baby’s throat or that they’ll have to use forceps or the baby’s heartrate will drop as she goes into distress and you have to end up having a caesarian anyway.
   
   It's always baffled me that the same people who declare "it's just not worth the risk" if they spy a pregnant woman daring to have a cup of coffee or half a glass of wine  think that labour IS worth the risk when the risk is, potentially, death.
   
   Of course many, many, many, many, many babies are born just fine via natural birth. It wasn't something I was interested in.
   
   I’m very happy with the thoroughly researched and informed decision i made to take total agency for my birth in the way that made the most sense to me.
   
   It was lovely having my baby girl grow inside me.
   
   It’s lovely having her in the world.
   
   How she got here doesn’t matter.
   

   posted by : Happy C on 3/31/2009 at 7:55 AM Flag For Abuse

4. This was an absolutely beautiful essay, but the first comment (gpgirl) is SO whiny and defensive.  Having gone through two all natural births, I can assure you that it is nothing like putting the wedding over the marriage (something you would know had you experienced it).  And I do not in any way judge the decision to have a C-section and I agree that things cannot always be planned in child rearing or anything, but the reality and the truth of the matter is that natural birth is a beautiful and transformative experience.  It is not for everyone and that is fine.  I would not judge you for any of your choices (or the ones you were forced into).  Honestly, I would not judge you if you HAD elected a C-section becasue you had a mani/pedi.  But I do feel sad for you.  It is a beautiful experience if you are lucky enough to experience it. 
   

   posted by : NaturalBirthRocks on 3/31/2009 at 7:58 AM Flag For Abuse

5. Can we please just stop with the guilt and the judging and the accusations of whining? For most women, the goal at the end of a pregnancy is a healthy baby, and if this requires a c-section, then so what? Why feel guilty over something that you don't have control over? And who the f%@k cares what other women have to say about your pregnancy and labour - it is none of their business. We need to support each other as mothers. Stop the judgemental bullshit.

   posted by : treefingers on 3/31/2009 at 8:15 AM Flag For Abuse

6. Happy C, the risk of death may not be high but there are many other risks.  It is serious surgery.  There is a reason why so many (and not just books and magazines, but actually groups like the WHO) are trying to move away from them.  And it seems silly to have surgery when it is not necessary.  I was born by C-Section and so was my sister.  Both of us were breach babies.  My husband was almost born by C-Section because he was breach, but turned in time after the doctor just told his mother to walk up a flight of stairs and come back down.
   
   Since my sister was born the day before my seventh birthday, I remember how my mother was after she came home.  She was in terrible pain and could not bend over.  She was very dependent on help because of this.
   
   No woman should ever have to feel guilty about having a C-Section.  Not the writer of the article or the first commentator.  I did not even know why my mother had a C-Section until well into my twenties and never thought that she did anything wrong.  But I am disturbed by the misleading information about labor being this horribly unpleasent and dangerous thing that will be painful.  A C-Section is painful very painful.  You are going to have some kind of pain no matter how you go about it.  The pain difference is when the pain will start and how long it will last.
   
   I am planning a home birth right now.  And I constantly have to explain to people that I am not some crazy hippy that has a problem with doctors.  For me personally it is the right choce, something both my husband and I did a lot of research to make happen.  But I have to deal with people trying to make me feel guilty that I am somehow putting my child in danger for selfish reasons.  Honestly the nearest hopsital to me is twelve minute walk from my apartment.  I know things can go wrong and I could end up having to have a C-Section just like my mother. 
   
   The only places that I think people are having to face guilt over having C-Sections are in upper middle class neighborhoods.  And there is also the possibility that some are taking it the wrong way when people find out.  But considering the prevelance of C-Sections in America, I find it hard to believe that a fourth of the population is being told that they are bad.
   

   posted by : Shana on 3/31/2009 at 9:22 AM Flag For Abuse

7. I had a C-section after a long labor (8 days post EDD) that wasn't progressing despite Pitocin. Maybe if I'd waited to go 2 weeks past my due date (and switched to another midwife who would have let me), I could have had a natural birth. But this isn't something I want to Monday-morning quarterback. My son was born by C-section at 9 pounds and found to have the cord wrapped around his neck (which I was told may have been why he never dropped). He was incredibly healthy. We bonded right away. No breastfeeding problems. And I had a fast recovery. So as far as I'm concerned, this was a successful birth even if I wasn't "lucky" enough to have avoided surgery.
   

   posted by : Amya on 3/31/2009 at 9:24 AM Flag For Abuse

8. ". . . or to hear folly at the idea that what matters most in a birth is your own experience of it."
   
   Amen! Thanks for stating this MUCH maligned, but 100% true point of view.

   posted by : cora on 3/31/2009 at 9:29 AM Flag For Abuse

9. Anecdotally - all the women docs I know (especially ob/gyns!) have had elective C's. So don't feel guilty if you choose (or have to choose) a C! They of all people would understand the risk/benefits, and they don't want to risk either their babies or later bladder problems.
   (shh! don't tell! I think this is supposed to be a secret that insurance companies and hospitals don't want women to know about)

   posted by : anon on 3/31/2009 at 9:31 AM Flag For Abuse

10. With my first I had a c-section after about 9 hours of labor but never dilated sufficiently despite strong contractions.  The epidural was good (probably too good in hindsight) so I was not in much pain.  The docs convinced me I would never dilate to 10 cm and pushing was too dangerous.  I believed them was not very upset about the c.  Bonded with my son immediately, no problems breastfeeding.  When I got pregnant again I debated between a scheduled C and VBAC.   I kept coming back to the c-section because, honestly I was scared of pushing and with a two year-old at home, a scheduled c-section just seemed like the only practical way to handle the issue. 
    
    Then I saw "The Business of Being Born".  That convinced me that going into labor, if not actually delivering naturally was likely important for the health of the baby.  I had to schedule a c-section due to the previous c plus GDM, but I tried to schedule it as late as possible so I could go into labor before the scheduled date.  Baby girl made sure that happened by arriving 3 weeks early.  I had 8 hours of labor and pushed her out (we had to scramble around and drop our son off with my sister in the middle of the night).
    
    Was one delivery better than the other?  No.  I was disappointed to have a c-section the first time, but was do delighted with the baby, I didn't really thing about it.  Pushing, even with an epidural was hard, really hard.  By the time she was born, I was less concerned with the baby than with my own discomfort.  But, our bonding and breastfeeding was still almost immediate.   The recovery from the VBAC tear was more painfull than the c-section.
    
    I've done both.  Neither was better or worse.    I think going into labor and laboring is important (if its not medically risky) to get the right hormones to your body and the babies.  But, having had both types of delivery after going into labor, I always tell mom's disappointed by their c-sections that really, the VBAC did not made me feel closer to the baby,  or more of a woman, or more fulfilled.   I never look at the kids and think, this one came this way and that one came a different way.   If I did it again, I'd elect for a vaginal birth just to avoid all the risks of abdominal surgery, but from a mothering stand point it makes absolutely no difference.
    

    posted by : BostonMom on 3/31/2009 at 9:54 AM Flag For Abuse

11. With my first son, I was induced due to rising blood pressure.  The induction failed.  I didn't dilate at all during 17 hours of labor; the OBs hypothesized that his head was simply too big to push against the cervix.  I was offered the choice of a c-section OR going home and waiting until I was in labor but knowing a c-section would likely be necessary anyways.  I took the c-section.  When he was born, the OB exclaimed "good call on the c-section".  My son was 10.5 lbs and had a huge head.
    
    My second son was born by scheduled c-section.  My doctor thought it would be safer for us given that I dilated not at all last time.  It was a good thing too... his cord was wrapped around his neck multiple times.  Another 10.5 lb baby.
    
    I recovered fairly easily from my first c-section but a few days after my second, the incision opened up.   It was left open to heal form the inside out (yes, this is the best way to do it according to the docs), packed and cleaned by visiting nurses for several weeks and then my husband for a total of two months.    Only halfway through the healing process did I learn that 10% of c-sections open up like this  but I have been reassured that I can have another baby if I want and it probably won't happen again.
    
    My husband and I are planning another (hopefully last) pregnancy in a year or so.  I suspect if we are successful I will have another c-section.    Am I scared about getting on the table again? Sure but my sister was also scared about approaching labor the third time.
    

    posted by : Lisa96 on 3/31/2009 at 9:57 AM Flag For Abuse

12. I loved my c-section. My son was a big baby who went breech very late in the pregnancy (he had been upside-down for a long time, but flipped). Because of my somewhat advanced age (38), weight (don't ask), baby's 94th percentile head and the fact that I was a c-section daughter of a 1934  c-section baby (take that, Darwin!), the chances were really high that a c-section would occur, but my OB wanted to induce in the 38th week and see what happened.
    
    I did NOT want to have both labor and a c-section (and this seemed very, very likely) so I was considering going the elective route. When my son flipped, I was so very, very grateful. The decision was taken out of my hands. I had no interest in trying a version at that point - he had saved me. As we arrived at the hospital we saw a woman in labor being pushed in a wheel chair down the hall, screaming and screaming and I just felt such thankfulness.
    
    The birth was scheduled, my husband was there to witness my son's emergence, we had a cd I liked playing, my son's Apgars were 8 and 9, and I was nursing him within a few minutes. It went brilliantly and I remember the whole experience with such joy.
    
    I had an emergency appendectomy at age 12, so I knew what to expect from abdominal surgery and this was a much easier recovery too.
    
