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Awww. You're gonna get it. Get ready for the guilt brigade.
Thanks for posting this. My experience was similar.
posted by : roxannex on 6/21/2007 at 1:03 PM Flag For Abuse
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No, this isn't so bad. Someone who actually gives it a fair try and then honestly decides that the experience is taking away more from the family than it's giving is not the same as someone who says "I'm concerned it will make my boobs saggy."
The story only makes me a little sad because I feel like the lacation consultant could have given different advice if it was clear that mom was really at the end of her rope and ready to quit. First of all, did she really say to pump every 4 hours round the clock, even at night, regardless of when baby was waking up? Because that's just brutal. I simply cannot imagine putting the kid down and then setting the alarm to pump again in an hour. And sure it's better to wait on the bottle until nursing is going great, all things being equal, but if all things are not equal -- mom hasn't had more than 2 hours sleep in weeks and is going to lose it, then it seems to me worth it to pump and let dad take over for part of the night, say, so mom can get some much-deserved sleep.
posted by : cotopaxi on 6/21/2007 at 1:25 PM Flag For Abuse
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This article is great, and i agree with cotopax in that if you give breastfeeding the old college try and decide its a wash, more power to you. There's no need to feel guilty if breastfeeding doesnt work out. Formula is actually, well, great. It provides complete nourishment and grows healthy babies that grow into healthy adults, and its amazing that we live in a world that is small enough to design a product that can safely and successfully nourish our babies in the absence of breasts. We could quibble over the few antibodies and IQ points that breast milk has over formula, but the main point is that formula works just fine. My husband and I are both neuroscientists with Ph.Ds and we were both fed formula. Formula feeding is not going to keep your little pooper from getting into the Ivy League. The bigger issue is why the heck everyone is so judgmental about parents' choices when the end result is the same: happy, healthy infants.
posted by : MeanChristine77 on 6/21/2007 at 2:30 PM Flag For Abuse
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thank you for your honesty.
i pushed myself that hard and continued to do so for months on end. i gave up after about 5 months. i had my entire sense of self worth pinned on how much my boobs could produce. feeding dominated my thinking so much that i forgot to be concerned about more important things like establishing a sleep schedule, recognizing that my son was teething, and protecting my marriage from the insanity.
i agree with
posted by : SanDiego1 on 6/21/2007 at 2:33 PM Flag For Abuse
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I had to give up after the 5th month b/c well my supply started to collapse despite the fenugreek etc. And yes I pumped to keep the stimulation going etc. per the lactation consultant Because my kid wasn't interested in staring at my chest and sucking to his heart's content. I never never got to the point where I had surplus stored away...it just never happened. I never had time to "rest" b/c I was busy getting the pump ready and just would finish pumping...the baby would wake up like clockwork.
I'll take a hit from the guilt brigade for you when I say all of this ---
1) Don't believe the hype about IQ and breastmilk. It's all genetic....How else can I explain my IQ number since I was formula fed?
2) Don't believe the hype about ear infections and nursing. my kid only had one, I never had any as a kid. vs. a friend who nursed until her child was a well developed toddler and he had them constantly.
3) Don't believe the hype about health and nursing vs. formula fed. It's all genetic. Again, how else can I explain my health throughout my life? Of course there's more to life coming up...
posted by : arirang on 6/21/2007 at 2:36 PM Flag For Abuse
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I agree completely with the women above... you tried, it didn't work for you or your baby. I, too, get kind of sad when women don't try at all, or think it's "gross" or whatever. But it's not always sunshine and roses and it's unfair for people to paint it as such. With my second child I was in a tremendous amount of pain initially and it took a lot to get through it. I wound up supplementing with him and although I had never done so with my first, it was a good thing for both of us.
