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Loved this! I grew up without a TV until age 10, at which point we watched no more than 30 minutes per day and a love of reading had already been instilled. Sometimes it was a hassle, but even then, and especially in retrospect I really appreciate that we didn't have a TV. We do own a TV right now with our 3 y/o and 18 m/o. (We love baseball too much to get rid of it!) The kids used to watch 30 minutes, maybe an hour a day; now that I'm pregnant and sick, it's bloated to closer to 2 hours, sometimes more (though the baby does nap for a large portion of this, which is the only thing that keeps me from feeling like a terrible mother!). I know that when I'm feeling better their TV-time will shrink again, but I get tired of hearing the elder ask if he can watch a show and I dread the whining when the number of shows is drastically reduced! My goal, I guess, is that by the time the kids are reading age, the TV is only on for baseball or maybe one special show a day. Growing up as I did, I know that it's possible (books on tape/CD are great!). I envy you not needing this crutch right now, as I do! I don't feel that you're judging me, and I'm thankful that someone is showing that TV-free is possible these days too.
Oh, and kefir is really good. Great for smoothies. You should try it. =)
posted by : ChiLaura on 5/7/2009 at 9:04 AM Flag For Abuse
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Kate,
Impressive writing--you managed to write an entire essay about how nonjudgemental you are, in a judgemental, patronizing tone.
I suspect that many of the "playground mommies" are doing exactly what ChiLaura above is doing: saying that they aren't huge fans of TV either, but that they haven't 86ed it altogether like you have. Just making conversation about the topic at hand: kids and TV.
posted by : Allison Shell on 5/7/2009 at 10:05 AM Flag For Abuse
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TV free is possible. We actually own a tv set, but don't have cable and in this neck of the woods that means we don't watch tv. We have it to watch movies and (here's our guilty pleasure) we get cable for the month of July to watch the Tour de France. My 2 year old is a reader already and I do attribute that to his non-tv exposure. The times we have sat him in front of a Sesame Street UTube clip have shown us the glory of a child entertained by someone other than ourselves, but we know that for our family no tv is best.
Both my husband and I grew up with tv's going all the time. Heck, my dad was a tv repairman! So our no tv thing is new to us and I love it. This is what works best for our family so we are going to continue it. I am sure we will get the "You don't love me" at some point, but I am sure we will get it for many other decisions we make.
I guess the bottom line is, I get to parent my way and you get to parent yours. Unless one of us is putting our child in danger, we don't get to judge.
posted by : ashersmom on 5/7/2009 at 10:25 AM Flag For Abuse
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I feel the same way about being a vegetarian... as soon as it comes up in conversation people get instantly defensive. It's weird how a personal choice can make others get so upset so easily...
posted by : anonymously on 5/7/2009 at 10:36 AM Flag For Abuse
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We don't have a TV, and haven't had one for years. We're contemplating getting one for DVDs since the laptop is acting up while playing them lately. But while I've encountered wild eyed stares and utter disbelief, I've never seen anyone get defensive about their choices over it. People seem to forget about this 'oddity' really quick, even our closest friends. "Hey, did you see that commercial where...." or "That reminds me of the episode when ___ don't you think?" Ummmm, nope. Sorry! I'm an avid reader as well, but my husband is not. We're outdoors people in good weather, and DVD watchers/chefs/organizers in bad weather. Works out well, and I think we have more family time (and scrumping time wink wink) because of it. Cable rots my brain, and I will let it for hours on end if its available. Its like not bringing cookies or chips into the house. Cuts temptation. This damn internet on the other hand....
posted by : eringremlin on 5/7/2009 at 10:43 AM Flag For Abuse
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This is very interesting. I didn't have a TV for years, and only got one to watch movies on DVD. Nobody gave me a hard time about not having a TV, though. Or maybe I wasn't paying attention, who knows. (My TV free days were before becoming a parent, so that is probably one reason nobody really cared.)