    What's annoying is that people respond to c-section moms with such negativity. If people aren't critical then they go the deep pitying route. "Oh, I am so sad for you, for what you missed!" Be sad for me all you want. Meanwhile I thank my little boy everytime I think about his birth.

    posted by : LiftoffLady on 3/31/2009 at 10:12 AM Flag For Abuse

13. I think we have to remember that when medical professionals such as midwives and doctors, and organizations such as the WHO talk about the drawbacks of c-sections, they are speaking from a public health perspective. On the macro level, it is worrisome how high the c-section rate in the U.S. is, compared to that in other highly developed nations. There may be a correlation between the high c-section rate and our high infant and maternal mortality rates (which are higher than all of the highly developed countries, and some of the less developed countries as well). Then again, that could also be because we have a cultural preference for carrying high-risk pregnancies to term rather than terminating, using fertility treatments which can lead to multiples, etc. I think part of the concern is that there may be some medical professionals who aren't giving women the full information about risks and benefits, and thus leading them to choose a more medical birth than may be necessary in their case.
    
    None of this information should ever be used to make an individual mother feel bad, because in many ways the societal level concerns not even relevant to her situation. In most pregnancies, a c-section carries a higher risk than going into labor spontaneously. To be perfectly honest, getting an epidural (which 80% of women in this country do), has a higher level of risk than having an unmedicated labor. But these are risks that any good medical professional will help you to understand, and if you decide that in your case the benefits outweigh the risks, that is your choice, and no one should try to make you feel guilty, inadequate, etc.
    
    I say this as a mama who went into labor spontaneously, did it unmedicated, and have a lovely baby. My best friend was induced, ended up with a c-section, and has a lovely baby. We love our children equally, and we both made the best decisions we could based on the information we had, and the situation we were in. And I might add that regardless of how our children came into the world, we mamas all have a lot to be proud of - I mean, look at these little wonders we've made!
    

    posted by : mamanomnom on 3/31/2009 at 10:15 AM Flag For Abuse

14. GREAT article!  It is absolutely true that having the birth of your dreams or plans (whatever that is) is based on SO MUCH LUCK.  I had the birth I wanted (pretty much), but it was only because many many things went my way that could have oh so easily gone differently.  There is nothing I wanted more than a healthy child, and I would have agreed to any procedure that would have been necessary to deliver him into my arms.
    
    And I totally agree about the wedding/marriage analogy.  That's a really good one that I hadn't heard before.  There are a lot of brides fixated on the things that went wrong on their wedding days, and a lot of moms fixated on the things that went wrong on the day their children were born.  That might be natural to a degree, but only if we can learn to let go and only if it helps us realize we didn't have as much control as we thought we did.  And to focus on the future ... the marriage, the motherhood.  Congrats on your 3 little blessings!

    posted by : Happy Mama on 3/31/2009 at 10:23 AM Flag For Abuse

15. I went into labor on my due date, labored at home to 6 cm, then to 9 at the hospital birthing center with a midwife, then through transition. I had horrendous back labor but resisted an epidural until 9 cm, only to have it fail.  After 3.5 hours of pushing...almost no progress. A whispered consultation in the hall.  The head OB came in to gently deliver the news that I was going to have to choose whether to proceed with labor or go to a c-sec (the choice being framed so that it was clear to me that there was only one choice, the c-sec)...I think, based on my birth plan, that they thought I was going to be crushed.  Instead, as my husband said, I was practically starting the cutting on my own.  At 3 am I was whisked out of my room with dim lights and quiet whispers to a bright, cold operating room.  It was terrifying.  Within minutes my daughter was out, and I was so relieved and grateful.  Aside from the back labor, I had an almost textbook labor- the midwife later told me she had to do some unusual processing of the whole thing, because it was going so perfectly, she had thought that we were well on our way to a fully natural childbirth, but then...it wasn't.  They did some follow up with me, thinking I would have taken it hard, but...I didn't.  It was OK.  That moment when they lifted my daughter above the sheet, for a split second so I could see her, purple and angry and wailing- everything was absolved.  There were no bonding issues or breastfeeding issues- fortunately, I did not know that sometimes occurs. Abstractly, I knew I could need a c-sec, but I did not think it would happen to me, so I barely glanced at any research beforehand. If I have another child, I will be offered a choice of c-sec or VBAC. I will very likely choose c-sec, although I will probably try to go into labor for a duration before hand.  This is another front on the endless mommy war that just needs to fade away.
    

    posted by : EmmaVT on 3/31/2009 at 10:32 AM Flag For Abuse

16. My first labor was long long long and I simply never dilated past 7 cm (and this is with lots of walking, lots of bouncing, a doula's help in positioning, etc.) and it eventually ended in a C-section.  It was incredibly frustrating, because I had worked so hard and tolerated labor so well and the hospital staff had been so supportive, the absolute antithesis of how hospital personnel are thought to act, and I still couldn't have a vaginal birth.  It didn't seem fair.
    
    So with my second pregnancy I was committed to trying for a VBAC, because there was no known reason why I hadn't progressed the first time.  I went into labor on my own, and was really optimistic that I could do it... and had the exact same result, except the second time I was in MUCH more pain.  Now I wish I'd just gone straight for the second C-section.  I feel kind of like an evolutionary dead end, if I can't have babies without surgical help, but apparently I can't, and I wish I'd just accepted that. 
    

    posted by : Elizabeth Reid on 3/31/2009 at 11:32 AM Flag For Abuse

17. My daughter was breech all the way through (I have a 'tipped uterus' and there was nowhere else for her to go).  Scheduled C, no problems, still breastfeeding 19 months later (oy).  
    My only regret? I was separated from her for an hour an a half while she was monitored, etc.  When they brought her to me in recovery I put her right on my breast and she nursed like a champ - but I really wish we hadn't been separated, it was the longest 90 minutes of my life.   My husband went with her but it's not being put on your chest right away. After reading some of the comments here it sounds like that with our next go around if we have a C-section we can request not being separated...I will definitely look into it.

    posted by : NoHo Mom on 3/31/2009 at 11:43 AM Flag For Abuse

18. I have no regrets or romantic pangs about not vaginally delivering. It would have killed me, maybe both of us. It was the best decision of my life. And it was magical.
    
    Sorry, I know that goes against the grain and I'm supposed to feel disenfranchised or some malarkey, but I don't, not one bit.
    

    posted by : mama of one big boy on 3/31/2009 at 11:50 AM Flag For Abuse

19. Every woman who has a home birth with a doula and a midwife is not an advocate for home birth.  Nor is she always holier-than-thou and judgmental. I had two home births. They were wonderful.  And should I choose to have a third - it'll will be a planned home birth so long as I am healthy - if we should end up transferring to a hospital or having a C out of necessity - so be it.
    
    However, I advocate for women to have the choice to give birth wherever she feels comfortable and is safe for her and her family.  Instead of complaining, "Why don't we all just get along?" I am personally pledging to be supportive of a woman's birth choice/plan or practice.  As others have stated above: the most important outcome is a healthy baby.

    posted by : choosey mom on 3/31/2009 at 11:51 AM Flag For Abuse

20. This isn't Bad Parent- this is Parent Making Hard Decision in Tough Situation. I do hope to have a natural, vaginal birth, and most C-sections are unnecessary (not just my belief, the WHO considers the US rate to be far too high).  But should I find myself in a situation where a C-section is needed, I'll readily head to the OR and pray for a quick and complete recovery, as parenthood isn't about choosing what we'd like, but making the decisions that are best for our children. And anon, the docs who choose C-sections may be doing so for reasons of convenience, as with a busy career, it's easier to schedule surgery, even with a longer recovery period, than to wait for an unpredictable labor that will likely have at least one false start. Are they Bad Moms? No, just busy ones. The only Bad Parents are those who make decisions that hurt their children for reasons of convenience or selfishness.
    

    posted by : someones mom on 3/31/2009 at 12:04 PM Flag For Abuse

21. @Naturalbirthrocks - I'm not really sure why you saw my post as whiny. I didn't mean to come across as that. But there is just a point where you don't want to have to explain yourself anymore. (Living in San Francisco, strangers will walk up to you and ask you about your birth experience. It just gets old after a while.)
    As far as talking about putting the wedding before the marriage, I was just agreeing to something the author stated. Sorry it came across as more whiny when I said it.
    
    And you really do not have to feel sorry for me. I have a beautiful baby boy who, along with his daddy, I love more than anything in the world. I couldn't ask for anything more. And my birth experience was amazing, hearing that beautiful cry. Of course I can never know what a natural birth feels like, but my experience was magical all the same.

    posted by : gpgirl on 3/31/2009 at 12:24 PM Flag For Abuse

22. Thanks for this cogent, honest essay. I too have never felt badly about my c-section. I think for many women the method of birth is very important. Others, like me, could care less about how the kids get here. It's like the focus on big fancy weddings - you can spend a lot of time and energy planning for a one-day event, or you can think about the years of marriage that lie ahead. Same way with birth: you can spend a lot of time and energy planning the birth, or you can focus on the child whom you'll have forever. It's fine that some women feel natural birth is very important. I just wish they didn't guilt-trip the rest of us.
    

    posted by : Laura Harger on 3/31/2009 at 12:30 PM Flag For Abuse

23. Also, "Natural birth rocks," natural birth doesn't so much "rock" if mother and baby wind up dead in the process.  There's no need to feel sorry for those of us who had c-sections; we wound up with living, healthy babies, and that's the whole idea, right?

    posted by : KnittyTzu on 3/31/2009 at 12:32 PM Flag For Abuse

24. @Shana, I think you are absolutely right about this being more prevalent in upper-middle class neighborhoods. When I see my parents, who live in a working-class neighborhood, nobody ever asks nosy questions. They usually just make a nice comment about the baby, or congratulate us, and that is it. In our neighborhood (which is definitely closer to upper-middle class) is where I get the nosier questions. There is definitely a huge difference.