Thanks for a wonderful article, and I think you may be surprised when the "guilt brigade" doesn't show up. ;)
posted by : panthergirl on 6/21/2007 at 2:45 PM Flag For Abuse
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Breastfeeding takes undiluted information, support and moxie.....thing I wish Walmart sold as well.
posted by : rValley on 6/21/2007 at 3:00 PM Flag For Abuse
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I know a family with an adopted child. They got him as a baby, so they started co-parenting and co-feeding immediately. (Mom, obviously, wasn't producing any milk.) It was so great to see both Mom and Dad equally attached, knowledgeable and excited about their son -- including his feeding times, amounts, everything. From the very beginning, the family was completely in synch.
We hear a lot about the negatives of not breastfeeding, but less frequently about the positives (for the entire family) of bottle feeding. I think there's something really wonderful about sharing the opportunities for bonding, sharing the sleep deprivation, taking turns with such an intimate moment.
I'll probably try to breastfeed, but I certainly won't feel bad when I wean sooner rather than later. I think my husband should be able to experience everything with our new baby as soon as possible.
posted by : Joanie on 6/21/2007 at 3:05 PM Flag For Abuse
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rValley, even if you have ALL of what you've mentioned...sometimes it just doesn't work out. It happens.
posted by : arirang on 6/21/2007 at 3:09 PM Flag For Abuse
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arirang, I don't know that it's quite "hype." there are scientifically proven benefits to breastfeeding -- on AVERAGE there seems to be some immune protection, etc. your 2 case studies don't prove or disprove anything -- of course some babies will be sick a lot no matter what they eat and some babies will be mostly healthy no matter what they eat. so it's not to say that there's no benefit to breastfeeding -- there is, and it's worth an effort. it's just that the benefits are not so great that they would outweigh other factors, for instance, feeling so exhausted and depleted that you're not bonding with your baby or being a good parent to your other children. as stated, formula these days is pretty great, and no, what a baby eats probably isn't gonna make or break her for life.
posted by : cotopaxi on 6/21/2007 at 4:56 PM Flag For Abuse
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you will never get comment flames with such an even-keeled approach to writing. next time, try sounding more selfish and ignorant and narcissistic and less reasonable.
posted by : k1 on 6/21/2007 at 5:51 PM Flag For Abuse
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As a mom who nursed for almost 2 years, I still feel you - I was just lucky. If I hadn't had the ability to nurse at least a dozen kids with all the damn milk I produced, if I hadn't had all the support I had, if my kid hadn't latched on so easily and nursed so well... Your kids are alive and well-fed and healthy. You are able to be their mother and love them and care for them. I am a gung-ho breastfeeding advocate, but if it doesn't work for you I'm not about to say you're a bad mother or selfish or anything like that. You tried, it didn't work for you, that's the end of it. There's so many more important things in mothering than trying to compete and berate one another for things we have no control over.
posted by : superblondgirl on 6/21/2007 at 6:41 PM Flag For Abuse
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I totally agree with superblondgirl. I was very lucky too but my sister wasn't. It's the love the counts in the end & nothing else. We just do the best we can...
posted by : bex on 6/21/2007 at 8:30 PM Flag For Abuse
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Amen! As a parent of an unexpected preemie, I was unprepared for the stuggles of breastfeeding. I just assumed I would, and that she would. At six weeks early, she didn't have the suck reflex so a bottle was needed. When your child comes out at 4 pounds 10 oz, you're happy to get the calories in any way you can. We had to wake her ever 2-3 hours to eat and my lactation consultant told me to feed her, then pump. Husband was a tremendous help, but he couldn't pump! I was losing my mind, crying at the grocery store and THE GUILT!!! I kept it up for 3 months and decided to throw in the towel when my consultant actually told me "you know, it doesn't make you a bad mom if you don't breastfeed her. she needs a mom that's happy". And that was it. I let it go. It was a much better experience. I still feel guilt and wish I could have done it but that wasn't the hand we were dealt.
