feedback for "Editor's Note 6: The Parental Clock"

1. This is EXACTLY my life, too. Every minute counts, but each is more precious, both at work and with my daughter. However, the balance depends on reasonable working hours and good daycare (or dad, of course).

   posted by : mandarine on 5/24/2007 at 10:07 AM Flag For Abuse

2. Balance is a loaded word.  And, I think, ultimately not achievable.  The best I hope for is that I don't go too overboard in either direction at the same time.  Sometimes I work like mad and the family pretty much has to bob along with it, and other times, I am far into Mom-mode.  In the end (oh, is there ever an end?) I just hope it all "balances" out.

   posted by : Coolshoes on 5/24/2007 at 1:50 PM Flag For Abuse

3. I think you hit the nail on the head. The problem today is that employers are inflexible and don't provide moms or dads the right options for a family-friendly workforce.  I think we all have our own ways of finding "balance" as you say in our lives, but the more flexible our employers are, the easier it is. I'm definitely lucky in this aspect, but not all my coworkers are, unfortunately.  I'd love to see the discussion continue, but better yet, see more employers come around to the gasp! 21st century way of life.

   posted by : selfmademom on 5/24/2007 at 1:56 PM Flag For Abuse

4. The problem also lies in the fact that nobody is irreplaceable.  If I can't or won't work the hours my company requires, they can and will simply hire someone else who can.  And there is always someone else out there.

   posted by : RachelZ on 5/24/2007 at 2:08 PM Flag For Abuse

5. 
   Parenthood forces efficiency. There is much that is good about this ... i have learned to be dramatically more productive during my 9 hours or so of work every day, and i sometimes sneak in another 30 -45 minutes of work email in the late evening.
   
   The cost of that efficiency is less leisurely conversation and serendipity. I used to stroll to work and stop and watch interesting things along the way, like a bird nesting in a parked scooter or a garbage truck crushing a queen sized boxspring. I have to remind myself now to take a moment to chat with a neighbor or the cashier at the corner store ... these little pleasures are so critical to me and they can easily by squeezed out of your life by the dual pressures of family and work.
   

   posted by : Papaganoose on 5/24/2007 at 3:48 PM Flag For Abuse

6. Balance is by far the biggest struggle and no one ever wins. One thing I recently reflected on is the amount of working hours Americans put in. Our minimum for full-time is 40, but so many of us put in 45 or more every single week. In Europe it's 37 and due to unemployment and other economic pressure some companies are hoping to scale back to 35. They also get three weeks off at Christmas and a month or 6 weeks in the summer. We're lucky to get 2 weeks to split up among school events, long weekends and holidays! Yes, we make more, drive more and bigger cars, have bigger houses, have more jeans... See what I'm saying? I would gladly take an extra week of vacation time in place of a raise if I could get it.
   But then again, would I still be fussing with my Treo and wanting to go shopping one of those days?
   
   

   posted by : tonik122 on 5/24/2007 at 4:22 PM Flag For Abuse

7. I think in the next decade or two american companies will learn to have more flex time or partial work week options. I run a small company and we have a number of employees who work partial hours, and they are highly productive.  All these moms -- and some dads -- who would like to work 20 hours per week but don't have the opportunity are a huge wasted resource from an economic perspective. People should be able to work an $80,000 position half time and make $40,000. it woudl be good for everyone, including the kids in my opinion -- i think one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is happy parents.
   

   posted by : Papaganoose on 5/24/2007 at 6:11 PM Flag For Abuse

8. Why isn't there option 5: My husband and I work opposite shifts so one of us is always home with the children? This is what we chose to do. It's actually spoiled us against the thought of daycare: the cost, not knowing what they are doing a good chunk of the day and having someone else in contact more with them than their own parents. This is the only way that has fit for us. Yes, I'll be glad when they  start school so we can get back a little flexibility in our working lives but, for now, this was the best option for us. We simply are doing it all and we are stronger and  closer for it. Understandably we are very fortunate and lucky to be able to do it this way.
   

   posted by : Janesaid on 5/25/2007 at 6:46 PM Flag For Abuse

9. Thank you so much for Babble! I have become addicted to your website and I love absolutely everything about it. You should have no worries about the quality of your work performance, because you get a gold star from me!
   
   Also your cheery resemblance to Luna Lovegood in your editor picture always makes me giggle. ;)
   
   

   posted by : pandacookies on 8/21/2007 at 5:24 PM Flag For Abuse

10. I work from home three days a week, and my son is in daycare three days a week. (I know...the math doesn't add up, but imagine that I have one day all to myself, working at home ALONE!) I am in the extreme minority, however, of women who not only have a job I love but also have a supportive and family-friendly employer. I know I'm lucky, blessed, and fortunate (even though I don't make a whole lotta money, but there are other things more important to me now).
    