    posted by : gpgirl on 3/31/2009 at 12:33 PM Flag For Abuse

25. GPgirl: I had to smile at your remark about living in San Francisco! I do, too - and when I was pregnant so many people stopped me on the street to ask how I was preparing for labor. A very freaky experience for this East Coast girl: seriously, a complete stranger, and male to boot, telling me to chant OM to "release my cervix?" Uh, thanks, buddy! Ended up in an emergency c-section, and no, OM wouldn't have helped a damned bit. But the end result was healthy happy baby and a mama who enjoyed a swift and easy recovery (seriously, recovery from a root canal was way harder for me) - and who cares about anything else?
    

    posted by : SFtoo on 3/31/2009 at 12:41 PM Flag For Abuse

26. Knittytzu: of course the point is to end up with a healthy baby and it is all about perspective.  I am an athlete who loves to challenge myself--sub 3 hour marathons, faster triathalon times and natural childbirth.  I viewed them all the same. For me, it was honestly more about that than about the hormones, etc, although that was part of it, I guess.  You CAN have a magical experience with a C-section (although since I never had one I would not know), but I know I would have been very disappointed and sa had it gone that way.  Would I love my child any differently?  Not for a second.  But when I hear of women not having the experience, I can't help but feel sad, mostly because for me, it was the most empowering, overwhelming, incredibly difficult athletic event of my life.  There is nothing else in the world to compare to it.  But like a marathon, I hardly expect every person to experience it.  But I do feel bad for people who haven't.  It is a natural high unlike anything else and I want to experience all the ones life has to offer.  So, yes.  I am sad for you in many ways.  But I am also happy for you that your baby is healthy.
    

    posted by : NaturalBirthRocks on 3/31/2009 at 12:48 PM Flag For Abuse

27. Hi, NaturalBirthRocks. I've run eleven ultramarathons to date, and I've had a c-section, too. For me, enduring enormous physical pain is an experience best left to the athletic realm. I didn't feel I had anything left to prove to myself in the "can I take this physical challenge?" department.
    
    But, y'know, I'm not "sad" for anyone who hasn't run an ultramarathon. Some people would rather walk or swim or, who knows, go fishing. It isn't my business, and I don't bother feeling sorry for them. They'll experience their own joys and challenges in other ways.
    
    And more to the point, I wouldn't go around saying, "I'm sad for you in so many ways" (your words) "because you've never run an ultramarathon." They'd think I was an ass. And you know what? They'd be right. I'm not sad for them. So don't waste time being "sad" for those who have c-sections. Sounds like condescension masking itself in empathy.
    

    posted by : run run run on 3/31/2009 at 1:00 PM Flag For Abuse

28. Great article and great to hear the comments from women who seem to have had similar experiences to my own.  After my son was born, I did feel guilty that I didn't actually push him out (I tried!).  But two years later, it's so insignificant a factor.  It didn't affect anything, bonding, breastfeeding, whatever.  And my recovery from the c-section was much easier compared to what I felt recovering from kidney donation surgery years before.

    posted by : Melissa Andrews on 3/31/2009 at 1:00 PM Flag For Abuse

29. run run run: I think you are an ass all on your own and you seem awfully sensitive about it for someone who purports to be so non-judgmental.  Clearly you have your own issues about the way your birth went.  This is why I find women so tedious and always prefer to hang with men.
    

    posted by : NaturalBirthRocks on 3/31/2009 at 1:12 PM Flag For Abuse

30. Thank you so much for this article!  It was so beautifully written.  I have had three cesareans myself and this article was many things that I have struggled to put into words over the years.  After my first cesarean I always said that my son's birth was my very first lesson as a parent, that it's not all in my control.  I have much respect for mothers who chose natural births, but I completely agree that there is at least some element of luck involved there as well.  I went through so much to bring my three beautiful children into this world. As we all do, regardless of their route of delivery.  So, while women should be well informed of their birthing options and supported in their choices, I think there can often be a fine line between that and casting some judgement, guilt, superiority, etc.  Many people have been lovely and supportive of my cesareans.  I do occasionally get someone who says "oh that's too bad" or something of the sort.  Basically, insinuating their sadness over my birth experience.  Or, I have gotten excessive questioning about my doctor, the hospital and the specifics of my labor.  Because surely I was taken advantage of or misled, right?  And you know, that kind of hurts a bit.  But that's life and there will always be someone who doesn't agree with or like my decisions.  Among the mothering community, I have found the support can be amazing and uplifting.  I have also found that it can be incredibly competitive, cut throat and judgmental across all issues.  It was great to read your article though and feel amongst kindred spirit.

    posted by : thankful on 3/31/2009 at 1:14 PM Flag For Abuse

31. NaturalBirthRocks: Ah, hit a nerve, I see. And you find women tedious? A revealing comment. No wonder you're sad.
    

    posted by : run run run on 3/31/2009 at 1:17 PM Flag For Abuse

32. run run run: Um...  of course you hit a nerve.  You called me an "ass" with basically zero provocation.  I am not really sure what response you were expecting. 
    
    And believe me, I am not sad.  Not at all.  I find women tedious because we sit around festering over stupid crap.  Grow up.  I cannot believe how much time we spend whining over so and so judging me and blah blah.  I do feel sad for you, but you know what, who cares?  If you were really happy, you would not have even taken the time to respond to me.  But you know what, I have never had a C-section, so you go ahead and be sad for me on that score.  Then we can call it even. 
    

    posted by : NaturalBirthRocks on 3/31/2009 at 1:23 PM Flag For Abuse

33. Please do go hang with men, then!
    

    posted by : HealthyBabiesRock on 3/31/2009 at 1:25 PM Flag For Abuse

34. Fantastic essay, and great feedback too. I had a scheduled c, my choice over a vaginal option that would have required forceps and a vacuum (because of eye damage, I was told not to push during labor). I don't want to say my c was a piece of cake, but it was easier than the abdominal surgery I had a few years earlier, and my son was healthy and fabulous. Honestly, with all the issues and work with actually raising children, why does it matter so much to so many about how they get here?

    posted by : Lyrehca on 3/31/2009 at 1:33 PM Flag For Abuse

35. Perhaps I am naive but I don't live in the US and have never heard of unnecessary elective c-sections. People actually schedule c-sections when they don't need them? Can I ask why? I thought it was a medical intervention in emergency situations? That sounds so bizarre to me.
    

    posted by : Grazia on 3/31/2009 at 1:35 PM Flag For Abuse

36. Absolutely agree that it doesn't matter how our children come into the world, it's what we do with them while they're here. For the record, my 'natural' birth was horrible, and I was traumatised by the event for some time. I wish it had been a more emotionally neutral experience, so it hadn't affected my relationship with my son. Over it now, but totally support everyone's own choice, whatever it may be. If the child is healthy there's no loss either way.

    posted by : jennylondon on 3/31/2009 at 1:35 PM Flag For Abuse

37. I had a crazy labor/birth experience with my first son and had to have and emergency C-Section. My male doctor (greatest in the world)said, " I can use suction to try to pull him out, but I'd hate to have to push the baby back in to get him out if it doesn't work." I said, "Cut me open".
    When I got pregnant the second time I didn't consider a VBac at all. My, different, male doctor suggested a VBac and I was terrified and the thought stressed me out. I transferred hospitals and got a new doctor, a woman, and she said no way to the VBac. She said she didn't want me to have to go through the whole crazy birth/labor deal just to end up having to have a c-section again.
    I was the best news, what a relief. I did trust my body, my babies were just to big for my frame.
    Also, I just have to say that healing from my c-sections for me, was super easy. I had two nights at home that were a little difficult to sit up by myself but after that, I just had to hold my stomach when I laughed.
    I'm okay with my c-sections, I don't feel like I missed out on anything by not having a vaginal birth.
    My sons are big, healthy and strong, that's all that matters.
    

    posted by : Tricia Honea on 3/31/2009 at 1:36 PM Flag For Abuse

38. I've never experience my water breaking naturally as both of my girls were always late and I had to be induced. I feel I'm missing out on the drama I've seen on TV. I did have natural births with both; 18 hours of labor with the first one and no drugs and I lasted about 4 before I demanded the epidural with the second. Birthing is different for all of us and we are nostalgic about some part of it. And Gpgirl, why in the world are you apologizing? Last time you check, did NaturalBirthRocks pay your mortgage or car note or read your son a bed time story? :-)

    posted by : globetrotter mom on 3/31/2009 at 1:45 PM Flag For Abuse

39. NaturalBirthRocks
    
    What I think run run run is getting at is that human experience is very subjective and there are many things that some people find amazing and wonderful that other people don't.  To "feel sad" for a person because they don't share your opinion about something -- in this case, natural birth -- is very condescending because it implies that you know better and your opinion about child birth is "right".
    
    It's the same way that religious fundamentalists "feel sad" for someone who hasn't found their god yet.  The implication is that you have superior knowledge about life.
    
    I KNOW that's not what you meant, but believe me, that's exactly how it comes across.
    
    Take my opinion for what it's worth to you.

    posted by : howyousayitmatters on 3/31/2009 at 1:51 PM Flag For Abuse

40. Er, my edited version of the post did not end up here as I had forgotten the password. I don't want to come across like an idiot. So I'm reposting!
    
    

    I've never experienced my water breaking naturally as both of my girls were late and I had to be induced. I feel I missed out on the drama of rushing to the hopsital that  I've seen on TV. I did have natural births with both, however. I was in labor for 18 hours with the first one and had no drugs; and I lasted about 4 hours before I demanded the epidural with the second. I had already experienced the "I am woman, hear me roar" moment. Birthing is different for all of us and we are nostalgic about some part of it. And Gpgirl, why in the world are you apologizing? The last time you checked, did NaturalBirthRocks pay your mortgage or car note or read your son a bed time story? :-) There. I'm done.

    posted by : globetrotter mom on 3/31/2009 at 1:54 PM Flag For Abuse

41. Thank you for taking the time to thoughtfully post, "howyousayitmatters." 
    
    You are right that me feeling sad for her is not meant as condescension and likening it to religious fundamentalism is pretty amusing as I often rail against that kind of thought.  That said, natural birth IS the way birth is intended to go and it was a transformative, amazing experience.  Those are just facts.  I thought and will continue to think that it is sad when people's birth plans go awry or if they don't get to experience the natural high of birth.   If I'd had a C-section, I would be saying the same thing.
    