And she's as healthy as a horse. No ear infections and one fever in a year.
posted by : bboston88 on 6/21/2007 at 8:54 PM Flag For Abuse
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No need to be on the defensive. Many, many mothers formula feed, and many after trying really hard to breastfeed. I love nursing and had a pretty decent experience, but even I was stunned - after watching my mother nurse my sibs seemingly effortlessly - at how hard and painful it is to get started. Then my mother told me the story of getting started with me, cracked nipples and infections and all. My sister, totally committed to breastfeeding, had 3 rounds of terrible infections and IV antibiotics before switching to the bottle. She says the only thing she'd do differently is give up sooner and save some of the agony. To each her own, really. Like someone else said, there is evidence that it makes a difference, but I seriously doubt it outweighs social factors. It's not like circa 1950 where formula was an egg yolk and karo syrup (seriously). And your babies would NOT have died in the old days - in the old days, there were wet nurses (family and otherwise) to fill in for mothers who couldn't nurse. This is nothing new.
posted by : Chiara on 6/21/2007 at 10:34 PM Flag For Abuse
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I agree. You can't beat yourself up about it if you gave it your all. Some people just can't make it work...there's no shame in that.
I just have one comment regarding airrang's comment. Please don't pretend like breastfeeding is worthless and no better for babies than formula.....don't try and diminish the benefits because you are trying to make formula feeding seem just as good. Formula can be a good substitute and in many cases is absolutely necessary for the health of either mother or baby, but breast milk is made specifically to feed babies so I'm pretty sure it has some special qualities.
Secondly, not how the immune system works!
Also while I agree that formula fed babies can grow up to be just as intelligent as breastfed babies, breast milk is largely fat which is great for brain development so I'm sure it can't hurt!
I agree with you about the ear infections though. Not sure that is true.
posted by : apridgely on 6/21/2007 at 11:13 PM Flag For Abuse
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roxannex's first comment nailed it.
When the first of my children was born 4 years ago, I was ready to nurse with gusto....and without sharing the plethora of details, it didn't work.
I tried and tried and tried until I bled like mad and my body was raw.
It was horrific, and if there had not been such tremendous social pressure to breastfeed, it would not have been such a traumatic event for me.
My youngest is now 6 months, and all children have been fed Similac Advance. Solids (homemade, organic) started around the 6 mo mark for all of them, and they are all in stellar condition.
Is breast milk good for babies? Sure, of course. Does it make smarter babies that are more connected to their mothers? I don't buy that for a second. One only has to see my children with me -- or their father, for that matter -- to realize that our bond is priceless.
THANK YOU for having the courage to write such a beautiful article. I only hope that women who have yet to give birth read this, and gain objective strength from your prose.
posted by : snt on 6/21/2007 at 11:27 PM Flag For Abuse
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bboston - you share my story EXACTLY..... except that they held my 33 week 4lb 9oz baby hostage at the hospital insisting that she gain weight before going home and that I should NOT intro a bottle. I watched them gavage (sp) her when she fell asleep time and time again from the difficulty of trying to nurse. One day I walked into the nursery and announced that I wanted a bottle for the 1/2 oz of breast milk I pumped that day. You'd have thought I was trying to give her french fries and moon pies. The nurses tried to tell me that I would hurt the bonding and attachment process if I did not nurse. My daughter was laying in a hospital... what could be more harmful to attachment than that? 24 hours later she was 8oz heavier and ready to come home.
3 years later I had a similar expereince to the author. I gave up due to lack of success and my poor 3 y/o being neglected. I actually got yelled at by a Wal-Mart cashier because I was mixing a botlle in the check out line: "Don't you know that breast feeding is best?" It has become just one more catagory to judge other mommies in order to make ourselves feel better. My son is adopted, and the freedom that has come with this lack of guilt has made his babyhood so much more enjoyable!
posted by : MamaToThree on 6/21/2007 at 11:47 PM Flag For Abuse
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I won't rehash a lot of the comments that are here. I have managed without support to breastfeed our daughter who is just turning 6 months now and plan to continue as long as she is interested in nursing. It has not been easy but I have stuck it out and glad I have. I am no one to judge anyone else because it's true what they say, you have to trust your gut and stick by what you feel is right for you and your baby, I'm just sad that more women don't at least try in the beginning.
