feedback for "My Child, My Choice"

1. Bravo,
   It was beautiful. I rarely find articles so closely aligned with my own feelings. And cheers for being brave when taking on such a controversial issue.
   
   

   posted by : spartic99 on 7/19/2007 at 10:47 AM Flag For Abuse

2. What a beautiful piece...
   
   I am pro-life, but my own views are also complex.  I do not think in a secular nation we can legislate this prior to viability.  If someone came to me, and asked me my opinion, however, I would do my best to encourage them to keep the baby.
   
   After carrying my own little one, I am even more torn up inside about what a person must go through to choose to end that little life, especially once she can feel the baby moving inside of her.
   
   

   posted by : Cali on 7/19/2007 at 2:15 PM Flag For Abuse

3. Definitely a great piece. Kudos for being so real and not being staunch either way. As a single mother of a child from what most would call a crisis pregnancy, I understand your point of view. While I have always been pro-choice, I knew from the moment I knew that I was pregnant that I would figure some way out to have my child. Now as a mother (and someone who has miscarried a very much wanted pregnancy in the past month) there is no way that I could ever have an abortion. The thought of abortion makes me ill, to be honest. And yet, I just don't feel as though I have the right to take that option away from someone who really cannot deal with their pregnancy in a manner that is safe for them and for the child. It is a hard thing - because just like the author - I can't rationalize my intellect with my heart. I cry thinking about all of the unwanted babies who are killed before they have the opportunity to prove to their mothers that they are worth all the work and pain. But at the same time... it just isn't my choice to make.

   posted by : conniemomma on 7/19/2007 at 2:16 PM Flag For Abuse

4. Lovely.  Thanks for being transparent and open about this topic. 

   posted by : BabyCakies on 7/19/2007 at 2:27 PM Flag For Abuse

5. Agreed, lovely and complicated article.  I do think, though, that with a tougher pregnancy or more ambivalent feelings, those thoughts could go in a different direction.  I didn't really 'bond' until after the 20-week ultrasound -- finding out the sex and seeing all the different parts was such a great experience and helped me to start imagining the new baby I'll soon have.  But in the beginning, I felt like crap all the time, I got pregnant earlier than I expected and I was just very nervous and very sick.  And I was

   posted by : Joanie on 7/19/2007 at 2:47 PM Flag For Abuse

6. After having a successful live birth and 3 subsequent miscarriages of very much wanted children, I still consider myself pro-choice.  With each of these pregnancies, it's my own personal belief that has changed, but it's important that my political belief does not.   My personal stance has changed with age, financial comfort, and experience.  When I was younger, I believe I would have aborted if faced with the decision.  I thank God that I never had to choose....I was surrounded by friends who did.   Now that I'm in my thirties, abortion is an option that I don't think I could consider, but then again, my life isn't threatened by a pregnancy.  I'm not being told that the child I am carrying has severe birth defects and it will not live to be born, but will suffer terribly if it does.  I have not been raped and become pregnant.  Unfortunately, all of these things do happen.  It's important that the choice is still mine and every woman's.  I certainly don't believe that I should be able to choose for someone else, even if they simply don't want a child.... even though I am desperate for another successful pregnancy.

   posted by : notperfectmom on 7/19/2007 at 3:58 PM Flag For Abuse

7. Thank you for writing such a great piece. I have emailed it on to many. I share the same views as you, but could never have articulated it - the fervent pro-choice! conversations, and then two pink lines....instant pro-lifer. I do think it is important that we fight for pro-choice. While I whole heartedly now believe life begins at conception - if we make abortion completely illegal, it will not deter as many women as it should, and we are then faced with an upsurge in backroom abortions, which quite possibly will lead to 2 lives lost - both mother and baby.   But tis not my soapbox. I just wanted to let you know how much your article touched my heart and hit home. It's a difficult topic to throw out - and you did it with grace. Thank you.

   posted by : sblackwell on 7/19/2007 at 4:56 PM Flag For Abuse

8. 
   Do I believe abortion should be legal? Yes, because people will do desperate things to eliminate an unwanted pregnancy.
   
   But imagine yourself turning 40, childless and single for nearly 15 years, the last relationship being with the long term college guy you had an abortion with and desperately wanting both children and marriage. Imagine wandering around to the far reaches of your world to find it and yourself and not finding either. This is what happened to a high school friend of mine. Now she says if got  pregnant again she would "keep it". I'm not going to give the "right to life" argument here. But I think that if you think you will live a life of regret by making an irrevocable decision, think hard about the decision you are about to make.
   

   posted by : arirang on 7/19/2007 at 6:27 PM Flag For Abuse

9. I completely relate this this article. I was the girl in high school in Ohio who dared to write a comprehensive paper on abortion many years ago (they are probably still getting Operation Rescue mailings). I was staunchly pro choice. However, I have to admit that I am pro choice only to a point...I think after 12 weeks you've had your time to decide. You have been given the choice and the time to make it. After that, I'm sorry, but it's pretty much a baby to me and your right to choose has been forfeited.