    As I said before, I think people are too sensitive.  Really.  I am sure there is a whole lot about my motherhood that you could judge and I am sure you (or someone else) would.  But I don't care.  My kids, my choices, my life.  I am secure in confident in everything I do and if you feel sad for me that my kids eat twinkies, I can take it.  This is why I fail to understand why people are so sensitive.  If some granola, hippy mama asks me why I am not co-sleeping, I tell her the truth: I like my kids far away from me at night so I can screw in peace.  And guess what?  That usually shuts them right up. 
    

    posted by : NaturalBirthRocks on 3/31/2009 at 2:01 PM Flag For Abuse

42. Thanks so much for this article.  I am one who *wishes* she could have a home birth because I dislike hospitals that much and feel more comfortable in my own surroundings and think birth has become too medicalized etc etc.  But my body and my kiddo had other plans - 3 weeks prodromal labor, 36 hours hard labor (epidural after 24, not induced), dilated to 9 and effaced asymmetrically, kiddo's head got "pointy" and then, at hour 36.5, we had heartbeat issues.  It was emergency c-section time.  And it was the absolute best decision (or intervention) in my pregnancy.  When he came out, he had a cone head from trying to get out, though his shoulder was lodged against my pelvic bone...and he was 9.5 lbs when estimates had pegged him at 8.  He would have never made it had I continued to beg for more time to labor.  My OB respected my wishes as long as she could, but I am glad that she called for a C when she did and I recognized it is necessary, as did my husband.  And since I had an epi, I was awake for the birth and could feel the moment he was born (and it strangely enough did not hurt)!  That was magical.  Do I wish I could have held him immediately? Of course.  Did I appreciate that my husband could? Yes.  Would I put myself through that kind of a labor again? No.  I must say after such an experience I am somewhat relieved to have the option for a scheduled c with the next one.  Very large babies run in my family (and no other risk factors - no GD, we're all 5'6 or so and none of us are overweight, etc) and it is highly likely #2 will be huge as well.  My mom had 3 - all 9+ lbs - vaginally, but she now has bladder and bowel issues in part due to her vaginal deliveries. 
    And the Business of Being Born really made many women feel awful about themselves.  Enough with the competitive mommy-ing and labor-ing.  Women should not feel guilty about their bodies and births.  Some c-sections are unnecessary.  Many are certainly not. 

    posted by : profmom3 on 3/31/2009 at 2:14 PM Flag For Abuse

43. some of you ladies sound so crazy...lighten up.  enjoy your beautiful children, try not to judge others, and let go of all the baggage/defensiveness of childbirth....it's a miracle no matter what package it comes in.

    posted by : whoaeasynow on 3/31/2009 at 2:14 PM Flag For Abuse

44. For everyone who chooses, or are well-advised to have a C-section, for those of you who opt not to breastfeed, or for whatever reason find it does not work for you, great, good, you made the choices or took the advice that you felt was best for you and your baby.  For those of us who choose to go the "natural" route, just because we make different choices, it does not mean we judge you.  We live in a complex world with a lot of options available to us and we are all going to choose the one that makes the most sense for us at the time.  The "natural" camp is not necessarily thinking that you are making a bad choice - the need for people to endlessly defend themselves and their choices leads me to believe that you think you made a bad choice, and are trying to find some way to come to terms with it.  You do not have to justify your decisions to anyone; you're doing the best you can.  An older nurse who was teaching a prenatal class I attended when I was pregnant for my first said something I will never forget.  She said that it is normal for moms to need tell their birth story for the first few weeks after the baby is born, but when she hears a mom telling and retelling the birth story for months and sometimes years afterwards, she is concerned that there is still some unresolved trauma at play.  Wise words.

    posted by : Lisa Hale on 3/31/2009 at 2:25 PM Flag For Abuse

45. This shouldn't be in the "bad parent" column. I had two c-sections, and I don't feel like I need to explain or defend it, and neither should you! The point of birth, after all, is a healthy baby and a healthy mama. Whatever gets you there is beside the point, and no one's business but yours and your doctor's. I'm so sick of people asking me what kind of birth I had or wanting explanations. Next time, I'm going to ask them about their last hospital stay and all the gory details - maybe they'll get the hint?
    

    posted by : mamajess on 3/31/2009 at 2:49 PM Flag For Abuse

46. OK, am I the only one who thinks that NaturalBirthRocks is a teenage boy flaming on this post? The bitterness is just too great to be real.
    
    Dawn Crim, give it a rest.
    
    Like the posts suggest, the great majority of people do not judge. Unfortunately, when you have a newborn and are tired, the one person who comes up to you and judges you is what sticks. I'm glad to see most people accepting of each other!

    posted by : Laure68 on 3/31/2009 at 2:55 PM Flag For Abuse

47. Yes, I am a teenage boy as much as you are an early 40's yuppie mom who claims to be all non-judgemental, but still insists that your children eat only organic fruits and veggies, play with Waldorf dolls and do not associate with people of color unless it is in your yuppie, upscale park.  I am also guessing you had to do fertility treatments.  And are probably flat-chested and still sporting your stretch marks.
    
    Did I nail it?  Because you sure did.
    

    posted by : NaturalBirthRocks on 3/31/2009 at 3:01 PM Flag For Abuse

48. I had a C section because I wanted to. I scheduled it and coincidentally I went into labor the night before. My OB gave me the choice of my scheduled C at noon or doing a natural birth and he estimated the baby would be here by 10pm. I stuck with my plan and had my C-section. I have no regrets and do not feel I missed out on any motherly experience or fantasy birth scenario. I am happy I chose what was best for my son and I to meet.
    
    My only negative feeling about this experience was the reaction from the hospital staff, friends and even my OB. So my advice to anyone choosing this...do not expect support even by those who are to help in your recovery, everyone has an opinion just do not let that change yours.

    posted by : norcalmom on 3/31/2009 at 3:02 PM Flag For Abuse

49. (NaturalBirthRocks, surely there's something else you need to do today rather than patrol this thread for posts to do your pit-bull routine on? Seriously, lady. Contain your rage.)
    
    Fortunately most people are kind in real life. I've only gotten a couple of cockeyed glances when i mention my c-section. I don't think others care as much as we think they do.
    

    posted by : ulp on 3/31/2009 at 3:10 PM Flag For Abuse

50. People actually schedule c-sections they don't need? Not celebrities - but normal folks? I'm not judgmental about choices other mom's make - I've got enough to worry about with my own family without feigning concern for everyone else's! Still, this blows my mind. What's the point? Don't you feel like a total prima donna? I don't get why doctor's are even allowing people to opt into major surgery they don't need, if not for the payoff.
    
    I don't think I could respect a friend who would choose this. How irresponsible and strange.
    

    posted by : Lara on 3/31/2009 at 3:15 PM Flag For Abuse

51. This is a wonderfully written article, thank you!  I went into labor naturally, two weeks early.  Water broke, etc. and was in awful pain with the contractions, but had not dilated much.  I asked for the epidural and once it set in, I calmed down and began to dilate fairly quickly.  Unfortunately, my son's heartrate made the doctor nervous and after a lot of lying on my side, etc., he said we would have to do an emergency c-section.  I was 9 1/2 cm dilated and had thought I was well on my way to a vaginal delivery.  In the end, the umbilical cord was around my son's neck, which I understand is quite common.  I believe that my c-section may not have been medically necessary, but I think many practitioners are so nervous about medical malpractice that they frequently perform "emergency" c-sections at the sign of any problem.  Nevertheless, I don't regret my c-section.  I do not feel that I had any less of a birth experience.  I have a beautiful, healthy almost 2-year old son, who breastfed, bonded, etc., and that is what is most important! 
    
    But, now pregnant with #2 I am revisiting how I ended up in surgery and leaning towards trying for a VBAC this time around.  For me, the decision is more about how I will handle a toddler and an infant plus recuperate from major abdominal surgery than about the labor itself.   We'll see!
    

    posted by : runturtlerun on 3/31/2009 at 3:47 PM Flag For Abuse

52. Wow! I don't think I've ever seen this big a response to an article on here, especially within hours of it being posted.
    It makes me want to go into my long story of how I was brainwashed by the Bradley method and an incompetent midwife into having a horrible first birth that was almost fatal for me. Trust me, natural childbirth is not always transformative, magical, or empowering. Sometimes it leaves you with PTSD (literally).
    With my second child I honestly didn't care which way it went, and I had a normal, natural childbirth with no medication.
    Why do you think it is we're all so eager to discuss this? Maybe there should be a forum just for discussing birth stories. Maybe if we all had a chance to get it off our chests, we wouldn't be so hard on one another?

    posted by : whatif on 3/31/2009 at 4:05 PM Flag For Abuse

53. Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I didn't have an elective C-section (it was an emergency C done when my water broke at 37 weeks and the induction didn't work).  I felt so immensely guilty, that even almost 2 years after giving birth I still feel it - like I should have insisted on more time to dilate (even though it didn't happen over 16 hours), etc.  It didn't help when my milk never came in and I also had to formula feed - talk about a guilt double-whammy.
    
