feedback for "Personal Essay: The Dreamhouse"

1. That was very moving, and very bittersweet.   I'm sure you're not alone in having doubts about parenting due to a difficult family or personal past.  I waited forever too, for similar reasons, then had my precious son under stable, hopeful, healthy circumstances.  I think it was smart, and logical, and selfless of you to wait until you felt positive enough about your situation and the future to become a mom.  Parenting is quite hard, and it often raises up issues from childhood in new and challenging ways.  If you don't have at least some of your issues under control before you get started, it can be overwhelming.  
   
   Best of luck to you and your husband, and I hope you get your little blessing very soon.
   
   

   posted by : Mama to one on 6/12/2009 at 8:11 AM Flag For Abuse

2. "Bittersweet" is an apt description, Mama to one. I enjoyed reading this article; it was very touching. I can't imagine what this author has gone thru in her life; it truly makes me sad. Best of luck to the author and her husband and their potential children.

   posted by : ChiLaura on 6/12/2009 at 3:36 PM Flag For Abuse

3. OMG. I am sitting here in tears. YOu have just described MY life. I also came from a horrible, abusive family and assumed I could never manage children without ruining them, so I just didn't even think of wanting them. It took me until I was 38, and had just found out I had a uterus full of fibroids, to realize that I desperately wanted children. One major surgery later (to get rid of the fibroids) and after two attempts at IVF, my husband and I finally got our incredibly beloved twins (when I was 44!!). They are the light of my entire life. All the crap I went through was actually worth it, if the result was that I was finally allowed to have these precious children. I wish you great luck with your IVF. (And if your pocketbook can take it, do not be discouraged if the first one does not take. Fertility docs often describe the first try as the experimental try, since they have to gauge how your body will react to the drugs, etc. My SIL went through 5 IVF treatments before finally getting her wonderful little boy.)

    

   Oh, and I did the nesting thing, too. We took apart an old house and rebuilt it almost from scratch, and it was only THEN that something in me was ready for kids. We are so lucky that we had them at all, due to my age. If anyone out there is hesitating and the clock is ticking, get moving! Your body won't wait forever.

   posted by : More Anon on 6/12/2009 at 5:37 PM Flag For Abuse

4. I was reading about myself this whole article, except I am 26, just realized yet another man was a monster, and just lost my first pregnancy. This gave me hope that my whole life won't be replaying this same story over and over, with different supporting characters.
   Thank you.
   
   

   posted by : GDE on 6/12/2009 at 9:47 PM Flag For Abuse

5. posted by : lila on 6/13/2009 at 9:15 AM Flag For Abuse

6. I had a "good" childhood and I was not ready for motherhood until I was almost 40.  When it hit me, though, it was like a ton of bricks.  Now, now, now....  Luckily, it all worked out.

   posted by : petal55 on 6/13/2009 at 12:33 PM Flag For Abuse

7. Thank you for this. It takes work for me to remember that just because we don't have it all in place by age 40 doesn't mean we've done something wrong. Sometimes it means that we've spent years breaking a cycle, which is quite different from frittering away the years.
   
   I come from a family like yours and spent many years preparing for motherhood (at the age of 35), and I'm so glad I did. However, the years I spent working on myself were years I did not spend advancing my career (just treading water); and when my son was born I took a few years off to be home with him because I didn't see myself as capable of being good at both work and early motherhood without the support of extended family. 
   
   Now that I'm approaching 40, I am struck by how little else I've been able to accomplish over the past 7 years; career-wise, I'm not anywhere near where I thought I would be. Yes, I'm thrilled with my child, I love my husband and I feel secure in my skills as a mother. But it seems like those of us who have to work really hard to make these things a reality are just going to take longer to get it all together. I'm starting to think it's a good idea to stop holding ourselves to a timeline that's better suited to people raised in more normal families.
   
   Given where we started, we could have done a lot worse than what we're doing: ensuring that the next generation has parents capable of raising children who won't have to go through what we did.

   posted by : Plugging away on 6/13/2009 at 11:32 PM Flag For Abuse

8. Sometimes it means that we've spent years breaking a cycle, which is quite different from frittering away the years.
   
   Plugging away, your whole post was beautiful, but this especially struck a chord with me. You write beautifully.
   
   Also, best of luck to the author of this essay. You did it right.

   posted by : Roosevelt on 6/17/2009 at 1:07 PM Flag For Abuse

9. I've read this article and I have actually found it quite manipulative and self serving. There's just something a bit too 'knowing' about it.  I can't be the only one who's asked to myself who the audience for this article is intended to be. The readers? (where is the insight exactly?), the writers husband? (don't cheat or fall out of love with me, I want my baby (tho tellingly, she writes more about the house), my past suffering requires you to stay with me) or the audience(s) inside the writers own head (I am lying, (and you can't prove it)). There's a real lack an admission of this women's own agency in this article.
   
   Other than that, I'll definetly look into Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

   posted by : Leah k on 6/30/2009 at 2:21 PM Flag For Abuse

10. Fantastic article, good luck.
    

    posted by : JB on 7/28/2009 at 3:40 PM Flag For Abuse