feedback for "Old New Dads"

1. I thought I was an older father at 40 since all my friends had long since had and reared their children. At 51 now, I feel it was almost unfair to my kids, as I don't have the energy as younger dads, nor will I probably see milestones of my grandkids. To not see milestones of my own children due to my own selfishness is not fair to them. And selfishness it is. There's this generation of older men, who just say "Wow, look at me, what a stud I am!". Get over it, guys and think of how unfair you are being to these kids.
   

   posted by : OldParrothead on 1/22/2008 at 1:47 PM Flag For Abuse

2. Any casual glance at one of the many online dating sites shows you just how many men 40+ are out there looking for a young, fertile baby-making woman. They are not shy about it, either. I wish them luck.
   

   posted by : SingleMomSeeking on 1/22/2008 at 2:03 PM Flag For Abuse

3. I don't think it is at all selfish to have children in your older
   years.  My dad is in his sixties and has a five year old, seven year
   old, thirty-five year old, forty year old and forty-three year old. So,
   there are lots of people around - including my father's wife - who have
   the high energy to play with the little ones. My father spends a
   different kind of time with his children than high-energy play. Why do
   we have to ascribe a negative or positive to it. It's different. Does
   that necessarily mean the children are at a disadvantage? I don't think
   so and I love seeing how fatherhood has transformed my father the
   second time around. My father enjoys the time he has with his children
   and his grand-daughter now - while he can - and my daughter loves
   having little uncles to play with and look up to.
    
   I was so happy to see this article as it felt like recognition
   that there are other families like mine. I'm waiting for the day when I
   see children's stories that reflect these changing boundaries of family
   life. 

   posted by : cocoa on 1/22/2008 at 2:43 PM Flag For Abuse

4. Whenever I see an older man with very young kids I tend to think he's probably an a**hole, because so many older men  leave their same age wives for  the younger replacement model, and then impregnate the young wife because she hasn't had a family yet. Judgmental, I know, but how often do older men just 'hook up' with much younger wives the first time around?
   

   posted by : Disapproving wench on 1/22/2008 at 8:39 PM Flag For Abuse

5. I recently had my second kid, and recently turned 40, which I see qualifies me as an "older dad." I'll tell ya, I don't feel older. I can't imagine having done this in my 20s.  The human life span has lengthened considerably in the last hundred years. It seems logical that the longer people live, the more they want to lengthen the pre-child phase of their lives.
   

   posted by : chattydaddy on 1/22/2008 at 10:41 PM Flag For Abuse

6. chattydaddy you dont feel old now, just wait a few more years when your now cute baby is terrorizing the nieborhood and your first born.
   
    
   Every sitution is different that is true, but I hate old parents with young kids. I believe the open minded nature of youth is key to raising children to be free spirited. Old parents worry to much and have less patience for the dawdling mind of a toddler. Also old parents feel like they have been shot in the foot after they have kids because they have lived so long with no one to answer too. Just my humble opinion.

   posted by : trudat on 1/22/2008 at 11:04 PM Flag For Abuse

7. Trudat - how old are you and how old are your kids?

   
   

   I had my last baby at 37 and have infinitely more patience for her toddler years than I did for my firstborn (who was born when I was 29.)

   posted by : BBBGMOM on 1/23/2008 at 1:24 PM Flag For Abuse

8. Older guys may not have the stamina or energy that young dads have, but that may be outweighed by the time an older, wiser man might want to devote to parenting.  I have designed some nurseries for dads in the upper 40s to mid 50s age group and where younger men practically had to be restrained in order to get them to participate in the decision making process, the older men seemed eager to be involved.  
    
   It's sad that children won't have these dads in their lives as long as children born to couples in their early years, but might this be another example of quality time versus quantity? 
   
   
   Jan from http://www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com/ 

   posted by : msbaby on 1/23/2008 at 1:30 PM Flag For Abuse

9. This article doesn't even touch on the higher incidences of developmental delays in children of older parents. Neither does it mention that social security benefits will be provided for children of fathers who die in their 70s, but leave young children behind. Elongating the child-rearing years has negative impacts on society that I believe outway the gratification an individual "father" might feel upon impregnating a younger woman and semi-raising young children.

   posted by : ShouldaStartedEarlier on 1/23/2008 at 1:42 PM Flag For Abuse

10. Now folks I hate to be in the position of defending my youthfulness, but have to say that there is a big difference between having a first or second child at 40, and having a second family at 65 ... I have to think most people would agree with this. 
     
    Again, the average lifespan has increased by a good decade in the last century and several decades if you go back further.  The reason educated people are having children later is that we spend a heck of a lot more time getting educated (and therefore being dependents ourselves) than we used to, and we take longer to build careers. 
     
    If you have a child when you are 40 (I had my first child at 37, second at 40) you will be 58 when they go to college, 62 when they get their first real job, and so on. Is that really that old? 
     
    Starting a second family in your 60s is another matter ... I can see why some would accuse such fathers of selfishness, although I am believer in the quality over quantity argument. Should people who have diabetes as a child, or another condition that is likely to shorten the length of their lives, not have kids? Should people in impoverished nations with shorter lifespans not have kids? I don't think any of us would be so presumptuous as to make these claims.
    
    
     
    Imagine if women could easily have children in their 60s.  If my mother is any indication, I suspect women would have second families in their 60s in dramatically greater quantities than men do if they could. And i have a hunch those would be some extremely loved, happy children.
    
    

    posted by : chattydaddy on 1/23/2008 at 7:15 PM Flag For Abuse

11. I am a father for the first time at forty-two (my wife was 37), not by choice but for my wife and I taking the better part of a decade to conceive ( you don't know how sad it is when your family politely stops asking)
     
    While I may not get to see her married, i know i have spent more time with my daughter in the first year of her life than my father did in a ten years of mine.
     
    Having enjoyed my thirties and forties I don't long for my youth nor do I need to "go out with the boys"
     
    I adore my wife of thirteen years, and believe that my marriage will end with me in a box.
     
    We can afford for my wife to stay home if she wants.
     
    if we can we will try for another...

    posted by : Ethnedad on 1/24/2008 at 1:04 PM Flag For Abuse

12. autism risk goes up substantially when biodad is over 40.  Correlation is not causation but many many studies have found a very strong correlation between paternal age and autism -- no wonder autism is on the rise.
    

    posted by : momo3 on 1/24/2008 at 2:35 PM Flag For Abuse

13. I am 25 and my mom and dad just turned 60 and 70 respectively.  I'm not sure why all these people are complaining about not having the "energy" for children in their 40's and 50's.  First of all, in this day and age, 60 is the new 40.  50 years ago, at the age of 40 your life was two-thirds of the way over.  Now, 40 is still young and if you take care of yourself (excercise and don't smoke) you should enjoy good health into your 60's and 70's and 80s.  I never felt like I was missing anything by having older parents.  I do not plan to have children until I am 35 either.  I see my 20's as a time for myself and my 30's as a time for a family.  

    posted by : old young child on 1/25/2008 at 12:28 AM Flag For Abuse

14. The risk of genetic problems in sperm precursor cells DNA and imprinting information that cause non-familial autism, schizophrenia, Alzheimer's, cancers, type 1 diabetes etc. rises with the age of the father. Older fathers are not a good idea for the health of the child.
    
    Concerned

    posted by : concerned on 2/13/2008 at 9:15 PM Flag For Abuse