    I'm starting to find some sort of peace about the whole thing - and reading a piece like this helps.
    

    posted by : ah3v on 3/31/2009 at 4:11 PM Flag For Abuse

54. Yes!  You are so right about the fixation on birth rather than being a mom!  And the judgement being flung from one side to the other - ridiculous.  Good for you for choosing what was right for your baby's health and for listening to your doctor.  Sometimes I wonder how far we'll go in this new thinking. . . If we don't trust our doctors' opinions - why do we consult them in the first place?
    
    that girl
    http://heyyourememberme.blogspot.com
    
    

    posted by : THATGIRL595 on 3/31/2009 at 5:12 PM Flag For Abuse

55. I loved this article, and I love reading everyone's feedback.  There is nothing more discouraging then when someone meets my son and asks how much he weighed (because he looks 3 months old even though he's only 1 month)...and when I respond he was 10.5 pounds, they look at me as if I'm a "real woman", a true champion.  Then I have to explain that after 2 unsuccessful days of being induced, I had to have a c-section.  Their facial expression instantly reads, "oh, well then..."  And I then I'm feeling like a failure rather than a champion.
    It's the same when I respond that I'm not breast feeding because I'm on blood thinner and don't feel 100% comfortable with the risk of passing anything on to my child.
    At the end of the day - women just need to be supportive of every other mother's choices as long as they are caring for their children in a loving manor.  I can't remember if I've ever asked either of those two questions..."Did you have your baby naturally?" or, "Are you breast feeding?"  To me, that's as personal as asking someone if they get Brazilian bikini waxes or let everything run wild.
    
    
    

    posted by : Jaxer on 3/31/2009 at 5:46 PM Flag For Abuse

56. I think that the best thing a woman can do when she becomes pregnant is to educate herself regarding her options and then find a supportive doctor/midwife who is in line with those beliefs.  That way, when you are in a situation where you have a split-second to make a crucial decision, you can trust the person advising.  When you trust that what happened was what needed to have happened, you won't experience guilt but relief, as many of these women commenting have.
    
    What I worry about when I think about scheduled C-sections is the timing of when it is scheduled for-Often times the gestational age has been estimated and scheduling a section right at the due date can actually lead to sectioning a baby that isn't quite ready yet.  While laboring and then sectioning seems like the worst of both worlds, at least you know that your baby is ready to come out.  Also, if you tend to have respiratory problems in your family, than a vaginal birth can be better for the infant because the pelvis compresses the infant's lungs on the way out squeezing the last bit of amniotic fluid from them.  But, obviously, healthy and happy for both mom and baby is what's important.
    
    Regarding labor pain, I had horrible back labor that subsided with an epidural and felt fantastic after birthing my son.  I feel incredibly lucky that I was able to have a vaginal birth even though he was "sunny side up."  Some doctors would have pushed a section but I'm glad mine didn't-I can't imagine having to recover from a section at the same time as dealing with a new born.  Vaginal labor doesn't have to be screaming and swearing and pulling your husband's hair out as seen on tv. 
    

    posted by : EO on 3/31/2009 at 5:58 PM Flag For Abuse

57. Thank you so much for this article. I have two children born via c-section, the first very much unplanned and the second very much scheduled! Even before leaving the hospital with my first over nine pound baby I was chastised by a relative about consenting to the c-section too easily and not "trying harder" to deliver vaginally. She didn't know a thing about the circumstances of the birth, or the reason for the emergency c-section. Sigh. Its hard to shrug that stuff off repeatedly, but with every passing year less and less emphasis is placed on how they got here.
    

    posted by : scartissueisbeautiful on 3/31/2009 at 6:30 PM Flag For Abuse

58. Wow......touchy subject.  I had an elective C, and I mean purely elective on my part.  I did do my research and came to the conclusion that this was going to be my choice.  Best decision I have ever made.  I had no labor and very little pain after the C-section.  My little girl was 5 lbs and healthy and I could not have been happier with the outcome.
    
    People need to relax and quit judging....what may be the right choice for some may not be the right choice for others.
    

    posted by : Traci Eresov on 3/31/2009 at 6:37 PM Flag For Abuse

59. The hospital where I was would not do an elective c.  Are they covered by insurance? Because I was told that a vaginal birth ran around $5,000, and my unplanned csec was well over $10,000.  I don't mind needed csec's being paid for, but I do not care to subsidize an elective surgery out of my insurance, or to have them contribute to the rapid escalation of healthcare costs.  If someone elects it, and covers it out of pocket, though, then more power to her.

    posted by : EmmaVT on 3/31/2009 at 7:08 PM Flag For Abuse

60. what a fabulous article.  I've had every kind of birth -- epidural, home birth, and C-section.  All I can say is it is the best feeling to hold that baby after he or she is born -- regardless of how she came out!  This article captures the issues exactly.  Life never comes out as you plan...

    posted by : ms hazelton on 3/31/2009 at 10:49 PM Flag For Abuse

61. Wow. I can't believe people actually have elective c sections. If you can't be bothered to attempt to birth your child, perhaps you're not equipped to be a parent. Ick.

    posted by : Bridget on 3/31/2009 at 10:56 PM Flag For Abuse

62. Hey Bridget, don't forget all those men who don't bother to birth a child but still consider themselves parents. AS IF! Oh, and what about those really icky women who don't even bother to get pregnant? They just give homes to babies who don't have them. Obviously, they aren't equipped to be parents either.

    posted by : Really on 3/31/2009 at 11:12 PM Flag For Abuse

63. EmmaVT, elective C-sections are often covered by insurance, and as they are convenient and lucrative for docs, it probably wouldn't be hard to find a doc who would perform one that isn't medically indicated. In fact, medical indications are often created by the OBs themselves.
    
    

    posted by : someones mom on 4/1/2009 at 6:55 AM Flag For Abuse

64. "the idea that what matters most in a birth is your own experience of it. "
    
    
    there is no mother i know or have ever read about anywhere that has ever thought this.
    no mother, in her right mind, thinks that "what matters most" is the birth experience and that the baby is a secondary thought.
    
    show me one single mother who has EVER said this.

    posted by : ana voog on 4/1/2009 at 10:03 AM Flag For Abuse

65. Really, the issue with elective c sections is not the actual method of birth. Of course adoptive parents and fathers are equipped to be parents! What I find "icky" is the idea that the very first choice you make for your child, with an elective c, is about what is more convenient/less painful for you, not what is best for your baby. Of course this isn't true of all c sections. C sections can be life savers in emergency situations. But the idea of choosing major surgery you don't need just to avoid the pushing/tearing is mind blowing and seems very selfish.
    

    posted by : Bridget on 4/1/2009 at 10:24 AM Flag For Abuse

66. Bridget, What I find "icky" about your original comment, which seems to have been taken down, is that you decided that it was up to you to decide who was and wasn't equipped to be a parent. You can disagree with people's choices, but when you said that people who chose elective C sections weren't "equipped to be parents" you were saying that somehow you are in a position to judge who is and isn't qualified to be a parent. Perhaps you've changed your mind on this, and that's why you took the comment down.

    posted by : Really on 4/1/2009 at 12:33 PM Flag For Abuse

67. Actually the pain of a C section was remarkably over-rated. Yeah, sure, it's major surgery, but having my wisdom teeth out was way worse.
    
    I was in pain for about two weeks after, but the painkillers pretty much kept that at bay, and since then it's been plain-sailing, scar has faded away, no problems.
    
    The operation took all of 12 minutes, slight discomfort, tugging sensation, but easy, quick, practically pain-free, a little scary, but the paed and my gynae were amazing and my baby girl came into the world outraged as all hell, but with not even a whiff of complications or danger and was put onto my breast straight away in my WHO-approved baby-friendly hospital.
    
    The only disadvantage of caesarian was that I was drugged up and more fragile than I might have been if I'd had a drug-free labour, especially for the first 12 hours after the birth, when I was practically tied to the bed by tubes and catheters and my pain meds drip and the nurses had to bring my baby to me to breast-feed. But after the catheter came out, I had full (slightly limping) mobility and access to my kidling, who roomed in with me.
    
    So it's not NECESSARILY this terrible awful surgery that is going to debilitate you for many weeks and get in the way of bonding.
    

    posted by : Happy C on 4/1/2009 at 1:06 PM Flag For Abuse

68. >>Also, "Natural birth rocks," natural birth doesn't so much "rock"
    >>if mother and baby wind up dead in the process.  There's no
    >>need to feel sorry for those of us who had c-sections; we wound
    >>up with living, healthy babies, and that's the whole idea, right?
    
    And that's the problem here...  There is an assumption (a wrong assumption) that vaginal birth is risky and c-sections are safe.  If you look at the real research, you'll find that the mother is more likely to die if she has a c-section and the baby is more likely to die if born by c-section.
    
    Do not believe me, anyone else posting here, or your OB.  Do your own research & make your own decisions.  Here's some unbiased info...  http://www.childbirthconnection.org/
    
    C-sections don't rock if mother or baby wind up dead in the process either.

    posted by : Clownshoes on 4/1/2009 at 2:39 PM Flag For Abuse

69. I ended up need a csection after labor up to 10 cm ... I recovered very easily - easier than someone I know who gave birth vaginally around the same time.
    
    it's sad this is an issue and that people might make you feel bad for having to make this decision ...

    posted by : JR10 on 4/1/2009 at 3:09 PM Flag For Abuse

70. Are people even discussing this article anymore, or simply sharing their birthing stories.  Clearly this is a hot topic, considering the number of responses.  I think what the author is pointing out is that though each of us might have an idea of that the ideal birth is, you cannot always pick your own birth story.   There should be no judgement of mothers who do not give birth vaginally.  The bigger picture is what is important -- ending up with a healthy baby

    posted by : thestral on 4/1/2009 at 3:34 PM Flag For Abuse

71. Clownshoes - those statistics don't tell the whole story. Women who have c-sections have riskier pregnancies/births in the first place, so of course there are going to be more complications. 
    I don't think anyone is saying a c-section for no reason is safer. However, for some of us with certain complications, it was the safer choice.

    posted by : Laure68 on 4/1/2009 at 3:38 PM Flag For Abuse

72. As someone who had a stillborn son delievered naturally and a live daughter delievered via scheduled c-section, I can attest to this fact. The most important thing in the world is that at the end of it all, you have a healthy happy baby. How they get here, makes no difference at all.

    posted by : Greers Mum on 4/1/2009 at 5:00 PM Flag For Abuse

73. Why is this in BadParent??? This mother isn't doing anything to criticize - she is focused on having healthy babies no matter what way they enter this world. The health of the child is given a higher priority over feeling like there was a "successful" birth. How on earth is that wrong?
    