Oh and as for the wanting more sleep, well sorry for all the naysayers but cosleeping really does work. You ought to try it, even if it's just for a nap. No need to get out of bed, pad on over to the crib, or down the hall - snacks are right there at the ready, and momma sleeps better and baby sleeps better. Our daughter can sleep an average of 12 hours with just a couple of snacks per night and then we get to snuggle right back in and fall back to sleep.
posted by : sapphos on 6/22/2007 at 12:55 AM Flag For Abuse
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Early in my pregnancy I read a posting about this very topic and one very wise woman wrote "The first job of a parent is to get your kid a meal." I thought that really cut to the core of this topic and took a lot of the pressure off me. I've been lucky in that breastfeeding has gone well for me. But I don't think choosing to go with formula--even without trying to breastfeed first--makes you a bad parent.
And a note about all of this IQ stuff. Much of the research that people like to quote didn't take into account the IQ of the parents. Once the research was adjust for that, the results tended to level out. Breastfeeding tends to correlate to relative wealth, which tends to then correlates to how good you are at taking IQ tests (which I convinced is all IQ measurements really measure). So in the end that connection is really about genetics.
posted by : lochase on 6/22/2007 at 12:06 PM Flag For Abuse
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I had a really similar experience. I did not have enough milk. I had pretty bad PPD and needed sleep, and he nursed for an hour, every other hour around the clock when he was a newborn. I ended up with a compromise system--I pumped and took herbs and illegal domperidone and made enough milk to breastfeed him about 50% of the time. At night (and a couple times a day, too), he got formula. I managed this until he was 6 months old, and then went back on increased meds for my pre-existing depression/anxiety condition, and weaned him.
I ended up enjoying nursing by the time I weaned him, but I know that it was in part because I was getting sleep and his extremely adept, nurturing father could also feed him (so important!). It made true co-parenting a reality for us, and that has been wonderful, too. And my baby, now 8 months, has thrived tremendously. I suffered a lot of guilt and still do, at times. I had a lot of bitterness about the breastfeeding culture that made me feel so guilty about not being able to do it "right" (I live in a very liberal area where attachment parenting is the dominant dogma). It's your kind of honesty that gets women through when things don't go as they are "supposed to." Thanks very much for writing this.
posted by : hanabel on 6/23/2007 at 11:25 AM Flag For Abuse
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I am a huge huge fan of formula. My son was born without the sucking reflex, and my milk supply didn't come in for almost a week. He wasn't strong enough to suck from the breast. At first I felt the tremendous guilt as well, but then I learned to embrace it, and be grateful for the backup methods. Congrats to you on letting it go and accepting the fact that you were just done.
posted by : Becca on 6/24/2007 at 1:50 AM Flag For Abuse
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HA. My mother and her brother were raised on a formula of canned milk,
Karo syrup & water. Well, now my mother is at the vanguard of
cutting-edge Alzheimer's care & nursing home management, and her
brother retired a multimillionaire, earned through his innovations in
the mortgage banking industry.
Oh, they also grew up on biscuits 'n' gravy, deferred dentistry and no
indoor plumbing, because they were "poor white trash" with a single
working mother.
We flunked breastfeeding, too, so I pumped for 5 months and
supplemented with formula. Now my gorgeous little girl is an active
2-year-old, and every childcare professional exclaims about how
articulate she is etc. etc. etc.
And we bonded just fine. Oh, and she's slept *happily* all night in her own bed since she was 10 weeks old.
So, while I am all for breasfeeding, and heartily support the rights of
nursing mothers in public, and believe in the value of colostrum....
formula ain't poison, and Dr. Brown's bottles are AWESOME. (we also got
over ourselves and threw 'em in the dishwasher instead of boiling all
the parts evry day.)
I'm glad that not everyone on here is on a nursing jihad!!!!!
posted by : jenseju on 6/25/2007 at 3:21 PM Flag For Abuse
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Oh, thank God for you all!
Here in Australia no-one wants to touch this issue with a barge pole. It appears that not being able to breastfeed is simply NOT A GOOD ENOUGH EXCUSE! You obviously didn't try hard enough/read enough/have enough support/maturity/compassion/intelligence etc etc. Our national breastfeeding association has only one link on its website for when breastfeeding doesn't work out. It's called 'Guilty Secrets'. That's right.