The funny thing is, my parents are TV addicts, and I grew up with the TV on constantly. I think part of my dislike to TV comes from that.
btw, I really enjoyed this essay. I totally agree that each parent needs to do whatever to get through the day.
posted by : Cali mom on 5/7/2009 at 11:44 AM Flag For Abuse
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We just moved and decided not to sign up for cable. I admit it had nothing to do with parenting style, we just wanted to save the $$ and the time because the house needs a lot of fixing up..... which requires both $$ and time.
My husband and I haven't missed it and didn't think there was anything controversial about it...but we have have gotten a lot of comments from friends and family. It does seem that people can't wrap their mind around the, "we just didn't think we needed it right now." response. Being 38 weeks pregnant with a 13 month old, it might be easier to lay on the couch all day and watch cartoons, but honestly it has been pretty enjoyable laying on the couch and reading to him all day long....(or laying on the floor and being a human jungle gym!)
It's so strange that it is viewed as a necessity instead of a luxury. And it is equally strange that the idea that we decided to forgo one luxury so we could enjoy another is such an affront to others. No one looks at your funny when you bring a mug of coffee to work instead of Starbucks...why is TV such a big deal?
posted by : MomX2 on 5/7/2009 at 11:59 AM Flag For Abuse
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Do you really assume the rest of us didn’t read those same books, just because we watched a few hours of tv? Maybe I'm missing something?
Personally, I found Narnia to be a sanctimonious bore. I really hope my kid never discovers this series. Once was bad enough.
posted by : JJ on 5/7/2009 at 12:45 PM Flag For Abuse
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I learned how to read at the age of 2? 3? or thereabouts by watching TV. So while I don't think TV is necessarily wholesome for little ones, I would caution against claiming that TV/books is an either/or situation. I was a voracious reader as a child, and also watched an absolutely sickening amount of cable television.
posted by : bunny 2 on 5/7/2009 at 12:53 PM Flag For Abuse
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I didn't find this article patronizing or judgmental - but that response made me laugh, since it was kind of the point. If you bring up choices like this (or vegetarianism, or etc etc etc) it automatically makes the people who didn't make that choice feel as though they've been accused of some kind of sin (ie "Do you really assume the rest of us didn't read those same books...) and that they then must defend themselves against it. It is the choice itself that makes people feel judged. Your reasons for the choice make them feel judged. And that's exactly why it makes you unpopular.
posted by : catmom on 5/7/2009 at 12:57 PM Flag For Abuse
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FYI: It's number 28 on the list of stuff white people like: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/26/28-not-having-a-tv/
--Paul
posted by : Paul S on 5/7/2009 at 1:23 PM Flag For Abuse
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In today's world of internet, DVD players, etc, living without a TV really isn't all the big of deal, so i'm surprised the author meets people who even comment on it.
My husband and I don't have a TV, and neither of us had one while growing up. While we have plenty of friends who are advid reader, are English Majors, writers, etc who grew up WITH television in their homes, I would still argue that growing up without a TV adds an extra dimension to being a reader. Reading becomes default behavior, what you do for fun and when you have nothing else to do. I thought i had the only parents in the world who would tell me to stop reading and doing something else, or would complain to the principal when the school instituted "Sustained Silent Reading" because she truly felt that was a waste of my school day.
So while TV doesn't preclude reading, it does take time that a TV-free child would be reading, and those "30 minutes per day" or whatever time limit add up over a lifetime. And I'm not arguing that someone shouldn't have a TV or there isn't valuable things outside of reading . . . it's just that a bookworm is enhanced without TV.
posted by : Book Worm on 5/7/2009 at 1:46 PM Flag For Abuse
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Cool article - I don't have a tv either and sometimes I do feel like that is really just unacceptable to others :) And I don't want them to feel that I'm judging them either. It just doesn't fit into my lifestyle or -my budget to pay for cable. My son is 14 months so it doesn't matter to him so far. Working full time only leaves a few hours with him each night - I don't want to get into a habit of watching tv during those hours. And after he goes to bed, I have to workout, do laundry, clean and just don't have time anyway. However, I am a huge Netflix fan and download some tv episodes onto my laptop when I have time. I definitely need that entertainment , but at least I'm not wasting time flipping through channels. Hopefully it doesn't sound like I'm being judgemental... it just is the right thing for me at this time and it was fun for me to read about someone else's tv free household.