    I thought this article was going to be about scheduling a C-Section to have a specific birth date or before a big holiday or something.

    posted by : ChiMommy on 4/1/2009 at 5:37 PM Flag For Abuse

74. With my first child I labored for 24 hours, pushed for 2 hours and finally was rushed to a c-section after her heart stopped and my contractions faded.   We were both very lucky.  I would do it again in a minute.  I nursed her in the recovery room, walked down the hals with her the next day.  Sure I was sore but my tummy tuck 5 years later was much more painful.  I also like not peeing in my pants when I sneeze, having hemmorhoids and still enjoying sex as I did before unlike many of my friends. Most of all I like having my son with me unlike my neighbor who lost her son during her home birth.

    posted by : Cassio on 4/1/2009 at 8:48 PM Flag For Abuse

75. Statistics on the comparative risk of c-sections are skewed by anti-c-section zealots because they overlook the fact that a large portion of c-sections are performed in emergency situations because of natural births with complications. If you isolate scheduled c-sections, you would find that they are statistically extremely safe, probably the safest form of delivering a child.
    
    All of this piousness around natural birth is totally misplaced, and part of what scientists refer to as the naturalistic fallacy. Many natural things, like certain kinds of mushrooms, will kill you. Many unnatural things, like antibiotics, will save your life. Childbirth is among the most risky natural acts homo sapiens can engage in, because natural selection has selected for disproportionately big brains in our species for millions of years, and the advantages of having big brains have offset the comparatively high incidence of death during childbirth.
    
    Scheduled c-sections are on the rise, and they should be -- it's a perfectly rational decision that most likely lowers the risk of complications for both mother and child. Twenty years from now, the idea that people got up in arms about a women chosing an elective c-section will be looked at as barbaric.
    

    posted by : lets be rational on 4/1/2009 at 9:00 PM Flag For Abuse

76. What a wonderful article!  I can't wait to read your books.  Seriously, thanks for it.
    

    posted by : Susie Felber on 4/1/2009 at 9:27 PM Flag For Abuse

77. Jeez, I thought I had my mind made up about C-sections, but after reading the article and some of the comments... I've had 2 kids, a 5 hour labor with the first, less than 3 with the second. While I'm glad that I didn't have any crazy 40-hour labors or anything like that,  arriving at the hospital 20 and 40 minutes before one's child is born, and before the midwife, is its own brand of terror, as I haven't wanted my children to be born in cars! (Nor does my husband want to deliver them!) Now that I'm pregnant with my third, I'm worried that this kid is going to fall out. Or that my poor toddlers will be traumatized by an unplanned home birth. I'm pretty sure that I won't risk a C-section and the recovery time (I'll have 3 under 3) since I've had two safe vaginal deliveries so far, but at this point, scheduling would solve so many logistical problems! (getting to the hospital, finding a babysitter for the kids, etc) Also, that way I could make sure that #3 isn't born on Child 2's 2nd birthday! =)

    posted by : ChiLaura on 4/2/2009 at 4:15 PM Flag For Abuse

78. ChiLaura, have you considered induction? It's not risk-free, but it often carries less risk than an induction. And I don't think your toddlers will be traumatized by their mom giving birth, if you stay calm and explain (as best you can), in advance that you're having a new baby, and that the baby will come out of your body, etc. Being prepared and staying calm will signal to your little ones that this isn't a problem, just their new bro or sis's first birthday.
    And "let's be rational"? I hope your post was an April Fool's joke, as you've got to be on something to think that major surgery should be preferred over a natural process for healthy women and babies. Choking and vomiting pose hazards when eating- should we skip oral intake of food in favor of taking all nourishment by IV? C-sections can be a Godsend when needed, but most women can and should deliver the way God intended.
    

    posted by : someones mom on 4/3/2009 at 11:36 AM Flag For Abuse

79. Oops- I meant to say that induction often carries less risk than a C-section. It doesn't always work, but it's less invasive than major abdominal surgery.
    

    posted by : someones mom on 4/3/2009 at 2:37 PM Flag For Abuse

80. "The way God intended"? Uh, if "God" had his thinking cap on straight, we wouldn't be bipedal mammals with very large craniums and thus destined for births that are difficult in comparison to those of other mammals. Let's leave religion out of the picture; the discussion is contentious enough.

    posted by : Darwin on 4/3/2009 at 3:43 PM Flag For Abuse

81. lets be rational-

    The “natural” to which you’re referring is a state that never existed and never will.  How many women that talk about “natural birth” or who feel that birth is a safe process overall have no contingency plan for seeking medical assistance if needed?  That's a very polemic view you have there... who is really that all or nothing?

     

    I do enjoy your appeal to tradition. Women in the United States traditionally give birth in the presence of doctors.  Couple that with the appeal to authority--specifically medical authority—and you have a fallacious double-doozy to justify the medicalization of the birth process.  If a doctor says it’s necessary or best, then it’s best.  And hey, it’s what we do in this culture.  Authority and tradition.

    posted by : Sarab on 4/3/2009 at 9:16 PM Flag For Abuse

82. Big picture for everyone—many women challenge c-sections for the women who don’t want them or are forced into them by lack of options.  VBACs are banned in most hospitals in this country or women are given a bait and switch…“Sure you can have a vaginal birth.  I shall grant you a trial of labor IF ____."  On top of it, out-of-hospital midwifery is illegal in half of the states, so it’s unassisted, illegally assisted or off you go for your repeat section. Or show up at 9 centimeters and get screamed at that vaginal birth will kill your baby as you push your baby into the world. Women are often goaded into scheduling primary c-section for B.S. reasons for which there is no evidence to back their doctor’s claim that their birth will be unsafe.  

     

    If another woman is really hell-bent on making someone give birth vaginally, they’re operating from a different paradigm and need therapy-- it's creepy.  However, by letting others know that they have the option to refuse an unwanted c-section, there is nothing there implying that it should be done—only letting others know that it can be done.  It’s easy to project our insecurities about ourselves and our own lives onto some invisible anti-[insert whatever] brigade.  Then “they” are responsible for our frustrations in life.  The oppressive, sanctimonious vaginal birth women are coming!  OMG!  Aren't they awful?!  They had really positive vaginal birth experiences and they share them with others.  It must be to try to make everyone else feel bad.
    
    Please.

    posted by : Sarab on 4/3/2009 at 9:24 PM Flag For Abuse

83. Sarahb, I've heard a woman told that she had to have a c-section by her doc b/c she was "short". As if height had anything to do with one's pelvic capacity.
    And Darwin? Please evolve some manners for yourself. Thank you.
    

    posted by : someones mom on 4/3/2009 at 9:58 PM Flag For Abuse

84. Manners? I'm not the one bringing God into the picture, lady. Mind your own tongue and check your own preachiness.

    posted by : darwin on 4/3/2009 at 10:28 PM Flag For Abuse

85. "If another woman is really hell-bent on making someone give birth vaginally, they’re operating from a different paradigm and need therapy-- it's creepy.  However, by letting others know that they have the option to refuse an unwanted c-section, there is nothing there implying that it should be done—only letting others know that it can be done."
    
    Well said, SarahB. But how do you inform people that there are other options without bumping into their insecurities? I've been told by a number of women that they "didn't have enough milk" to bf, for example, and I had no real reply for that, even though I knew that such was rather unlikely. I didn't want them to feel guilty for listening to their docs, but I know that I would have wanted to know the truth about milk supply. Similar issues come up for primary C-sections for issues like being "short" or labor taking just a bit longer than average, repeat C-sections for a reluctance to allow VBAC at all , induction for many postdates (in healthy pregnancies, there's little reason to induce at 41 weeks, yet it often happens), etc. Any solution to these problems will have to start with not guilt-tripping mothers for every parenting decision, and affirming that most women's bodies work properly, and can be trusted to get through life with limited interference. God willing, we'll get there sometime soon.

    posted by : someones mom on 4/4/2009 at 11:45 AM Flag For Abuse

86. I never felt that that birth was an "experience"--I just looked forward to the end result, meeting my baby.  I literally had to psyche myself up just to watch an episode of "Baby Story" without going into a panic about the inevitable end to my pregnancy.  I was terrified as childbirth came closer and closer...I almost had an emergency C with my first, but as someone commented above, I had chosen my OB based on our shared views of pre-natal care and delivery (my OB and his partners will not schedule a C without medical necessity).  Fortunately, I was able to delivery vaginally as my doc was not in a hurry to cut me open if it wasn't necessary (baby in distress, but she stabilized before they had me prepped in the operating room).  I've delivered 3 children now, all vaginal, but still never looked forward to the "experience" that did not pertain to my babies health and happiness. 
    
    I must comment on, however, to those who accuse others of having "insecurities" about their c-sections.  By using the language "insecurity" you are implying that those who have had them are unhappy about their choices.  Just because someone defends their choice does not mean they are ashamed or guilt ridden.  If that is not your intention, please review your posts for language that may be construed as judgemental.  Also, to another poster, I don't want to get into a war about breastfeeding, but it is absolutely possible that a woman does not have enough breast milk to sustain her child--quite common actually.  (and before I am accused of being defensive, I have been able to bf all 3 of my kids).  But I have plenty of friends who have struggled with it--it is not laziness or lack of committment to their babies--it is medically impossible.  I do not care what the LLL says, it is not all about supply and demand. 
    