The head of a prominent advocacy group for women's birth rights told my husband that formula was, indeed, 'poison'. Until he told her that all our kids were raised on it.
More power to you. Let the measure of a good mother be how well she can love her kids - not how well her body conforms to societal expectations.
posted by : silvaren on 6/28/2007 at 6:38 AM Flag For Abuse
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Ah, how I wish I had read this article 3 years ago when I was trying to breastfeed my son. With each scoop of formula from the can that told me, "breast milk is best" I felt I was failing this new job of motherhood. I looked for support from friends who also had trouble with breastfeeding but their tales of bleeding nipples, grinding their own teeth so badly to endure the pain that crowns broke and needing to take dehydrated children to the hospital did little to comfort me. The lactation consultant told me that my 5 day old child needed to, "work for his food". Was this what it took to breastfeed? Did I need to put myself and my child through such trauma in order to nourish him? I needed someone to tell me that it was okay to bottle-feed, someone besides my husband and mother who were begging me to stop the madness and enjoy my baby. Finally another young mother told me that her child breastfed just fine but that she hated it and simply chose not to do it - and she told me this without an inkling of guilt. What a relief! I packed-up my pump and the guilt and started to enjoy my life again. In the end it was a great lesson in humility,patience and acceptance in myself and others. And, if you are ever verbally assaulted for bottle-feeding your baby just tell the person that you were born without nipples -- it shuts 'em up every time :).
posted by : annpilarte on 7/1/2007 at 8:22 AM Flag For Abuse
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This is a subject that strikes such debate....I have just a few additional comments. I chose to breastfeed, but my pediatrician instructed me to supplement after my daughter's first week of life. I told him that I didn't want to, even though my breasts were bloody, and my baby was a non-stop eating machine. He agreed to let me go one more week. From that point, she was off the chart for height and weight and I nursed her happily until she was a year old. For whatever reason, it worked for us (after we got the hang of it)..........for some moms and their babies, it doesn't. Your baby's immune system receives a benefit from breast milk, even if it was for only one day, so you should feel extremely proud that you even tried. To anyone reading this, the moral of my story is that it's your baby and your decision, so stand up for what you believe...but also respect that it's every mother's choice, even if it's not the choice you make.
posted by : notperfectmom on 7/17/2007 at 4:15 PM Flag For Abuse
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My son is bottle-fed. He is seven months old, brilliant, healthy, and has never had so much as a diaper rash. If science can create life, it can come up with a formula that is comparable to breast milk.
posted by : lamama on 8/13/2007 at 4:06 AM Flag For Abuse
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I breastfed both my kids for two years. But I make sure to tell everybody that I did it for me, not for the kids. Breastfeeding was the easiest thing in the world. I had enough milk to feed triplets and my kids were both slow to take to solid food because they loved the boobs so much. They were both enormously fat and healthy and happy babies. And I didn't menstruate for two years! There is no way that I was giving that up.
I can definitely understand that it's not for everybody though. I was tied to those kids and they were too attached to me. Even when they started eating food they always demanded mom. That got really annoying. I know it wasn't jut the breastfeeding as I simply did not have the support at the time. But it sure gave Dad an easy way out. "I can't feed the baby so I can't look after her." Total excuse and it was lame.
Anyway, if I had had any problems, those kids would have been kicked off of the boobs immediately. I would not endure pain and suffering for my kids. No way.
And being a breast feeder is no guarantee that you will not be judged. Both of my kids refused solid food until well into their first year, due to stubbornness and I was always in trouble with family members because of it. After tiring of their nagging I would calmly hand the baby over and tell them to feed her. After having the kid refuse food and start screaming, they would get the picture. I had to enlist help to get my kids to eat food, especially the oldest one.