posted by : Katrina on 5/7/2009 at 2:04 PM Flag For Abuse
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I could care less whether any of my friends own a TV or not - though I am offended by the friend I have who denies watching TV while her daughter lists off her favorite TV shows. I don't really care whether they are vegetarians or not - though I do want to know so that when I have them to dinner I fix something that fits in with their diet. But the unvaccinaters in my group WOULD get the hairy eyeball from all of us. And I know I am not uncommon.
I believe that the majority of people who view others as being silently judgmental (excluding those who are overtly judgmental) are projecting their insecurities about their decisions. If I am a "playground mommy" - then you likely don't know me well enough to be able to gauge my response accurately. Careful not to cross that fine line about people who make assumptions.
posted by : April C on 5/7/2009 at 2:32 PM Flag For Abuse
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Bravo! We are also TV-free. Frankly I don't know where people find the time to watch TV. Our two girls are able to self-entertain pretty well. I think this stems from vivid imaginations fostered by books and NO TV. TV tells them how to dream, play, etc.
I do think busy parents often need TV for a few minutes of peace, but the trap is that the device turns into a babysitter. I use a human babysitter instead when I have to get things done.
Bravo, I'd love to hear more on the topic.
posted by : Nicole Feliciano on 5/7/2009 at 2:43 PM Flag For Abuse
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It's a bit fascinating how much mind-reading and projection is going on in this article.
posted by : TVAnon on 5/7/2009 at 2:45 PM Flag For Abuse
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Just another example of a mom claiming others are judging her just because they do differently. At once indignant and self-righteous.
Balance, people!
posted by : GP on 5/7/2009 at 2:59 PM Flag For Abuse
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I thought this was an interesting topic until I read how it was written. I have to agree, over defensive and self-righteous. I wish a better writer had done this topic and went at it with a different angle.
posted by : lisalib on 5/7/2009 at 4:01 PM Flag For Abuse
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Great article - we're TV-free too and encounter that same reaction when people find out. We too want to raise kids who default to books, but we also really feel that most of what's on TV doesn't remotely agree with our value system around gender roles, race, kindness and compassion towards others, consumerism, etc. We'd rather be the primary influence in the values arena with books thrown in to provide a variety of opinions. We generally don't tell people that, because it really does lead to defensiveness and anger....and you're right, it has nothing to do with how others raise their kids, any more than someone else's decision to enrol their child in hockey raises my hackles about us not wanting to have a child in hockey.
PS: We're vegetarians too (shocking, I know) and it illicits the same response, just not to the same degree.
posted by : M on 5/7/2009 at 4:11 PM Flag For Abuse
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I don't know who you people hang around with, but we're vegetarian, I am breastfeeding a toddler, and we watch TV a little bit each day...nobody we encounter seems to give a rip what we do one way or the other.
posted by : huh on 5/7/2009 at 4:31 PM Flag For Abuse
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I don't have a tv either. First it begun with us removing it from the bedroom. And then, about a week ago, when we thought we were going to move, we sold it. Figuring we would get a flat screen instead. That was a week ago and I really haven't missed the thing. If I am bored, I go outside, read a magazine, talk to my husband, or just enjoy the silence. Not having that thing blaring about swine flu and depression all day long has really put a little peace into my hectic life :-)
posted by : tvnada on 5/7/2009 at 4:33 PM Flag For Abuse
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Someone already said this, but I honestly don't understand how the hell people have time to watch tv, much less watch it all day! We have a TV set, but no cable, and the only people who care is my dad, who hates to come and visit because "there's nothing to do."
