feedback for "Parental Advisory: Secret & Lies"

1. As someone who just had a miscarriage, I would say--- do wait to tell until 3 months or so. I told people like neighbors and local friends and then had to untell them, which was painful and often done in passing on the sidewalk. It's hard to talk about a miscarriage without bursting into tears and if you can minimize the number of times you have to do that, it's a good thing.

   posted by : Darkandstormy on 11/7/2007 at 1:46 PM Flag For Abuse

2. My doctor told me that the risk of miscarriage in the first 13 weeks is about 1 in 5, so while the odds are against having to "untell", I think they are still high enough to be on the cautious side.  I would tell friends and family that you would lean on, should the unthinkable happen.   But everyone is different.  In my last two pregnancies, I would hear about people who were pregnant and giving a due date which was later than mine, at the time I was only about 5 weeks so these people obviously went right from the washroom to their computer to change their Facebook status and update their 250 friends!!    I'm keeping mum on my ever expanding 14-week belly, and only rewarding those with the gall to accompany their glances at my tummy with the straight-out question "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" with the knowledge.    Personally, I can't stand the silly comments of childless women referring to things like "baby brain" and asking me if I'm having any really weird cravings or passing judgement on my McDonald's lunches, so the less that feel that my body is up for public comment, the better.  Phew, thanks for letting me rant.

   posted by : JenRobbins on 11/7/2007 at 3:37 PM Flag For Abuse

3. I have never minded being public property while pregnant....I love how complete strangers ask about your pregnancy, due date, gender; etc. And I'm not one for keeping secrets...but I also learned the hard way during my first pregnancy. My husband and I  told the whole world as soon as we found out...at about 5 or 6 weeks!! Somehow, in the back of my mind, miscarriages were things that happened to others. Well..I had a miscarriage at week 9 and the hardest part was having to break the news, and keep a brave face...especially for your parents! You never want to see your parents suffer, and ours tried to be strong, but of course they were in pain for their children and unborn grandchild....not to mention all the other random people we had told! Another negative: people can hint at what possibly caused the miscarriage...hmm...that long-distance flight?...when, of course, the truth will never be known. During my second pregnancy, we waited until the 4th month because we were so gun-shy. By my 3rd (presently) I shared it with my 3 closest friends during month 2, and we have gradually announced it to closest friends/family. I also shared with once close co-worker at about week 9, so she could back me up during sudden flights to the restroom or not question me if I didn't want alcohol after work hours.

   posted by : letvs on 11/8/2007 at 1:55 AM Flag For Abuse

4. To tell or not to tell?  You should do whatever makes YOU comfortable.........it's your pregnancy.  Everyone talks about miscarriage, and how horrible it is to have to "untell" people.  To be honest, that is the least difficult part of miscarriage, and if you do have one, it can actually be helpful to talk about it.  I have heard from my trail of doctors that I am a rare case (so don't be scared), but I have had four miscarriages after a successful birth with my first pregnancy.  I have handled the "telling or not telling" differently with each one.  After the second miscarriage, the silence of people not knowing that I had been pregnant, and desperately wanting this baby was ultimately more crushing and damaging to me than it was when people knew about our loss.  Yes, sometimes people say absolutely STUPID things in an effort to be helpful, but for me the silence was a huge burden to carry.   For whatever length of time I was pregnant, that baby was real to me.  I felt my body change and was so joyous at the prospect of having another child.....with each one, despite the previous losses.  Do whatever you think will be most helpful to your situation.  Shout it from the rooftops if you want to.........and good luck.  Pregnancy is a very precious thing.  Approach it with all the positivity you can......that baby growing inside your belly deserves it, and so do you.

   posted by : notperfectmom on 11/20/2007 at 9:00 AM Flag For Abuse