feedback for "The Parenting Do-Over"

1. I grew up with a mother who tried to get me to clean up after myself as soon as I could walk, and harped constantly on my grades as soon as I was old enough to have grades, and I *still* turned out a slob who got good grades only when I happened to be interested in the material anyway.  Your older kids may have turned out the way they did because that's the way they were going to turn out.  I hope the do-over works out the way you hope, but keep in mind that there are limits to what parental influence can do.
   
   

   posted by : diera on 1/7/2008 at 1:27 PM Flag For Abuse

2. Wish I could have the do-over without the new baby. Nicely writ. I'm going to go make my kids clean up their rooms right now!
   

   posted by : EdgyMama on 1/7/2008 at 2:26 PM Flag For Abuse

3. I am in a very very similar situation..... my first son was 16.5 when my second son was born a year ago :) I find it funny that your Do-different list is EXACTLY the same as mine!!!! Organized (ish) rooms and good grades in school! Otherwise I think I did a great job first time round and don't plan on doing anything different this time!   Congratulations btw. Isn't it fun to have a Do-over baby :)

   posted by : rikkicarey on 1/7/2008 at 2:32 PM Flag For Abuse

4. this was so encouraging for me to read.  getting married 13 years ago amid all my friends who were decimated by divorce, i was clear on the married for life thing, and my spouse is equally determined to not just stay married but have an awesome marriage, but it was so good to read this encouragement bcz there is not a lot out there saying "staying married is good - monogamy is good and fun, too!"...  also, as i've had more and more children (expecting #7) i've become more and more structured, from my previous earth mothery, never spank, waldorfy outlook, and i found it a huge hug to read someone else who's made that transition or who thinks it is worthwhile, with older children looking back.  My oldest is only 12, but we do have regular chores every day for all the children - my rule of thumb is, whoever is the youngest who can actually *do* the chore, gets the chore - i don't want my eldest doing everything and everyone else being helpless - but again, mostly i get people saying i make them work too hard (bcz they pick up their own clothes off the floor?) - it was so affirming to read that this isn't all in vain :) and that other coherent people are choosing to do this...

   posted by : mamazee on 1/7/2008 at 6:13 PM Flag For Abuse

5. This was a lovely article.  I thought my five+ year gap was big!  ;-)  Anyway, I wonder what fabulous benefits your older kids will enjoy from having a baby sister.  My boys who are 8 and 5 years older than their baby sister are sometime breathtakingly compassionate and sweet toward smaller kids ... they know how to calm crabby toddlers and are incredibly understanding w/ screaming babies - either they were just going to turn out that way or they have learned a little something from seeing their dad and me with their kid sister.  The coolest is when I overhear them "bragging" about her to their buddies.  Doesn't matter the reason - I wouldn't have it any other way.  Have fun with your family!!

   posted by : BBBGMOM on 1/7/2008 at 6:59 PM Flag For Abuse

6. Nice article. And don't beat yoruself up so much about your kids and grades, maybe it's just how your kids are. I have four, and each is so very different. For what it's worth, our kids go to Waldorf, and we have a "Waldorfian" view on early academics, but our oldest is now in an acadmic charter school for middle school (his choice) and on the Honor Roll. He will go back to Waldorf for high school. I have also found that my own age gap in kids (11 years) brings out the sweetness in each age group, babyhood is even more special and the joys of older kids even more appreciated in our house since having this last child. Congratualtions and enjoy!

   posted by : shontilynn on 1/10/2008 at 7:39 PM Flag For Abuse

7. Wow, I can so totally relate to this article - from the lax housecleaning/chores standards that are coming back to bite me, to the years between older and new children, and everything in between!
   
   I'm planning on having a baby with with my fiance within the next year or two, meaning my now-14-year-old daughter will likely be a high school senior by the time her sibling arrives. I never planned on her being an only child, circumstances just made that happen (divorce and a busy career life that made it hard to find the time to meet anyone new for so many years), but now that I have the opportunity to change that situation with a wonderful man I find myself questioning if starting over again with a new baby is really the best thing to do. It really is so good to read of the positives of the 'do-over', especially when I can see so much of myself in this article to relate to. My daughter is also a beautiful and unique individual with a kind and loving heart who absolutely loves the idea of having a brother or sister, so the author's comments about older children being more 'proud' about and 'ready' for the experience really ring true for me. And I also can see areas where as a more mature mother I will do things differently, perhaps better, but will also have the insight to know where I did things RIGHT the first time around (as evidenced by the wonderful person my daughter has become) and duplicate that with my next child.
   
   Thanks for such a well-written and insightful article, it does my heart good to see that I'm on the right path!!

   posted by : Genliz on 1/4/2009 at 9:40 PM Flag For Abuse