    How the baby comes out of the womb, or what it eats, is not nearly as important as having a happy, healthy mom and baby. 
    

    posted by : justgetitoverwith on 4/5/2009 at 12:05 PM Flag For Abuse

87. I never had a c-section, but I really liked this article. I could never understand the big deal about the whole "birth experience".My babies arriving safely is what was the most important to me, how exactly they got here was far less important. The truth is, though the natural birth fanatics hate to admit it, is that there ARE advantages to c-sections. The fact that many many OBGYNs chose an elective C-section for themselves over a natural birth is testament to that. If your birthing experience being as natural as possible is important to you, great, just please leave off judging everyone else.

    posted by : enough already on 4/5/2009 at 4:31 PM Flag For Abuse

88. Wow, whenever I feel the need to get snippy, I just read these postings and it makes me realize how unattractive and mean-spirited some responses are.  I was out for dinner the other night where we had a discussion with 2 different opinions based on 2 different perspectives and experiences (a mental health nurse and an ER doctor discussing how mental health patients are regarded at the local ER).  I found it rather interesting that these 2 folks actually listened politely to each other, respectfully shared their experiences and took the opportunity to learn another perspective on a complex issue.  How mature and adult is that??  Do you think the difference is the face to face interaction?  Professional attitudes?  Maturity?  Or just old fashioned respect for others?

    posted by : curious on 4/6/2009 at 1:16 PM Flag For Abuse

89. I read this article days ago and keep coming back to the comments. I can't believe how nasty some people are being to others. 
    I had a c-section. And I do feel guilty and sad. I have a beautiful, healthy, happy, thriving nine-month-old, but whenever the subject of birth comes up I feel sick. I wonder what I could have done differently... if I really did everything I could to avoid surgery. 
    My recovery was horrible. Right after the surgery my body twitched uncontrollably for two hours. The nurses said it was a side effect from some of the medication used in surgery. Another side effect... vomiting. My partner held my beautiful boy up for me to see but all I could see was his little face since he was swaddled and had a hat on. I couldn't hold him, I was too afraid I would drop him since my muscles were twitching so violently. Throughout the pregnancy I had dreamed of pulling this little person up to my chest to meet him, skin to skin, and breast feeding right away. Needless to say, this didn't happen.
    Nine months later and I'm still recovering, both physically (since my scar is still sensitive) and emotionally. 
    I agree with so many who have posted hear, encouraging us not to judge one another. It is so, so, so important that we hear one another's stories so that we can be better advocates for ourselves and each other. I'm glad so many of you had positive c-section experiences, but you can't pretend that the bad experiences don't exist. 
    You're right, the most important part of the labor is a healthy end for mom and baby, just like the most important part of the wedding is the happy marriage. But I don't think that means that women should stop dreaming about, planning for, and hoping to have just want they want for either, regardless of what that means for them. 

    posted by : anonymom on 4/6/2009 at 8:46 PM Flag For Abuse

90. You put into words something that has been hard for me to articulate, our stories are quite similar and we are obviously not alone from all the comments! I fully agree that the end result of a healthy baby is what is important, and sometimes it doesn't happen the way we envision it.
    'The Business of Being Born' is worth watching. It is interesting the different perspectives. One commenter of your essay watched and felt she needed to go through labor and not have a C-section while I watched it an thought all home birthing moms were kind of....nutty and selfish. I KNOW that is judgmental and sorry about that. I know people have reasons for their choices. It is worth mentioning that I am an MD myself so of course I brought that bias. But....you can be across the street from the hospital and if you have a prolapsed cord, the baby is gone. Is that really worth it? I just don't think so. I won't argue that our highly medicalized birthing style in the US sometimes leaves something lacking but the interventions are almost always done with health and safety of the mom and baby in mind.
    Great article, great writing. 
    
    
    
    

    posted by : RPMD on 4/6/2009 at 9:02 PM Flag For Abuse

91. Anonymom, have you contacted ICAN? They do offer support groups for women who've had a rough time with a C-section, or an unneeded one.
     And RPMD, you know better than I that as many problems as docs solve, they can also cause a number of them,  including cord prolapse. And midwives are trained to prevent and resolve cord prolapse- perhaps you're not familiar with the range of skills midwives must acquire. Hospitals and doctors play vital roles in helping some women safely deliver healthy babies- but they are not perfect, nor are they suitable in their current state for every birth.
    

    posted by : someones mom on 4/7/2009 at 3:00 AM Flag For Abuse

92. anonymom--I feel for you.  You made the best decision you could at the time, I hope you are able to eschew the guilt you are feeling.  Your body will heal in time...Whenever you feel sad, just look at your beautiful, healthy baby and know that your c-section will make no difference in the love and bonding you will have for a lifetime. 
    
    Before I chose my OB, I did go to a midwife.  She told me not to eat fruit as it was "nature's candy", even though I expressed to her it was the only thing that I could keep down at the time (all day nausea).  I had actually lost 6lbs instead of gaining weight and she discouraged me from eating what worked...She discourages all mothers from having epidurals during labor, didn't want me to gain more than 25 lbs, discouraged me from drinking any caffeine at all, or even taking a Tylenol for the horrible headaches I was having.  She made me feel that pregnancy was debilitating and should consume every aspect of my life.  What threw me over the edge was when she expressed that she had more knowledge than an MD...Maybe she was extreme, but I felt that the last statement was dangerous thinking and she may have empowered herself in ways that could potentially do me or my baby harm due to her inflated ego.  She made me feel as though my pregnancy was not my own, but rather, that I had a duty to fulfill HER expectations and not make my own decisions.  Not a good fit for me.
    
    I chose my MD after seeing 2 others because his first statement to me was that "pregnancy is not an illness, women have babies every day."  I truly believe that MD's are just more competent--they don't have that many years of school, residency, and practice without learning something.  Midwives may have experience delivering babies, but MD's have comprehension of the entire body and, I feel, are more equipped to deal with complications (as the MD above stated).  Of course they are not infallible, but IMO, they have more knowledge than midwives.  I felt much more empowered to make my own decisions rather than having a midwife dictate to me what I should and should not do.  I find it difficult to swallow that a midwife can prevent problems that an MD can't. 
    

    posted by : justgetitoverwith on 4/7/2009 at 10:23 AM Flag For Abuse

93. justgetitoverwith, it sounds like you had a crappy midwife and an awesome doc. Bravo for your doc, and perhaps you may want to let folk know about the crappy midwife, so they can steer clear of her. But know that most midwives are better trained than that, and that she's not typical of her profession. As far as being more knowledgeable, there are crappy docs and crappy midwives, but all things being equal, the midwifery model suits women who prefer fewer interventions and greater autonomy, and the obstetric model suits women who prefer the greater availability of drugs and sophisticated machinery. When adequately trained, both docs and midwives can prevent and/or resolve a wide range of complications, and midwives have taught docs a thing or three about resolving certain complications. Docs, on the other hand, can perform major surgery, and if surgery's what you need or want, a midwife can't provide that. I'm definitely not anti-doc, as my sister would not be alive today without them. But for a healthy pregnancy, sending in the medical equivalent of the SWAT team isn't generally called for.
    

    posted by : someones mom on 4/7/2009 at 11:41 AM Flag For Abuse

94. Anonymom, just so you know, I had a lot of similar problems from a natural childbirth. I was dedicated to natural childbirth, went 42 1/2 weeks so that I could go into labor naturally, did hte first 36 hours drug free, then finally had pitocin and 4 hours after that an epidural. Eventually my daughter was born with the help of a vacuum, but then I had a retained placenta and hemorraged.
    I could not hold my daughter after her birth because I had lost so much blood and was so weak, and still trying to deliver my placenta. I couldn't get out of bed for 24 hours because of the blood loss. 
    Six months after the birth I had to have surgery to correct the midwife's sewing job!
    My point is just that all these beautiful, natural moments we dream of don't always happen, even if you have natural childbirth. 
    I had a bad midwife, but I'm constantly amazed that no one else seems to admit that those of us who choose natural childbirth don't all jump out of bed, with child attached to breast ready to take on the world! 