Makes me so glad to think that I will never have to do that again.
posted by : TanyaD on 8/15/2007 at 1:58 AM Flag For Abuse
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I'm another mom who had tons of success with breastfeeding, but with my third child, I was going through a divorce (and went back to school) and stopped nursing at 9 months. All of my "boob-nazi" friends turned on me like I had started feeding my child arsenic. I had a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and was in school full-time and worked 20 hours per week. I'm 6'1" and weighed 147 and just couldn't take the strain anymore. But instead of supporting me, they just started telling me these terrible things that would happen.
Breastfeeding is great, but supporting the choices mothers make for their own babies is even better. My sister in law gave birth to my nephew and had some issues postpartum. She gave nursing a really good, hard try. And you know what? It didn't happen. Maybe if she had stuck it out longer it would have worked out, but I'm not her, and he wasn't my baby. When I talked to her, I could tell she felt bad, and she knew I had nursed a long time. I just told her, "You are his mother, and no one is better qualified to take care of him better than you. So if that means that you feed him from a bottle, then so be it. You did your best. Now enjoy him! And use some cabbage leaves so your boobs don't hurt!"
The study about IQ and nursing is so full of holes. It's the intelligence of the mother that makes a difference really. Smart mothers have smart babies! Smart mothers tend to breastfeed, so that's why "studies" had shown that "breastmilk" raised IQ. But a more scientific look at those same studies actually looked deeper at the mothers' IQ and other factors and found that IQ wasn't in the milk, but passed along in the moms' genetic profile, so to speak. Also if you consider a smart woman who doesn't breastfeed, who still reads to her child, feeds her child a healthful diet, exposes her child to culture, and provides her child with academic and educational opportunity, etc. really has done her child no disservice (from an academic or IQ standpoint) by not breastfeeding. The benefits are from a health standpoint.
posted by : mldubose on 9/8/2007 at 5:01 PM Flag For Abuse
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Tanya D--
I got so much judgement as a breastfeeding mother too! Because I didn't feed solids to my 6 week old babies. Because I breastfed "too long".
My middle child wasn't interested in solids until she was over a year old (she would taste things or smear them) and I didn't force the issue. My mother hated it (and me, I think).
The issue is that people judge anyone who does anything different. I breastfed my 19 month old at my mothers, and my sister walked by and said "Ugh, gross!". No boob showing or anything.
People just need to learn that you never know someone's situation. Sure, breastmilk is nature's perfect food for babies. But maybe that mom you see at the mall feeding her baby a bottle of formula is a survivor of breast cancer. Maybe she is working 2 jobs. Maybe she was sexually abused as a child and has severe body image and sexuality issues that breastfeeding would exacerbate. Maybe she had a horrific pregnancy and had no more energy left in her tired body and placing one more physical demand on it would have made her go insane.
I never judged the bottlefeeding moms. But when I used to live in Mississippi, sometimes they sure judged the hell out of me!
posted by : mldubose on 9/8/2007 at 5:15 PM Flag For Abuse
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I feel like you wrote my very own story. Not a bad parent at all, wise
parent for knowing what you can do. After 6 lactation consultants,
pills, pumps, I too gave in to formula and washing bottles. The
tremendous pressure on women to breastfeed is so intense that it can
make you feel less of a mom if you are unable to produce. Not true. The
best moms know when to cut bait and take care of their families by
whatever means is best for them. Torturing yourself is not good for
anyone.
posted by : akendall on 10/22/2007 at 4:39 PM Flag For Abuse
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Why is babble so pro-formula? That's what I want to know. Maybe because boobs can't pay for advertising...not nursing boobs anyway. At least on this website.
I don't understand the sleep thing either that she writes about. Breastfeeding is tremendously more convenient and conducive to sleep for both babies and parents. Babies have to eat. You wanna get up at 2 and warm up a bottle? Then go to CVS and buy a can of Enfamil, get out of bed, put a piece of plastic in your baby's mouth, and contribute to the crap in the landfills. If you want to sleep well without really waking and give a baby a nice warm breast with tons of living human milk that will keep her from getting sick, then breastfeed. And go back to sleep soundly. Because nursing makes you sleepy. And if it goes normally, as it does for the vast majority of women, it makes you feel good.