   posted by : bboston88 on 7/19/2007 at 9:30 PM Flag For Abuse

10. That was a great piece.  It's funny, because getting pregnant actually confirmed my beliefs in the power of choice.  My pregnancy wasn't planned, and I did think (briefly) about abortion, but decided against it.  However, just that I had the choice, that I got to say "I'm going to have this baby" and didn't just have a baby because I didn't have any other options, made me even more firmly convinced that the option should always be there, whether or not you want to exercise it.  I feel like I could have resented my pregnancy if it hadn't gotten to be my decision.  I'm sure that this seems callous to some people, but that's how it is/was for me.
    

    posted by : superblondgirl on 7/20/2007 at 12:17 AM Flag For Abuse

11. My mother once told me that as a mother she could not be pro-choice...I didn't understand that at the time and after having my daughter I still don't.  I am continue to be pro-choice and as a mother I think it is even more important that this right remains intact.  Motherhood is life-altering and should not be forced onto women who are not willing/able to take it on.  But more importantly I think about the children.  I think about the thousands of unwanted babies that would be born and then neglected, resented, abandoned, or abused and I find a type of mercy in allowing to go peacefully from this earth without knowing those evils. 
    
    That being said, I don't think that I myself could have an abortion at this point.  Mainly because there is no reason I wouldn't be able to have and love the child (I am married with stable income, etc.) but I wouldn't expect anyone else to make my choices and I know that I wouldn't want mine made for me were I in their shoes.
    
    

    posted by : apridgely on 7/20/2007 at 10:21 PM Flag For Abuse

12. Yes, as nice as it would be to live in a world of black and white morality -- which seems to appeal to republicans, and, oddly, the far left -- the reality is shades of gray. Nice piece, thank you.
    

    posted by : chattydaddy on 7/24/2007 at 9:02 AM Flag For Abuse

13. I am a 46 year old father. When I was in my 20s, I thought pro-choice was the way to go, but I never gave it much thought, other than to me it was "logical" that if you could not take care of a baby, that you should not be forced to give birth to it.
    
    I come from a loving, small, tight nit family, and I never thought I divorced (I did), or that there would be an abortion in my family (there was).
    
    In the early 90's, while married to my ex-wife, she got pregnant, and against my wishes, had an abortion. Until today, I periodically have nightmares about my unborn child.
    
    I look at my son (now 8), and realize that I may have been an unwilling participant in a decision to slaughter another like him simply to support the "inconvenience" that my ex felt (s)he would have been at the time.
    
    I now believe (strongly) that:
    - it's not a mother's child, but both parents', that the decision should have equal weight (just like the decision to engage in sex that might lead to pregnancy)
    - no one should have an abortion except for extenuating, horrible circumstances
    - if a mother/set of parents can't care for a child or don't want it (e.g. because of rape), they should give it up for adoption (we have tons of loving adults that can't conceive and would love to bring up a child). Anything else is selfish and an attempt at "ignoring" bad decisions.

    posted by : saddad on 2/4/2008 at 2:10 PM Flag For Abuse

14. That was a nice article. As the mother of two premature children, I spent quite a bit of time in the NICU and think that at a certain point, quite early in the pregnancy, a fetus becomes a child. I think that abortion should never be completely illegal in this country, because many women would get illegal abortions and that would be dangerous, but I think that abortion should be regulated and there should be waiting periods and counseling to keep women from making a life-changing mistake. I consider myself pro-life and Republican, but I realize that there are women out there with extenuating circumstances (rape, health, poverty). That being said, I think society and government should encourage women, where possible, to carry to term and give the unwanted children up for adoption.

    posted by : carolyn on 3/3/2008 at 2:29 PM Flag For Abuse

15. I am a mother of a child I love with all my heart. However, I had a horrific pregnancy, and I spent a month in the hospital, due to complications from giving birth. I almost died, and it took me six months to physically recover from the ordeal. This was is 2004, and I am still having nightmares about my experience. Some women can die being pregnant- I am one of those women. not every woman on this planet can safely carry a child to term, and I think people forget that. Most peers of my generation feel dying in childbirth is a thing of the past. Medical technology has certainly come a long way, but it can't save everyone. I accidentally got pregnant a few months ago, even though I used protection. With much heartache and trepidation, I made the decision to terminate. I decided that my 3 year old needed a Mommy on this Earth rather than one six feet under. I wasn't about to gamble with my life. As a parent, I have a responsibility to my living child. Even at 5 weeks pregnant, I was bed-ridden, and not being able to take care of my pre-schooler pretty much decided this for me. Do I feel regret my decision? Not one bit. Did I mourn that child who never got to be? Yes, I did, because that baby was real to me, from the moment I got pregnant. I am a Mom, so when I look at my daughter, I feel a little sad that she never got a chance to be a big sister. She absolutely adores babies, and part of me grieves that she never got to meet her little brother or sister. I gave my unborn baby a name, and a gender. We plan to plant a tree in order to commemorate his spirit. People act like it's this easy choice, and it is absolutely horrific. You constantly question whether you made the right decision. With therapy, I have come to peace with it. I will say that this experience made me definately a lot more pro-choice, even though I believe in the sanctity of life. I feel like people will judge me more harshly, because I chose to have a termination after I was already a mother. No one else can live my life, and I did what was best for me and my family. Well written article, and I enjoyed reading it, and most of the commentary.

