mcglory, when I was growing up I would hear people say, "If I couldn't have my own kids, I would adopt." It never sat right with me, I didn't know why, but my head would start spinning and I would have to walk away. Like there is a shopping mall full of mothers waiting to hand over their babies to others.
Now I know why....adoption is viewed as an option for creating a family. But, adoption can only happen through others' extreme misfortune - a mother and father who lose their child - a child who loses their mother and father. So, when people say they want to adopt, whether to have a family or add to one, it's like my loss, and my family's loss means nothing.
In the Baby Scoop Era (1950s - 1973) mothers were forced to surrender their babies for adoption - because (most) got pregnant out of wedlock - it was those women's parents who adopted us out, not our mothers.
For the adoptee: our parents were taken from us, our names changed, and the original one sealed (by law). Adoptees were forced to be the children of strangers - different parents, different ethnic background, different realtives etc. As much as people told me I should be happy about being adopted, my inner-voice was always rebelling against it. I could not understand why people thought I should be happy because I was adopted - it didn't make sense. But I played the game, I went along with it not make other people unhappy, which caused more anxiety and more pain.
Adoption is marketed as a way to create a family - I think this is wrong; children have families - and because adoption is a 1.44 billion dollar a year industry, mothers are coerced and manipulated into surrendering their babies for adoption. Children in orphanages have families (even an "abandoned" child has a family, somewhere, and because a mother or father couldn't keep their child there is an assumption the child wasn't wanted - when, really, is rarely the choice of the mother). I never hear of adoptive parents trying to to talk to or locate the child's parents before they adopt, to make sure cisrcumstances haven't changed - that this is really what the mother wants. Once the adoption papers are signed, the separation is a done deal.
Adoption is separating families - it's tragic, and I wish more people would put an effort into helping the families keep their children instead of taking them to create or build on an existing one. I lost my mother, father, siblings, ethnicity, ancestry and relatives to the system of adoption. I never needed to be taken from my mother - she needed help, not have her child taken from her.
There are children living in unsafe environments - older children and children who need extra care. I would hope that people would consider helping these children in the form of legal gurdianship. And these kids, despite their parent's situation and background, still have an identity and family - and that family will always be very alive for them