This article has it so wrong that it makes me wonder if the author didn't just make some shit up to stir up some controversy. C'mon, don't you have a better reason for "I want my boobs back"?
This is coming from someone who feels that breastfeeding is so fundamentally natural. And right. And easy. And better for baby and mom than any dead mass-produced factory farmed dairy-cow byproduct.
posted by : lh on 11/1/2007 at 11:12 PM Flag For Abuse
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Why is this in the Bad Parent Column? I don't see how anything this mom did would be considered bad, unless you're a lactation consultant. Being a mentally healthy mom is 100 times more important than being a nursing mom.
BTW akendall, I don't think you really understood the article if you think the only reason she did it was to get her boobs back. Get a clue.
posted by : carlita on 11/30/2007 at 8:17 PM Flag For Abuse
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I'm kind of confused. If this author already had a child, what did she expect would happen when she brought her newborn home and tried to breastfeed? Did she honestly expect it to me easy? It seems to me like the author wasn't informed about what to expect when it comes to breastfeeding and didn't know how to deal with it. Honestly, I am not sure about the intent of this article. But I don't sympathize with her. I'm kind of confused how she even got the idea that she had supply issues. It sounds more like typical newborn nursing to me and she didn't wait long enough to see if things got better. Instead she rushed to a lactation consultant who didn't give her the best advice and told her to take pills, which I know lots of moms who have begged for when their milk supply started to dwindle. Chalky taste? That's a reason to stop breastfeeding completely? Sounds to me more like the author never really had any intent to breastfeed and called it quits because she didn't want to put the effort into it. I'm not saying it's wrong to formula feed, but just be honest.
posted by : dhsredhead on 12/4/2007 at 12:23 AM Flag For Abuse
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This was the first article I've read since my daughter was born (born, refused to latch, screamed, refused to latch with help from my mother, my mother in-law, the head baby nurse, and a lactation consultant who said, "um, let me get you a breast pump and some bottles", I should say) that really hit home for me. THANK YOU for sharing it. I had no idea that I wasn't the only non-Brittany Spears mother who was apparently a major failure. I had the exact thought, "my DNA is obviously inferior, my kids weren't meant to be fed and thrive!". I love you for telling this story, I wish I could have read something like it a year and a half ago.
posted by : megymelly on 7/8/2008 at 10:51 PM Flag For Abuse
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You tried, and it didn't work. You tried very hard. No guilt - no worries.
posted by : Eliana on 7/10/2008 at 9:12 AM Flag For Abuse
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Y'know, I am breastfeeding my son, but neither me nor my brother was breastfed. We're both ok, I think. Well, he's a lawyer, but I don't think breastfeeding could've helped that. :-)
posted by : Laura2 on 7/25/2008 at 1:51 AM Flag For Abuse
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I have a four month old and went through this exact same thing! Uggh. And to finally have read an article that didn't make me feel guilty about not continuing with breastfeeding has made me feel a million times better already. For the past 2 months I have been losing sleep living with this guilt.
I have tons of "boob nazis" in my circle of friends, and boy did they give me all kinds of ideas/strategies to keep me breastfeeding. The fact was, was that I had just had enough. I, too, have a three year old and could not tend to him. I felt(feel) guilty, guilty, guilty just at the sight of a breastfeeding commercial. My son latched on perfectly, I truly felt so proud of myself for being able to breastfeed, but emotionally was just not available. I did breastfeed for 2 months, though. I was more concerned about my three year old. I would get angry with him for the littlest of reasons. That wasn't like his "mommy-before-new-baby". All I wanted to do was sleep, and take care of BOTH my children. I admire those who can do it all- breastfeed and take care of older siblings, and cook, and clean, and go to work. I just couldn't do it another day. I teach full time, also, and luckily I had my son right at the end of our school year, so, I didn't have that to worry about-yet. But, I knew the day would come fast upon me when I would have to pack up my breastpump, breastpads, ice chest, storage bottles, etc., etc., when I went back to work. I did that with my three year old for about four months, and just the stress of packing the bag for the day 'o pumping, exhausted me.