posted by : JessicaMama on 5/7/2009 at 4:55 PM Flag For Abuse
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You dont have a tTV but you do have a computer. Isn't that the same thing? I grew up with a TV and read all of those books. I loved watching the first man walk on the moon with my mom. Watching Hamlet and Our Gang with my dad. I prefered to read and read during most of my free time. So do my kids and we have a TV. We watch some TV but the key is to be the parent and LIMIT their time. It is not a struggle at all, the same as limiting sweets or calling them in at dark. The problem with people who dont have a TV is for some reason they think they are somehow intelluctually superior to those who do have one. Not really. Just lazier is all.
posted by : Ali on 5/7/2009 at 5:26 PM Flag For Abuse
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A presumptuous article about how annoying it is when other people are presumptuous.
Author - people are not thinking about you or judging you nearly as much as you are thinking about them thinking about you and judging you.
But babble.com is all about feeling self-conscious, judgemental and guilty about feeling self-conscious, judgemental and guilty. Whole lotta navel-gazing going on here.
Blech. And yet I keep reading these articles. It's a morbid fascination, I guess.
posted by : sigh on 5/7/2009 at 5:33 PM Flag For Abuse
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@April C hits the nail on the head:
"... people who view others as being silently judgmental ...are projecting their insecurities about their decisions... "
posted by : sigh on 5/7/2009 at 5:46 PM Flag For Abuse
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I love that she actually *starts* the article all snotty and defensive, this-isn't-about-you blah blah blah. Seriously lady, I couldn't care less that you don't have a TV, but it's annoying as hell to read someone who is all "gosh, I was never-ever gonna mention this, but now I'm writing a whole essay about it because all of you need to be told."
I hope you don't approach people in real life with the attitude displayed here, but if you do... well, the reactions you're getting aren't because of your personal entertainment decisions.
posted by : Tzu on 5/7/2009 at 7:31 PM Flag For Abuse
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Is this for real? I lived in Portland, Oregon for most of my life. A good third of the people I know there don't have televisions and no one... I mean NO ONE... is nasty to them about it. It's nearly as common as voting democrat, for god's sake. Portland, Oregon is one of the most liberal accepting-of-alternative-lifestyle cities in the country. I kind of doubt that you're unpopular because you own a TV. This is like reading an essay by someone whining that no one likes them because they're gay... and then scrolling to the bottom of the page and seeing that they are from San Francisco.
posted by : Portlander on 5/7/2009 at 8:04 PM Flag For Abuse
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I don't get why people are getting their panties in a bunch over this article. It isn't written in a judgmental manner! We also don't have a TV (full disclosure: we DO have Netflix and we occasionally watch movies or TV shows on the computer after the kids are in bed), and my 18 month old has never watched a TV show (he's certainly "seen" TV on at other people's houses, but he doesn't bother to sit and watch longer than a minute or two). We find more or less the exact same response when we do mention not having a TV. We normally don't bring it up, for fear of offending people. Not everyone cares, but we have gotten a few defensive responses, which is not our intent!
posted by : JCF on 5/7/2009 at 8:11 PM Flag For Abuse
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I think it's disingenuous for all of us to talk about a choice we've made for our children then claim we're not judging anyone else for not having made the same choice. Yes, you are. I am, too. Stay home or work, breast or bottle, circ or intact, whatever--you've made the choice you made for your precious child, the one built from your own flesh, the one you'd fling yourself in front of a speeding bus for, because you think that's the best decision to be made. And you think that anyone who didn't make the same choice is uninformed, or misguided, or lazy, or hasn't done the research you did, or something else, but you don't think their choice is "equally good" or "fine for your family" or whatever. That doesn't mean that you can't be friends with someone who doesn't share your views, but you've passed judgement on them as they've passed it on you, and to try to deny that or to beg someone to not judge you is silly. If you've decided to not have TV in your home, or to deny it to your children, be proud of that decision and accept that people are going to judge you for it, but admit that you wouldn't change it because you've made the best decision in your view. I know that when we meet in the park, you're going to judge me because my 20 month old loves PBS better than he loves me, and I'm going to judge you because I think limiting a child's experiences doesn't teach him anything, but that doesn't mean we can't hang out if you're not otherwise a jerk. Unless you think I am, of course. :)
posted by : Christie Jones on 5/7/2009 at 9:16 PM Flag For Abuse
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I tried reading this article until it turned really pretentious, very quickly. I love to read, I mean I really love to read. I am the person that will sometimes read two books at a time (obviously not simutaneously). I read comics, fiction, non-fiction, the classics, whatever. Reading is just wonderful. And you know what, I love TV also.