    That said, it's not easy, and I agree with the Mandarine about balance being a loaded word. Some weeks it's all about the deadlines and my son stands here screaming for my attention; other weeks it's all about my son's Halloween parade or respiratory infection, and my deadlines be damned. No matter what, I'm feeling guilty about something (dust bunnies everywhere I look, I've lost touch with close friends, haven't been to church in a while...), but that's a feeling I am starting to get used to. (And this doesn't even scratch the surface of the daddy guilt that my husband feels each week, on top of his hellish 60-minute commute and his 50-hour workweek. Most dads don't get any breaks, and they feel horrible for it.)
    
    Working parenthood is a constant struggle, and I am grateful to read these kinds of discussions. Let's please keep supporting one another, whatever we decide works best for our families, and let's keep fighting for more equitable work-family laws and practices in the USA! In the end the goal should be stronger families and healthy, well-adjusted kids who grow up to be productive, happy adults...and our government and businesses need to start recognizing what it takes to meet those long-term goals, instead of focusing on the bottom line (and outsourcing to China...I digress).
    
    Keep up the good work, everyone! Oh, and don't forget to take care of yourself in all this running around to take care of everyone else.
    
    

    posted by : MelloMama on 11/8/2007 at 3:36 PM Flag For Abuse

11. Can someone tell me how they actually work at home and get things done? I always feel like I'm behind the eight-ball. I'm an academic, I teach at university three days a week and we have a sitter who comes in to stay with our 9 month old daughter. The other days, I'm home with her and I tell you what, I have not been able to get much of anything - lectures written, books read, articles finished, revisions accomplished - done. The most I can do is read some emails and sometimes read the paper.  What the hell? Is there some book I should read? Do you people have help while you're working at home? How is everyone doing this??  

    posted by : bookmama on 1/8/2008 at 10:58 PM Flag For Abuse

12. I am a stay at home mom of our 7 month old daughter.  Luckily I hated my last job, and my husband can support the household on his own so it wasn't the most difficult choice to make.  That being said, I am a lawyer and my mostly non-parent friends wonder how I can not work and still feel fulfilled.  They let me know about opportunities they hear about, how I can work from home or work part time - but at this point I have no interest, nor can I imagine how I would do it from home.  I barely get the dishes done and a shower in some days.  Thus far I have refused to feel guilty and am truly enjoying the sweet days with my daughter.  My husband's hours are long and mine used to be.  Unlike my mother, who worked while I was growing up but was home at 5 every night, there is no guarantee I would be home on time each night- on time being 7.  I feel blessed to be able to afford to make the choice - and so far no regret.  I do wonder what the future holds... Raffi may lose his charm eventually.
    

    posted by : Red Shoes on 1/20/2008 at 7:52 PM Flag For Abuse

13. i chose to stay home with my children - and i think that is balance, for me. Balance doesn't necessarily mean cutting up your time into fifths so you can do five things. Sometimes it means that *for a season* you give up everything else bcz you are passionate about that one thing to the exclusion of all else. Much like marriage - you choose one man over all the rest - well, you can do that with your children too. and it doesn't have to be a forever thing with them, as most people put their children in school around 5 or so. I chose to homeschool, but i do have friends who went back to work when their littles were all in school, and some who even came back home for the teen years, which are pretty needy, even comparable to the toddler years...
    We all want to make life perfect, not just for ourselves, but for our families - and the choices we make should reflect that, not just be the default of what everyone else thinks we should be doing, all crammed into the only 24 hours we get per day...

    posted by : mamazee on 3/11/2008 at 4:16 PM Flag For Abuse

14. This is the biggest issue for me. I never feel like I'm where I need to be. If I'm working, I feel I should be with my son and vice versa. It's exhausting. I never have time to do things like, oh, buy clothes that I desperately need and when I do I feel so rushed and panicked, I end up buying nothing.
    Here's the irony: I am a professional in the medical industry providing services to patients in the home and my company is run almost strictly by women over 50. You'd think after raising their own kids in an unfriendly work world they'd be more supportive. They are not. They want every minute accounted for and more if they can get it. Any appeal to lighten things up or ease off is met with, "Well, that's what you're hired for, we all have to do it." Women in business are harder on other women.
    I must say when I was single and had no kids and working, I gladly put time in on holidays so that parents could be with their children. I'd hoped that karma would come back to me. Not really so much.

    posted by : SuperPook on 4/6/2008 at 11:46 PM Flag For Abuse

15. Most days "Balance" seems like a slippery, oily liquid that I can never really get a hold on.. I seem to be wildly swinging the scale up and down, up and down all day long.
    
    It seems very, very counter-productive to slam mothers for staying at home. I mean, I always thought feminism was about the right to choose what's right for you. I've done both now, and working is much less emotionally and physically draining than staying at home. But most days I still wish I was at home, because with all of its difficulties, the time with the children can never be replaced.

    posted by : that girl on 6/17/2008 at 11:41 AM Flag For Abuse