    posted by : anonymom2 on 4/7/2009 at 1:56 PM Flag For Abuse

95. anonymom2,
    I'm so glad you mentioned that.  I just witnessed most of my own sister's homebirth and was not impressed with her midwives either.  Not just because I'm more medically inclined but because they really seemed incompetent. And she couldn't get out of bed for about 2 weeks either.  The recovery instructions were that of a c section mom not a natural birth mom. 
    The whole "experience" was nothing I thought it would be or thought I would envy.  I dreaded the day because I knew that that would never happen for me (homebirth or natural) and I can not express how UNevnious I am at this time. 
    My children's birth stories are very similar to most of those who have posted.  I envisioned delivering natural and even argued with a family member about her being in the room at the time of delivery.  Well come to find out I just don't progress very well (walking, shower, squatting, etc didn't help) and after 24 hours we were exhausted.  My son was born via c section weighing  9.15 lbs and couldn't have been healthier.  My husband couldn't have been more proud.  I tried for vbac with my second (my doc was very encouraging, gasp!) I was even worse at dilating this time around, chose a section, he was born at 38 weeks weighing 9.5 lbs.  My 3rd we just scheduled a section.  BTW, my husband had a choice in the matter as well, those are his children and I am his wife. 
    I never really felt bad about my experiences until my sister's homebirth/ anti-medical/crap started to happen.  I honestly felt like I hadn't really "tried" like I had let nature take it's course but even in doing that I still hadn't done enough.  Like I had handed over my choices to some one else.  Ugh, what a horrible feeling.  I felt as if I had done it to my self and here she's NOT going to let that happen to her.  I actually felt like she was stronger, braver, smarter and more in control of this event.  Well, now after seeing it all unfold at the house I just can't express how selfish, reckless, strange, unnecessary it all seemed to me.  I know, it's her experience and if it was what she wanted then so be it.  See, I already know what the natural, homebirthing community will say because I've been dealing with it for 41/2 years, so please, don't try to educate me further.  Maybe she had really incompetent midwives and some elses' was just the bomb, but you can save that too because this was way too personal for me.  She is my sister and that was my niece.  If any thing would have gone more wrong than it already did your response would be "man, that stinks, how awful" but my life would forever be changed and that of her other 5 kids.
    To those still struggling with guilt, grief (loss of an envisioned dream), etc.  I have lived 10 years in that place.  I have resented my body, my husband and even my extra large babies, the "what if's" had moved in to my head.  I have wasted sooo much time and energy over something I can never change or try to reclaim (we are not having any more children) and for what??  An experience??  I have my experience.  My boys were born, they are healthy, I was able to nurse all of them, I homeschool 2 of them, I love them.  Just as a side note: My girlfriend saw my husband as he brought our first son to our family just after he was born and she says that she has never seen a man more proud (not even her own husband) than him and will never forget the look on his face, and that was 10 years ago.  I am so thankful for that vision, and carry with me all the time.  What a special moment in time.  The birth of my children, and I have allowed other's to rob me of MY "experience" as if it wasn't good enough.  Those are my children and some want to take their birth's and make them out to be second class.  Not any more.  It will not happen anymore. 
    I had a woman open my eyes about 2 months ago and it was completely unrelated to this topic but it fit and I needed it.  She reminded the class I was in that we live in a fallen body (I'm not trying to get religious but it is a fact).  Our bodies are not perfect.  As soon as she said that I was free.  This notion that if we just allow our bodies to do what it's born to do, it will just do it, is not only wrong it is not possible for EVERY body.  Our bodies are amazing, complex and beautiful, but they are flawed and will not do what you want it to do all of the time.  Women get breast/ovarian/uterine/cervical cancer everyday, people die from lung cancer who have never smoked, children get leukemia.  How do you explain these betrayals?? You can't.  Our bodies are not perfect and they may not do what they're expected to do even in the most natural of circumstances.  I finally figured it out that some women just live in a body that can do what it's suppose to do for that purpose and some women live in bodies that will want to do something else.  I live in that type of body.   I'm just grateful that I live in a time that when my body chose otherwise I was able to have as safe a delivery as possible and come out on the other side alive and with a beautiful baby.  
    I know this post is long, forgive my rambling, but I just had to respond.  I hope my experience helps some one else some day.   
    

    posted by : momof3babes on 4/8/2009 at 11:20 AM Flag For Abuse

96. When my 4 year old was born, he was 6 weeks premature.  I had high blood pressure at the start of my pregnancy, and even after we got it under control, I still developed Pre Eclampsia.  After being induced, having my water break, someone upping my pitocin so my contractions were coming every minute while I was still only 4 cm dilated, and then my son's heart rate dropping dangerously during each contraction, I was told we were having a c-section.  My husband wanted a second opinion because he felt that we were being rushed.  I told them to go right ahead and do it.  My preemie was 4 lbs. 5 oz. and alive. I wasn't able to hold him for 18 hours after the surgery as was whisked away to the NICU.  He spent 10 days in the NICU and after I was discharged I could only visit after my husband came home from work because I couldn't drive.  The only issues I had with my c-section was the fact that my son was still in the hospital.  It was completely distressing to go through the 8 1/2 months of pregnancy and not come home with a baby.  Standing in line at Target picking up some things for him, a woman who over heard my mother and I talking lectured me on the fact that if I had delivered naturally I wouldn't be having all the issues I was.  I was devastated!  Who was this person to judge me after what I had gone through to give birth? The guilt was immense.  Even after I explained to her what had happened, with my mom telling the woman it was non of her business, she still told me that a c-section was wrong. 
    After a long period of going over everything in my head, I had an epiphany.  I looked at my beautiful, healthy, perfectly normal baby one day and dicided that people like that woman are just nosey busy bodies that can't live their lives happily if they can't make other people miserable.  My son is alive today because my doctor took the initiative to put his health before my birth plan. 
    
    My daughter was born in October of 2007 via c-section at 38 weeks.  It was elective and scheduled.  With my health issues my doctor was afraid to let me go naturally.   I had quick recoveries with both my children, and if I had to do it again I would.  Going natural would have been prefered but a c-section for me was the right way to go, both times.
    

    posted by : MamaLovebug on 4/8/2009 at 12:14 PM Flag For Abuse

97. Having a natural birth with midwife (in a hospital) was the most wonderful and least painful route for me personally. (Recovery was a breeze, too. In fact, I had virtually nothing to recover from--no tearing, no stitches, just a little soreness which was gone in two days). I think the C-section rate is out of control in the United States and countless friends of mine, all in their 20s, have had emergency C's for reasons I find unconvincing. While I don't think someone is a bad or good mother based on how they choose to give birth, I think people need to become more educated and aware on this topic. The US has horrible statistics for fetal and maternal morbidity, and a way higher C-section rate than recommended by the WHO. I don't believe American women are any different than women in other European countries who have far lower C-section rates. Sorry, just not convinced. And I don't think articles like this really help enlighten anybody...
    

    posted by : newmommy on 4/8/2009 at 5:28 PM Flag For Abuse

98. Sarab said: “It’s easy to project our insecurities about ourselves and our own lives onto some invisible anti-[insert whatever] brigade.  Then “they” are responsible for our frustrations in life.”

     

    This is the core of a lot of the comment threads we see about birth and motherhood, don’t you think?  Birth, breastfeeding, staying at home with kids… whatever.  The very title of this story “I’m not sorry I didn’t have a natural birth” says to me that there would be some reason, however unjustified, that someone thinks she should feel sorry.  To whom is she defending her decision and why?  I trusted my doctor and I'm not sorry about it... who said you should feel sorry about it?!  Other articles pull out the "I bottlefed and I'm not sorry about it" sentiment.  Again, who said you should feel sorry about it?  Perhaps you doth protest a bit too much?

     

    I’m not sure if projecting insecurities is how I see it.  More like people internalize or create what they think would be an ideal, then when they don’t live up to their ideal for whatever reason or life takes a different turn, they attack others who they think did live up to that ideal or attack the ideal itself.  It’s a way of coming to terms with the way life played out-- a coping mechanism.  In this article, the author seems to come to terms with consenting to what sounds like a very medically necessary elective repeat cesarean by dismissing the desire or promotion of vaginal birth as a narcissistic folly.  Do you think I'm reading it incorrectly?

     

    A bunch of people think this comment thread is nasty.  Seriously?  This is mild.  I’ve seen some seriously heated discussions and wondered if the internet would break as a result.  This ain’t nothin’.

    posted by : Narcissistic Vaginal Folly on 4/10/2009 at 6:08 PM Flag For Abuse

99. I had a c-section because my little girl was breech..however....i would not have wanted to have her natrually because upon having her we discovered  that she was 10 lbs 12 oz.....OUCH!!! There is no shame in having a  c-section, for whatever reason.

    posted by : mommy717 on 4/12/2009 at 12:40 AM Flag For Abuse

100. Can't we all just get along? Seriously - as a woman, watching all this in-fighting is embarrassing, not to mention frustrating. We're each other's worst enemies and it should SO not be this way.When did parenting and childbirth become a competitive sport?I'm reading the best book right now, that wonders that very question. It's called PREGNANT PAUSE. The writier, Carrie Friedman, wrote an article for Newsweek a few years back about some of her fears about becoming a parent, and some crazy nutjob wrote to her and told her she hopes she dies in childbirth. So Carrie wrote Pregnant Pause. You all should check it out. A-mazing.

     posted by : Sarah Keller on 4/13/2009 at 5:18 PM Flag For Abuse

101. the issues here shouldn't be c-section vs. natural birth, imo.  It should be what is 'informed consent?'  31.8% of women are having c-sections in the US.  Many of those women don't NEED one.  It's not emergent.  Seeing as it is major surgery, patients should be informed of ALL risks, and that is not the case in most situations.  And how about those woman that trust their docs only to have them put them through pitocin for no good reason (broken waters and slow labor with baby doing fine is not a good reason), an epidural because the pain is too great from the pitocin, upping the pit because the epi slowed it down, baby having heart rate issues because of too much pit, then 'needing' a c-section because of all the interventions in the first place?  And yes, natural birth can go wrong too, so I'm not saying it's without risks.  I'm saying that women should have access to the best mother/baby friendly care possible.  VBACs should be supported.  Letting a mother birth as normally (up and moving, eating, drinking, relaxed, pain management as necessary, minimal monitoring) as possible unless there is an emergency should be supported.  Birth for low-risk pregnancies shouldn't be subjected to over management and are not emergencies waiting to happen.  OBs should work side-by-side with midwives so women can feel safe regardless of where they choose to birth.  OBs should be respected as the surgeons they are and midwives (all kinds) should be respected as the normal birth specialists that they are.  Docs should tell the truth and not use fear and bullying to get the result they want.  All care providers should treat the mother like a person to be respected and should listen to her wants and honor her.  And women should stand up for themselves if a CP hurts them or puts them through hell for no reason.  We are consumers and CP aren't telling us the truth.  If you want a c-section, fine.  Just know what the risks are.  If you want a home birth, fine, just know what the risks are.

     posted by : adjm on 5/5/2009 at 8:59 PM Flag For Abuse

102. You want the ugly honest truth?  I will be having an elective c section because I'm not taking any chances with my vagina being destroyed during labor.  Yes, I know the chances are small, but you really don't know if you'll have no tearing, a 1st degree tear, or a 4th degree tear until it's really too late...  To me, a bad outcome down there would be devastating, and I'm not willing to take the chance.

     posted by : NotTakingTheChance on 7/25/2009 at 3:41 PM Flag For Abuse