I remember watching everything from Wild Kingdom and Nature to Tienanmen Square protest and the Challenger explosion as a kid. I even remember watching MTV with my mom, exposing me to a lt of music that I certainly would not heard at all as a kid.
The whole assessment that TV somehow makes you less of reader is just silly. You know there was a time when people thought that the printed word would bring and end to people talking to each other.
posted by : Shana on 5/7/2009 at 9:26 PM Flag For Abuse
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I like what Christie had to say. Of course we are all judging each other, all the time. That's not necessarily a bad thing.
We love TV, my husband's in the industry. My 4.5 year old son watches a movie during his sister's nap, and usually one or two more shows if we're home that much. He also has such an amazing imagination that he can play with a dirty napkin for hours.
Reading and TV watching are not mutually exclusive. Swear.
And ChiLaura, don't sweat this season of TV in your house. I think there was a six week period in the dead of winter when my son watched TV ALL DAY LONG. Baby only slept in the sling, teeny tiny house, and too cold to go outside. Kids recover pretty quickly from that sort of thing. Do what you gotta do, and have a nice baby!
posted by : EllaAnne on 5/7/2009 at 10:30 PM Flag For Abuse
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"You know there was a time when people thought that the printed word would bring and end to people talking to each other."
Word, Shana. I read all the time, every chance I get, and my kid reads for hours a day... despite the fact that she (*gasp*) also watches TV. The TV that I watch, I watch so I can talk with my friends and family about things like who did what on American Idol. It's not a big part of my life, or my kid's life, and I can't understand people who make "I don't even OWN a television" a defining part of their character. Who cares? If you honestly think people are sitting around judging you for your lack of a television, you are spending far too much time imagining what others are thinking. Trust me, we are too busy living our own lives to devote that sort of time to pondering your choices... especially of the entertainment variety.
posted by : Yeahyeahyeah on 5/7/2009 at 10:56 PM Flag For Abuse
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I credit many hours of watching TV as a young girl with having a successful career in branding.
posted by : TV is not always bad on 5/7/2009 at 10:57 PM Flag For Abuse
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I love to read, but I also love watching television. My husband doesn't read that much (besides comic books) but also doesn't care much for television. There are people who hate reading and only watch television and vice versa.
Just because I own a tv and like to watch, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to try and foster a love for reading in my children. The two are not mutually exclusive. If a family doesn't own a tv or doesn't care to watch, I really don't care. What irritates me is the attitude by some that because I do, I don't value what literature and reading has to offer. That's just not true.
posted by : wsd on 5/8/2009 at 12:04 AM Flag For Abuse
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I'm with Shana. Maybe the author doesn't judge people for watching tv, but several of the responses here have. People who watch TV don't read like we do, don't have imaginations like we do, don't go outside like we do, aren't nearly as cool as us. Okay. Well, I love TV, having several shows I watch, and am the biggest bibliophile I know. I read constantly, mostly fiction, although a variety of types (yes, including Shakespeare). The feel of a book in my hands gives me more pleasure than most things, and sometimes I lean into them to smell that book smell. Yeah - bibliophile, lover of books. And I still like to watch Bones. My parents watch a lot of TV and I inherited my love of books from them. They constantly read when I was growing up, constantly read now, and I think that watching television with them was good for me. It sparked dialogues on a various subjects, including tough ones like why is there war (thank you MASH). My elder brother and I both write fiction, and my younger brother is an Earth Science teacher. We're not imagination stunted Morlocks (thank you H.G. Wells). I'm sorry the author feels judged, but perhaps she doesn't realize that she is not the only person out there who does not own a TV. Perhaps she is not the first non-television person these defensive people have met, and perhaps those others were not as accepting as she is. Personally, I don't care what other people choose to do about their entertainment at home. If they feel like a TV would ruin their lives, and their children's lives, then they should not have one. Personally, I am not threatened by a TV. It has an off button.
