feedback for "Bad Parent: Coochie, Coochie, Blecch"

1. That friend of yours needs a little smackeroo. Babies are great, but when I'm around other people, I want the baby to play quietly at my feet and I want to have grown-up discussions. Of course, I love to show off baby's latest tricks as much as the next mama but then I'm all about the catch and release version of parenting: let her entertain herself until she crawls out of eyesight, catch her up, bring her back. Lather, rinse, repeat. And you need a serious nap. The end of that article made me laugh. It gets better, I promise!

   posted by : bookmama on 1/10/2008 at 12:31 AM Flag For Abuse

2. I know so many people like this and yes, I too find it nauseating.  You know what's weird (and perhaps indicates that I am sick in the head)?  I assume that adults who commit acts of overt PDA are trying to compensate for what their relationship lacks - sort of a need to prove to the world that they are sooooo in love.  Well, if you apply that theory to parents and babies, maybe the show-offiness is somewhat related to insecurity about how it's really going.  The need to blare "how cute!  what a lovey!" to block out the inner shouts of "goddamn I'm bored!  what the hell am I doing?"  I know one woman in particular who is so over-the-top effusive about how AWESOME and ADORABLE and GIFTED and SWEET her children are I am actually uncomfortable listening to her!  And she never says a mean word about my kids or anyone else's kids - in fact it is often as though her two kids are the only two kids on the face of the earth.  The most egregious offenders in my circle of friends are the people who said, "why do you want to do that?" when I got pregnant in my late 20s.  Ten years later they have complete and utter amnesia about their past indifference toward babies and act as though they invented motherhood.  (OK, am I bitter?  Maybe a little bit.)

   posted by : BBBGMOM on 1/10/2008 at 11:52 AM Flag For Abuse

3. I smooch my kids constantly when we're alone, but when I'm with another grownup, I want to talk to that person.

   posted by : chyna823 on 1/10/2008 at 2:39 PM Flag For Abuse

4. 
   I'm totally with BBBGMOM -- I think the moms that overdo the affection in public have some complex they are working out. These are also the same moms who write 5 page holiday newsletters with their kids' soccer scores, every single accolade they can think of, a 6th page collage of just photos.
   Don't worry, you're not alone. There are plenty of us (affectionate during private time) who are grossed out by all the PDA too.
   

   posted by : sfwork on 1/10/2008 at 3:13 PM Flag For Abuse

5. Or maybe they're just over the moon for their babies and don't put a cork in the rush of emotions, which seems as likely as some deep-seated psychological thing.  But it's always rude to ignore the person sitting in front of you, whether that's to slather attention on a baby or talk on a cellphone or whatever. 
   

   posted by : Chiara on 1/10/2008 at 4:26 PM Flag For Abuse

6. The kind of excessive PDA you describe is rude for the same reasons PDA between adults is rude, or, for that matter, talking on a cell phone while a companion is nearby; the other person present can't reasonably participate, yet doesn't have a polite way to leave, either.   You're not a "prude," and feeling repulsed by rudeness is a natural response. 
   

   posted by : ljwilliamson on 1/11/2008 at 4:53 PM Flag For Abuse

7. i'm not that smooch-erific with my daughter (in public) but i am totally guilty of matching our outfits. she is nearly two no, making it easier. i'm a little obsessed. it isn't that i am compensating... i just can't help it!

   posted by : Briarbell on 1/13/2008 at 12:19 AM Flag For Abuse

8. This reminds me of the fairly recent "Modern Love" column in the NYTimes where the author found it disturbing when she heard a woman telling her baby she loved him/her. I get wanting adult time. I don't get finding it so disturbing when a woman snuggles her baby that you declare it symptoms of a secret problem with her.
   

   posted by : mcglory13 on 1/13/2008 at 8:44 AM Flag For Abuse

9. mcglory13, there's a pretty big difference between "snuggling" one's baby and shutting out the rest of the world w/ one's verbal effusiveness.  I love seeing parents and children who are clearly the apple of each other's eyes - this can be done silently or quietly.  One does not have to "coochie coo" one's baby over and over to prove anything.  And if one is not bent on proving something, one is simply being rude by ignoring one's company.  I would say that the "Modern Love" woman needs to chill - telling one's child "I love you" is soooo different from the bizarro fawning mentioned in this article.

   posted by : BBBGMOM on 1/13/2008 at 11:22 AM Flag For Abuse

10. The rest of the world? It sounds like the author is hanging out with a good friend. Who isn't shutting her out, so much as dividing her attention in private (it's not public they're in, it's a house) between her baby and her friend. As parents do. But I think the bigger point to this is that it's difficult to be friends with people who don't parent in a way you find comfortable. Obviously the author and those who identify with her are not my crowd. It's a shame you don't figure some of this stuff out until after you have children and previously good friendships fall by the wayside.
    

    posted by : mcglory13 on 1/14/2008 at 4:11 PM Flag For Abuse

11. mcglory - that was well stated.  I agree - the bigger challenge is navigating friendships after one or both of you makes the big leap into parenthood.  I have been surprised by the compatibility I feel with some old schoolmates and the utter lack of comprehension I have for others - I wouldn't have really predicted any of it...  So you make a good point - thank you.

    posted by : BBBGMOM on 1/14/2008 at 4:41 PM Flag For Abuse

12. I can identify with this article completely, and i too become annoyed with those mommies who feel they have to prove their love to their babies by non stop chatter. In the privacy of my home, I utter all sorts of gushy chatter to my brand new baby, but when visiting with friends and moms and moms that are friends, I find it off putting when they are smothering their child with baby talk in lieu of that adult conversation one craves as a new mom. Paenting has nothng to do with the PDA, I think its pretty obvious we all love our babies!
    

    posted by : bianca on 1/15/2008 at 5:53 PM Flag For Abuse

13. I think Holly makes a great point, in a humorous way most most moms can relate to.  I have
    seen people do this very thing with their PETS when they have guests.  When you feel a sustained tidal wave of super-sized physical affection coming in,  a bit of sensitivity to the fact you are not alone is probably a good rule of thumb.  There is a fine line between just being your spontaneous self, and in making someone feel inadequate, or uncomfortable.
     
    Love,
     
    Her really-truly mom.
     
    (P.S.   
    your mommy WUVS you, widdle Hollyhoneycakes....thiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!!  So, so much!! 
    Smoochie kisses!!  Yum yum yum!!

    posted by : Her really truly mom on 1/17/2008 at 8:45 PM Flag For Abuse

14. oh my god. thank you so much for this.  I especially love when they look at you expectantly, as if they're waiting for you to join in the babytalk.  usually, I'm too busy puking in my mouth.

    posted by : miri24 on 7/4/2009 at 12:31 PM Flag For Abuse