I did talk to my doctor about the feeling of not wanting to breastfeed, and I think I was just looking for someone to tell me it was okay not to breastfeed. I guess I just didn't want to be the one to decide that I would stop breastfeeding and ruin his chances at getting into the Ivy League. hhumph And, oh how I laughed outloud at the sneaking naps in the bathroom!! I would say I needed to go to the bathroom and accidently lose my way to the bedroom.
I am so thankful that I have found this article and website. I also respect the women who replied to this article in such a positive, shall I say, "mom-to-mom" sort of way. Even the moms who breastfed for very long lengths of time were not judgemental at all. Just to read the comments like, "...you did the best you could..." or "...what's best for mom is best for the whole family.." really hit home.
So, thank you. Thank you all. I think I might be able to sleep a lot better tonight...and I don't even have to say I've got to use the restroom to do it either! ;)
posted by : luvmy2boyz on 9/21/2008 at 2:22 AM Flag For Abuse
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This article is so stupid and delusional. I love how in the end, it talks about discovering "reality." Hello? Every symptom of post partum depression anyone? Very few people are genuinely not able to breastfeed and I guess they all post on babble. How amazing. :/
posted by : LindaLou on 5/3/2009 at 12:35 AM Flag For Abuse
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' I would not endure pain and suffering for my kids. No way.'
Proof that just b/c you're a breastfeeding mother, doesn't mean you're a good one.
Seriously? You wouldn't endure pain and suffering for your kids? I would do ANYTHING for my children, including enduring some pain, suffering, lack of sleep and anything else for a few months out of my life, to completely change a biological base that will affect them for their entire lives. Lucky for your kids it was easy to breastfeed, or it sounds like you would've been the one saying, 'I can't feed them, I can't watch them'.
I am 100% for breastfeeding, and think that if some 'pro-formula' women did their research on the harm formula can cause an infant in their first 6 months of life, you might feel differently on how wonderful it is. I completely understand and support women who have tried hard and didn't have it work it out (such as the author of this article), what else could you have done? But I will never be ok with a woman who chooses convenience for herself over what's best for her child. Give me as many excuses as you want, in the end, that's what it comes down to. And if you can't sacrifice convenience for a few months, one has to wonder, what else in the next 18 years will you not be willing to sacrifice for your child?
posted by : breastfeedingmama on 6/4/2009 at 2:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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Thank you so much for your honesty. I knew before my son was born I didn't want to breastfeed. I knew I wanted my body back. I knew I wanted to sleep. I knew I wated my husband to help. I knew a lot of things, and I was not ashamed of my desicion. It was my mother who was so embarassed. The one who went straight back to work, never gave us a lick of tit, and wasn't married when she had me gave me so much shit about not wanting to breastfeed (there is nothing wrong with not being married and having a baby, but please don't be holier than thou when your record is tainted). I on the other hand was the person who had given up her career among other things, to stay home with my son (sorry if I sound angry or resentful, her constant critisism put an irreversable bad taste in my mouth). She told everyone jace wasn't 'latching' or i wasn't 'producing'. All lies to get away from the fact that I simply did not want to.
I support breastfeeding, I support bottle feeding. I support mothers. I wish there was more of a move towards that :-)
posted by : my body is mine on 7/2/2009 at 12:31 PM Flag For Abuse
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Oh, and on a side note, I think it is wonderful that there are feeding options for women. Agree with me or not, choice is refreshing. Happy feeding
posted by : my body is mine on 7/2/2009 at 12:40 PM Flag For Abuse
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Funny! I hate breastfeeding, however, since there is not medical reason I can't do it I probably will again. I have one 2-year old and we're planning another. The thought of a child hanging off me 24/7 makes me not want another one. I've heard from friends that their formula fed babies sleep in longer stretches at night. I think I might do a little of both next time. It's a parent's choice and all our children will be just fine!
posted by : fedupmomma on 8/6/2009 at 2:49 PM Flag For Abuse