posted by : Marj on 5/8/2009 at 1:13 AM Flag For Abuse
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I have to agree with many of the other posters. I love the idea of the article (we don't have TV either, but do watch short kid movies) and I am always curious as to why others are TV free. I felt as though the author never actually explained why they don't have TV and instead spent the whole article saying "don't judge me, I'm not judging you...but oh yeah, I really am."
posted by : Janelle Mattson on 5/8/2009 at 6:58 AM Flag For Abuse
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with all that reading, you'd think she'd know that breast is best and also know what kefir is
posted by : snidester on 5/8/2009 at 11:11 AM Flag For Abuse
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I loved this! I never purchased a TV, all of TVs I've owned have been (unrequested) gifts. I wanted to get rid of our tv when the baby was born but my husband balked. We too are avid readers, and I admit that those late nights were made easier with TV watching. I love watching Yo Gabba Gabba with my son, and I totally enjoy TV but in my fantasy life, there's no tv!
posted by : lola in san francisco on 5/8/2009 at 11:47 AM Flag For Abuse
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shout out to Portlander...me too!
I think tv, reading, the outdoors, etc...is about balance. I think kids should be exposed to all things.
I live in a place that rains 8 months of the year and it is tough to keep my little ones occupied some days when they are dying to go outside. We change it up--some days we watch TV, some days we go for a walk and play in the puddles, some days we go to an indoor gym, some days we read and color all day. Whatever we do, the important thing is "we". Bottom line...
posted by : anon on 5/8/2009 at 2:23 PM Flag For Abuse
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Nobody cares if you have a t.v. Nobody cares what you eat. Nobody cares how you live your life. Seriously, none of us is that fascinating or important. It's fun to think so, but it just doesn't happen. If someone makes a comment or asks a question about your lifestyle choice, they are simply making conversation. If a vegetarian or vegan tells me about her breakfast, I will ask questions about how it is to live without eggs. I'm not judging, I'm asking. Then I'll go back to eating my bacon.
posted by : moom on 5/8/2009 at 2:40 PM Flag For Abuse
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Interesting article...interesting responses too. I also grew up without TV and also have children who also don't watch. I also don't really tell people that they don't watch because I do notice similar (defensive) responses to the ones described in the article. My daughter became a self-taught and really fluent reader who comprehends well just after she turned two which I, like an earlier commenter at least partly attribute to more reading, creative playing and other non-tv activities. When people actually see her read and talk with her, they ask me what I do, but then when I tell them the no-tv secret, their eyes glaze over and they tell me that their child watches educational shows only or whatever. And then they just dismiss her as a genius or a child with a photographic memory. But of course, I don't really know how she learned to read so easily, but I do know that to me this is the best choice for our kids and family, at least for now!
posted by : Xtina on 5/8/2009 at 3:33 PM Flag For Abuse
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"Why does not owning a TV make me so unpopular?"
uhhh... It's not the absence of a TV, ma'am. It's your bizarre attitude. Zillions of people don't own TV's - you are not special.
Must be something else causing your unpopularity.
Happy Mother's Day.
posted by : Micki on 5/9/2009 at 8:38 PM Flag For Abuse
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I do feel sorry for you and your kids.
posted by : judgy on 5/11/2009 at 12:51 PM Flag For Abuse