    posted by : Robin72 on 3/8/2008 at 7:51 AM Flag For Abuse

16. I had a completely different reaction to my pregnancy - I became even more pro-choice than I was before. Can't imagine anyone going through a pregnancy against her will.

    posted by : a mother too on 4/10/2008 at 11:29 PM Flag For Abuse

17. One week after giving birth to me, my mother began hemorrhaging. She was rushed to the hospital, where they stopped the bleeding with clotting drugs (which put an end to the breast feeding...). I am personally relieved to know that my mother fully and freely chose to take the risks that she took.
    
    In my immediate family, we have experienced one badly handled adoption, two complicated pregnancies, one premature but viable birth (at 7 months gestation), one miscarriage at eight months gestation, one abortion, and three live births. My partner and I hope to adopt a child in the near future.
    
    The fact is, none of the wear and tear of pregnancy occurs to a man's body; pregnancy complications create a greater risk of killing the woman than does a legal abortion; and adopting-out the resulting baby does not alter those facts. In addition, after pregnancy complications, the leading cause of death among women is homicide committed by the biological father of the baby: http://abcnews.go.com/US/LegalCenter/story?id=522184&page=1
    
    One man's "selfish" is a woman's self-preservation.

    posted by : daughter of a pro choice mother on 5/13/2008 at 10:20 PM Flag For Abuse

18. I became even more fervently pro-choice after I had my daughter. I looked at her and loved her so completely, it broke my heart thinking of all the children who are born but unwanted, neglected and abused. Becoming a mother is a life altering experience that people should choose, not have forced upon them.

    posted by : allabouteve on 6/9/2008 at 9:29 PM Flag For Abuse

19. I agree with ChattyDaddy. The issue is definitely not the mother's choice. I am firmly against abortion. It is not an issue of choice because the life you are taking has no choice in the matter. It's that simple. Life does begin at conception and if you can admit that (science already proves it) than you have to admit that it is a seperate life whom should not be murdered due to someone else's choices. Dependence does not mean that the life is worthless. Just because women will choose to abort anyway in a more dangerous way does not mean it should be legal. That is the same logic as saying 'we may as well make crack available in the pharmacy since it's safer than dealing with criminals'. Just because someone will choose to do something doesn't mean it should be made widely available and worse yet government funded! Rape does not constitute the taking of another's life. Medical abortions for the reason of life-threatening circumstances for the mother 'may' be warrented, but it would still be a hard decision to make. Also when people say these unwanted children would suffer abuse anyway, well there is nothing worse than abortion to remove the value of human life which leads to abuse. The thought of a child as dependent and therefore worthless is the basis of abortion and this leads to more abuse, not less. Oh and yes, I had an unplanned teenage pregnancy in a home firmly against pre-marital sex and I would NEVER consider abortion, even under those circumstances.

    posted by : VegMomma on 6/27/2008 at 4:05 PM Flag For Abuse

20. Ok, VegMama, I can understand your stance... but there is a reason that usually even the strongest anti-abortion people say a mother whose life is in danger should be allowed to abort. To be as blunt as possible, her life is more important to those around her. She's a daughter, probably to parents who'd be distraught upon losing her, maybe a wife or mother. Someone earlier posted their story on aborting because she knew her already born daughter needed her. I would call that a good decision.
    
    And until you've been or known a survivor of rape, don't judge. That's a compelte violation of a person, and if a pregnancy comes about because of it, it can be hard or almost impossible for some, even many rape survivors to contemplate carrying the result of their rape. The baby could be viewed as something destructive, or horrible. I had a friend when I was younger, she was raped when she was 15 and became pregnant. She ended up commiting suicide because she wasn't able to abort, and she still had severe psychological trama from the attack.

    posted by : Laurie_AZ on 12/3/2008 at 2:55 PM Flag For Abuse

21. Saddad and VegMomma: I didn't abort (although I wanted to) and agreed to the birthfather's insistence that we not give the child up for adoption. He owes over five years of child support and has left no address for the court system to contact him. If you see him, please let him know that being pro-life has worked out great for us.

    posted by : Prochoice single mom on 3/17/2009 at 12:39 AM Flag For Abuse